FabSwingers.com forum: How can people trust the person dominating them?!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So i've seen a lot of crazy talks on here about people who love to be dominated by women... i suppose teasing and stuff would be fun, especially when it comes to handjobs. On the other hand, the extent some people talk about taking it i think is quite crazy, how do you even know the person tying you up isn't going to take it further than promised?!

or is that part of what you lot find fun?

Thought i'd ask

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

How do people trust meeting a total stranger in a hotel room?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'you lot'?!

Personally I wouldn't let anyone tie me up that I didn't trust. Got to be a heck of a lot of trust first. I get spooked/ scared off very easily so with most people I would never even consider it.

But being tied up and played with by someone you trust is a LOT of fun. You should try it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah good point, how?! im not picking on one niche by the way just wondering..

I suppose people just put sexual promiscuity ahead of safety when they're THAT aroused..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah good point, how?! im not picking on one niche by the way just wondering..

I suppose people just put sexual promiscuity ahead of safety when they're THAT aroused.. "

WTF? Like seriously, have I really just read that?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Leave it to the first bloke to comment to break the constructive conversation going on. When you read something in disbelief, don't question the writer, question the way you interpreted it - what i MEANT was i know some people overlook safety when they have sex but not to the extent that some do

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

i'll let him off - he's too young to know better! Z

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Yeah good point, how?! im not picking on one niche by the way just wondering..

I suppose people just put sexual promiscuity ahead of safety when they're THAT aroused.. "

Not being funny your profile states you just want physical and not personal so you're expecting women to meet you at theirs or a hotel as you don't accommodate.

Mine at least let men know I'll block them for being a.nut if they expect to meet now as you have to get to know me before placing your gonads in my hands.

So slick...which one of us puts safety before promiscuity first?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/06/12 00:04:11]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah good point, how?! im not picking on one niche by the way just wondering..

I suppose people just put sexual promiscuity ahead of safety when they're THAT aroused..

Not being funny your profile states you just want physical and not personal so you're expecting women to meet you at theirs or a hotel as you don't accommodate.

Mine at least let men know I'll block them for being a.nut if they expect to meet now as you have to get to know me before placing your gonads in my hands.

So slick...which one of us puts safety before promiscuity first? "

well spotted that woman

so the OP would sooner a woman just hand her address out for a fuck without getting to know him, but then talks about people not puting their safty first

isnt this what your asking of women?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

By not having personal meets i mean i don't expect to come on here and talk to you daily about how works been, how your kids are, or how your friends are..

More like a distant friendship... don't confuse intrigue with insult like

I was just trying to say i was wondering why the guys who are happy to trust a stranger to give them painful release, do so. I'm not looking at you guys like aliens, we're all different!

Oh and to the biker guy, generalizations aren't in my post? I'm specifically talking about/to people who like more extreme bondage and bdsm. Hence why i mentioned "some people".. don't demonize me, be constructive or don't comment guy. I didn't mean to insult anyone, you're making me look bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Leave it to the first bloke to comment to break the constructive conversation going on. When you read something in disbelief, don't question the writer, question the way you interpreted it - what i MEANT was i know some people overlook safety when they have sex but not to the extent that some do

I'm not sure that there is an intelligent conversation going on here. I suspect most people are reading your posts slightly incredulous.

You start by refering to people as crazy, you talk about "you lot" - your atttude smacks of being judgemental rather than curious.

Are you even interested in BDSM or just seeking to judge?

As others have said you expect women to meet you in a hotel or give you their address yet you clearly don;t see a need for trust to be built up? Do you not see the huge double standard?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

each to their own i guess, i wouldnt let someone tie me up if i did trust them, its just not for me, but if others like it fair play to them and if letting a stranger do it adds to the excitment well thats upto them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I understand what the OP is getting at. He's probably been looking at BDSM type threads and so is thinking specifically about that. But we've been reading different threads so we're a bit out of the loop so to speak.

I don't think he was trying to be offensive, he's apologised for any misunderstanding. He doesn't necessarily mean that HE expects women to meet him and 'do stuff', he's asking why other people would. (Apologies to the OP if I misunderstood, that's just my interpretation of what you've said.)

So back to the OP, do you mean like the extreme BDSM stuff? I often wonder the same thing (how people can trust someone else to do extreme stuff) but I think it really is down to trust. No need for chitchat about the weather as you say, but there has to be a bit of banter to know that the other person isn't going to whack at your balls with a hammer when you're all tied up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think.the people who have replied to you are trying to point out to you that you are not communicating in an effective manner and when you are making statements they are quite ambiguous and can be interpreted several ways.....

Especially when you appear to state one thing and your profile says something contradictory.

Don't get the hump......its a forum and be pleased that people are.contributing!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Fair enough, i apologize people!

nothing bad intended

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fair enough, i apologize people!

nothing bad intended"

No need to apologise, all contributions welcome!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally wont get involved in kink within swinging, its a trust thing for me, others can do as they wish and there are levels of kink.

One of my girlfriends loves being tied, but she has the tools for the job and can always get herself untied (she sets the rules and keeps her things handy)

Usually within bdsm there are things like code (safe) words and other things people use so I guess it's no different within swinging. It's up to each person to set their own boundaries and explore their own fantasies.

I have my saftey steps in place, I wont give out my address so have on my profile I wont accommodate and I have different measures for different situations

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By *heWolfMan
over a year ago

warwickshire

" I'm specifically talking about/to people who like more extreme bondage and bdsm. "

Why don't you ask on a website devoted to BDSM and extreme bondage then? You are more likely to get answers from people who enjoy the real deal rather than people who think fluffy pink Anne Summers handcuffs are genuine bondage equipment. (Not denigrating those people, each to their own)

You'll generally find that, as said in one of the first answers, most people will need to trust the person before submitting to them in the first place, and still take safety precautions like getting previous references (you'd be surprised how quickly word will get out that someone is not a safe person to play with). They may even then have people to take "safety calls" (ie. if I don't call at 11pm to say everything is OK, ring the police, I'll be at this address...)

There will be exceptions, obviously, but then who hasn't overtaken a car on wet road when they really shouldn't have? There's degrees of risk in anything you do in life - it's up to you to calculate and manage the risks...and take the odd leap of faith.

The chances of ending up chopped up in a bin somewhere are very slim, but if you want that thrill, I'm sure you can find some borderline psycho to play with. How lucky do you feel? If you don't believe in luck, good or bad, use the best tool of all - Common Sense...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What he said ^^^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The answer (in my case) is you can only do it by building trust...one step at a time.

As a top (prefer that to being a 'dom' but that's a discussion for another day), I *know* I am trust worthy, but I also know each partner I play with has to build her trust in me. So in terms of bdsm play that is about discussing boundaries before hand, agreeing and honouring safe words, and generally acting as you would like to be treated if the roles were reversed.

I've had affairs that have take three or four months to develop and 'mature' as we each connected and explored together, in fact one lasted for four years and we *really* pushed some boundaries together because over that period of time you can actually build the level of trust to literally put your life in another's hands.

On the other hand, I've had near-ONSs that quickly developed into some 'fun' bdsm stuff. But we were both experienced, and both knew what to expect but then we were only a few steps beyond the pink fluffy handcuffs stage!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Simple for me.. only my master ties me up.. only master dominates me... As he has my utmost trust... I'd not let anyone else do anything.

My safety is always utmost in our plans.

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah good point, how?! im not picking on one niche by the way just wondering..

I suppose people just put sexual promiscuity ahead of safety when they're THAT aroused..

Not being funny your profile states you just want physical and not personal so you're expecting women to meet you at theirs or a hotel as you don't accommodate.

Mine at least let men know I'll block them for being a.nut if they expect to meet now as you have to get to know me before placing your gonads in my hands.

So slick...which one of us puts safety before promiscuity first? "

Haha, told!!!

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By *istressdebssubCouple
over a year ago

cambridge

"So i've seen a lot of crazy talks on here about people who love to be dominated by women... i suppose teasing and stuff would be fun, especially when it comes to handjobs. On the other hand, the extent some people talk about taking it i think is quite crazy, how do you even know the person tying you up isn't going to take it further than promised?!

or is that part of what you lot find fun?

Thought i'd ask

trust like many things in life is earned

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