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"discreet" aka WTF does that sodding word ACTUALLY MEAN?!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

1. WHY are so many obsessed wiyh dropping that word randomly into their profiles and messages to me (almost always men, in my experience)?

2. Is there a bog standard definition of the word "discreet" in the contexts of sex and/or swinging and/or kink and/or BDSM or is it just something thay everyone interprets slightly differently?

For me personally, that word is such a turn-off simply because it makes no sense to me in these contexts.

It's one thing for menstrual hygeine products to be discreet or products for embarrassing health issues to be packaged discreetly or for the bar staff to help a woman escape a dodgy dste discreetly (and safely!), but quite another when you see so many using it just randomly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For a lot it means I need to be discreet because I'm a cheat.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

We all have our own take on many word. This can be a euphemism or is an acknowledgement that they offer to not compromise your life outside of swinging.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We all have our own take on many word. This can be a euphemism or is an acknowledgement that they offer to not compromise your life outside of swinging. "

But a euphemism for what?! That's so stupid!

If it's the latter, sure. Grand.

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By *eneral HysteriaMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

Agreed:


"...an acknowledgement that they offer to not compromise your life outside of swinging. "

They'll be confidential about meeting or interacting with you.

I wouldn't get too hot under the collar about it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'll stop "getting hot under the collar" when people actually explain what they mean by THAT WORD

Unless that now means I have to ask them what they actually mean by THAT WORD

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

It's the term used to describe that they would be cautious about swinging or being a sexually liberated individual. It's like going to a coffee social and someone they knew happened to be there they would simply introduce you as an acquaintance or a friend even if the person who happened to be there knew they swing.

It could mean that they are happy to have hotel meets only so neighbours and such don't know you meet them.

It could be that a person could be having affairs and cheating.

So it's having discretion and being discrete so not to have the whole world knowing what you do in your private time. Many on fab have this as a secret life and would be horrified if persons outside of fab knew.

So when people say they are discrete it's just saying you can trust them not to out you or talk about you. Which falls into the category of trust. Do you trust the person enough not to say anything or do anything with your private life which includes pictures and things that you've done sexually with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Discreet sometimes means they are attached/married I’ve found in experience

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It's the term used to describe that they would be cautious about swinging or being a sexually liberated individual. It's like going to a coffee social and someone they knew happened to be there they would simply introduce you as an acquaintance or a friend even if the person who happened to be there knew they swing.

It could mean that they are happy to have hotel meets only so neighbours and such don't know you meet them.

It could be that a person could be having affairs and cheating.

So it's having discretion and being discrete so not to have the whole world knowing what you do in your private time. Many on fab have this as a secret life and would be horrified if persons outside of fab knew.

So when people say they are discrete it's just saying you can trust them not to out you or talk about you. Which falls into the category of trust. Do you trust the person enough not to say anything or do anything with your private life which includes pictures and things that you've done sexually with them."

That's really detailed! Can I ask whether your last sentence is a question?

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem


"It's the term used to describe that they would be cautious about swinging or being a sexually liberated individual. It's like going to a coffee social and someone they knew happened to be there they would simply introduce you as an acquaintance or a friend even if the person who happened to be there knew they swing.

It could mean that they are happy to have hotel meets only so neighbours and such don't know you meet them.

It could be that a person could be having affairs and cheating.

So it's having discretion and being discrete so not to have the whole world knowing what you do in your private time. Many on fab have this as a secret life and would be horrified if persons outside of fab knew.

So when people say they are discrete it's just saying you can trust them not to out you or talk about you. Which falls into the category of trust. Do you trust the person enough not to say anything or do anything with your private life which includes pictures and things that you've done sexually with them.

That's really detailed! Can I ask whether your last sentence is a question? "

It's not a question for me to be given an answer, it's a question for yourself based on where you trust a person to be discrete or not. When someone says they are discrete ask yourself do you trust them enough to be discrete.

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By *hunkyChickWoman
over a year ago

wolverhampton


"For a lot it means I need to be discreet because I'm a cheat. "

This!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It's the term used to describe that they would be cautious about swinging or being a sexually liberated individual. It's like going to a coffee social and someone they knew happened to be there they would simply introduce you as an acquaintance or a friend even if the person who happened to be there knew they swing.

It could mean that they are happy to have hotel meets only so neighbours and such don't know you meet them.

It could be that a person could be having affairs and cheating.

So it's having discretion and being discrete so not to have the whole world knowing what you do in your private time. Many on fab have this as a secret life and would be horrified if persons outside of fab knew.

So when people say they are discrete it's just saying you can trust them not to out you or talk about you. Which falls into the category of trust. Do you trust the person enough not to say anything or do anything with your private life which includes pictures and things that you've done sexually with them.

That's really detailed! Can I ask whether your last sentence is a question?

It's not a question for me to be given an answer, it's a question for yourself based on where you trust a person to be discrete or not. When someone says they are discrete ask yourself do you trust them enough to be discrete."

Now I follow! And my answer will ALWAYS be no, and my trust will automatically weaken if they say they are

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem


"It's the term used to describe that they would be cautious about swinging or being a sexually liberated individual. It's like going to a coffee social and someone they knew happened to be there they would simply introduce you as an acquaintance or a friend even if the person who happened to be there knew they swing.

It could mean that they are happy to have hotel meets only so neighbours and such don't know you meet them.

It could be that a person could be having affairs and cheating.

So it's having discretion and being discrete so not to have the whole world knowing what you do in your private time. Many on fab have this as a secret life and would be horrified if persons outside of fab knew.

So when people say they are discrete it's just saying you can trust them not to out you or talk about you. Which falls into the category of trust. Do you trust the person enough not to say anything or do anything with your private life which includes pictures and things that you've done sexually with them.

That's really detailed! Can I ask whether your last sentence is a question?

It's not a question for me to be given an answer, it's a question for yourself based on where you trust a person to be discrete or not. When someone says they are discrete ask yourself do you trust them enough to be discrete.

Now I follow! And my answer will ALWAYS be no, and my trust will automatically weaken if they say they are"

I agree discretion should be a given until told otherwise.

Everyone needs some discretion and a lot need complete discretion. Saying so does make it seems less believable just like someone telling you they are a good person insisting on it in my experience they are are most certainly not. A good person shows you that they are good they don't tell you. Actions speak louder than words. I think that more needs to say rather than they can be discrete but that they want discretion.

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

The word discreet is usually paired with 'can't accommodate' and usually means they're cheating on their partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It means you don't talk to your pals about people you fucked or been fucked off, you know what said in fab stays in fab x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can mean several things but generally doesnt want to plaster face pics over the internet!

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By *rsTrellisWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

Discreet means done subtly or privately.

Discrete means separately - “I have two discrete jobs”.

They’re different words although they’re often used interchangeably, incorrectly.

I think discreet means they have a need for privacy or secrecy, perhaps due to their job or home situation.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

I take it to mean that they won't tell all and sundry about fab or that they need discretion because they are attached. If they are not willing to meet me in a public place first, alarm bells start ringing as to why and I won't meet them at all.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I am put off by profiles which say discreet.

I arrange meets in my local pub. I am not ashamed of being seen chatting with a man.

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By *mcouple2Couple
over a year ago

Warrington

Discreet = cheat. Dont hide it be open

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By *riskySandDCouple
over a year ago

DONCASTER

There seems to be two types of discretion here.

Those who need to be discreet because they're obviously cheating and those offering to be discreet by assuring you they won't grass you up as a swinger.

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By *rrowxxxMan
over a year ago

Hitchin

Discrete is holding a note pad over one’s face in a profile picture, for example.

It’s indicating a degree of privacy.

I would suggest everyone on Fab, should exercise a degree of discretion. Certainly they have no right to “expose” other people’s involvement.

However not sure why the words inclusion in a profile should be a problem.

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By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch


"Discreet means done subtly or privately.

Discrete means separately - “I have two discrete jobs”.

They’re different words although they’re often used interchangeably, incorrectly.

I think discreet means they have a need for privacy or secrecy, perhaps due to their job or home situation. "

You forgot "Discreat", which someone messaged me recently.

Indiscreet things I have seen.

At a munch (kinky social) in a wetherspoons, a lady in a eye-catching outfit walked in and loudly said "Hello , Worcester perverts"

Waiting for a couple to arrive at mine, someone else drove up and asked from the car window, "this the place for the sex party" (the couple had invited another person without my knowledge, great night)

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By *ildatheart6969Couple
over a year ago

Cheltenham

They should ban words

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s not rocket science

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Means I have a wife/partner usually.

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By *ungBlackTopMan
over a year ago

salford


"For a lot it means I need to be discreet because I'm a cheat. "

As she said.

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By *heIcebreakersCouple
over a year ago

Cramlington


"I'll stop "getting hot under the collar" when people actually explain what they mean by THAT WORD

Unless that now means I have to ask them what they actually mean by THAT WORD"
Actually, asking them is probably the best way. It's a word that, as someone said, covers everything from 'playing away from home' to 'please don't do a tatchell and out me' or 'please don't bring our sex lives into the professional or social arena.'

Language is malleable, and contextual. So ask, and see if in the process you get sense of who the other person is.

Underneath it all though you've hit on a truth - lot's of what's in people's profiles, like the bizarre Sydney University stuff or references to the UCC is just what people think should be there, not anything that actually means anything.

Mr Icebreaker

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By *isces WomanWoman
over a year ago

West London

Discreet = married. Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It means don’t turn up at my door in a pvc body suit with a strap on!

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By *iscreetfuncpl12Couple
over a year ago

Somerset

Sorry, we must be sending you close to boiling point as we use that terrible word in our profile! It’s just a word, like so many others, that can have different nuanced meanings depending on context and user intention. For us it means we don’t want our friends, colleagues and neighbours knowing what we do and will respect others’ similar requirements. For example if we met socially, and bumped into other non swinging friends, I would expect them to come up with a good lie as to how we met! Trying to come up with a user name that was not taken when we joined FAB was also a very long and difficult process, so as soon as we hit on one it accepted we went with it.

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By *ilverminxWoman
over a year ago

edinburgh


"Discreet = married. Lol"

Yep!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll stop "getting hot under the collar" when people actually explain what they mean by THAT WORD

Unless that now means I have to ask them what they actually mean by THAT WORD"

Why are you so angry and aggressive ?

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By *uckymooMan
over a year ago

Mid-Cheshire

Simple

I dont want people to know im on a sex swinging site, i also do not asked to be verified for same reasons.

People have jobs, families and are in public eyes.

Not that hard really is it

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

[Removed by poster at 23/03/20 08:33:04]

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

For many it’s cultural or social , when you know or are connected to very large numbers people it’s important to be discreet. Also with some types of work.

For your understanding It often means things like - not parking directly outside the house or in the drive , not sharing face pics , not meeting in bars restaurants etc, not meeting in the home town.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sorry, we must be sending you close to boiling point as we use that terrible word in our profile! It’s just a word, like so many others, that can have different nuanced meanings depending on context and user intention. For us it means we don’t want our friends, colleagues and neighbours knowing what we do and will respect others’ similar requirements. For example if we met socially, and bumped into other non swinging friends, I would expect them to come up with a good lie as to how we met! Trying to come up with a user name that was not taken when we joined FAB was also a very long and difficult process, so as soon as we hit on one it accepted we went with it."

Hee! Now, you actually explained your reasoning so all is forgiven!

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

local, but not too local

For me it means I have nosy neighbours and they can mind their own business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'll stop "getting hot under the collar" when people actually explain what they mean by THAT WORD

Unless that now means I have to ask them what they actually mean by THAT WORD

Why are you so angry and aggressive ? "

Hahaha.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It means don’t turn up at my door in a pvc body suit with a strap on!

"

Is it okay once they're indoors?

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

Discretion for me is not making it obvious that we are meeting in a social environment like a pub initially and I don’t scream at the top of my voice so have been a swinger long? How many blokes have you fucked off the site? That kind of thing or if we happened to bump into each other in any other part of life I wouldn’t say oh hi - and introduce you to my friends as the lady i met on a swinging site It’s common sense to most people but some seem to gave no filter at all.

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By *izzy69Man
over a year ago

London


"We all have our own take on many word. This can be a euphemism or is an acknowledgement that they offer to not compromise your life outside of swinging.

But a euphemism for what?! That's so stupid!

If it's the latter, sure. Grand. "

It's the latter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To me it means:

No pictures and videos

What we do is between me & you

I dont to meet your family and friends

Not publicly display the we know each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/03/20 15:15:02]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If some swingers met in a compromising situation and wanted to talk, they would.

Be willing to discuss but would want to do so in a discreet manner.(covert)

Because they consider swinging to be a discrete part of their lives. (Separate)

Does that help?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If some swingers met in a compromising situation and wanted to talk, they would.

Be willing to discuss but would want to do so in a discreet manner.(covert)

Because they consider swinging to be a discrete part of their lives. (Separate)

Does that help?

"

No that is even more confusing.

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By *ncutgemMan
over a year ago

Bath ish

Some even struggle with the word Thick

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By *iscreetfuncpl12Couple
over a year ago

Somerset


"Sorry, we must be sending you close to boiling point as we use that terrible word in our profile! It’s just a word, like so many others, that can have different nuanced meanings depending on context and user intention. For us it means we don’t want our friends, colleagues and neighbours knowing what we do and will respect others’ similar requirements. For example if we met socially, and bumped into other non swinging friends, I would expect them to come up with a good lie as to how we met! Trying to come up with a user name that was not taken when we joined FAB was also a very long and difficult process, so as soon as we hit on one it accepted we went with it.

Hee! Now, you actually explained your reasoning so all is forgiven! "

Phew! Dialogue is what the world needs more of.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"1. WHY are so many obsessed wiyh dropping that word randomly into their profiles and messages to me (almost always men, in my experience)?

2. Is there a bog standard definition of the word "discreet" in the contexts of sex and/or swinging and/or kink and/or BDSM or is it just something thay everyone interprets slightly differently?

For me personally, that word is such a turn-off simply because it makes no sense to me in these contexts.

It's one thing for menstrual hygeine products to be discreet or products for embarrassing health issues to be packaged discreetly or for the bar staff to help a woman escape a dodgy dste discreetly (and safely!), but quite another when you see so many using it just randomly. "
its just letters than when linked together indicate thoughts and deeds, chill, deep breaths life goes on

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