FabSwingers.com forum: Politeness costs nothing

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

is it just me or is it normal on here to not reply

Being polite costs nothing- ie if i receive a message/invite from someone i always respond no matter what i think - but on occasions i send out an "hello" introduction it winds me up when person just "deleats" and never replies....grrrrrrrrrrr

Does that happen to you ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From a male point of view you are right.

But if you were a lady i dont think you will talk like that.

It is true it hurt not to get any reply even if you read the person profile, do all she want and still yur message got deleted without being read.

The only reason is that the ladies are bombarded by messages from us blokes.

I advised a female friend to join the site. Within an hour of her joining she had 175 message and 89 friend add request despite no picture on the profile.

Some of the messages are just stupid.

So mate dont take a no reply as a sign of rudeness

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

If you sent me a message I wouldn't reply. Why would I? It states I'm looking for local to south east London, straight etc...you live in Leeds and are bi.

As what I'm looking for is clearly written on my profile, why would I respond to someone outwith what I'm looking for.

When, out of curiousity I asked a married bi man that couldnt' accommode what made him contact me seeing as I wasn't looking for married bi men that can't accommodate he said everything in life was a compromise and I should compromise.

Really? What do you say in the face of such arrogance?

I don't get wound up by people on here - I simply delete without responding to people I have no interest in who don't meet what I'm looking for.

However...anyone that meets my criteria, sends a message that shows they've read and understood what I'm looking for but I don't want to meet for whatever reason ALWAYS gets a message thanking them for their time but no thanks.

Seems fair and reasonable to me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually reply except for when someone so out of my type sends a stupid message. even then I say not my type mostly.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"From a male point of view you are right.

But if you were a lady i dont think you will talk like that.

It is true it hurt not to get any reply even if you read the person profile, do all she want and still yur message got deleted without being read.

The only reason is that the ladies are bombarded by messages from us blokes.

I advised a female friend to join the site. Within an hour of her joining she had 175 message and 89 friend add request despite no picture on the profile.

Some of the messages are just stupid.

So mate dont take a no reply as a sign of rudeness"

No one is entitled to a response here. Just because you may think you meet someone's criteria, a picture, a verification, the pattern of your wallpaper could put them off responding to you.

I don't get the sense of entitlement some men portray on this site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can also be difficult to reply in terms of time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I delete messages all the time without saying 'no thanks'. Because you can guarantee that nine times out of ten the guy will then reply again and start trying to talk me into seeing him. Then I have to block him. Much better for my blood pressure to just delete.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I delete messages all the time without saying 'no thanks'. Because you can guarantee that nine times out of ten the guy will then reply again and start trying to talk me into seeing him. Then I have to block him. Much better for my blood pressure to just delete."

If they do that I block

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By *j_markCouple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Totteridge/Whetstone

"is it just me or is it normal on here to not reply

Does that happen to you ?

Site FAQ states it's not rude not to reply; it's everyone's right to ignore mails they receive. If you take "no reply" to mean a polite "not interested" you can't go far wrong

www.fabswingers.com/faq

Admin x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you sent me a message I wouldn't reply. Why would I? It states I'm looking for local to south east London, straight etc...you live in Leeds and are bi.

As what I'm looking for is clearly written on my profile, why would I respond to someone outwith what I'm looking for.

Really? What do you say in the face of such arrogance?

I don't get wound up by people on here - I simply delete without responding to people I have no interest in who don't meet what I'm looking for.

Seems fair and reasonable to me!

Firslty i totally agree with your assumption that if someone had contacted you nd not read your prfile and did not meet your requirements; then that person is either blind or stupid and in that instance no surperis they are ignored.

My original question was for the those instances where you take trouble to read etc but still get blanked lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"is it just me or is it normal on here to not reply

Does that happen to you ?

Site FAQ states it's not rude not to reply; it's everyone's right to ignore mails they receive. If you take "no reply" to mean a polite "not interested" you can't go far wrong

www.fabswingers.com/faq

Admin x"

Fair comment ADMIN - goes to show i not read site guidelines yet lol

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

My original question was for the those instances where you take trouble to read etc but still get blanked lol "

but again the question still is why do you feel you are owed a reply???

for example.. do you answer every single take away flyer that comes thru your letterbox... after all using your logic they spent the time doing up the flyers and the designs...

see this is where i don't get where people are hung up on a reply...

if they don't answer, its a no thanks...

if they say no thanks.. its a no thanks, there is no difference...

plus a "no thanks!" often starts a conversation the people didn't want to have in the first place... "Why not?" "what did i do wrong?" "do you not like (feel in the blank!) people?"... or often leads to abuse.... or trying to get people to change their minds....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you sent me a message I wouldn't reply. Why would I? It states I'm looking for local to south east London, straight etc...you live in Leeds and are bi.

As what I'm looking for is clearly written on my profile, why would I respond to someone outwith what I'm looking for.

Really? What do you say in the face of such arrogance?

I don't get wound up by people on here - I simply delete without responding to people I have no interest in who don't meet what I'm looking for.

Seems fair and reasonable to me!

I entirely agree with you, but......

I always read profiles and only mail those people that I think I may appeal to........ Do you always reply to those who otherwise fit the bill, even saying no? I doubt it...........

That having been said, it's a broad church and you can't expect replies from most mails..... regardless of how well thought out....... and people wonder why the get so many cut n paste messages..............

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always try and reply even if its a polite no thanks. But sometimes there is too many to reply to all. But I understand how u feel as on my joint profile with hubby we get a lot that get deleted without even looking at us but I just forget about it and move on each to there own. U can't be evryones cup of tea no matter how nice the message is. They be plenty of others that will reply to u just don't loose patience. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My original question was for the those instances where you take trouble to read etc but still get blanked lol

but again the question still is why do you feel you are owed a reply???

for example.. do you answer every single take away flyer that comes thru your letterbox... after all using your logic they spent the time doing up the flyers and the designs...

see this is where i don't get where people are hung up on a reply...

if they don't answer, its a no thanks...

if they say no thanks.. its a no thanks, there is no difference...

You say that, but one of the longest associations with a fem on this site came from me asking her for feedback from her negative reply...... We were meeting a few times a week for about 6 months so there are no hard and fast rules........

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By *am sampsonMan
over a year ago

cwmbran

Fabio the bit about junkmail is equivelent to copy and paste and yes it is easy to see why that is ignored and is designed to be part of a contract procedure - so is meaningless in the context of messages being sent on here.

That said everyone has the choice whether to reply to messages sent them to them.

and everyone has the right to decide for themselves whether someone is rude for not replying despite what admind say . We keep being told this site is just a tool for people to use as THEY see fit. Well let people get on with it - they will soon find out what works for them

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

My original question was for the those instances where you take trouble to read etc but still get blanked lol

but again the question still is why do you feel you are owed a reply???

for example.. do you answer every single take away flyer that comes thru your letterbox... after all using your logic they spent the time doing up the flyers and the designs...

see this is where i don't get where people are hung up on a reply...

if they don't answer, its a no thanks...

if they say no thanks.. its a no thanks, there is no difference...

You've proved a point...pushy! Just because one woman didn't have the courage of her convictions you probably now assume a no is a maybe and if you "pester" people will change their mind.

If I've misinterpreted what you've said I apologise.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

My original question was for the those instances where you take trouble to read etc but still get blanked lol

but again the question still is why do you feel you are owed a reply???

for example.. do you answer every single take away flyer that comes thru your letterbox... after all using your logic they spent the time doing up the flyers and the designs...

see this is where i don't get where people are hung up on a reply...

if they don't answer, its a no thanks...

if they say no thanks.. its a no thanks, there is no difference...

funny you should say that, i cant stand follow up emails if i havent replied. Yet the guy ive known longest on here i met from a follow up email. I reckon it depends on the day time and weather lol

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

"plus a "no thanks!" often starts a conversation the people didn't want to have in the first place... "Why not?" "what did i do wrong?" "do you not like (feel in the blank!) people?"... or often leads to abuse.... or trying to get people to change their minds....

I actually DO reply to every message from someone who meets my criteria. I usually even reply to someone who sends a decent message when they dont meet my criteria.

But the 'request for feedback' message is absolutely guaranteed to get a delete and no reply....unless Im in a bad mood and then they might actually get a bit more feedback than they anticipated.

Luckily Im not in a bad mood that often so its usually just a straight forward delete

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmm...advice is free too don't you know! As my good friend keeps telling me....

"I'll tell you this for nothing"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My original question was for the those instances where you take trouble to read etc but still get blanked lol

but again the question still is why do you feel you are owed a reply???

for example.. do you answer every single take away flyer that comes thru your letterbox... after all using your logic they spent the time doing up the flyers and the designs...

see this is where i don't get where people are hung up on a reply...

if they don't answer, its a no thanks...

if they say no thanks.. its a no thanks, there is no difference...

All of the above is why as soon as I send an intro message I delete it. There is no point in sitting there waiting to see if it has been read, deleted or used as a substitute to Andrex!

I don't blame any of the girls on here being ruthless about clearing their inboxes - but I DO despair at the guys who still don't get it that just cos they have 'read' a girls profile and think they 'understand it', that that entitles them to get a response - let alone a meet out of it!!!!!

Need to grow up and learn some patience! Oh and learn that although YOU may think you are Gods gift to the female species, their view of you may be 'diametrically opposed'..........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"is it just me or is it normal on here to not reply

Does that happen to you ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't reply to lots of people! Why should I? I don't owe anything to anyone!

If you want manners, perhaps you should start going to church!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we get loads of messages most are one liners ie.. in your area tonite ? or the classic you have great tits! should i reply to them i dont think so no one owes any body anything ,if u dont get a reply i suggest move on ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"we get loads of messages most are one liners ie.. in your area tonite ? or the classic you have great tits! should i reply to them i dont think so no one owes any body anything ,if u dont get a reply i suggest move on ...

Great tits

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lmao

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By *luespartanMan
over a year ago

crawley

But you do lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When your as sexy as me, you get used to delete no reply, lol. However, I do take time to read profiles & put some effort in when sending messages.

I do though prefer the message to be deleted rather than read with no reply but not deleted. Maybe, like one of the other comments, I should just delete once ive sent. But it says to me that when I have attached a pic & then they have looked at my profile a few times, there might be some interest?

I have waited a few weeks & then sent another message, just asking if they had thought about chatting further. Again, message read, profile checked out few times & not deleted. That's when I delete & move on.

Don't think there's a right or wrong way.

Whatever suits the person who's receiving the message & how many they're getting at the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most of the messages I actually send out do get replied to, but I put that down to checking compatability, enclosing body and face photos and most importantly making them creative, individual to the receiver and able to spark delightful visual imagery in their minds that leaves them in no doubt that replying will encourage a message that will continue in the same intriguing and erotically enticing manner....of course there are some that don't reply, but I consider that if I received a thousand messages a day I definately wouldn't read all of them never mind reply.

Fortunately being a single bloke I have it easy and between possibly 6 and 20 a day is fine for me and easy to stay on top of, so I usually reply to all

And its probably easier to simply reply to the messages you get as you already know that the sender finds you appealing in the first place, after all!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We used to reply to all messages (even those that didn't fit our criteria). But after sending out what we thought was a polite No thanks and you haven't read our profile, his reply was that he was sick and tired of reading war & peace to get a shag!!!! Needless to say he got blocked. Makes us feel now the best thing to do is delete the message and save being insulted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My original question was for the those instances where you take trouble to read etc but still get blanked lol

but again the question still is why do you feel you are owed a reply???

for example.. do you answer every single take away flyer that comes thru your letterbox... after all using your logic they spent the time doing up the flyers and the designs...

see this is where i don't get where people are hung up on a reply...

if they don't answer, its a no thanks...

if they say no thanks.. its a no thanks, there is no difference...

All of the above is why as soon as I send an intro message I delete it. There is no point in sitting there waiting to see if it has been read, deleted or used as a substitute to Andrex!

Need to grow up and learn some patience! Oh and learn that although YOU may think you are Gods gift to the female species, their view of you may be 'diametrically opposed'.......... "

Great attitude

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi Everyone who responded so far and i am glad my topic provoked some interest

The comments made are well balanced and the only thing i would as is that i was always taught to be polite ....now as for me being a new FS member i can see that its membership are single minded and i bare that in mind; however despite some of the less positive comments above; sorry dissapoint guy n gals; but this guy does not upset/angry/frustrated/fed up of being ignored - life to short lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't reply to lots of people! Why should I? I don't owe anything to anyone!

If you want manners, perhaps you should start going to church!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i try to reply to mail but seriously when you get 50+ messages a day it can be hard, makes me laugh when guys say...i always reply to all my mail, if i was only getting several a week so would i, makes me wonder if they would still reply to ALL their mail if they got as many as me, i doubt it, so i skim tho and reply to mail im interested in, or send a polite no thanks to guys that looked like they made a effort but not really for me, but any one liners, facny a fuck type mail i just skip past

Most of the time its not because peope are rude it just gets mind numbing when you go thro, 50, 60, 70+ messages saying...no thanks, no thanks, no thanks to men who most of the time just send mail saying hi or nice pics or you free later etc i have on occasion when i havent logged on for 2 or 3 days had over 200 messages waiting for me, seriously do men really expect me to sit and reply to every single one?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know how you feel, and I think everybody must at first try to send a polite reply if they're not interested or ust busy with other things.

But it does get very hard to reply to every single message, wink and friend request.

Don't takeit personally .. just have fun and keep on swimmin'

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge

will keep it short ...................these posts make me laugh

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

I've written this before, I'll probably write it again, concentrate on your inbox not the outbox, once you've sent the mail the recipient is in control of the outcome.. the inbox is the only one you have control over , control the controllable,

The other point I'd make is if you got a polite no thanks would that alter the outcome,... (I.e no meets.)... loads of mail but while you're reading that you're not sending a message that would get you the meet you're wanting...

I know what I want in my nbox...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm more worried about people's politeness sending messages, rather than them receiving mine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a rejection thing I think .... you just cant let it bother you ... we get loads of messages from guys and gals interested in my wife but virtually no one interested in me ..... no biggie move on thats life everyone has there preferences they sometimes dont want to tell you your not for them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My original question was for the those instances where you take trouble to read etc but still get blanked lol

but again the question still is why do you feel you are owed a reply???

for example.. do you answer every single take away flyer that comes thru your letterbox... after all using your logic they spent the time doing up the flyers and the designs...

see this is where i don't get where people are hung up on a reply...

if they don't answer, its a no thanks...

if they say no thanks.. its a no thanks, there is no difference...

All of the above is why as soon as I send an intro message I delete it. There is no point in sitting there waiting to see if it has been read, deleted or used as a substitute to Andrex!

Need to grow up and learn some patience! Oh and learn that although YOU may think you are Gods gift to the female species, their view of you may be 'diametrically opposed'..........

Great attitude

Why thank you

Lol!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I've written this before, I'll probably write it again, concentrate on your inbox not the outbox, once you've sent the mail the recipient is in control of the outcome.. the inbox is the only one you have control over , control the controllable,

I know what I want in my nbox...

Well said!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I see this as tickled your immagination cool...

moving it on then; how do YOU manage who you contacted so that you dont send another message ?

Oh and as for rejection; i never feel rejected if messages go unanswerd - lifes to short lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I see this as tickled your immagination cool...

moving it on then; how do YOU manage who you contacted so that you dont send another message ?

Oh and as for rejection; i never feel rejected if messages go unanswerd - lifes to short lol "

You don't feel rejected but (in your words) it winds you up...

To answer that question, either don't send out hundreds of messages or join as a site supporter and it shows on a profile if you've messaged them previously.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one ever replies to my messages either .. I feel alone and very left out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if its a nice msg but you dont fancy the person then yeh i`d reply

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I see this as tickled your immagination cool...

moving it on then; how do YOU manage who you contacted so that you dont send another message ?

Oh and as for rejection; i never feel rejected if messages go unanswerd - lifes to short lol "

I don't contact anyone, let them come to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as far as we are concerned it's the norm to be ignored

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had messages deleted/ignored by a few seperate women/couples that i have then gone on to meet and they explained that they cant respond to all etc. They were happy i contacted them again, as was i,and i now have some great friends because to this. I think timing and pinpointing suitors is key

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By *ornyTaraCouple
over a year ago

Dorset

I have no problem deleting and not replying, I think I didn't ask you to contact me, so you have no right to a reply

Like many peeps, I hate text speak and message's I can read without opening it

Surely us girls are worth a little effort, I have never sent a guy a message to say "nice cock fancy a f"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I answered every mail I would expect a wage for it. I do not have the time frankly. Maybe there should be a BGT XXX button on here. It sure would save men stop quiting about the non mail thing. Some of come on to go on Forums etc and do not come on to be answering mail on a daily basis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i state on my profile no bi-bi curious men, no one from 40 miles away, no friend invites or winks, the amount of men who fall into this area that contact me is unbeliveable, i dont reply to them........am i being unpolite????

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I see this as tickled your immagination cool...

moving it on then; how do YOU manage who you contacted so that you dont send another message ?

Oh and as for rejection; i never feel rejected if messages go unanswerd - lifes to short lol

Thanks for advice - not sent hundreds of messages; but understand where your coming from;

ps; now joined a "site supporter" although im not if this is just a ruse to gain money lol

You don't feel rejected but (in your words) it winds you up...

To answer that question, either don't send out hundreds of messages or join as a site supporter and it shows on a profile if you've messaged them previously."

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