FabSwingers.com forum: Sooo...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

..... we had a meet recently and went well but since then we have found out that he wasn't truthful and is in fact married, now before people judge or claim that we are judging, each to their own but our preference is open and honesty and it clearly states in our profile that we do not want to be a part of a cheating scenario or indeed want the drama it may cause.

Also we as a couple would be devastated if either or one of us did that to each other.

During the conversation before we met, we asked if he was married we asked if he was single and on his profile it also states he can accommodate.

We feel like we have been deceitful to his wife and family and isn't sitting well with us at all, I'm sure advice would be, learn from it and move on which is fine but we feel wronged and taken advantage of and feel sorry for the wife.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arracksCouple
over a year ago

Deal

Doesn't sound like you guys are in the wrong...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is what it is I’m afraid

Don’t expect anything different on here

Forget it and move on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ear in the chairMan
over a year ago

yeah there

Ignore, block and move on if you dislike his marital situation and/or his honesty. If you play with singles it's unlikely to be the last time someone lies unfortunately. (Or couples for that matter)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've been there too. Not met him since finding out the truth and it has put a damper on trusting new people.

We have moved on but not forgotten.

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

He lied. There's nothing you can do about it now. Don't waste your energy feeling sorry for his partner when to don't know the circumstances though, it'll achieve nothing.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ignore, block and move on if you dislike his marital situation and/or his honesty. If you play with singles it's unlikely to be the last time someone lies unfortunately. (Or couples for that matter)"

Well that bodes well for the future then eh lol, the point was HE WASN'T honest

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We've been there too. Not met him since finding out the truth and it has put a damper on trusting new people.

We have moved on but not forgotten.

Mrs"

It certainly does for sure, trouble is we try to be transparent and honest and truthful and are probably wrong for expecting the same of others

Sass

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Ignore, block and move on if you dislike his marital situation and/or his honesty. If you play with singles it's unlikely to be the last time someone lies unfortunately. (Or couples for that matter)

Well that bodes well for the future then eh lol, the point was HE WASN'T honest"

It's not a nice feeling when you've been lied to but it happens a lot. You have to weigh people up, decide on the level of information you need about them and how far you're prepared to trust that information and to with that. You'll drive yourself mad otherwise

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh not driving ourselves made but tbh our faith in genuine guys was waining on here before we decided to trust someone and all its done is made us lose what little faith we had here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You did your best to field out people in relationships, there is only so much you can do. People are going to lie. Were you looking for a regular playmate or a one off, I guess the more time you spent choosing and the level of assurance from them that they were single , the worse it will feel.

It isn't your responsibility to his wife though, that's all on him.

If you really want to check then get them to accommodate - not just take it on trust, I'm sure the excuses as to why they can't will flow...

People have affairs all the time with no intention of it 'getting serious' , some can compartmentalise easier than others. People choose to withhold all kinds of information for all kinds of reasons.

Cut yourself some slack, I hear your dismay though

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

You've definitely been taken advantage of. And seeing as he lied to get sex from you it can be classed as r@p3 by deception.

This is why we make things like this illegal, because it leaves the victim feeling like they've done something wrong when they have not.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You've definitely been taken advantage of. And seeing as he lied to get sex from you it can be classed as r@p3 by deception.

This is why we make things like this illegal, because it leaves the victim feeling like they've done something wrong when they have not."

Not really tho as we all agreed to sex, we are looking at it more as everyone got what they wanted out of it so no harm done but, deception and lies were found out after

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ympho6969Woman
over a year ago

glasgow

I have a strictly no married men policy unless I have met the wife. My introduction to swinging was actually a married man. When I declined his offer he called her and asked, she said yeah and if shes good bring her home.

I declined but set up a meet for the 2 of them to be sure. Met them several times since and have a full blessing to play with him solo.

That being said, I think there are many married men on here claiming to be single. I think I manage to find most out since I do not accommodate, but there is always the chance of a married on slipping through the cracks.

Not my thing and I dont think it's right to scam people. I put this in the same category as those who say they're looking for regular and then bail, clearly only looking for notches.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"..... we had a meet recently and went well but since then we have found out that he wasn't truthful and is in fact married, now before people judge or claim that we are judging, each to their own but our preference is open and honesty and it clearly states in our profile that we do not want to be a part of a cheating scenario or indeed want the drama it may cause.

Also we as a couple would be devastated if either or one of us did that to each other.

During the conversation before we met, we asked if he was married we asked if he was single and on his profile it also states he can accommodate.

"
omg you have a conscience is this really the place for you, its happened you haven't committed a crime because you never knew anything about it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have a strictly no married men policy unless I have met the wife. My introduction to swinging was actually a married man. When I declined his offer he called her and asked, she said yeah and if shes good bring her home.

I declined but set up a meet for the 2 of them to be sure. Met them several times since and have a full blessing to play with him solo.

Not my thing and I dont think it's right to scam people. I put this in the same category as those who say they're looking for regular and then bail, clearly only looking for notches."

But thats the point.... he's specifically said he was single and could accommodate etc etc it was only afterwards that the truths came out

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

"You've definitely been taken advantage of. And seeing as he lied to get sex from you it can be classed as r@p3 by deception.

This is why we make things like this illegal, because it leaves the victim feeling like they've done something wrong when they have not.

Not really tho as we all agreed to sex, we are looking at it more as everyone got what they wanted out of it so no harm done but, deception and lies were found out after"

So you would've slept with him if he'd been honest about being married?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You've definitely been taken advantage of. And seeing as he lied to get sex from you it can be classed as r@p3 by deception.

This is why we make things like this illegal, because it leaves the victim feeling like they've done something wrong when they have not.

Not really tho as we all agreed to sex, we are looking at it more as everyone got what they wanted out of it so no harm done but, deception and lies were found out after

So you would've slept with him if he'd been honest about being married?"

No because we don't want to meet married men, just our thing as our belief is(and only ours before being pounced on) if your marriage is broken or in some way fractured.... fix it or finish it before cheating

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

"You've definitely been taken advantage of. And seeing as he lied to get sex from you it can be classed as r@p3 by deception.

This is why we make things like this illegal, because it leaves the victim feeling like they've done something wrong when they have not.

Not really tho as we all agreed to sex, we are looking at it more as everyone got what they wanted out of it so no harm done but, deception and lies were found out after

So you would've slept with him if he'd been honest about being married?

It's ok, i wasn't questioning your morals. I was curious to know if he got you to have sex with him by decpetion. If you would not have consented to sex with him when knowing the truth and he purposelydenied that truth then it is rpe by deception.

You don't have to do anything about it but i will again say it is illegal for him to do that and the reason why is because he is 100% to blame for the scenario. Not you as his victim. Try not to feel bad about it, he is a user, liar, and predator.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You've definitely been taken advantage of. And seeing as he lied to get sex from you it can be classed as r@p3 by deception.

This is why we make things like this illegal, because it leaves the victim feeling like they've done something wrong when they have not.

Not really tho as we all agreed to sex, we are looking at it more as everyone got what they wanted out of it so no harm done but, deception and lies were found out after

So you would've slept with him if he'd been honest about being married?

You may be thinking a bit too deep about this, did he give you the sob story about how rubbish his marriage is or how he gets no attention? Sometimes marriages aren’t broken etc people may just want to have sex with someone else. If there isn’t a mutual agreement between both involved, then yes, it’s shitty.

like others have said, you did nothing wrong, you have and had good intentions, but you can’t control the behaviour of others. As the song says “let it go”. Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh pmsl we have but just responding to other comments, its done and its happened and not overthinking it any longer but, just makes it difficult to trust and believe that genuine exists on here, it never used to be this bad and its a pity

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ympho6969Woman
over a year ago

glasgow

"Oh pmsl we have but just responding to other comments, its done and its happened and not overthinking it any longer but, just makes it difficult to trust and believe that genuine exists on here, it never used to be this bad and its a pity"

Dont let the few scumbags deter you from meeting the genuine ones. We are out there and happy to play open and honestly

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *MNJCouple
over a year ago

Nuneaton

We had something similar to this but luckily didn't get as far as playing, we broke our no fwb rule and met a fwb couple for a social, he turned up with a different name which she'd never heard before which set alarm bells ringing straight away so after the social mrs checked and he was married (fairly recently too) We called him out on it and told her he was married as we felt she deserved to know.

In your situation I think you've asked him so you've done your bit to avoid it and your conacience should be clear and nothing more to be done unless his wife somehow finds out and gets in touch.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's why I never hide anything on my profile, much easier to know where you are from day 1

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Forget it and move on. If you are meeting single guys there is never going to be any guarantee that they are single. We feel you need to accept that fact.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread