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Trust issues with bareback sex

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By *ussy-Stretcher OP   Man
over a year ago

UK

I have a burning question to ask.

I’ve been on the swinging scene for almost 10yrs now and one thing always baffles me, and undoubtedly always results to misunderstandings with my regular buddies, and cause us to go our separate ways in the end.

The point is I realised after meeting people for few or more times, and the friendship going stronger and stronger and stuff, the issue of going bareback always surface and that does raise my pores.

My question is, will you consider bareback with someone simply because you’ve known them and been meeting for a long time? Or will you insist on both parties getting tested first just for everyone peace of mind?

From my experience, the latter seems to infuriate a lot of people with the word ‘Trust’ used as a tool to whip one out of friendship and what we’ve had. I’ve lost sex buddies because of this in the past because asking them to go get tested is like saying you don’t trust them and they probably got something?

What would you do in this situation? Bareback or insist on ‘No condom, no play’ rule?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I've been meeting one FB for 6 years and it wasn't til last year that we decided no more condoms. He didn't ask me to get tested, but I did so anyway, and he did too.

I think, unfortunately, it really does depend on the person. I would not be insulted, but obviously your friends were. Perhaps they were hoping for something more permanent?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to use condoms with FWB because he still has sex with his wife. He has asked me to get tested so that he can bareback me. I'm off to the clinic tomorrow. Not offended at all. It's just sensible. Would never bareback whilst playing though, ever. I've got to this ripe old age without ever having caught anything, and I don't intend to

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

the issue with testing is that it only count at the time of the test.. so if you have played with anyone in the meantime the results are in effect pointless....

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"the issue with testing is that it only count at the time of the test.. so if you have played with anyone in the meantime the results are in effect pointless....

"

If you have played with anyone else bareback in the meantiem you mean.

Obviously they are not 100% but they reduce the risk to one that may be acceptable to many people.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I would'nt trust anyone enough to have sex without condoms no matter how long ive known them,except ny husband of course,my body and I decide how I want it played with

While they're telling you that they only BB with you they could be saying the same thing to all their other friends,its just not my thing and if it means I don't see them anymore then im happy with that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would'nt trust anyone enough to have sex without condoms no matter how long ive known them,except ny husband of course,my body and I decide how I want it played with

While they're telling you that they only BB with you they could be saying the same thing to all their other friends,its just not my thing and if it means I don't see them anymore then im happy with that "

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"I would'nt trust anyone enough to have sex without condoms no matter how long ive known them,except ny husband of course,my body and I decide how I want it played with

While they're telling you that they only BB with you they could be saying the same thing to all their other friends,its just not my thing and if it means I don't see them anymore then im happy with that "
i totally agree with this post...anyway people lie about really insignificant things as it is....

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By *ussy-Stretcher OP   Man
over a year ago

UK


"I would'nt trust anyone enough to have sex without condoms no matter how long ive known them,except ny husband of course,my body and I decide how I want it played with

While they're telling you that they only BB with you they could be saying the same thing to all their other friends,its just not my thing and if it means I don't see them anymore then im happy with that "

This was exactly where i stands but always made feel like the bad guy each time. I think it would naive to make exceptions to the use of condoms, as a swinger. Thanks everyone that contributed so far. This means alot, thanks

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest


"I have to use condoms with FWB because he still has sex with his wife. He has asked me to get tested so that he can bareback me. I'm off to the clinic tomorrow. Not offended at all. It's just sensible. Would never bareback whilst playing though, ever. I've got to this ripe old age without ever having caught anything, and I don't intend to "

Are he and his wife getting tested too, and then abstaining from sex with anyone else other than you and each other?

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago


"I would'nt trust anyone enough to have sex without condoms no matter how long ive known them,except ny husband of course,my body and I decide how I want it played with

While they're telling you that they only BB with you they could be saying the same thing to all their other friends,its just not my thing and if it means I don't see them anymore then im happy with that

This was exactly where i stands but always made feel like the bad guy each time. I think it would naive to make exceptions to the use of condoms, as a swinger. Thanks everyone that contributed so far. This means alot, thanks "

Is someone tried to make me feel bad for that then id question the integrity of the friendship,its not very respectful to try and push someone out of their comfort zone with an issue like this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have to use condoms with FWB because he still has sex with his wife. He has asked me to get tested so that he can bareback me. I'm off to the clinic tomorrow. Not offended at all. It's just sensible. Would never bareback whilst playing though, ever. I've got to this ripe old age without ever having caught anything, and I don't intend to

Are he and his wife getting tested too, and then abstaining from sex with anyone else other than you and each other? "

No they aren't getting tested but married men don't tend to fuck around as much as single men. And if they do they are careful. I know he is, he is paranoid about it, especially being bi. Obviously I cannot speak for his wife. But I do trust him and have known him for a long time. He is taking more risks than I am as I still see others and he only sees me and his wife. He is a FWB not a fuck buddy, there is a difference. There are no guarantees in life anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to do what is right for you and if that means parting company with some people that don't respect your opinion, or are naive enough to think that trust prevents STI's and Pregnancy then is it any great loss?! I have stopped seeing a few guys that have tried to push for bareback because I wasn't happy with it and they have kept pushing.

I do however have one 'meet' who I've been seeing for about a year and we do play bareback. We both get regularly tested, and we both use condoms with all other meets. We both also know that this doesn't give us any 100% guarantees about being safe, but so far we have both been fine and it works for us. There is trust that we are both using protection with other partners, but we are also both sensible enough to realise that there is an element of risk...hence the regular testing. That might not be everyones cup of tea, but it's a choice we have made x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have to use condoms with FWB because he still has sex with his wife. He has asked me to get tested so that he can bareback me. I'm off to the clinic tomorrow. Not offended at all. It's just sensible. Would never bareback whilst playing though, ever. I've got to this ripe old age without ever having caught anything, and I don't intend to "

Sorry whats a FWB and Im confused cos your profile says you wont play with married men and this says he is still having sex with his wife

And just so you know doesnt bother me one way or other people do what they want I am just confused thats all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i don't give a fuck about trust i have only played bareback with my children's father and current partner and both were tested and saw test results before i trusted anyone my health is more important than trust if they don't get tested they don't respect me enough to worry about. now i have kids i wouldn't dream of messing with my health as i am a single mum so not a hope in hell and it is a serious relationship first wouldn't ever do it for a fuck buddy but i realise i am extreme in my view

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I would'nt trust anyone enough to have sex without condoms no matter how long ive known them,except ny husband of course,my body and I decide how I want it played with

While they're telling you that they only BB with you they could be saying the same thing to all their other friends,its just not my thing and if it means I don't see them anymore then im happy with that "

Works for me too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Sorry whats a FWB and Im confused cos your profile says you wont play with married men and this says he is still having sex with his wife

And just so you know doesnt bother me one way or other people do what they want I am just confused thats all."

Friend With Benefits - what I don't get is why anyone thinks that is different to a fuck buddy?????????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" If someone tried to make me feel bad for that then id question the integrity of the friendship,its not very respectful to try and push someone out of their comfort zone with an issue like this"

+1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Sorry whats a FWB and Im confused cos your profile says you wont play with married men and this says he is still having sex with his wife

And just so you know doesnt bother me one way or other people do what they want I am just confused thats all.

Friend With Benefits - what I don't get is why anyone thinks that is different to a fuck buddy????????? "

Yep got it after I posted thank you , agree tho I dont see what the difference is .

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


" Sorry whats a FWB and Im confused cos your profile says you wont play with married men and this says he is still having sex with his wife

And just so you know doesnt bother me one way or other people do what they want I am just confused thats all.

Friend With Benefits - what I don't get is why anyone thinks that is different to a fuck buddy????????? "

Probably makes someone feel "special" being a FWB as opposed to casual bit on the side FB perhaps?!!

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By *eepsouthCouple
over a year ago

Bournemouth


"I have to use condoms with FWB because he still has sex with his wife. He has asked me to get tested so that he can bareback me. I'm off to the clinic tomorrow. Not offended at all. It's just sensible. Would never bareback whilst playing though, ever. I've got to this ripe old age without ever having caught anything, and I don't intend to

Are he and his wife getting tested too, and then abstaining from sex with anyone else other than you and each other? "

Was just going to say hope he is going for a test too?????

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"I have to use condoms with FWB because he still has sex with his wife. He has asked me to get tested so that he can bareback me. I'm off to the clinic tomorrow. Not offended at all. It's just sensible. Would never bareback whilst playing though, ever. I've got to this ripe old age without ever having caught anything, and I don't intend to

Are he and his wife getting tested too, and then abstaining from sex with anyone else other than you and each other?

No they aren't getting tested but married men don't tend to fuck around as much as single men. And if they do they are careful. I know he is, he is paranoid about it, especially being bi. Obviously I cannot speak for his wife. But I do trust him and have known him for a long time. He is taking more risks than I am as I still see others and he only sees me and his wife. He is a FWB not a fuck buddy, there is a difference. There are no guarantees in life anyway "

Sorry but one word springs to mind here.....naive

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest


"I have to use condoms with FWB because he still has sex with his wife. He has asked me to get tested so that he can bareback me. I'm off to the clinic tomorrow. Not offended at all. It's just sensible. Would never bareback whilst playing though, ever. I've got to this ripe old age without ever having caught anything, and I don't intend to

Are he and his wife getting tested too, and then abstaining from sex with anyone else other than you and each other?

Was just going to say hope he is going for a test too?????"

Evenif I trusted him, I wouldnt be trusting his wife

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Whats the difference between fb and fwb what benefits do you get

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"My question is, will you consider bareback with someone simply because you’ve known them and been meeting for a long time?

"

No, never. And if they don't like that then it is no hardship for us to not see them again.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"Whats the difference between fb and fwb what benefits do you get"

Mr Ruggers thinks it might be friends with benefits? I thought that was the same as FB though.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Whats the difference between fb and fwb what benefits do you get

Mr Ruggers thinks it might be friends with benefits? I thought that was the same as FB though."

I thought they where the same just different terms. I want to know if ive got fbs or fwbs lol

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By *nlyme1Man
over a year ago

Leeds

Nothing wrong with suggesting both parties get tested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have to use condoms with FWB because he still has sex with his wife. He has asked me to get tested so that he can bareback me. I'm off to the clinic tomorrow. Not offended at all. It's just sensible. Would never bareback whilst playing though, ever. I've got to this ripe old age without ever having caught anything, and I don't intend to "

How are you sure he's only intention is to bareback with you and only his wife? He's being a cunt behind his wife's back, yet you trust him?

My head says you trust him too much - just like his wife does

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By *issBehavingxxWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"No they aren't getting tested but married men don't tend to fuck around as much as single men. And if they do they are careful. I know he is, he is paranoid about it, especially being bi. Obviously I cannot speak for his wife. But I do trust him and have known him for a long time. He is taking more risks than I am as I still see others and he only sees me and his wife. He is a FWB not a fuck buddy, there is a difference. There are no guarantees in life anyway "

On that note.. Putting aside whether you trust that he's not having bareback sex with any other FWB's or FB's (or whatever anyone wants to label it) .... How do you / he or anyone know what his wife is doing... If he's playing away... She could be playing away bareback.

I just know I wouldn't be doing it with anyone other than an actual "partner" .. and even then only after we were both tested ... no playing with anyone else .. then tested again..

But each to their own

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By *issBehavingxxWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

And sorry.. In answer to the OP..

Doesn't matter how long I've been meeting someone .. as long as it stays casual and one or both of us are still meeting others too .. No condom, no sex.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I have to use condoms with FWB because he still has sex with his wife. He has asked me to get tested so that he can bareback me. I'm off to the clinic tomorrow. Not offended at all. It's just sensible. Would never bareback whilst playing though, ever. I've got to this ripe old age without ever having caught anything, and I don't intend to

Are he and his wife getting tested too, and then abstaining from sex with anyone else other than you and each other?

Was just going to say hope he is going for a test too?????

Evenif I trusted him, I wouldnt be trusting his wife "

You'd trust someone cheating on his wife: fact, but doubt the wife without cause?!!

Alrighty then.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Well i just googled fwb and there is no difference between that and fuck buddy except the definition for fwb says between unmarried people so hes not a fwb

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/05/12 21:54:31]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like how everyone ASSUME her FWB is playing behind his wife back, his wife may have full knowledge he sleeps with her.

To th OP it is only sensible to ask them to get tested, personally we would never bare back with anyone no matter how long we have known them. If they don't like it...tough, plenty more fish in the sea.

Kat xx

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"I like how everyone ASSUME her FWB is playing behind his wife back, his wife may have full knowledge he sleeps with her.

Kat xx"

I didn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/05/12 22:05:34]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey we are swingers and we have multiple partners well I wish lol not so much free time at the moment. My point is we choose this life style and there are risks with it. We get tested we practice safe sex and so be it.

So if you wish to go bareback wth a regular partner its only fair to ask them to be checked personally I would not take their word for it and I would want to see the results too as I would be happy to show them.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"I like how everyone ASSUME her FWB is playing behind his wife back, his wife may have full knowledge he sleeps with her.

Kat xx

I didn't."

+1 i just wanting to know what im missing out on

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest


"

Evenif I trusted him, I wouldnt be trusting his wife

You'd trust someone cheating on his wife: fact, but doubt the wife without cause?!!

Alrighty then. "

If I dont know her from Adam, then yes Id be doubting her.

She may be the Virgin Mary and the lovliest women on the planet but why would I trust that someone I dont even know is practising safe sex ? Because her husband says so?

I might, naively in my opinion, trust the husband because I think that I know how many people he has sex with, but I dont know how many people she may or may not have had sex with....may be none, may be dozens, but I dont know. Hence me saying I wouldnt be trusting her....

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By *ue care and attentionWoman
over a year ago

birmingham


"I have to use condoms with FWB because he still has sex with his wife. He has asked me to get tested so that he can bareback me. I'm off to the clinic tomorrow. Not offended at all. It's just sensible. Would never bareback whilst playing though, ever. I've got to this ripe old age without ever having caught anything, and I don't intend to

Are he and his wife getting tested too, and then abstaining from sex with anyone else other than you and each other?

No they aren't getting tested but married men don't tend to fuck around as much as single men. And if they do they are careful. I know he is, he is paranoid about it, especially being bi. Obviously I cannot speak for his wife. But I do trust him and have known him for a long time. He is taking more risks than I am as I still see others and he only sees me and his wife. He is a FWB not a fuck buddy, there is a difference. There are no guarantees in life anyway "

Seems you are now the focal point of this thread as apposed to the OP but seeing as you made the comments you did, I have a cpl questions.

Why do you presume married men are more safety conscious. I've met married men who would have jumped at the chance to go bb. Needless to say I don't, not even with my fb of over 4 years.

On another point, you mention he is paranoid about it, sepcially being bi! So, he's not seeing other women but is he seeing other men which is why he is paranoid?

I'm not judging your relationship but urge you not to be naive here. He choses to play behind his wife's back, he choses to play bareback with you, he choses remember, you have no say in what else he does.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thats the point thats what he is telling you and how do you know what he is saying to his wife or any Tom, dick or harry.

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By *orkscrew CurlsWoman
over a year ago

Loughborough Leics

I see a difference between a fuckbuddy and a friend with benefits. A fuckbuddy is mainly there for booty calls, a 'regular meet' but someone you feel close to and trust.

Whereas a friend with benefits you might go for a night out, a meal and doesn't always end in sex, but if it does that's the benefit to both of you for that relationship. They can be part of your social life with other friends even, you even know a bit more about their lives...

That's my perception anyhow.

Curls x

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"

No they aren't getting tested but married men don't tend to fuck around as much as single men. And if they do they are careful. I know he is, he is paranoid about it, especially being bi. Obviously I cannot speak for his wife. But I do trust him and have known him for a long time. He is taking more risks than I am as I still see others and he only sees me and his wife. He is a FWB not a fuck buddy, there is a difference. There are no guarantees in life anyway "

really.... the amount of married men on here apparently would probably counter that "married men don't fuck around as much" arguement otherwise.....

actually maybe the difference is that truely single guys don't have so much to fear because the conscience is clearer... just a thought....

....and thanks for generalising about single blokes again.. wow!!!!

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By *mcouple1Couple
over a year ago

nr warrington

at last a refreshing post !!!!!!!!!!!!

what next ? cock size? my profile ? FFS

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

in the end.... whoever is doing who, where and when... there is only one person I trust implicitly with my health...

me!!!!

so if it means condom on even if I have known them a lifetime.. then it is condom on....

no ifs no buts....

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By *mcouple1Couple
over a year ago

nr warrington

Fabio .. the last shining beacon in the world of fab forums.You have spoken for years on here and every post is absolutely spot on .

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

well said _abio

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I would not bareback with other guys, regardless of how long I had known them. If anyone asked me I would refuse and not meet them again.

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By *lackMetalMan
over a year ago

Centre


"Whats the difference between fb and fwb what benefits do you get"

FWB= Nandos, ice cream, friendly smiles

FB= hmm, horny, text, wham bam thank you madam/sir!

Hope that clears the air, lol...or at least I think that's what she meant?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have a burning question to ask.

I’ve been on the swinging scene for almost 10yrs now and one thing always baffles me, and undoubtedly always results to misunderstandings with my regular buddies, and cause us to go our separate ways in the end.

The point is I realised after meeting people for few or more times, and the friendship going stronger and stronger and stuff, the issue of going bareback always surface and that does raise my pores.

My question is, will you consider bareback with someone simply because you’ve known them and been meeting for a long time? Or will you insist on both parties getting tested first just for everyone peace of mind?

From my experience, the latter seems to infuriate a lot of people with the word ‘Trust’ used as a tool to whip one out of friendship and what we’ve had. I’ve lost sex buddies because of this in the past because asking them to go get tested is like saying you don’t trust them and they probably got something?

What would you do in this situation? Bareback or insist on ‘No condom, no play’ rule?

"

to be honest i cant see the point in the going for a test thing, if they had a shag between getting tested and meeting you whats the result worth really? and if someone is willing to go bare with you they will do it with others so to me you either use condoms or you dont cause a test is only valid on the day of testing when you think about it

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"I have a burning question to ask.

I’ve been on the swinging scene for almost 10yrs now and one thing always baffles me, and undoubtedly always results to misunderstandings with my regular buddies, and cause us to go our separate ways in the end.

The point is I realised after meeting people for few or more times, and the friendship going stronger and stronger and stuff, the issue of going bareback always surface and that does raise my pores.

My question is, will you consider bareback with someone simply because you’ve known them and been meeting for a long time? Or will you insist on both parties getting tested first just for everyone peace of mind?

From my experience, the latter seems to infuriate a lot of people with the word ‘Trust’ used as a tool to whip one out of friendship and what we’ve had. I’ve lost sex buddies because of this in the past because asking them to go get tested is like saying you don’t trust them and they probably got something?

What would you do in this situation? Bareback or insist on ‘No condom, no play’ rule?

"

Stick to your guns chap, it is nobodies concern other than yours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its just common sense and its down to personal chi=oice each time; i get tested each year of my own volition - would i be upset/offended if i found a ling term partner and she asked me to be tested - no is my answer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can get stuff room just kissing a person .... oral sex so dont think condoms save you thay dont thay just help a little . Swinging is high risk and you cant get away from it . And thats what turn alot of people on SEX WITH PEOPLE YOU DONT KNOW ...Get your tests as thing can get into your mouth and not just your bits.

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