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Cliques

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By *r and Mrs B xx OP   Couple
over a year ago

Chippenham

We're always hearing people describe swingers clubs as being "cliquey" I've always wondered what cliquey really means. I would be interested in your thoughts please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cliquey would mean that people stick together in groups that they already know and are quite unwelcoming. I've never been to one myself. I'm too scared haha.

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By *WillowxWoman
over a year ago

Oo err Devon

We heard the same, but when we went we could see what some may see as a cliquey group.. But it wasn't the case.. Just friends talking.. But they were welcoming ans happy to chat as we made the effort to chat to some of them. I Completely get going over to someone you know and having a chat.. I'd do the same in any club..

Once everyone has said hi we found that most people mingle a little More. X

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

We've been going to clubs for 3 years and have seen how cliquey they can be. This includes some of the "hosted" nights where in fact the "hosts" just sit in their group of friends all night and don't make an effort to talk to nervous newbies. But at a different club the hosts have spent time going round talking to people. Unfortunately in clubs as in life and workplaces there will always be cliquey people. They feel more secure in a group and more liked. Fortunately there are people in clubs who like talking to others than their friends. Club nights are great fun and every night is different. So we leave the cliques to themselves and have great nights

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By *r and Mrs B xx OP   Couple
over a year ago

Chippenham

So a clique is a group of people that don't mingle with others. So, let's say a group of friends are at a club together and don't want to interact with other couples and just stick to themselves they are being "cliquey" ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To an extent. But I think it applies more in situations like swingers clubs because nervous newbies and friendliness are expected.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

[Removed by poster at 19/04/20 19:49:33]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've been to a couple of clubs that we noticed were clique'y, with groups staying with those they know. Understandable I suppose, and not being particularly in demand at clubs we usually play on our own anyway lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We've been going to clubs for 3 years and have seen how cliquey they can be. This includes some of the "hosted" nights where in fact the "hosts" just sit in their group of friends all night and don't make an effort to talk to nervous newbies. But at a different club the hosts have spent time going round talking to people. Unfortunately in clubs as in life and workplaces there will always be cliquey people. They feel more secure in a group and more liked. Fortunately there are people in clubs who like talking to others than their friends. Club nights are great fun and every night is different. So we leave the cliques to themselves and have great nights "

This

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I'll try again.

It often appears as though people who are not very interesting feel that swingers are cliquey. They struggle to make a part in a group conversation. We've always found that swingers are generally really open and welcoming.

Cal

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By *r and Mrs B xx OP   Couple
over a year ago

Chippenham

We only meet at clubs which is our choice and works perfectly for us. When we point this out to guys that message wanting to chat with a view to a meet lots of guys say that they won't go because clubs are cliquey. We have never found this, there's always couples that don't want to mix and that is their choice, it seems that they are being put down and given a label for wanting to keep to their own group.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We only meet at clubs which is our choice and works perfectly for us. When we point this out to guys that message wanting to chat with a view to a meet lots of guys say that they won't go because clubs are cliquey. We have never found this, there's always couples that don't want to mix and that is their choice, it seems that they are being put down and given a label for wanting to keep to their own group.

"

Labels are given all the time without a hint of being a put down. A clique is not a derogative term in itself. As always, negativity or insult comes from intent of the user.

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

When regulars go to their local pub, they spend the majority of time catching up with friends and hanging around with them..

When regulars go to their local swinging club..

You get the point.

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By *r and Mrs B xx OP   Couple
over a year ago

Chippenham


"We only meet at clubs which is our choice and works perfectly for us. When we point this out to guys that message wanting to chat with a view to a meet lots of guys say that they won't go because clubs are cliquey. We have never found this, there's always couples that don't want to mix and that is their choice, it seems that they are being put down and given a label for wanting to keep to their own group.

Labels are given all the time without a hint of being a put down. A clique is not a derogative term in itself. As always, negativity or insult comes from intent of the user. "

The term is always used as an insult when referring to a club. "I'm not going there it's cliquey"

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

It’s funny how it’s mostly people that have never been to any clubs that describe them as cliquey

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By *r and Mrs B xx OP   Couple
over a year ago

Chippenham


"It’s funny how it’s mostly people that have never been to any clubs that describe them as cliquey "

Or people that go to a different club for the first time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We only meet at clubs which is our choice and works perfectly for us. When we point this out to guys that message wanting to chat with a view to a meet lots of guys say that they won't go because clubs are cliquey. We have never found this, there's always couples that don't want to mix and that is their choice, it seems that they are being put down and given a label for wanting to keep to their own group.

Labels are given all the time without a hint of being a put down. A clique is not a derogative term in itself. As always, negativity or insult comes from intent of the user.

The term is always used as an insult when referring to a club. "I'm not going there it's cliquey" "

'Always' is all emcompassing

Seems more of an observational comment to me, but again, it's in the intent of the individual.

"I'm not going there it's cliquey and as I'm not the best in meeting people in new environments, I dont feel confident enough to go"

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

This allegation of the clique thing really winds me up.

Let’s face it. Swinging and clubs is pretty niche. Anywhere you get people of like minds together they are always going to levitate to one another. Clubs are very social so if you see someone you’ve chatted to before you are going to sit with them and chat again.

Yes it will look like people are huddled in groups but that’s because THEY KNOW EACH OTHER.

I sometimes think the clique argument is thrown around by people who are not that socially confident.

There you go. Touch paper lit and hard hat on!

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield


"So a clique is a group of people that don't mingle with others. So, let's say a group of friends are at a club together and don't want to interact with other couples and just stick to themselves they are being "cliquey" ?"

No that’s called enjoying the company you are with!

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield


"We only meet at clubs which is our choice and works perfectly for us. When we point this out to guys that message wanting to chat with a view to a meet lots of guys say that they won't go because clubs are cliquey. We have never found this, there's always couples that don't want to mix and that is their choice, it seems that they are being put down and given a label for wanting to keep to their own group.

"

They say that because they don’t have the balls or social skills to put themselves out there!

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By *r and Mrs B xx OP   Couple
over a year ago

Chippenham


"We only meet at clubs which is our choice and works perfectly for us. When we point this out to guys that message wanting to chat with a view to a meet lots of guys say that they won't go because clubs are cliquey. We have never found this, there's always couples that don't want to mix and that is their choice, it seems that they are being put down and given a label for wanting to keep to their own group.

Labels are given all the time without a hint of being a put down. A clique is not a derogative term in itself. As always, negativity or insult comes from intent of the user.

The term is always used as an insult when referring to a club. "I'm not going there it's cliquey"

'Always' is all emcompassing

Seems more of an observational comment to me, but again, it's in the intent of the individual.

"I'm not going there it's cliquey and as I'm not the best in meeting people in new environments, I dont feel confident enough to go""

I can only go on my own personal conversations with guys, the one I had today was putting a club down, he'll go to A but not to B because it was too cliquey. That made me wonder what cliquey actually was as we have never experienced it, not only clubs but in life. If people don't want to talk to me or include me in their group that's their choice for what ever reason.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Why would it matter to the single guy how cliquey the club was if he was going with the intention of meeting you?

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By *r and Mrs B xx OP   Couple
over a year ago

Chippenham


"Why would it matter to the single guy how cliquey the club was if he was going with the intention of meeting you? "

It was general discussion about clubs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why would it matter to the single guy how cliquey the club was if he was going with the intention of meeting you?

It was general discussion about clubs."

When we went to clubs generally it was with other friends so i guess we could have been described as a clique however we would speak to anyone and in turn that circle of friends increased. Just because a "clique" doesnt speak to you first doesn't make them a "clique". Its real world rules. Do people in a pub come over and talk to you? Do people in Sainsburys?

I am not underplaying the difficulty in breaking the ice but it isn't just a swinger club thing.

I don't think there are more or less cliques than exist in any setting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our first visit was not great. Didn't know anyone and were both nervous.

The second time we found it a lot easier chatting to some couples on here first, guys that had put meets up for that night. Met some great couples and had a great time.

Definitely be going back and trying other clubs.

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By *r and Mrs B xx OP   Couple
over a year ago

Chippenham


"Why would it matter to the single guy how cliquey the club was if he was going with the intention of meeting you?

It was general discussion about clubs.

When we went to clubs generally it was with other friends so i guess we could have been described as a clique however we would speak to anyone and in turn that circle of friends increased. Just because a "clique" doesnt speak to you first doesn't make them a "clique". Its real world rules. Do people in a pub come over and talk to you? Do people in Sainsburys?

I am not underplaying the difficulty in breaking the ice but it isn't just a swinger club thing.

I don't think there are more or less cliques than exist in any setting."

Exactly this.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"We only meet at clubs which is our choice and works perfectly for us. When we point this out to guys that message wanting to chat with a view to a meet lots of guys say that they won't go because clubs are cliquey. We have never found this, there's always couples that don't want to mix and that is their choice, it seems that they are being put down and given a label for wanting to keep to their own group.

Labels are given all the time without a hint of being a put down. A clique is not a derogative term in itself. As always, negativity or insult comes from intent of the user.

The term is always used as an insult when referring to a club. "I'm not going there it's cliquey"

'Always' is all emcompassing

Seems more of an observational comment to me, but again, it's in the intent of the individual.

"I'm not going there it's cliquey and as I'm not the best in meeting people in new environments, I dont feel confident enough to go"

I can only go on my own personal conversations with guys, the one I had today was putting a club down, he'll go to A but not to B because it was too cliquey. That made me wonder what cliquey actually was as we have never experienced it, not only clubs but in life. If people don't want to talk to me or include me in their group that's their choice for what ever reason. "

It’s very different being a single guy in any club though. If the guy you were chatting to could return to the club he described as cliquey, but take a female with him, I’m sure he would gain a different impression of said club

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

We've found, in general, the smoking area is the best place to talk to new people. Instant icebreaker.

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