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Bdsm violence and abuse

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

As you may remember my post a few weeks back about abuse and violence?

She said she just wanted to be made like she had been used and abused which we both enjoyed, and she said was exactly what she was after and needed xxx but now wants to up the name calling and introduce whips an floggers etc x now again I’m interested in trying this and she wants to feel proper neglected xxx

Which I think I’m ok with xxx as after last time we had amazing cuddles and support time xx

What’s everyone’s thoughts on this ? As your info was very helpful before???

Also what’s the best way to make her squirt as she’s never done that before? Xx

Thanks all

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

My advice would be to make sure you have a full understanding of exactly what she is asking for first as well as her understanding what she is asking for which isn't always the case.

A good Dom is not violent or abusive imo a Dom provides for a subs needs and desires as well as their own, both should always be discussed and agreed before any play, a bdsm checklist helps with that and a LOT of discussion and negotiation.

I've not met a sub yet that truly wants to be neglected. Feel used yes sure, feel varying levels of pain during play, sometimes sure. But true neglect and violence, not in my experience unless you consider floggers as violence I would guess.

Floggers and especially whips require skill and practice to use properly and can cause permanent damage if not used in the right way. Munches, classes, clinics and a lot of research are needed to make sure you are doing it right.

For someone to hand over that responsibility to another is a big thing to take on and anyone taking it needs to know that damage both physically and mentally is more than just possible.

You need more than just some random advice on here, you need proper understanding and knowledge from reputable players. You will need to put yourself out and do the leg work yourself to find both, aswell as a lot of practice.

As for making her squirt theres plenty of stuff to read on the Internet and half the fun is practicing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Safe sane consensual is the sort of fundamental ground rules for bdsm... Build great dialogue with your partner about what you both might want from the "scene".. And do a little research to make sure to be mindful of nerve clusters or other things that might cause lasting harm...that is just my 10pence worth.. Enjoy have fun be "safe"

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Some excellent advice above OP and as you were advised before the key really is open and honest communication between you both and being as informed and knowledgeable as you can - take baby steps rather than try and jump in the deep end, as others have said with floggers, whips etc you can do some serious physical damage without knowing how to use them properly - so getting along to munches and workshops really is the way to go.

As for squirting - there really is no way to "make" someone do it, in fact not all women do, it's about experimentation and knowing your partners body as much as anything and not just finger blasting her like crazy in the hope of making it happen - perhaps try not to make it a goal more if it happens it happens kind of thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What is munches?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/06/20 06:45:48]

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By *inkyman1964Man
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent


"What is munches? "

A Munch is like a Social for Fetish folks. Meet, chat and get to know everyone a little. Reassure the nervous newbies etc.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"What is munches?

A Munch is like a Social for Fetish folks. Meet, chat and get to know everyone a little. Reassure the nervous newbies etc."

Exactly this - they're great ways to get to know people, exchange views and get ideas and advice - some even have demos and discussions on specific topics

If you Google "munch" and your area name you'll probably find one local to you

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By *inkyman1964Man
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent


"What is munches?

A Munch is like a Social for Fetish folks. Meet, chat and get to know everyone a little. Reassure the nervous newbies etc.

Exactly this - they're great ways to get to know people, exchange views and get ideas and advice - some even have demos and discussions on specific topics

If you Google "munch" and your area name you'll probably find one local to you"

I wouldn't expect a demo at a Munch! A Munch is usually in a vanilla environment like a pub, discreet chat etc.

A demonstration would be part of a Fetish Event in a non public place.

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By *ood girl2010Couple
over a year ago

crewe

hi im a sub to my bf and its not about the control its about feeling used but in a good way , and as for making her squirt if you do it right and she likes the pain she will squirt

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"What is munches?

A Munch is like a Social for Fetish folks. Meet, chat and get to know everyone a little. Reassure the nervous newbies etc.

Exactly this - they're great ways to get to know people, exchange views and get ideas and advice - some even have demos and discussions on specific topics

If you Google "munch" and your area name you'll probably find one local to you

I wouldn't expect a demo at a Munch! A Munch is usually in a vanilla environment like a pub, discreet chat etc.

A demonstration would be part of a Fetish Event in a non public place."

Some munches are held in private areas of pubs and have included demos, one I went to years ago had one on very basic tieing - not explicit ones more pub friendly ones

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"hi im a sub to my bf and its not about the control its about feeling used but in a good way , and as for making her squirt if you do it right and she likes the pain she will squirt

"

Could you message a few pointers ? Xxx

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


" as for making her squirt if you do it right and she likes the pain she will squirt

"

I don't agree with this.

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By *ood girl2010Couple
over a year ago

crewe


" as for making her squirt if you do it right and she likes the pain she will squirt

I don't agree with this. "

I can only say from what we have seen and met its all about the touch and the way she feels

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

Safe sane and consentual. Vilance and abuse is NOT tolarated in BDSM. Anything deemed as such will get you removed from clubs and groups.

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By *inkyman1964Man
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent


"Safe sane and consentual. Vilance and abuse is NOT tolarated in BDSM. Anything deemed as such will get you removed from clubs and groups. "

But a Scene could involve consensual play which may appear violent or abusive but in a safe and controlled manner.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"Safe sane and consentual. Vilance and abuse is NOT tolarated in BDSM. Anything deemed as such will get you removed from clubs and groups. "

Depends on your definition of violence and abuse. Technically some forms of bdsm are assault in the eyes of the law.

I've looked into it because I couldn't believe it myself but it is the case. Even written consent doesn't protect you fully

Having said that I know exactly what you mean and do agree in the eyes of an experienced bdsm player that is.

Personally I dont like the term 'neglected' either. I think if you are a responsible, good Dom every action is thought through everything serves a purpose to achieve the desired outcome. In my eyes that isnt neglect. I havent met a sub yet that truly wants to be neglected.

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By *inkyman1964Man
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent

[Removed by poster at 23/06/20 15:54:39]

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By *inkyman1964Man
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent


"Safe sane and consentual. Vilance and abuse is NOT tolarated in BDSM. Anything deemed as such will get you removed from clubs and groups.

Depends on your definition of violence and abuse. Technically some forms of bdsm are assault in the eyes of the law.

I've looked into it because I couldn't believe it myself but it is the case. Even written consent doesn't protect you fully

Having said that I know exactly what you mean and do agree in the eyes of an experienced bdsm player that is.

Personally I dont like the term 'neglected' either. I think if you are a responsible, good Dom every action is thought through everything serves a purpose to achieve the desired outcome. In my eyes that isnt neglect. I havent met a sub yet that truly wants to be neglected."

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