FabSwingers.com forum: Swinging club etiquette

By *oxiSyxx83 OP Couple
over a year ago

hertfordshire

Hi all! Lovely to meet you.

We are completely new to clubs, we went to LB last night. The venue is great, very friendly, lovely atmosphere. My issue has no reflect on the club itself.

On our first night we were obviously nervous but after sitting and people watching for a bit we ventured downstairs. We watched for a bit then decided to play just with each other. We went to the round bed and hubby proceeded to lick me. A couple came along and pounced on us. It was all fine and said it was ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally that is just wrong on numerous points. Nobody should just join in without asking, everyone should be involved unless it's decided at the offset, and where people cum should also be asked first. They sound very rude and not something we have ever seen.

Granted there will be times in dark rooms where people assume that is ok to join in, which is still wrong but difficult to enforce.

I would say you just found a couple that assumed they had full access, sorry that that happened to you

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By *nSeeNMan
over a year ago

Z'ha'dum

Its a difficult one really, grated they should of asked if that was ok, but unless you let him know at the start that you didn't want him to come in your mouth he's not to know.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Its a difficult one really, grated they should of asked if that was ok, but unless you let him know at the start that you didn't want him to come in your mouth he's not to know. "

This is nonsense and not usual etiquette. It's normal to get consent for play, not pouncing on people and it would be appropriate for at least a cum warning so the person can decide what to do. I do not want a man other than hubby cumming in my mouth (STDs) and only want safe sex in clubs. What happened to this couple is not OK and they shouldn't have to have experienced it.

OP - suggest making contact with a local couple you all like the look of before meeting them at a club. That way you can discuss wants and boundaries in advance.

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By *nSeeNMan
over a year ago

Z'ha'dum

"Its a difficult one really, grated they should of asked if that was ok, but unless you let him know at the start that you didn't want him to come in your mouth he's not to know.

OP - suggest making contact with a local couple you all like the look of before meeting them at a club. That way you can discuss wants and boundaries in advance. "

Yes your right pouncing on someone without asking is not normal etiquette but unless i've miss read the op stated that they were ok with that part. It's the cuming in the mouth part they were not ok with. which is the bit I was addressing.

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By *oxiSyxx83 OP Couple
over a year ago

hertfordshire

They did ask shortly after joining if it was ok and I agreed. But I did not consent to anything else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its a difficult one really, grated they should of asked if that was ok, but unless you let him know at the start that you didn't want him to come in your mouth he's not to know. "

It's never ok to cum in someones mouth without them giving consent. No excuses.

What that man did comes under the umbrella of sexual assault

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By *JohnMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

"Its a difficult one really"

It's not difficult at all. Consent is rule 1 at every club, and that includes each separate thing that you do. You cannot assume that consent for touching implies consent for penetration, and you cannot assume consent for cumming anywhere but inside a condom. Ask. Always.

Short-cuts are taken. Sometimes people will touch then ask if that's OK, which strictly speaking is the wrong way around.

But cumming in someone's mouth is a completely different level. A lot of people don't like it, and they don't like it very strongly. If you don't know, don't do it.

It's too late for OP now, but the right thing to do in a situation like this is to go and find a member of staff and report it. Do it at the time, not at the end of the night. A repeat offender will not be welcome back.

I'm very sorry your first experience was spoiled, OP, and hope it doesn't put you off. Clubs can be great places when everyone plays nicely. You got very unlucky.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

"Hi all! Lovely to meet you.

We are completely new to clubs, we went to LB last night. The venue is great, very friendly, lovely atmosphere. My issue has no reflect on the club itself.

My thoughts are as follows. They should have asked before joining In with both of you. They could have played together and then got close maybe said do you mind or would you mind. That gave teh opportunity for you to say no / or say yes

Now to guys cuming in your mouth, I normally say if I am close (if oral) where would you like me to cum. Some will say in mouth some will say on boobs. Some may say in condom if having sex but I have asked.

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By *oxiSyxx83 OP Couple
over a year ago

hertfordshire

This is what I would have expected ??

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

"This is what I would have expected ??"

Hmmm tbh I will say whilst I say that, maybe next time say I don’t like cum in mouth but you can cum on boobs

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

No one should cum in someone's mouth in this scenario without express consent which could easily be obtained with a simple "cani cum in your mouth". A little warning is also preferred and easily part of the play *oh my God I'm so close... * etc. Not acceptable at all the way OP describes.

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By *ornymike_2017Man
over a year ago

Tranmere

Omg this is wrong on so many levels I don’t know where to start ...

Touching without consent is sexual assault if you took it to the letter of the law.

A simple “ mind if we join in with you?” Is perfectly acceptable.

No means no. It doesn’t just apply to single guys.

Respect people’s play and give space.

As for cumming in mouth that’s just rude. You don’t presume you check first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should've said something to the guy, I think it was a bit disrespectful. Did you get there fab name? Because I'd be messaging them.

I think in this situation it's a personal rule not a club rule. I always say to guys to let me know before they cum then I can decided where there can cum.

I've only ever had one guy not tell me I wiped the cum and my hand on his face.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

"You should've said something to the guy, I think it was a bit disrespectful. Did you get there fab name? Because I'd be messaging them.

I think in this situation it's a personal rule not a club rule. I always say to guys to let me know before they cum then I can decided where there can cum.

I've only ever had one guy not tell me I wiped the cum and my hand on his face."

Ewwww Lol

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By *uliaChrisCouple
over a year ago

westerham

Completely wrong and you’ve been very unlucky to be treated like that, we’ve never seen anything similar in our club visits. Appalling behaviour.

Also, it maybe the way you’ve phrased it, but a lot of couples, including us, are very 50/50 about all being involved equally, and wouldn’t accept one person being left out. It sounds a bit like you felt obligated to consent, whereas it should always be the ladies who run the show.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

Their behaviour was wrong and not OK at all. They should have asked before joining in and the cum in mouth thing is awful. It happened to me once, I slapped his cock and spat his cum back on him. I'd have been speaking to club staff about it if I were you.

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By *inotGringoMan
over a year ago

Lancashire

Mirroring what others have said, consent is the most important thing.

Sometimes consent can be non-verbal, in which it doesn’t have to be explicitly stated. But regarding the big finish, it needs to be clearly stated.

I’m sorry for your experience, but I assure you the majority carry themselves a bit more appropriately.

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

OP, what had happened to you is disgusting and not representative of most Swingers and clubs. Hope you can move on from your experience and have lots of fun. That’s why we’re fussy who we message, meet or play with. Our only bad experience was being quizzed about why our boundaries are what they are and who decided (both of us). We felt pressured and on reflection disturbed. Have fun on your next night out.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

I do not find it normal. Even at gb events I do on a regular basis.. the guys always ask me .. and that is to be expected as far as I'm concerned. It to ask...

Not all experiences should be like that... sorry you had to experience it op

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By *oxiSyxx83 OP Couple
over a year ago

hertfordshire

Thank you all for your support and help. Being new at this we are still finding our way. Just to clarify they started joining in then asked if it was ok. That part I consented. But to the big finish, ( tbh I’ve only done it 3 times with my husband of 10 years, not a big fan) I don’t see why he wouldn’t ask or at least give me a heads up so I can then give consent or decline. To me it’s basic manners. But thank you all for your opinions. It’s very much appreciated and next time will be a lot different. We are eager to go back to the club as other than that we had a great time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm so sorry this happened to you guys.

1. The couple who joined you should have made clear it would be FF interaction only and then if you wanted play to continue after that then play on.

2. The male of the couple should have had a discreet word of for example 'I'm close to cumming. Where can I do it?' Its just respect. If he had done that to me i would have puked it back up on him.

I hope this doesn't put you off clubs as they are a great way to meet the right people. BDCAW Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally cumming is someones mouth is not better than bareback sex... its absolutely disgusting just to cum in someones mouth.... sadly its some of the people that attend clubs that ruin it for others and not the clubs fault.... they cannot monitor everything... I have been assaulted by a man who thought it was hilarious because he was so pissed.... I have to admit I went mad at him and at his wife who was standing next to him...sorry this has happened just because you are a t lifestyle club it doesn't mean its a free for all ….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its a difficult one really, grated they should of asked if that was ok, but unless you let him know at the start that you didn't want him to come in your mouth he's not to know.

OP - suggest making contact with a local couple you all like the look of before meeting them at a club. That way you can discuss wants and boundaries in advance.

Totally agree. Consent should be given by all.Ignorance is no excuse.

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By *inkycreamCouple
over a year ago

manchester

We all get horny just no excuse it’s happened to us, hence we rule single guys out from the off in clubs no respect

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By *inkycreamCouple
over a year ago

manchester

"We all get horny just no excuse it’s happened to us, hence we rule single guys out from the off in clubs no respect "

I’m not adverse to cum in my mouth but of those trusted few long term friends.

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By *oasted cheese sandwichMan
over a year ago

Nearby

Maybe they were a newbie couple and didnt know any better? Hopefully a thread like this will educate anyone thinking of going. Just unfortunate that something like that had to happen to start the thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We all get horny just no excuse it’s happened to us, hence we rule single guys out from the off in clubs no respect "

My understanding is this was a male from another couple who did this not a single male?

OP what did you do when it happened?

Did you spit it back or say something?

So sorry this happened to you.

KJ x

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By *oxiSyxx83 OP Couple
over a year ago

hertfordshire

"We all get horny just no excuse it’s happened to us, hence we rule single guys out from the off in clubs no respect

My understanding is this was a male from another couple who did this not a single male?

OP what did you do when it happened?

Did you spit it back or say something?

So sorry this happened to you.

KJ x "

Hey, I spat it out into my hand and quickly disposed. I then turned to hubby and clung to him as I was in shock. The girl still tried to touch me but I just ignored and they got the hint. I know now I should have said something but so many things went through my head I just wanted to get away. Plus I didn’t want to go running off and telling management (which I know sounds fucking ridiculous now) that is why I posted my post. We are completely new to clubs and I was not sure of procedure. Believe me it WONT be happening again. I’m not a big fan of that anyway.

It hasn’t put us off. We are booking to go again soon. Just this time we will set out rules from the get go. I think maybe they knew we were new and maybe took advantage of naivety

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"Its a difficult one really, grated they should of asked if that was ok, but unless you let him know at the start that you didn't want him to come in your mouth he's not to know.

It's never ok to cum in someones mouth without them giving consent. No excuses.

What that man did comes under the umbrella of sexual assault "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would spit it back into his face...

Sorry but how could that happen? Did he force open your mouth to cum inside it? Or were you giving him a blowjob and it was a result of that?

I don't get it.

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By *oxiSyxx83 OP Couple
over a year ago

hertfordshire

"I would spit it back into his face...

Sorry but how could that happen? Did he force open your mouth to cum inside it? Or were you giving him a blowjob and it was a result of that?

I don't get it."

I was sucking him at the time, I was on my back he was standing above my head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would spit it back into his face...

Sorry but how could that happen? Did he force open your mouth to cum inside it? Or were you giving him a blowjob and it was a result of that?

I don't get it.

I was sucking him at the time, I was on my back he was standing above my head. "

It's no excuse but I can see why he felt your mouth to be inviting..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

op there are some couples ill use the word some again that think they are above any rules then there are couples where the male of the couple will push his luck because hes part of a couple just like there are women who dont repect the rules as there are men too every group have there we are above the rules people .... people have the misconception that its only single guys who ruin the night when most of the time its really not.

if someone wrongs you in a club its better to let them know so whiles doing so raise your voice a little so others know to then let the club staff know ...

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Cumming in a mouth without prior warning is totally wrong and unacceptable if no agreement had been made beforehand.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Its a difficult one really, grated they should of asked if that was ok, but unless you let him know at the start that you didn't want him to come in your mouth he's not to know.

It's never ok to cum in someones mouth without them giving consent. No excuses.

What that man did comes under the umbrella of sexual assault "

Oh come on that’s over reacting if your consensually sucking cock. Where do you draw the line ? If I’m fingering a girl and she makes my fingers wet without permission is that sexual assault too? Or is assault only the depositing of bodily fluids into the mouth? What about pre cum ? What if it missed the mouth and a bit caught her in the ear ? Is that assault ? Where are all these rules ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would spit it back into his face...

Sorry but how could that happen? Did he force open your mouth to cum inside it? Or were you giving him a blowjob and it was a result of that?

I don't get it.

I was sucking him at the time, I was on my back he was standing above my head.

It's no excuse but I can see why he felt your mouth to be inviting.."

Is this serious?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its a difficult one really, grated they should of asked if that was ok, but unless you let him know at the start that you didn't want him to come in your mouth he's not to know.

It's never OK to cum in someones mouth without them giving consent. No excuses.

What that man did comes under the umbrella of sexual assault

The rules should be discussed beforehand. If thats not possible the 'man' (loosely used) should have given a warning.

I don't care how 'inviting' my mouth is. I don't care if I've blown you before. I don't care if I've been giving you head for 20 mins, you DO NOT cum in someone's mouth without permission beforehand. Or even discussing it. BDCAW

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

"We all get horny just no excuse it’s happened to us, hence we rule single guys out from the off in clubs no respect "

Hold on can I just say this was a couple rather than a single guy!!!!!

I know a number or single guys that are fine and are respectful. However I have been touched without asking by single females by both grabbing my cock, and spanking me. I have seen single females being rude as well as couples being completely disrespectful

I still play with couples and females, why because it’s who I like to play with, and the people that have overstepped the mark are a small number of people.

I don’t like women gushing in my mouth, and if I am playing with someone who gushes, then often I say i don’t like gush in mouth if you feel like you want to please let me know...

A similar situation was that I was playing with a couple and the guy grabbed my cock. I stopped play, and left. I was upset and unhappy. When I reflected it on it the next day, I hadn’t set my boundaries before playing so it was partly my own fault.

The op will learn from this and say maybe now going forward please don’t cum in mouth. Communication is key when playing...another is that I know women that love anal but I would never offer it in a club because it’s something that can offend

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Sounds like they have been very pushy and have made lots of assumptions. Firstly they should of asked you if you would care for them to join you, and secondly, a man should always ask a lady where she would like him to cum. We would be damn annoyed if this had happened to us.

Please don't let it put you off venturing to a club again. The minority of people are polite and very respectful of others.

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By *mmixtapeCouple
over a year ago

middle earth

I've pm'd you. This behaviour is completely unacceptable, it sounds like you were pounced on by people for newbies. Unfortunately these people exist and take advantage of newbies who are maybe too nervous to say no. Contact the club that you went to, this man assaulted you.

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By *xXgemmaXxXCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I would spit it back into his face...

Sorry but how could that happen? Did he force open your mouth to cum inside it? Or were you giving him a blowjob and it was a result of that?

I don't get it.

I was sucking him at the time, I was on my back he was standing above my head.

It's no excuse but I can see why he felt your mouth to be inviting.."

It doesn’t matter how “inviting” he thought her mouth was, the respectful thing to do was either give a warning or ask where she would like him to cum. It shouldn’t even matter if someone has given consent for cum in mouth during a blowjob before the correct thing to do is always ask consent

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By *OXO2018Couple
over a year ago

Norfolk

I think it's disrespectful to cum in someone's without warning! If a cum done it to be I'd be pissed off and he know it.

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

"Its a difficult one really, grated they should of asked if that was ok, but unless you let him know at the start that you didn't want him to come in your mouth he's not to know. "

Sorry but thats complete bull ... on any meet whether at a club or private where to cum should ALWAYS be clarified before

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nice to see some REAL men comment on this thread.

And some REAL male swingers who know the unspoken rules of this lifestyle.

Gentlemen, I applaud you. BDCAW Xx

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

"Nice to see some REAL men comment on this thread.

And some REAL male swingers who know the unspoken rules of this lifestyle.

Gentlemen, I applaud you. BDCAW Xx"

It's all about respect

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By *oxiSyxx83 OP Couple
over a year ago

hertfordshire

"Nice to see some REAL men comment on this thread.

And some REAL male swingers who know the unspoken rules of this lifestyle.

Gentlemen, I applaud you. BDCAW Xx

It's all about respect

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

"Nice to see some REAL men comment on this thread.

And some REAL male swingers who know the unspoken rules of this lifestyle.

Gentlemen, I applaud you. BDCAW Xx

It's all about respect

What happened to you is beyond disrespectful I do hope that experience does not put you off continuing your journey ...not all guys are arseholes (but he was) xx

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By *oxiSyxx83 OP Couple
over a year ago

hertfordshire

"Nice to see some REAL men comment on this thread.

And some REAL male swingers who know the unspoken rules of this lifestyle.

Gentlemen, I applaud you. BDCAW Xx

It's all about respect

What happened to you is beyond disrespectful I do hope that experience does not put you off continuing your journey ...not all guys are arseholes (but he was) xx "

Thank you, everyone has been very kind. We will carry on our journey after learning some lessons

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

"Nice to see some REAL men comment on this thread.

And some REAL male swingers who know the unspoken rules of this lifestyle.

Gentlemen, I applaud you. BDCAW Xx

It's all about respect

What happened to you is beyond disrespectful I do hope that experience does not put you off continuing your journey ...not all guys are arseholes (but he was) xx

Thank you, everyone has been very kind. We will carry on our journey after learning some lessons

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By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

Sorry but the very first shot out of the end of his dixk would have had me turning away pretty damn sharpish.

How much of it did he manage to get into your mouth OP just for a bit of clarification?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/02/20 00:19:15]

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

One of the reasons that puts me off going to clubs x

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By *traight up guyMan
over a year ago

Morpeth

Set your own rules and have others play by them even if you don't perceive them as being the 'norm'. Your rules, you decide. If they don't like them, they don't get ti play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all! Lovely to meet you.

We are completely new to clubs, we went to LB last night. The venue is great, very friendly, lovely atmosphere. My issue has no reflect on the club itself.

They only wanted to play with me which was fine. Hubby joined in briefly. Then the guy came in my mouth without warning or consent. I turned over to hubby and stayed with him straight after and they upped and left. I wanted to know if there are rules on these things? Or is this normal? I felt violated after and it put me off for the rest of the night. We went home shortly after. It didn’t sit right with me. Being completely knew I didn’t know whether this was acceptable?"
you kind of by virtue of sucking the guys cock unknowingly agreed to the play and the risk always of sucking said cock is that it may cum after all thats generally the object but having said that a gentleman would tell you so he wasn't a gentleman, everything you do in life requires a decision from you and sex even more so, you're in charge of what you do, if you don't want the advances of the other people in a club you have to say in a definite way 'no' its a shame youve been put off by this but i imagine this example is a fairly common one

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Shame on him for not telling you he was about to cum. I think every woman I know lists this as a massive bugbear when it comes to sex generally. Not just in that kind of situation.

As we have all said this is was so not cool but we learn by doing. It was your first time. Don’t let it put you off clubs. Next time there’ll be a more respectful man and you’ll be more confident to speak your mind.

Happy swinging x

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