FabSwingers.com forum: No one reads messages

By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

I'm a genuine bi guy looking for bi couples ect. I read there profile i seem to be the type they are looking for send message and it never gets ready. I have 10 or so in my box now for a fee weeks can anyone put any light on this thanks

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

"I'm a genuine bi guy looking for bi couples ect. I read there profile i seem to be the type they are looking for send message and it never gets ready. I have 10 or so in my box now for a fee weeks can anyone put any light on this thanks"

Yes, you aren't their type!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They will have loads of messages being sent to them every day. Yours will get overlooked among them. Try and make your message stand out from the rest. Not easy when there is so much competition.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

They did not bother to read them all.

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

Delete your sent messages then you won't stress.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most will look at your profile before even considering opening your message - and if they're viewing in stealth mode, you won't even know about it.

If they're not impressed with your profile, don't like the look of you in your pics or whatever, then they won't bother to read your message.

Alternatively, they may have read it and then marked it as unread to either maybe let the other half of the couple read it, or to consider it later, or one of a number of other reasons.

Don't get too hung up on it.

Nobody is obliged to read or reply to a message that you send them.

Since you haven't asked for profile advice, I'm not allowed to give any.

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

You say this but their profile says something like looking for a bi guy to join us ect. So how can I not be their type

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By *adeiteWoman
over a year ago

Staffordshire

"You say this but their profile says something like looking for a bi guy to join us ect. So how can I not be their type"

So just because your bi and they want a bi guy you think that immediately puts you in the front of the que?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"You say this but their profile says something like looking for a bi guy to join us ect. So how can I not be their type"

Simple.

Everyone is different.

Just because you think you 'seem' their type doesn't actually mean you are.

People have preferences and specific tastes. You won't know what they all are and why you don't fit them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We get a lot of abuse from single guys just because we’ve read and then unread their messages or haven’t read them at all however we only do this until both of us have had time to check out the profile , message and verifications. If we’re on here as a couple then it’s gonna be a joint decision to meet someone, if they weren’t interested in the slightest then surely they would of deleted or replied with a no thanks ?

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

Ha not to the same couple to a few different ones. And non read

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

Profile advice would be nice thanks pm me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably just not there type in looks,not saying your ugly but maybe it’s just looks.

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By *ankie303Woman
over a year ago

Weirdsville South Coast Dorset

Most check profiles before reading messages. If nothing grabs the attention on the profile then messages don't get read

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Ha not to the same couple to a few different ones. And non read"

We used to view a profile before opening a message.

If there was no interest in the profile - no need to read the message, especially if it was from someone who didn't fit any of the pretty specific criteria we put.

There's no obligation on anyone's part to reply to an incoming message, the same way that nobody replies to junk mail/emails.

It's part of being on a site such as this.

You either accept it and get used to it or let it bother you.

The former is definitely a better plan.

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

I'm not saying just wondering why not getting read or give a reply as in thanks but no thanks ect

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

Thanks for all replies and help. So how can I change this some help would be nice

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By *ustme1820Woman
over a year ago

Southcoast Gosport

"I'm not saying just wondering why not getting read or give a reply as in thanks but no thanks ect"
people are under no obligation to read or even respond to your messages. Familiarize yourself with the sites FAQ’s op , no reply means no thanks.

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

I do see you point yes. It's just that I always reply to messages with thanks or no thanks. It must be my profile any help with this would be most welcome

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I do see you point yes. It's just that I always reply to messages with thanks or no thanks. It must be my profile any help with this would be most welcome "

You may always reply, but I am guessing you maybe get a handful of messages a week at most? Some women and couples can get 40+ a day, some a lot more - so to spend time replying to each and every one becomes something of a chore, not to mention detracts from time they could spend positively doing things they want.

As for profile advice - frankly yours is very generic and does and says nothing that thousands of other single guy profiles do.

Take a look at it and ask if you'd meet you based on your profile - does it appeal and entice and pique interest, or does it just say "I want sex"?

Likewise your pics - do you think they appeal? Half a dozen of your cock and no thing more really?

I can't tell you what to write as it wouldn't be your profile if I did but try and sell yourself and make yourself appealing in both your text and pics - neither are difficult to do with a little thought and effort.

Also remember sending messages isn't the only way to approach the site - if doing that isn't working for you, there are other ways such as using the forums or chat rooms more, group socials or clubs etc

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

Thanks I'll change things around and see where it gets me

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By *traightcockloverMan
over a year ago

Leeds

"I do see you point yes. It's just that I always reply to messages with thanks or no thanks. It must be my profile any help with this would be most welcome "

Just because you choose to doesnt mean everyone else will too, some couples and females on here get 100's of messages daily. Can you imagine how time consuming it would be for them to reply "thanks but no thanks" to all who are not a match for them? X

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

The limited availability and not being able to accom may put some off op.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

your profile isnt shout out look at me, over the other thousand single guys on here, and it would apear you arent single, i dont know of any single man that cant accom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You say this but their profile says something like looking for a bi guy to join us ect. So how can I not be their type"
you still need to fancy the guy or woman you go with I have lots of offers but iff I don’t fancy you it’s a no go

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

"your profile isnt shout out look at me, over the other thousand single guys on here, and it would apear you arent single, i dont know of any single man that cant accom"
yes you are correct I'm not single I'm separated but still live in the family home hence can't accom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get a lot of sent messages unread or deleted. I don’t let it bother me to be fair, I don’t even expect a no thanks.

People should respond or not as they see fit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

"your profile isnt shout out look at me, over the other thousand single guys on here, and it would apear you arent single, i dont know of any single man that cant accomyes you are correct I'm not single I'm separated but still live in the family home hence can't accom "

Harsh reality time im afraid.

1. You're a single man

2. You can't accomodate

3. You're over 50

4. You have no verifications from women or couples.

5. You say you're athletic but your pics don't confirm that

All of those factors make it extremely difficult for you to meet women or couples, given the competition from younger fitter guys who can accommodate and are recommended by other women /couples.

The only way round this would be to charm people with your stand out personality. I'm afraid your profile doesn't give the impression of such a personality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Sent Messages feature causes more trouble than it's worth: Why do people not open my messages, why do people open my messages and not reply, why do people etc etc...

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

Harsh reality time im afraid.

1. You're a single man

2. You can't accomodate

3. You're over 50

4. You have no verifications from women or couples.

5. You say you're athletic but your pics don't confirm that

All of those factors make it extremely difficult for you to meet women or couples, given the competition from younger fitter guys who can accommodate and are recommended by other women /couples.

The only way round this would be to charm people with your stand out personality. I'm afraid your profile doesn't give the impression of such a personality. "
OK thanks for that . Changed profile to slim. As of not accom it's because I'm separated but still live at family home to help with kids ect if that helps

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

All single men who are new here must do 3 things -

1. Set and manage your expectations appropriately

2. Accept that you are going to have to invest enormous effort to succeed here

3. Learn quickly, to improve your game, behaving flexibly.

Otherwise you will become dissatisfied. You are q of thousands of men here. Evolutionary principles apply. Evolve. - become the fittest to survive or be as good as extinct.

As one of thousands, you must expect to speak with hundreds of people, to secure a small number of meets, if you are lucky and beat the others. It means little to no time to dwell on those you mailed, as you will be failing to contact the next potential people.

Review your progress, sure. Experiment to measure if changes are better. Don't rely on fab being any better than your success anywhere else. Some people will always be more wanted than others and match others preferences. Be ready to accept that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You say this but their profile says something like looking for a bi guy to join us ect. So how can I not be their type"

Oh dear me. Just because you are bi and they want bi doesn’t mean they want you.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Harsh reality time im afraid.

1. You're a single man

2. You can't accomodate

3. You're over 50

4. You have no verifications from women or couples.

5. You say you're athletic but your pics don't confirm that

All of those factors make it extremely difficult for you to meet women or couples, given the competition from younger fitter guys who can accommodate and are recommended by other women /couples.

The only way round this would be to charm people with your stand out personality. I'm afraid your profile doesn't give the impression of such a personality. OK thanks for that . Changed profile to slim. As of not accom it's because I'm separated but still live at family home to help with kids ect if that helps "

I'm not sure women will believe that you are separated. I am also not sure you are slim in the photos.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe they've decided to leave the site but not delete their profile. They've thought we can't go on here. It's a dreadful waste of time. Given up their sexual lives to concentrate on philately.

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

Harsh reality time im afraid.

1. You're a single man

2. You can't accomodate

3. You're over 50

4. You have no verifications from women or couples.

5. You say you're athletic but your pics don't confirm that

All of those factors make it extremely difficult for you to meet women or couples, given the competition from younger fitter guys who can accommodate and are recommended by other women /couples.

I'm not sure women will believe that you are separated. I am also not sure you are slim in the photos."
ok thanks for that I'm changing my profile later, as for me not looking slim on my photos more

will be put up later too. I'm a 34 waist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Most check profiles before reading messages. If nothing grabs the attention on the profile then messages don't get read"

This is exactly what I do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Watch the predictive text - because if it does get read and it reads like the above they probably won’t be very impressed!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You say this but their profile says something like looking for a bi guy to join us ect. So how can I not be their type

Simple.

Everyone is different.

Just because you think you 'seem' their type doesn't actually mean you are.

People have preferences and specific tastes. You won't know what they all are and why you don't fit them.

This.

Even on the profiles with those very long list of requirements, just meeting them all isn’t going to guarantee an answer. Nothing will on here and no one should expect anything.

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By *oinus1961Couple
over a year ago

Huntingdon

We cant critique your profile seeing as you've not specifically asked for that but bear in mind that with couples you have to appeal to TWO people. If one isn't happy generally that's it.

When we were meeting our schedules meant that very often one would see messages but the other may not for a couple of days. Add to that the fact that your message would be one of many. And I mean many so it needs to stand out.

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By *exy4youxxWoman
over a year ago

Pontefract

"Most will look at your profile before even considering opening your message - and if they're viewing in stealth mode, you won't even know about it.

If they're not impressed with your profile, don't like the look of you in your pics or whatever, then they won't bother to read your message.

Alternatively, they may have read it and then marked it as unread to either maybe let the other half of the couple read it, or to consider it later, or one of a number of other reasons.

Don't get too hung up on it.

Nobody is obliged to read or reply to a message that you send them.

Since you haven't asked for profile advice, I'm not allowed to give any."

What he said and I'm not giving any advice x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have infallible spidey sense for untruths. And it’s by far the biggest turn off there is. Being honest with yourself it’s the first step to a happier life. And you never know it might get you laid.

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

I am honest with myself

So help would be most welcome

Thanks

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

"I am honest with myself

So help would be most welcome

Thanks "

The plain but simple truth is while you perceive yourself as fitting what people could well be looking for, how THEY look at you and consider how you'd match them are two wide ranging aspects of life.

You'll never please even some of the people all of the time, let alone all of them all the time!!

There's no easy answer how to get round the issue. Whoever looks at you will be subjective in any response they do or don't make.

I do the same as and when I view people. I have my preferences, but these can be varied. More often than not, for a range of reasons, I'll just think "No!" and move on.

That's what it could be for people looking at your profile.

If you dwell on why people do that, it'll wind you up and that will come across in your profile text.

Tough as it sounds, you have to accept it and move on.

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By *atindollTV/TS
over a year ago

edinburgh

I just got a message just now-hi hows u.....just about to delete it....never spoke to this person before...honestly if this is how guys do first contact it's no wonder no one ever answers.

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

Almost none of my messages are just hi(unless I've spoken to them before)

I always try and get.to start a conversation

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

"Almost none of my messages are just hi(unless I've spoken to them before)

I always try and get.to start a conversation "

Just keep trying. Patience is key.

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

"Almost none of my messages are just hi(unless I've spoken to them before)

I always try and get.to start a conversation

Just keep trying. Patience is key."

I will thanks

Hope you don't mind but I took a look at your profile great profile and amazing pics

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

"Almost none of my messages are just hi(unless I've spoken to them before)

I always try and get.to start a conversation

Just keep trying. Patience is key.

I will thanks

Hope you don't mind but I took a look at your profile great profile and amazing pics"

Thank you

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

"Almost none of my messages are just hi(unless I've spoken to them before)

I always try and get.to start a conversation

Just keep trying. Patience is key.

I will thanks

Hope you don't mind but I took a look at your profile great profile and amazing pics

Thank you"

Your welcome just sad I'm not your type lol

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By *R-FunCoupleGreenockCouple
over a year ago

Inverclyde

...and theres the guilt trip right there, because you told them your opinion and you didnt want "thanks" as an answer, did you want them to say "aw thanks for that, we will meet you now"?! And you wonder why people dont reply??

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By *itsAndTangentsCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

Advice that isn't advice on your profile because you've not asked.

Change your filters to men only, check the update page, spend an hour or two just browsing through the profiles of guys who have loads of verifications and try to mimic what they are doing right, intrigue, tease, articulate, humorous, find your niche, your profile is your shop window and likely the first thing people will look at, make it as good as it can possibly be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All single men who are new here must do 3 things -

1. Set and manage your expectations appropriately

2. Accept that you are going to have to invest enormous effort to succeed here

3. Learn quickly, to improve your game, behaving flexibly.

Otherwise you will become dissatisfied. You are q of thousands of men here. Evolutionary principles apply. Evolve. - become the fittest to survive or be as good as extinct."

There's a lot of truth in this, which goes against the message that just being a "good guy" (whatever that means) is enough to get you laid. I found adjusting to that reality one of the hardest things to do in my life. Turns out I'm not one of the top 1% or even 10% of men that women want to jump into bed with

Accepting that, without putting myself down either, lets me make a choice about how much time and effort I'm willing to put into different areas of my life. If all I did was chase people and send messages on dating sites then I'd be living a very poor life, and then that would make me a much less attractive person.

...time to go and take my own advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because you fancy them doesn’t mean they fancy you. Swinging will take a level of realisation and some maturity.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

Bottom line is if you're a physically average middle aged man, you're going to get nowhere unless you enjoy conversation with women and aren't spending every second of your interaction hoping the chat will end and the fucking start.

If you don't enjoy conversation with women you're wasting your time on here.

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By *ames2602 OP Man
over a year ago

whittle

Hi all thanks for all the comments yes some were harsh and I accept that.

I think I've taken all things on board and have changed my profile, no good pics yet though they will be on next week.

I am a funny guy and do love to talk/chat

so let's see what happens. Your feedback back would be much appreciated thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You say this but their profile says something like looking for a bi guy to join us ect. So how can I not be their type"

We're looking for single men. Does it mean we have to shag every man who message us?

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Delete your sent messages then you won't stress."

^ this why do people monitor their sent messages it’s a bit creepy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest if the thumbnail pic is bad why bother opening the message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your profile says you’re cheating so I suspect this is a lie.

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By *itsAndTangentsCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

Unfortunately OP your profile had the perfect trifecta of negatives that is really going to make it so you struggle.

Cant accommodate, can barely travel, married.

The lack of enticement in pics you know about and are apparently doing something about.

Ultimately though you're going to have a tough time on here with the level of competition and it may be worth getting your expectations in line with reality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Harsh reality time im afraid.

1. You're a single man

2. You can't accomodate

3. You're over 50

4. You have no verifications from women or couples.

5. You say you're athletic but your pics don't confirm that

All of those factors make it extremely difficult for you to meet women or couples, given the competition from younger fitter guys who can accommodate and are recommended by other women /couples.

I'm not sure women will believe that you are separated. I am also not sure you are slim in the photos.ok thanks for that I'm changing my profile later, as for me not looking slim on my photos more

will be put up later too. I'm a 34 waist

I too have a 34 waist, but I would certainly not consider myself slim or athletic

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

"Unfortunately OP your profile had the perfect trifecta of negatives that is really going to make it so you struggle.

Cant accommodate, can barely travel, married.

The lack of enticement in pics you know about and are apparently doing something about.

Ultimately though you're going to have a tough time on here with the level of competition and it may be worth getting your expectations in line with reality.

It's been said many times before but with all the competition on here someone with the OPs characteristics is going to find it very difficult to meet on here.

If he does have a sparkling personality then he's best off going to clubs and socials where that can shine through. Though I suspect his circumstances will make that difficult.

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