FabSwingers.com forum: Turning someone down...gently! Help!!!

By *urve Ball OP Woman
over a year ago

North London

Apologies if this topic has already been discussed on another thread (please could you point me to it?) but I need to ask for advice on how to turn someone/people down in a gentle way.

Being a large woman, I know how awful it is to be made to feel undesirable. It doesn't bother me anymore, however, occasionally, even *I* have to turn some people down simply because they're not my type.

I'd be grateful for any advice on how to do that:

1. Without making them feel rejected

2. And reducing the risk of a comeback like "how dare you turn me down/delete my message? You should be grateful I even messaged you in the first place, given how fat you are!".

Thank you

P.S.1 I'm not looking for "sympathy". Therefore, *please*, only replies with advice on the thread question as opposed to kind efforts to "reassure" me re looks. I'm sure there are lots of kind souls out there and I'm already grateful to you all

P.S.2 Stay safe and, more importantly, calm everyone

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

there is no way to turn someone down without actually turning them down.

A polite, unambiguous message saying something like "thank you for your message but its a polite no thank you from me" should be fine. If you get abuse just report the message and block the profile if they ask you why don't engage or enter into further conversation

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By *abasaurus RexMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

Can only speak as a guy but personally I’ve always been fine with someone just saying something like “you look lovely, but you’re not what I’m looking for”.

Or “Sorry but I don’t think we’re a good match”.

If they can’t handle that and act like a bell end then they’re a giant man child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've private messaged you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's someone who messages, I just keep it simple and polite. I tend to say "I'm super flattered. You're not quite my type though. Happy Fabbing xx"

In person, I'm just as honest but still polite and chatty.

If people choose to take polite rejection personally, that's their issue.

Unfortunately not everyone will react well (especially online). And that's absolutely not down to you to worry about. If someone responds with a nasty message, report and block xx

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By *ndy64hMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

I think it's safe to say that most people on here or other sites have been turned down. A simple "sorry you're not what I'm looking for" or " you're not my type", should suffice. If they mind, and get bitchy about it, then it just confirms that you were right to reject them.

You can always put something on your profile, saying "please don't take offence if I'm not interested in you, because I won't if you're not interested in me, life is to short as it is". I doubt many people lose that much sleep over it.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Something like, I just don't feel we have that vibe" works best for me as I feel it's it's about us both together not being right for each other and therefore less potentionally upsetting

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By *ornytoad1362Couple
over a year ago

St. Austell

just have to say "sorry not my type " or not what i'm looking for anything like that most people would appreciate a "thanks but no thanks " hope this helps

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By *eneral HysteriaMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

Thank you kindly for your reply but you're not my type.

I bid you farewell and wish you every success in your search.

Adieu

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just say

“I’m afraid you’re not my type

Enjoy fabs

”

Then I block and delete messages

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem

"Apologies if this topic has already been discussed on another thread (please could you point me to it?) but I need to ask for advice on how to turn someone/people down in a gentle way.

I'd be grateful for any advice on how to do that:

1. Without making them feel rejected

2. And reducing the risk of a comeback like "how dare you turn me down/delete my message? You should be grateful I even messaged you in the first place, given how fat you are!".

Thank you

P.S.2 Stay safe and, more importantly, calm everyone

Turning anyone down no matter how gently the person will feel rejected. It's up to them how they deal with it.

Don't feel guilty if they take rejection badly it's not your fault you aren't obligated to do anything with anyone.

Be honest is best you can be. Trying to let them down gently over time isn't advised. If they can't appreciate honesty then nothing you can do to change how they feel being rejected.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"thanks for your message, not for me, but good luck on your adventures"

Possibly 2% ask for feedback as to why, and then I send "very simply I just don't fancy you, take care"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Theres no way to do that...well ive message a few women here and provide my face picture all i got was the block button but im ok with it and respect everyone's decision but some status here say men are really rude when dont have a reply with a simple no.

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By *urve Ball OP Woman
over a year ago

North London

" (...) If they mind, and get bitchy about it, then it just confirms that you were right to reject them. (...) "

Precisely - and this is exactly what I tell myself if and when that happens.

" (...) You can always put something on your profile, saying "please don't take offence if I'm not interested in you, because I won't if you're not interested in me, life is to short as it is". I doubt many people lose that much sleep over it."

I actually have something very similar to that right at the end of my profile but, because my profile text is (almost literally) 3 miles long, very few ever see that part. Maybe I need to move it up a bit

-------

@All: Thank you for your responses both on this thread *and* privately.

Good advice all around and very helpful points made.

I appreciate it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No worries happy fabbs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Right now just say you're not meeting anyone because of the cvirus for the foreseeable future lol

I've been on here for years and never once had upset when letting anyone down but also never said any of the above!

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By *ed just RedWoman
over a year ago

Dublin City

Thank you but I don’t feel a connection here. Best of luck x

Also best to block and delete messages then as I’ve had guys come back and say “why” and “can’t you take it” even one guy lost his shit and said “no means yes”. Hah, good luck with that one asshole.

Sorry you’ve had people being rude, its not necessary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Something like, I just don't feel we have that vibe" works best for me as I feel it's it's about us both together not being right for each other and therefore less potentionally upsetting"

Ooh I like that one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most folk just block

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi, cut em loose with a canon . Gotta be mean to keep them keen . Delete, block, move on

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By *ricksydemonMan
over a year ago

llandudno

Thanks for stopping by, however if you read my profile you're not what I'm looking for but I wish you all the best and happy fabbing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just don’t reply. No reply means no thanks. If you really have to say ‘sorry you look so much like my dad I can’t see past it. ‘

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just point them towards this thread

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

If they've put some effort into the message I say "Nice but not for me".

No further convo entered into.

Works for me

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"Apologies if this topic has already been discussed on another thread (please could you point me to it?) but I need to ask for advice on how to turn someone/people down in a gentle way.

I'd be grateful for any advice on how to do that:

1. Without making them feel rejected

2. And reducing the risk of a comeback like "how dare you turn me down/delete my message? You should be grateful I even messaged you in the first place, given how fat you are!".

Thank you

P.S.2 Stay safe and, more importantly, calm everyone

Don't reply and block

You've got to remember the message to you was unsolicited so you've no obligation to reply.

Buy a raffle ticket and they only notify the winners

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By *lex46TV/TS
over a year ago

Near Wells

Don't reply and block if they persist.

Reply and block instantly

Or in a nice way but I always found by doing that you just get more hassle.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

How do you want the answer?

Gentle or honest, the answer is the same.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Just tell the truth! It’s always the best way.

Or just say no thanks if you’re worried - anything else is a bit pointless unless it’s something like , “really enjoyed the social and hanging out, it was fun, would happily to do it again and could see us being friends but no intention of playing with you as I don't fancy you ! “ had a couple of those, it’s fine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Block them and forget it

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By *os19Man
over a year ago

Edmonton

If you don’t reply and they go to send you another message you get a reminder / warning message telling you you have messaged that person before and not received a reply.As outrageous as it sounds I prefer that as that tells me they are not interested in me and I should respect their decision and move on.

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By *ympho6969Woman
over a year ago

glasgow

Being on the larger side I used to worry about getting called names. Funnily enough I havent experienced it. Those who talk to me like the curves as I dont hide my size. I might not be everyones cup of tea, but not everyone is mine either.

I find a "sorry but not for me" or a simple "thanks but no" go a long way. There are a few exceptions to that right enough but they are few and far between

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Give thanks for the contact and then your clear message - always make it absolute - that you aren't going to be pursuing things with them.

It can in effect leave you,the rejecter, holding the responsibility, without stating that it's anything about them.

Then just block, as it prevents any further discussions or requests for explannations, or even second chances, becoming and meeting as friends only.

It's a slightly enlarged 'thanks but no thanks'.

Abuse sometimes happens after rejection here. Blocking prevents you getting it and gives the other party a totally clear message, so that they can put their attention elsewhere.

I don't elaborate on how someone didn't quite hit the spot, as it could cause unnecessary hurt. We're both good enough just not matched.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could go the other way and tell them that your inbox is full

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

I don’t respond to messages from people I’m not interested in. I’ve tried replying in the past but it doesn’t work out as often you get the message ping pong about why. It’s a waste of time.

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By *he James gangCouple
over a year ago

NEWTOWNABBEY

[Removed by poster at 18/03/20 22:15:09]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry I don’t find you attractive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I messaged as you have a body off baywatch sorry I didnt realise you had a face off crimewatch ...

Lol . A joke obviously ..

Seriously thou we find this so awkward aswell... we find if there isnt a mutual attraction the convo dries up very quickly naturally ..

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By *ert n BerylCouple
over a year ago

middlesbrough

I’ve always found honesty both ways is best. I just say, I’m sorry but you’re not what I go for

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By *iker boy 69Man
over a year ago

midlands

"Apologies if this topic has already been discussed on another thread (please could you point me to it?) but I need to ask for advice on how to turn someone/people down in a gentle way.

I'd be grateful for any advice on how to do that:

1. Without making them feel rejected

2. And reducing the risk of a comeback like "how dare you turn me down/delete my message? You should be grateful I even messaged you in the first place, given how fat you are!".

Thank you

P.S.2 Stay safe and, more importantly, calm everyone

Most folk dont reply anyway so dont worry too much about it. Just block anyone not for you who messages. I get the odd rejection message and i reply with ok thanks, no worries, but mostly i take a no reply as a rejection

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apologies if this topic has already been discussed on another thread (please could you point me to it?) but I need to ask for advice on how to turn someone/people down in a gentle way.

I'd be grateful for any advice on how to do that:

1. Without making them feel rejected

2. And reducing the risk of a comeback like "how dare you turn me down/delete my message? You should be grateful I even messaged you in the first place, given how fat you are!".

Thank you

P.S.2 Stay safe and, more importantly, calm everyone

"
just be polite and say no thanks youre not my type

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pick a window, you're leaving

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s really difficult especially if you’ve been chatting a while before you’ve met. Generally flirting and sexting before a meet too. Honesty is the best policy hun and if you’ve got on really well through chatting I’m sure he will understand totally. Nobody likes rejection but at the end of the day you want someone your going to connect with mentally as well as physically. I’m sure he will be fine with it. Good luck hun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly you don’t have to answer every message, or it becomes a part time job. Most messages are chancers, who don’t bother to read profiles.

I used to because I felt ‘bad’ and tried to be nice and polite. I’ve now stopped this. In my experience you can’t please everyone on here with a blanket ‘no thanks’. Some people except it, some then send abuse. I now delete, without engaging and if they send a second message I block. Harsh but the only way for me to keep my sanity and avoid potential abuse xx

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