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Can swinging damage your relationship?

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By *issyEM OP   Woman
over a year ago

Nearly

I just get to the point that my last relationship ended cos too much swinging events was involved my partner trying convenience me to oral with guys when I really wasn't up for it. For him big turn on and when I stated this he's behaviour has changed. Is anyone has that too? How to find the balans?

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By *ampicoMan
over a year ago

CUM

I think you have to do thing that makes you happy and comfortable not because it's a turn on for him you have to do it. I think he should have understood you more and also know your limits.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I've seen quite a lot of what seem to be imbalanced pursuit of swinging, 1 half potentially - as an observer - seeming to be grinning and bearing it. It's upsetting to see, though being on the outside you can't truly know what's going on. I'm happy to be friends but wouldn't play if I sensed something like this dynamic.

It's such a high risk strategy to pursue swinging, at the potential cost of the relationship and trust alongside full communication at all times is needed - with the willingness to pause or stop at any point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can absolutely see how it can damage relationships in so many ways.

If your relationship seems to centre around swinging, constantly looking for the next meet, barely a day going past without a conversation about sex, being told about past experiences and how wonderful they were etc it is bound to make one party feel as though they "aren't enough" and no matter how much the other person tells them they are, those doubts have not only been planted but are getting cemented into the thought process by it continually happening.

I think the balance probably comes from quality time being spent together, just the 2 of you with no mention of others in a sexual way, just being together, enjoying each others company, making memories and future plans for you both. Effort they're willing to put into others being put into you too if that makes sense. Without that it can feel as though you're stagnating and an option rather than a priority, like they're with you because they feel they should be rather than they WANT to be. If you're looking at your partner wondering if they're wishing they were somewhere else, with someone else then I think it's time to evaluate the relationship.

It's a fucking minefield

P

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

Last year i met a lovely couple who were new to swinging. They were full of excitement, enthusiasm and ideas. They wanted to play as a couple and also solo. I recently discovered that their marriage had ended due to arguements which involved jealousy. Such a shame as they had bn married for 24yrs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Last year i met a lovely couple who were new to swinging. They were full of excitement, enthusiasm and ideas. They wanted to play as a couple and also solo. I recently discovered that their marriage had ended due to arguements which involved jealousy. Such a shame as they had bn married for 24yrs."

That makes me sad.

P

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish


"Last year i met a lovely couple who were new to swinging. They were full of excitement, enthusiasm and ideas. They wanted to play as a couple and also solo. I recently discovered that their marriage had ended due to arguements which involved jealousy. Such a shame as they had bn married for 24yrs.

That makes me sad.

P"

I was sad too as knew they had talked about swinging for many years before taking the plunge.

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton


"Last year i met a lovely couple who were new to swinging. They were full of excitement, enthusiasm and ideas. They wanted to play as a couple and also solo. I recently discovered that their marriage had ended due to arguements which involved jealousy. Such a shame as they had bn married for 24yrs.

That makes me sad.

P

I was sad too as knew they had talked about swinging for many years before taking the plunge."

Very sad but wonder if there were other problems...just a wonder ??

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.


"Last year i met a lovely couple who were new to swinging. They were full of excitement, enthusiasm and ideas. They wanted to play as a couple and also solo. I recently discovered that their marriage had ended due to arguements which involved jealousy. Such a shame as they had bn married for 24yrs.

That makes me sad.

P

I was sad too as knew they had talked about swinging for many years before taking the plunge."

Maybe swinging was a convenient excuse to use for an already failing relationship?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just get to the point that my last relationship ended cos too much swinging events was involved my partner trying convenience me to oral with guys when I really wasn't up for it. For him big turn on and when I stated this he's behaviour has changed. Is anyone has that too? How to find the balans? "
if you don't want to do it then you don't do it end of, if you're partner doesn't respect your view then get out of the life or it will be the end of your relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Last year i met a lovely couple who were new to swinging. They were full of excitement, enthusiasm and ideas. They wanted to play as a couple and also solo. I recently discovered that their marriage had ended due to arguements which involved jealousy. Such a shame as they had bn married for 24yrs.

That makes me sad.

P

I was sad too as knew they had talked about swinging for many years before taking the plunge.

Very sad but wonder if there were other problems...just a wonder ??"

Only they will know.

What I'm pretty sure of tho, is any problems you do have will be made worse by swinging.

P

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish


"Last year i met a lovely couple who were new to swinging. They were full of excitement, enthusiasm and ideas. They wanted to play as a couple and also solo. I recently discovered that their marriage had ended due to arguements which involved jealousy. Such a shame as they had bn married for 24yrs.

That makes me sad.

P

I was sad too as knew they had talked about swinging for many years before taking the plunge.

Maybe swinging was a convenient excuse to use for an already failing relationship?"

Maybe. Thats why i am happy by myself doing my own thing.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Never, ever do anything you don't want to. If someone is pressuring you to do stuff you don't want to do it isn't swinging

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

To find the balance a lot of talking is needed and both people need to accept that if their partner says "no" that's it!

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

Anything can damage a relationship. Key is communication setting boundaries he should know what you like and don't like and you the same. So you can sort out the grey area.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Equal way dynamics, we are both into swinging as much as each other and expect people we play with to be the same, communication is the key btw

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By *ikingpairCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

When we first tried swinging through Fab about 3 years ago it caused us all sorts of problems which lead to rows. The biggies were: frustrations when we'd meet a couple, everyone clicked except Mrs didn't fancy the other guy; being in too much of a rush, so for example trying to meet with anyone that vaguely matched our criteria because they could meet NOW; doing things that we don't do with each other eg I shared a spunky snog with a woman after cumming in her mouth, whereas with Mrs I'd just roll over and go to sleep (ok, I'm kidding, but you get my drift ...) Of themselves these things shouldn't ruin an otherwise healthy relationship, especially if you can communicate honestly about them ... But for us, we had to take a couple of years out, and have come back but only with careful boundaries and (hopefully) improved communication ... It is a minefield, but the rewards are there too.

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By *issyEM OP   Woman
over a year ago

Nearly

I wasn't in solid relationship, it was more like dating. When I mentioned step forward like living together ect always was something more important not to do so. I quit. We agreed with Vixen scenario then he said if I got cock he is, allow have women which I wasn't sure about that.

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By *ust_A_Tease_To_PleaseWoman
over a year ago

South Wales: Newport, Chepstow


"...my partner trying convenience me to oral with guys when I really wasn't up for it... "

IMO this is what killed the relationship, not the swinging.

Doesn't matter if you swing or are mono or whatever - no respect for personal boundaries kills relationships.

There are plenty of people who swing while being in healthy relationships, and if a relationship ends it's generally cos of an issue with that relationship and swinging just brings it to the surface.

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By *ikingpairCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge


"I wasn't in solid relationship, it was more like dating. When I mentioned step forward like living together ect always was something more important not to do so. I quit. We agreed with Vixen scenario then he said if I got cock he is, allow have women which I wasn't sure about that. "

Interesting ... Before we initially went on Fab we had about 5 mmfs with the same guy ... Both of us loved it, but in the end I (Mr) started to feel like Mrs should want the same pleasures for me, so ffm or at least swap with other couples, hence going on Fab. But what we found is that finding compatible couples is way harder than single guys! Did you get jealous seeing him with other women? Sounds like he wasn't being honest saying he was happy with the vixen scenario when in reality he wanted to have women ...

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By *ittle-black-dressWoman
over a year ago

Stockport


"...my partner trying convenience me to oral with guys when I really wasn't up for it...

IMO this is what killed the relationship, not the swinging.

Doesn't matter if you swing or are mono or whatever - no respect for personal boundaries kills relationships.

There are plenty of people who swing while being in healthy relationships, and if a relationship ends it's generally cos of an issue with that relationship and swinging just brings it to the surface."

Totally agree, swinging is such an intimate thing that it brings up unresolved issues to the surface. Remember, one person always drives this more than the other one, they just follow...

But in the same breath, I think your partner may have been a cuckold so perhaps it's something to discuss with them. If it's not, then yes they're not being nice towards you so thumbs down say I.

Best of luck xx

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By *issyEM OP   Woman
over a year ago

Nearly


"I wasn't in solid relationship, it was more like dating. When I mentioned step forward like living together ect always was something more important not to do so. I quit. We agreed with Vixen scenario then he said if I got cock he is, allow have women which I wasn't sure

about that.. Sounds like he wasn't honest 100%with me as I stated I can have some play girl on girl ect but more after cock. And another think was that he got really good stamina so when we was planning with other couples ussualy I get bored as he keep on going with other women when her partner couldn't perform lol x

Interesting ... Before we initially went on Fab we had about 5 mmfs with the same guy ... Both of us loved it, but in the end I (Mr) started to feel like Mrs should want the same pleasures for me, so ffm or at least swap with other couples, hence going on Fab. But what we found is that finding compatible couples is way harder than single guys! Did you get jealous seeing him with other women? Sounds like he wasn't being honest saying he was happy with the vixen scenario when in reality he wanted to have women ..."

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By *elnkazCouple
over a year ago

cheshire

The second it starts to affect our marriage we will stop, until then we will carry on. Different relationships different problems , but we met in a swingers club so knew the score from the start . K

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

I think swinging is one of the things that can move an already damaged relationship further down that path.

We've seen numerous couples swinging for the wrong reason.

Any weakness when you involve other people in your sex life, that weakness will be blown wide open.

However if your relationship is solid it can lead to levels of trust you never thought you could achieve, it has for us anyway.

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By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London


"Last year i met a lovely couple who were new to swinging. They were full of excitement, enthusiasm and ideas. They wanted to play as a couple and also solo. I recently discovered that their marriage had ended due to arguements which involved jealousy. Such a shame as they had bn married for 24yrs."

Could be swinging was their last hope of saving an already failing marriage

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By *attb179Man
over a year ago

London


"I think swinging is one of the things that can move an already damaged relationship further down that path.

We've seen numerous couples swinging for the wrong reason.

Any weakness when you involve other people in your sex life, that weakness will be blown wide open.

However if your relationship is solid it can lead to levels of trust you never thought you could achieve, it has for us anyway."

I think there are some who have found it saved their marriage too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you're swinging in a tree and branch goes between your legs that can damage your relationship yes

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By *ettyboop61Woman
over a year ago

St Neots


"Last year i met a lovely couple who were new to swinging. They were full of excitement, enthusiasm and ideas. They wanted to play as a couple and also solo. I recently discovered that their marriage had ended due to arguements which involved jealousy. Such a shame as they had bn married for 24yrs."

That's such a shame 2 lives ruined just to go swinging.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Last year i met a lovely couple who were new to swinging. They were full of excitement, enthusiasm and ideas. They wanted to play as a couple and also solo. I recently discovered that their marriage had ended due to arguements which involved jealousy. Such a shame as they had bn married for 24yrs."
i also met a lovely couple a couple of years back both new to scene and weren't sure about it, they entered into it with gusto parties etc the woman decided it wasn't for her and stepped back the hubby was allowed to continue and did still using couples account, i pointed out to her that wasn't ethical so they adjusted profile to say it was only him playing, once that was done he then realised how difficult it was for single guys and several months later pulled out to, i don't think it affected the relationship adversely she was it seems very philosophical about it and allowing him to finish in his own time

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By *ove3funCouple
over a year ago

Cheltenham

Relationships end for a multitude of reasons, it's hard to say that swinging ended those relationships. It could have magnified problems or brought feelings closer to the surface but like every aspect of long term partnerships it takes trust and communication. You don't know what else was going on in those relationships.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

[Removed by poster at 07/01/20 07:51:44]

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By *aughtycp1Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

We have been together for 15 years and had our first meet back in 2010. People go into this lifestyle for different reasons. COMUNICATION is the key. If you cannot communicate very well as a couple and you don't respect your partner's feelings swinging will only tear a couple apart. However if you can do both of these things swinging can make you wonderfully close. Sharing something special between the two of you x

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Never feel you have do things you are not keen on, that's coercion at best, sexual assault or r@pe at worst and definitely not swinging. Hopefully you will have a more understanding partner next time. Xx

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By *ebwizMan
over a year ago

Clevedon

Me and wife used to swap.however she feels that guys are just looking for someone to shag end of, so has backed away from it. Will go to club with me and happy for us to play together and be watched, and we like to watch others.very likely we will leave the scene at some point. Also aware we are not getting any younger.

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By *blasiansCouple
over a year ago

Wakefield

Interesting and thoughtful insights allround.

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By *est Wales WifeCouple
over a year ago

Near Carmarthen

We met a couple who were looking for another male for him to play solo. Both seemed nice sensible people, they had a young child together and had been married for a number of years and had just moved house.

We met them on a Saturday evening in a pub for a social and Beth then met him the following Tuesday as agreed. All good. Received a follow up message about a day later to say that they were splitting up and removing their profile.

I guess we were just the last ditch attempt to save things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another great thread. Thanks everyone who shared. Lots of learning and great to get a sense of the emotion and humanness beyond the play and sex, and the play and sex beyond the human emotion.

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By *ebwizMan
over a year ago

Clevedon

Been some good posts.have seen couples in clubs too where you get the feeling it's maybe not quite a mutual interest for both.have witnessed guys be quite controlling of there partner in clubs. as a man I feel we are possibly more sexually driven. My wife says it's different for her. Guess that's why the sex is more intense together. Guessing that comes from a closer understanding of each others needs.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

I have actually found a relationship on here, so it's worked for me where conventional dating sites have failed.

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By *ifeandhubby400Couple
over a year ago

Arse hole of nowhere ,Scotland

Long story Short ,we wouldnt be here if we were a normal couple i couldnt handle hubby and another woman ,being honest ,but him being bi we had choices when i found out ,split up ,play separate or try here ,him being bi isnt the only issue im pretty full on and him being older is telling so help needed at times ,but THIS has made us talk more openly and i understand his bi side more and as long as we play together only which we do its working well ,but we also have US time away from Fab it isnt our life its a fantasy part we both enjoy ,so so far its working for us if the dynamic changes for any reason then we will chat together about where we go ..

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton


"I have actually found a relationship on here, so it's worked for me where conventional dating sites have failed. "

In that case I live in hopes....!! Impossible odds methinks ???!!!

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By *exi7000Couple
over a year ago

London

There is no way that the swinging is the core reason for splitting. Might be the final straw in an already broken relationship but not primary reason.

It also depends if you have a full on relationship outside, meaning family, kids, properties etc. We have been together for 21 years, and swinging for 17y. Have kids, plans for the future etc. Swinging has made our relationship stronger in many ways. We feel that there is nothing that we cannot solve, as now we can talk openly for absolutely everything.

Even that we have been swinging for 17y, and most people would say that we are hardcore, I(MR) still find my wife to be the best out there, and seems that I love her more and more, to the point that I love her more than our kids.

We have known, quite few long-term couples, who have split in the lifestyle. Good friends, so we know theirs lifestyle inside out, and in almost all situations, they have been child free (don't mean childless). I personally think that those people get bored from the life, and seek something to fill the emptiness. Some start taking drugs, others gambling, cheating etc, but I can safely say that its almost never the swinging the main reason for theirs issues.

However, swinging cannot solve problems, but can reinforce good relationship.

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

Anything can damage a relationship if that relationship is vulnerable beforehand.

Swinging doesn't damage a relationship if it is mixed with good communication.

Like anything.

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By *rK MrsJCouple
over a year ago

Kidderminster

Thing is swinging can also save relationships as we can testify to, we've been married 35 years this year.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So i will say my story

Me and my wife we were thinking about swinging from a while , we are together for 19 years and we have 2 children.

We just been twice at one swinging club.

On the first time nothing happened

But on the second time it happened.

I feel very bad about it.

Why?

Well, i’m skinny body type and my wife as well and we both since we know each other we like people same like us ,

Is not like we don’t like chubby people but is not a turn on for us .

I mean we know what the other one likes and how it likes.

I know my wife she doesn’t like rough as she is very sensitive, I always had to stop or to slow down if she felt pain or something.

So in that night we start to play one with each other on a massive bed , at one point a Chubby couple sits next to us , and the female start to touch my wife,

knowing from my wife that she is not interested in female, i asked if she is ok and if she wants to continue ?

She replied yes ,

I let the wave to go on as she confirmed she is ok .

After few minutes the buy starts to touch her as well, he was a very big black guy whit a bbc ,

I asked again if she is ok with him, she replied yes

i was ok till this point with her decision , even if i didn’t like the female from the couple so I couldn’t enjoy her, but i let my wife to enjoy her part.

The thing is when they start to do it she did it in a way she never aloud me to do it as in some positions it was painful, he was pushing so hard in her and she like it, he slapped her so hard on her ass adn she like it,he pulls her hair and she likes it.

The thing is when i did this to her she never like it , it has painful.

How come she enjoys something what she never enjoy before ?

I feel like i don’t know my wife, i feel lied.

Why?

Sorry for my bad English.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So i will say my story

Me and my wife we were thinking about swinging from a while , we are together for 19 years and we have 2 children.

We just been twice at one swinging club.

On the first time nothing happened

But on the second time it happened.

I feel very bad about it.

Why?

Well, i’m skinny body type and my wife as well and we both since we know each other we like people same like us ,

Is not like we don’t like chubby people but is not a turn on for us .

I mean we know what the other one likes and how it likes.

I know my wife she doesn’t like rough as she is very sensitive, I always had to stop or to slow down if she felt pain or something.

So in that night we start to play one with each other on a massive bed , at one point a Chubby couple sits next to us , and the female start to touch my wife,

knowing from my wife that she is not interested in female, i asked if she is ok and if she wants to continue ?

She replied yes ,

I let the wave to go on as she confirmed she is ok .

After few minutes the buy starts to touch her as well, he was a very big black guy whit a bbc ,

I asked again if she is ok with him, she replied yes

i was ok till this point with her decision , even if i didn’t like the female from the couple so I couldn’t enjoy her, but i let my wife to enjoy her part.

The thing is when they start to do it she did it in a way she never aloud me to do it as in some positions it was painful, he was pushing so hard in her and she like it, he slapped her so hard on her ass adn she like it,he pulls her hair and she likes it.

The thing is when i did this to her she never like it , it has painful.

How come she enjoys something what she never enjoy before ?

I feel like i don’t know my wife, i feel lied.

Why?

Sorry for my bad English.

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By *exi7000Couple
over a year ago

London


"So i will say my story

Me and my wife we were thinking about swinging from a while , we are together for 19 years and we have 2 children.

We just been twice at one swinging club.

On the first time nothing happened

But on the second time it happened.

I feel very bad about it.

Why?

Well, i’m skinny body type and my wife as well and we both since we know each other we like people same like us ,

Is not like we don’t like chubby people but is not a turn on for us .

I mean we know what the other one likes and how it likes.

I know my wife she doesn’t like rough as she is very sensitive, I always had to stop or to slow down if she felt pain or something.

So in that night we start to play one with each other on a massive bed , at one point a Chubby couple sits next to us , and the female start to touch my wife,

knowing from my wife that she is not interested in female, i asked if she is ok and if she wants to continue ?

She replied yes ,

I let the wave to go on as she confirmed she is ok .

After few minutes the buy starts to touch her as well, he was a very big black guy whit a bbc ,

I asked again if she is ok with him, she replied yes

i was ok till this point with her decision , even if i didn’t like the female from the couple so I couldn’t enjoy her, but i let my wife to enjoy her part.

The thing is when they start to do it she did it in a way she never aloud me to do it as in some positions it was painful, he was pushing so hard in her and she like it, he slapped her so hard on her ass adn she like it,he pulls her hair and she likes it.

The thing is when i did this to her she never like it , it has painful.

How come she enjoys something what she never enjoy before ?

I feel like i don’t know my wife, i feel lied.

Why?

Sorry for my bad English."

I think you really don't know your wife. What I mean: you are making assumptions from one night without talking to her. She might not enjoyed it, but let it happen to keep your curiosity at bay.

Communication ia the key.

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By *onty1971Man
over a year ago

London St Helier Trier

This is a great thread and very thought provoking. Educational. Thanks to all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to reiterate some of the views that people have already written. For us it was the best thing we ever did in our relationship. We can both honestly say we feel closer now than at any point in the previous 17 years and a large part of that is down to exploring the lifestyle together.

As a result of entering into this, we spend more time together connecting as a couple and closer as a result.

Things like jealousy have never even entered our minds,while at the start we worried it could break us apart.the moments after we have played with others,where we reconnect are the times we crave most and when we feel most in love.

For us it's just like being kids again and don't know how we would have ended up without this little part of our lives.

Just for context we have written this sitting down together and could go on but I can imagine people will get board x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So i will say my story

Me and my wife we were thinking about swinging from a while , we are together for 19 years and we have 2 children.

We just been twice at one swinging club.

On the first time nothing happened

But on the second time it happened.

I feel very bad about it.

Why?

Well, i’m skinny body type and my wife as well and we both since we know each other we like people same like us ,

Is not like we don’t like chubby people but is not a turn on for us .

I mean we know what the other one likes and how it likes.

I know my wife she doesn’t like rough as she is very sensitive, I always had to stop or to slow down if she felt pain or something.

So in that night we start to play one with each other on a massive bed , at one point a Chubby couple sits next to us , and the female start to touch my wife,

knowing from my wife that she is not interested in female, i asked if she is ok and if she wants to continue ?

She replied yes ,

I let the wave to go on as she confirmed she is ok .

After few minutes the buy starts to touch her as well, he was a very big black guy whit a bbc ,

I asked again if she is ok with him, she replied yes

i was ok till this point with her decision , even if i didn’t like the female from the couple so I couldn’t enjoy her, but i let my wife to enjoy her part.

The thing is when they start to do it she did it in a way she never aloud me to do it as in some positions it was painful, he was pushing so hard in her and she like it, he slapped her so hard on her ass adn she like it,he pulls her hair and she likes it.

The thing is when i did this to her she never like it , it has painful.

How come she enjoys something what she never enjoy before ?

I feel like i don’t know my wife, i feel lied.

Why?

Sorry for my bad English.

I think you really don't know your wife. What I mean: you are making assumptions from one night without talking to her. She might not enjoyed it, but let it happen to keep your curiosity at bay.

Communication ia the key."

She enjoyed it, because she admitted it.

But she doesn’t have a answer, to how did she like all of those then and not before when i tried to do it to her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just get to the point that my last relationship ended cos too much swinging events was involved my partner trying convenience me to oral with guys when I really wasn't up for it. For him big turn on and when I stated this he's behaviour has changed. Is anyone has that too? How to find the balans? "

The thing I see here is that swinging did not cause a break down in your relationship. Whatever the catalyst may have been, it was very likely you would have become aware of this part of your partners personality anyway. Instead of blowjobs it could just as likely have been wallpaper or where to go on holiday. You simply did not like the way he tried to impose his will over you.

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By *exi7000Couple
over a year ago

London


"So i will say my story

Me and my wife we were thinking about swinging from a while , we are together for 19 years and we have 2 children.

We just been twice at one swinging club.

On the first time nothing happened

But on the second time it happened.

I feel very bad about it.

Why?

Well, i’m skinny body type and my wife as well and we both since we know each other we like people same like us ,

Is not like we don’t like chubby people but is not a turn on for us .

I mean we know what the other one likes and how it likes.

I know my wife she doesn’t like rough as she is very sensitive, I always had to stop or to slow down if she felt pain or something.

So in that night we start to play one with each other on a massive bed , at one point a Chubby couple sits next to us , and the female start to touch my wife,

knowing from my wife that she is not interested in female, i asked if she is ok and if she wants to continue ?

She replied yes ,

I let the wave to go on as she confirmed she is ok .

After few minutes the buy starts to touch her as well, he was a very big black guy whit a bbc ,

I asked again if she is ok with him, she replied yes

i was ok till this point with her decision , even if i didn’t like the female from the couple so I couldn’t enjoy her, but i let my wife to enjoy her part.

The thing is when they start to do it she did it in a way she never aloud me to do it as in some positions it was painful, he was pushing so hard in her and she like it, he slapped her so hard on her ass adn she like it,he pulls her hair and she likes it.

The thing is when i did this to her she never like it , it has painful.

How come she enjoys something what she never enjoy before ?

I feel like i don’t know my wife, i feel lied.

Why?

Sorry for my bad English.

I think you really don't know your wife. What I mean: you are making assumptions from one night without talking to her. She might not enjoyed it, but let it happen to keep your curiosity at bay.

Communication ia the key.

She enjoyed it, because she admitted it.

But she doesn’t have a answer, to how did she like all of those then and not before when i tried to do it to her."

Well, what did you hope for her to say? No? Don't forget that that was different experience for her. If she was faithful to you in the 19y together, that means that she was probably overexcited, and when you add that this was her first time with a different race, I can understand her excitement. Nevertheless, the question here is, did you enjoy it, or now you have some sort of a jealousy?

I always hope my partner to enjoy herself to the max, and always want to hear it afterwards. Makes me go wild, and we always have a passionate session, even if we go back home at 4am. However, I know her very well, and know, when she did not enjoy it, even if she says she did.

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By *ust_A_Tease_To_PleaseWoman
over a year ago

South Wales: Newport, Chepstow


"... How come she enjoys something {with someone else} she never enjoy {with me}?... "

Many reasons. Could be the atmosphere, the difference environment, or could be she simply enjoyed something with someone else that she doesn't enjoy with you.

The whole point of BDSM and swinging is every experience you have is unique.

Not everyone kisses the same. Not everyone does impact play or has sex the same.

There will be things she enjoys with you she doesn't enjoy with others.

I know it's hard, but comparing yourself to others and taking it personally doesn't help the situation. It's natural to feel that way, but accept that you are not like any other man out there. You are unique and wonderful.

And at the end of the day she picked you to come home to, not anyone else.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire


"So i will say my story

Me and my wife we were thinking about swinging from a while , we are together for 19 years and we have 2 children.

We just been twice at one swinging club.

On the first time nothing happened

But on the second time it happened.

I feel very bad about it.

Why?

Well, i’m skinny body type and my wife as well and we both since we know each other we like people same like us ,

Is not like we don’t like chubby people but is not a turn on for us .

I mean we know what the other one likes and how it likes.

I know my wife she doesn’t like rough as she is very sensitive, I always had to stop or to slow down if she felt pain or something.

So in that night we start to play one with each other on a massive bed , at one point a Chubby couple sits next to us , and the female start to touch my wife,

knowing from my wife that she is not interested in female, i asked if she is ok and if she wants to continue ?

She replied yes ,

I let the wave to go on as she confirmed she is ok .

After few minutes the buy starts to touch her as well, he was a very big black guy whit a bbc ,

I asked again if she is ok with him, she replied yes

i was ok till this point with her decision , even if i didn’t like the female from the couple so I couldn’t enjoy her, but i let my wife to enjoy her part.

The thing is when they start to do it she did it in a way she never aloud me to do it as in some positions it was painful, he was pushing so hard in her and she like it, he slapped her so hard on her ass adn she like it,he pulls her hair and she likes it.

The thing is when i did this to her she never like it , it has painful.

How come she enjoys something what she never enjoy before ?

I feel like i don’t know my wife, i feel lied.

Why?

Sorry for my bad English."

Sometimes agreeing to play with others can be felt as permission to let go and feel your inner carnal lust.

Communication is key and wanting to explore together as well as with others as a result.

Talk, talk and more talk is the answer.

Also on occasion I have found that with others someone can let go their submission but with their own partner they struggle to let go of the 50/50 relationship.

Discuss and find the middle ground, working together to make sure each other is happy is the answer.

If that cant be achieved then maybe swinging isn't for you guys.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sex for the first time is always going to be more exciting its the build up in the mind, the different physique the anticipation, when youve been with a partner for many years sex for many is samey even lacklustre, its why swinging began....... variety is the spice of life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just get to the point that my last relationship ended cos too much swinging events was involved my partner trying convenience me to oral with guys when I really wasn't up for it. For him big turn on and when I stated this he's behaviour has changed. Is anyone has that too? How to find the balans? if you don't want to do it then you don't do it end of, if you're partner doesn't respect your view then get out of the life or it will be the end of your relationship "

If your partner doesn't respect your views, then perhaps it's your relationship that is the problem?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think swinging itself damages a relationship, what is does is expose it's flaws, and demonstrates exactly how much of a priority each person is to their partner.

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By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

Communication is the key.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Yes. I'm now especially cautious when getting to know couples. I'm tuned into the dynamics between both partners and how comfortable the woman is in particular. If it appears she's being cajoled for his kicks then I'm gone. Either they both have to be equally enthusiastic or things need to be driven by the female half. Anything else can suggest she's not into it, so for me it won't get as far as getting physical unless everything just feels right. If a guy doesn't truly care about his partner and treat her equally then there's no way I'm going to help him disrespect her. I may possibly miss out on something great, but my standards won't allow anything other than 100% from all parties.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bookmarked

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow


"So i will say my story

Me and my wife we were thinking about swinging from a while , we are together for 19 years and we have 2 children.

We just been twice at one swinging club.

On the first time nothing happened

But on the second time it happened.

I feel very bad about it.

Why?

Well, i’m skinny body type and my wife as well and we both since we know each other we like people same like us ,

Is not like we don’t like chubby people but is not a turn on for us .

I mean we know what the other one likes and how it likes.

I know my wife she doesn’t like rough as she is very sensitive, I always had to stop or to slow down if she felt pain or something.

So in that night we start to play one with each other on a massive bed , at one point a Chubby couple sits next to us , and the female start to touch my wife,

knowing from my wife that she is not interested in female, i asked if she is ok and if she wants to continue ?

She replied yes ,

I let the wave to go on as she confirmed she is ok .

After few minutes the buy starts to touch her as well, he was a very big black guy whit a bbc ,

I asked again if she is ok with him, she replied yes

i was ok till this point with her decision , even if i didn’t like the female from the couple so I couldn’t enjoy her, but i let my wife to enjoy her part.

The thing is when they start to do it she did it in a way she never aloud me to do it as in some positions it was painful, he was pushing so hard in her and she like it, he slapped her so hard on her ass adn she like it,he pulls her hair and she likes it.

The thing is when i did this to her she never like it , it has painful.

How come she enjoys something what she never enjoy before ?

I feel like i don’t know my wife, i feel lied.

Why?

Sorry for my bad English.

I think you really don't know your wife. What I mean: you are making assumptions from one night without talking to her. She might not enjoyed it, but let it happen to keep your curiosity at bay.

Communication ia the key.

She enjoyed it, because she admitted it.

But she doesn’t have a answer, to how did she like all of those then and not before when i tried to do it to her."

You daft rascal slipping this story in here

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By *alcon404Man
over a year ago

London

Anything can damage a relationship if it’s negatively affecting someone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are solid, attend our club regularly. All in all as a couple we are extremely fixed on desires and boundaries. I’m only interested in women and with no male presence other than hubbys. He has often tested me and said it’s ok for the other man to be in the room but uninvolved if I felt comfortable and I stopped him in his tracks, it’s not something I want it am interested in.

This is explained very early into conversation I have a sexual desire for women with him involved to a point. However it’s an extremely big ask or desire, and we are comfortable living with the fact we can be involved in a community and around people that are sexually open with no BS you find in vanilla land.

Some couples we’ve met have believed they can bend us to their own desires or kink, but this is a rarity. We have an amazing set of friends in the swinging world.

All in all boundaries have to be fully discussed and wants and needs thoroughly investigated and couples rules set before proceeding and you got to stick to these and appreciate each other and enjoy what you have or want or can have.

Not good at explaining this but it has to work for you and others, don’t bend to suit or disaster can strike to a relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to be of a particular mindset to be a part of the swinging lifestyle. Anything less than that is a path to tears.

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By *angOnBunnyCouple
over a year ago

Ipswich

For us it's all about talking and communication. We discuss everything in life and swinging is no different.

That said our free time to pmay is limited so doubt we'll over swing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have actually found a relationship on here, so it's worked for me where conventional dating sites have failed.

In that case I live in hopes....!! Impossible odds methinks ???!!!"

I too found a relationship here - the straight up honesty and communication was what got us both. X

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By *omesticated_VixenWoman
over a year ago

sw London

This is why you both need to talk and be honest with each other and respect the other persons limits of what they don’t want to do.

If you don’t do this yes it can damage a relationship but if you do this you can fully enjoy this together and have a great relationship. Never feel pressured into anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In our experience, when couples get into trouble it's usually because one half (in most cases it's the male) becomes obsessed with swinging and isn't properly considering how the other half feels. As others have said, talking about it is vital, but if one half doesn't want to listen then it's time to stop altogether.

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By *onyMad123Couple
over a year ago

nottingham/ derby

You have to be pretty strong as a couple to do this, but also things need to be good at home, no point going looking for something that's not fulfilled in a relationship, this kind of pursuit needs to be an enhancement not a requirement.

Our fun came about right at start of relationship, had the odd naughty encounter, until 14 years ago what was supposed to be a naughty encounter nearly messed us up, due to someone wanting me and me alone, oh was working long hours had young children and felt worthless.

Ultimately we are soul mates and got it together, but soon realised our desires etc were getting naughtier and eventually found a outlet for naughties at a local club. We then didn't go out for various reasons, Including work and weight gain until after a 8 year break, in July this year.

Our home antics are always pretty good and rude and I needed to re find my confidence and get out there.

We are very much a stag and vixen scenario with male dom female sub thrown in the mix. I'm pretty much given free rein although it's there I never have taken full advantage, I am more than a handful for him but am happy for him to window shop and light play, it works for us.

Recently he's become more dom and me deviant sub, having spanking and bondage play at home is hard to explain when teenagers still at home, so we both enjoy our naughty nights out, we both come out of it relaxed, enlivened and more than ready to go again.

We have 100% disclosure nothing ever hidden, anything or anywhere we go together and occasionally with like minded friends.

I'm far more highly sexually appetited than him, this way I get my fun and he loves it, it's only made us stronger.

Watching people over the years, it's normally when they are not singing from same hymn sheet that things go wrong.

We have enjoyed 21years and hope plenty more to come.

Enhancement to a relationship, not a nessecity is the key.

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

I would just love a swinging relationship... Someone I could natural and honest with, explore live together !!!

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By *issyEM OP   Woman
over a year ago

Nearly

X

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By *oft_SensualTV/TS
over a year ago

Yorkshire

In my own experience, vanilla swinging was fun occasionally, for some years. My ex and I had some great meets, however she then decided to delve deeply into extreme kink, whilst continuing her controlling behaviour and trying to forge a 'poly' relationship which was just a veneer for control and cheating on her terms. Finding a long term partner who accepts me for who I am? I'd rather be single than with someone like that again.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

I can't add alot more than has already been said.

For us it has never been an issue, although prior to taking the plunge we did discuss the benefits and pit falls for many years.

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By *aughtywifeandhimCouple
over a year ago

bedford

I know about swinging breaking some couples up and keeping some couples together, it can be a minefield, we do it to keep a spark in ours, we have been married 30 years, we found it going a bit stale so we have decided to mix it up a bit we don't play often so when we can we may play solo or with couples in club if we can't get to club together we may may sort fun alone and enjoy the experience together soon after but always with other half's blessing. It's mainly when you start cheating that things go sour, which happened to a cousin of mine, when his wife decided she wanted to play a lot more often without his knowledge. Playing to often can take the excitement away. And we also try to have just our normal sexy nights together

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