FabSwingers.com forum: One for the D/s couples

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We've been swinging now for a while and also enjoy the role play side of things. I (Phil) have been sub for a long time with, since we got together, Tricia taking the Dom role. This has, to a lesser extent, flowed into our swinging lives as well.

However, recently, Tricia has started to try (and enjoy) the sub role although she is only scratching the surface and wants to learn more about the role, how it can develop in our relationship and how we can get it into our swinging lives.

I can only advise her so far, and certainly not from a female perspective. Knowing that there are thousands of places on t'internet which purport to tell you all about it, we're looking for recommendations for websites, books, other info which Tricia can go through in her own time and learn more about the role, if it really is for here and how far she might want to take things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/05/12 22:49:42]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One thing I have learnt with my Sub is that your relationship should be what you want it to be. Not what some blogs say it should be

Check out fet life and informed consent two very busy online BDSM communities

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

i have to agree...others can tell you how to be, they cant know you or what works for you.

For me submitting is not about role play, it is something that makes me whole, and i craved without realising it for years.

How your partner submits must be authentic to you and your relationship to have any meaning...or to bring the great experiences a D/s relationship can.

have sent u a message, either of u feel free to pm if u have any questions.

The sites chunky reccomends are good...even if just for a giggle

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"i have to agree...others can tell you how to be, they cant know you or what works for you.

For me submitting is not about role play, it is something that makes me whole, and i craved without realising it for years.

How your partner submits must be authentic to you and your relationship to have any meaning...or to bring the great experiences a D/s relationship can.

have sent u a message, either of u feel free to pm if u have any questions.

The sites chunky reccomends are good...even if just for a giggle

I've had to put on my profile I'm not into "tie and tease" as most think it's roleplay.

My subs are individuals and I treat them as such, bringing them out of themselves in order to please me.

I don't think you can "teach" someone you don't know/not involved with.

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By *eepsouthCouple
over a year ago

Bournemouth

Hi and great to see that you guys have an open mind. You will find your own way ect what you dislike/like. I would def recoment a book called : screw the roses, send me the thorns. It has a lot of good points in it. Stay safe xx

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"i have to agree...others can tell you how to be, they cant know you or what works for you.

For me submitting is not about role play, it is something that makes me whole, and i craved without realising it for years.

How your partner submits must be authentic to you and your relationship to have any meaning...or to bring the great experiences a D/s relationship can.

have sent u a message, either of u feel free to pm if u have any questions.

The sites chunky reccomends are good...even if just for a giggle

I've had to put on my profile I'm not into "tie and tease" as most think it's roleplay.

My subs are individuals and I treat them as such, bringing them out of themselves in order to please me.

I don't think you can "teach" someone you don't know/not involved with."

That "bringing out" is i think at the heart of it...and it cannot be taught, nor can a sub learn to submit other than in a way that pleases her Dom/me.

My way of being is what pleases him, i had to forget much of what i had read or been told about D/s to discover the person he wanted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bringing out works on both sides. Always learning

the op makes no mention of who it is that will be dom. You say your Sub phil but is it you that will be dom over your partner?

If so you will need to be learning along with her.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"The bringing out works on both sides. Always learning

the op makes no mention of who it is that will be dom. You say your Sub phil but is it you that will be dom over your partner?

If so you will need to be learning along with her. "

very true...i wrote in my journal recently about how Dom/mes also learn from their sub...

i assumed they were both switches...but good point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not that I am really qualified to talk on this anymore..

But alL I can say is talk, and talk some more.. and when you think you are all talked out.. talk again.

cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I talk to my sub before and after we play about what was liked what was not liked - we are far from a lifestyle D/S couple - its just for play with us but i don't consider it roleplay - it is how we present ourselves to each other sexually

Just get into it and enjoy - see about maybe a munch somewhere - you could chat to people in the same situation - but Cali is right about talking - it very important - you both need to know what is going to happen (to a certain extent) and what you both want

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Wow, we didn't expect quite this much response - thank you all (and we'll reply to the PMs separately).

To answer some of the questions, the way things are heading is that we're both switching with Phil becoming more of the Dom in our relationship (whilst still being a good little sub on occassion...) We're still seeing where it'll go but there's a good possibility of inviting other Dom / Dommes to join us and help "push" Tricia where she feels she wants to go and to learn from them.

No arguments about the talking (that's what's lead us to asking for advice) and we'll definitely be keeping that going.

Thanks again but if there's more that anyone wants to offer, we'll gladly hear it x

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"I talk to my sub before and after we play about what was liked what was not liked - we are far from a lifestyle D/S couple - its just for play with us but i don't consider it roleplay - it is how we present ourselves to each other sexually

And nothing wrong with talking during either....especially if you are a sadistic bugger like Sir...it can be used very effectivly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh I certainly agree with that - the right words whispered at the right time can be highly effective!

I was just making the point that finding out before play that something isn't going to work is preferable to finding out mid thrashing hehe

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"Oh I certainly agree with that - the right words whispered at the right time can be highly effective!

I was just making the point that finding out before play that something isn't going to work is preferable to finding out mid thrashing hehe"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

. Have fun learning the ropes .

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