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Being messaged or winked by people even though I don't fit their preferences

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Does anyone else get messages/winks from people even though you don't fit their age, height, or even gender preferences?

This has happened a few times, and I'm not sure if they're just bored or they're genuinely interested

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

Yep.

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By *inecrestMan
over a year ago

West Yorks

You can filter messages. Go to My Account, then click Message Filters.

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By *wink loverMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

I get plenty messages from "straight" lads.

Also get messages saying "its a shame I'm not younger and slimmer..." as if I'm going to say "nah it's alright grandad, let's fuck"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You can filter messages. Go to My Account, then click Message Filters."

I don't mean my preferences, I mean theirs.

For example, someone seeking men aged 35-50 messaging me.

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

If you filter out messages from these groups then they can't wink or message you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The amount of messages i receive from the male partner of a couple who state straight in their profile is a lot. At least 4 a day.

Why message me when im bi

Ive had several from people who state definitely no bi curious or bi sexual..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yes, loads we quite often chat with people who we aren't sexually compatible with or we're way older than what they're looking for after they message us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep, every now and then... Not as often as I get them from people who don't fit mine tho

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By *all_Toned_89Couple
over a year ago

Warwickshire


"Yep, every now and then... Not as often as I get them from people who don't fit mine tho "

Haha Spot on! You can always try to entice them to change their mind

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Some people just share their love. I fab pics of people I'd never have interest in, knowing it's similar in reverse, for example.

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By *eneral HysteriaMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

All the time.

Twunts.

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby


"Yep, every now and then... Not as often as I get them from people who don't fit mine tho

Haha Spot on! You can always try to entice them to change their mind "

So how does this trying to entice them to change their minds work and has anyone ever changed yours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I get them all the time.

“No blacks”

“Not large”

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By *mberWoman
over a year ago

Preston

I got a message from a guy last week and it started with. "I know I'm just outside your age range but...." and it was such a lovely message that I replied.

So I guess there's is some flexibility. Maybe the fact that they're winking and messaging you means they're willing to forget the filter because they like you.

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By *olinservingMan
over a year ago

wallasey


"Some people just share their love. I fab pics of people I'd never have interest in, knowing it's similar in reverse, for example. "

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By *all_Toned_89Couple
over a year ago

Warwickshire


"So how does this trying to entice them to change their minds work and has anyone ever changed yours "

We managed to change a few ladies mind.. And out changed once.

But never changing our rules

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I opened all my filters the other day ... Out of curiousity... It seems I can't get a view from ladies for love or money .. but the TVs and Gay Men ..seem to like me lol

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By *untop7Man
over a year ago

Eaton

I suppose they try to see if they can entice you. You'd be surprised how many guys say straight and not meeting lads but when the wink or email goes and reply recieved, they are interested.. So I suspect if they don't try they don't get...

You say you're str8.. are you?

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By *untop7Man
over a year ago

Eaton

I agree with you.. the same here..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All the time, in fact the only fabs I've ever had are from other men and winks from couples. I suppose it's best to just take it as a compliment even if it's a 'no' from you. Each to their own & all that!

There ought to be a 'block gender' from viewing profiles or fabbing pics though, it would save a lot of the harassment that a lot of women get on here, which in turn makes all men look like obsessive stalkers to them

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By *ightowlingWoman
over a year ago

Near Taunton


"Does anyone else get messages/winks from people even though you don't fit their age, height, or even gender preferences?

This has happened a few times, and I'm not sure if they're just bored or they're genuinely interested "

Could be anything, but I've occasionally done this if someone's profiles interests me even though they are outside my usual 'criteria' eg. age, so it means I'm interested in making an exception

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By *6bikerMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Just be thankful that you get messages! Most men (me included) have to send hundreds just to get a single reply. And most of my fabs are from other men. I would love to be a woman on here, waking up to hundreds of messages every day without ever having to send the first message.

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By *arkBlueBWoman
over a year ago

Central Bath


"Just be thankful that you get messages! Most men (me included) have to send hundreds just to get a single reply. And most of my fabs are from other men. I would love to be a woman on here, waking up to hundreds of messages every day without ever having to send the first message. "

Careful what you wish for!! Being a woman here is not always that fun. My first weeks here felt strangely similar to my job: spending hours reading and replying to inane messages (without a single picture in my profile). Same with the meets: when you’re a kid who’s never been to a candy shop, you’re bound to have too many, including of those you don’t have an appetite for, you get sick and it stops being fun! It took some time to find the right pace, re-evaluate how to make the most of Fab so that it’s still fun and not a chore.

People jump in but can’t, or won’t, read!! Look at the first replies to your post! At best, if you are the right gender (if they even care) they may go as far as the profile title. Most can’t be bothered to read your profile and what YOU are looking for, but it doesn’t even occur to them to check that you are what they are looking for. Quite a few times I’ve been approached by men and started chatting only for them to find out that they’re not the only man I intend to meet that week and don’t want to be “one in a long list...”, which is a bitchy way to say they’re annoyed that I meet more than they do. One glance at my profile and number of notifications would have spared them the trouble and the waste of my time.

When it’s obvious I don’t match, I simply point it to them and ask if they’re sure I am what they’re looking for: interesting to know why if they do.

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By *6bikerMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Yeah I understand that and I can see it must be like your Hotmail junk box sometimes, but that's why I always send an initial message that is relevant, well written and includes a picture. 99 per cent don't even reply and in the years I've been on and off here I've never once had a message from a woman without sending one first. It can be soul destroying sometimes!

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By *arkBlueBWoman
over a year ago

Central Bath


"Yeah I understand that and I can see it must be like your Hotmail junk box sometimes, but that's why I always send an initial message that is relevant, well written and includes a picture. 99 per cent don't even reply and in the years I've been on and off here I've never once had a message from a woman without sending one first. It can be soul destroying sometimes! "

Really?? I do try to reply even to say thanks for the message no thank you but some days the volume is truly overwhelming! Also you’re right there is a lot of junk: any message from someone who has clearly not read or even opened my profile (complimenting me on my pictures when I don’t have any at all!) is deleted without a reply.

Thinking about it, I can’t rem_mber the last time I sent the first email: I think the only time I have was while looking for MM couples, something extremely specific. Otherwise I just don’t have the time to browse, only to filter those that I receive. I’m not being funny about making the 1st step: Fab can just be awfully time consuming. I’m sorry to say that I’ve even had to focus my profile on very specific fantasies and now quickly sift through the messages from single straight M to go directly to the bi guys. I just couldn’t take the pressure from the ‘regular’ (straight single) men anymore; messaging, and wanting to meet, and being funny because they had to wait 2 weeks before my next availability.

I think Fab can be soul-destroying in more than one way. These are superficial relationships; regardless of the genders, we judge and being judged mostly on first impressions and through objectification. But it’s only soul-destroying if we let it be this way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yeah I understand that and I can see it must be like your Hotmail junk box sometimes, but that's why I always send an initial message that is relevant, well written and includes a picture. 99 per cent don't even reply and in the years I've been on and off here I've never once had a message from a woman without sending one first. It can be soul destroying sometimes!

Really?? I do try to reply even to say thanks for the message no thank you but some days the volume is truly overwhelming! Also you’re right there is a lot of junk: any message from someone who has clearly not read or even opened my profile (complimenting me on my pictures when I don’t have any at all!) is deleted without a reply.

Thinking about it, I can’t rem_mber the last time I sent the first email: I think the only time I have was while looking for MM couples, something extremely specific. Otherwise I just don’t have the time to browse, only to filter those that I receive. I’m not being funny about making the 1st step: Fab can just be awfully time consuming. I’m sorry to say that I’ve even had to focus my profile on very specific fantasies and now quickly sift through the messages from single straight M to go directly to the bi guys. I just couldn’t take the pressure from the ‘regular’ (straight single) men anymore; messaging, and wanting to meet, and being funny because they had to wait 2 weeks before my next availability.

I think Fab can be soul-destroying in more than one way. These are superficial relationships; regardless of the genders, we judge and being judged mostly on first impressions and through objectification. But it’s only soul-destroying if we let it be this way."

What's more soul destroying is someone no longer replying to your mails mid conversation. But I digress, that's for another topic

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough


"I got a message from a guy last week and it started with. "I know I'm just outside your age range but...." and it was such a lovely message that I replied.

So I guess there's is some flexibility. Maybe the fact that they're winking and messaging you means they're willing to forget the filter because they like you."

That's a nice thing to do. Sometimes just a few nice flirty chats can do a lot to boost someone's mood and confidence.

Who changes their age filters after they've had a birthday? I know I haven't.

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By *4NTHER20Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

[Removed by poster at 25/03/20 21:35:02]

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By *ornytoad1362Couple
over a year ago

St. Austell

yes we get them all the time we think that some people just don't read yr profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll sometimes post a message to someone who is miles away who catches my eye. I know ill never meet them but its nice to give compliments to people

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

I've known this to occur over the years, as well as nowadays.

Usually, having read their profiles and realising they're not compatible, I'd usually send a good mannered response, thanking them for viewing me.

But on odd occasions, they'd return to me via a message, as in general, they didn't publicise they WERE interested in single guys - it was easier that way for them. I'd usually end up meeting them!

They were however, the exception to the rule.

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By *arkBlueBWoman
over a year ago

Central Bath


"

What's more soul destroying is someone no longer replying to your mails mid conversation. But I digress, that's for another topic "

Oh I’ve got one better: you chat with someone for weeks (9, to be exact), almost on a daily basis, made plans to meet over a weekend: they contact you 2 days before to say “I have man flu, it wouldn’t be reasonable...”. Then one week later they publish a verification from someone who say they met on the day you were supposed to meet!

I can still hear the crunching sound (that’s my heart being flash-frozen to the core then annihilated) followed by the wailing of my soul!

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By *oppolocosTV/TS
over a year ago

inverurie

Often.

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By *ungmagic10Man
over a year ago

Northampton

I never understood that, and I don't let it slide either lol I mention it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes quite a lot tbh but it's ok, who knows it might just be something in the profile that tickles their fancy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeh I've had that, winks and even short messages and friend requests from couples who's stated criteria I wouldn't fit in a month of Sundays.

Strange

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