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BDSM/Kink newbie

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'm new to the sun and dom side, I've usually been the one who's in control as my previous partners are usually lazy and submissive.

However I would like it to go the other way as I am bored of being the one in control.

Any suggestions on what to watch to see what they'd do or if it appeals to me.

How did you find your feet in the roles?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just seek out more dominant women or look for couples who are looking for sub men

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By *he_virgin_maryWoman
over a year ago

Here, there and everywhere!

There is a massive difference between being lazy and being a sub.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"There is a massive difference between being lazy and being a sub. "

Agreed massive difference

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

OP to answer your question would need an understanding of you and your motivation for wanting to explore that side of your sexuality - what you think you would like to experience and what kind of submissive you think you'd be, or like to be.

Simply saying "I want to be a submissive" is a little like saying "I want eggs for breakfast" - do you want them poached, scrambled, fried, hard boiled, soft boiled, in an omelette or pancake or even raw.

To understand your submissive side you need to take a step back and understand yourself first - any dominant worth their salt will want to know what kind of submissive you are before even beginning to explore.

For some it's about pain, for some it's about control, for some it's about humiliation, for some it's about being dressed up like a sissy and much much more including various combinations.

So my advice to you would be to give some serious thought to both why you want to explore your submissive side and what you want to explore, that thinking might include searching out sites related to the subject, books such as Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns or SM101, on-line questionnaires and even watching BDSM related porn - all of those might help you frame your mind and thinking to not only what you want to explore but *whether* you want to explore.

You might find that it's not for you, or that "kink play" without a D/s dynamic is more your thing.

Please don't think though that submissive = lazy and that by being submissive means someone else does all the work, because that couldn't be further from the truth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is a massive difference between being lazy and being a sub. "

This is true!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

You see this is exactly what I needed to read, I am so grateful for your time and showing the depths around it.

I have spoken to people about their Dom/sub/kink and they have been so passive of what they actually want or mean.

Personally I like pain and I'm not good with being humiliated so personally my beliefs would be to mix the two.

I'll check out the books as well!

Once again I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"OP to answer your question would need an understanding of you and your motivation for wanting to explore that side of your sexuality - what you think you would like to experience and what kind of submissive you think you'd be, or like to be.

Simply saying "I want to be a submissive" is a little like saying "I want eggs for breakfast" - do you want them poached, scrambled, fried, hard boiled, soft boiled, in an omelette or pancake or even raw.

To understand your submissive side you need to take a step back and understand yourself first - any dominant worth their salt will want to know what kind of submissive you are before even beginning to explore.

For some it's about pain, for some it's about control, for some it's about humiliation, for some it's about being dressed up like a sissy and much much more including various combinations.

So my advice to you would be to give some serious thought to both why you want to explore your submissive side and what you want to explore, that thinking might include searching out sites related to the subject, books such as Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns or SM101, on-line questionnaires and even watching BDSM related porn - all of those might help you frame your mind and thinking to not only what you want to explore but *whether* you want to explore.

You might find that it's not for you, or that "kink play" without a D/s dynamic is more your thing.

Please don't think though that submissive = lazy and that by being submissive means someone else does all the work, because that couldn't be further from the truth."

True , when I first tried playing sub I did things I never thought I’d do or do again then after I craved to do again the feeling that you’ve done something wrong always chasing it , getting a kick that I’ve made a woman happy sometime not even wanting to do it but knowing I’ve pleased her gives me a kick I can’t explain it’s very odd and I can’t even describe it properly lol

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"You see this is exactly what I needed to read, I am so grateful for your time and showing the depths around it.

I have spoken to people about their Dom/sub/kink and they have been so passive of what they actually want or mean.

Personally I like pain and I'm not good with being humiliated so personally my beliefs would be to mix the two.

I'll check out the books as well!

Once again I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. "

No problem, any time - there are some very good on-line questionnaires out there that list all manner of related activities that you rate 1-5 in terms of interest and they're great for framing your own mind around what you might/might not be interested in.

Some people are, understandably, reluctant to go into too much detail, especially women, as sadly some men see an interest as either an invite or wank fodder - you might fare better if you seek out the more kink related sites to explore, they can be very informative.

Once lockdown etc is over you could also do worse than seek out a local munch, they're socials for kinksters and are a good way to meet and chat to likeminded people.

Remember though there is no "right" or "true" way to BDSM and D/s only the way agreed between two (or more) consenting and informed adults, based on a foundation of limits, boundaries, trust and respect, which is why it's important for you to be as knowledgeable about what it is you are looking for as you possibly can be - because there are plenty of wrong ways, and that's when abuse and danger can come into it.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

[Removed by poster at 26/06/20 23:51:58]

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

If you want to get your head around submission. I would highly recommend the podcast "Big Black Girl in a Small Kink World" the episode "Me + Submission", It is on Spotify and other sites. It is on the money for me and runs through not only her type of submission but actually explains the various types of submission.

All done in a pleasant manner, she sounds a fun human being and provides bite sized explanations that are not dumbed down.

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