FabSwingers.com forum: Going solo

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We have had a good few meets on here and it's been a great experience however a few bad meets have destroyed my confidence and brought up some issues between us.

One hurdle we cannot seem to get over is playing alone. We both would like to meet alone, me so I can explore my bi side and L so she can explore some fantasies with other men.

The big problem is although she is fine with me going out alone I am not comfortable with her going alone, I admit I do get paranoid, jealous, feel worthless and I am also terrified for her safety.

It has thrown up a great big wall between us that neither of us can get through and come to any sort of agreement.

I have put my foot down and said 'no solo meets' for either of us for the sake of saving our relationship yet I feel over time we are both going to end up frustrated and it's not a healthy position to be in.

Anyone else been in a similar position? What did you do about it? All advice is welcome as this us driving me nuts

Mr M x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have had a good few meets on here and it's been a great experience however a few bad meets have destroyed my confidence and brought up some issues between us.

One hurdle we cannot seem to get over is playing alone. We both would like to meet alone, me so I can explore my bi side and L so she can explore some fantasies with other men.

The big problem is although she is fine with me going out alone I am not comfortable with her going alone, I admit I do get paranoid, jealous, feel worthless and I am also terrified for her safety.

It has thrown up a great big wall between us that neither of us can get through and come to any sort of agreement.

Anyone else been in a similar position? What did you do about it? All advice is welcome as this us driving me nuts

Mr M x"
hey trust me concentrate on your wife forget about others or by sounds of it she wont be your wife much longer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When it comes down to it, swinging can never be as important as you being a happy, loving couple. If it's putting a strain on the relationship between you then it's best to pause everything, and talk, enjoy some amazing sex and romantic nights just together.

You're both young, you've loads of time to explore swinging in the future, but it has to be an extra that only works from a secure relationship base.

If something feels wrong to either of you, it can't just go ahead. That's only going to lead to resentment. Swinging is not somewhere to "take one for the team", and making you feel worthless and jealous isn't going to work.

There are loads of other ways for her to play with single guys whilst in your presence if that makes things easier for you. But you need to reconnect, talk honestly, and realise that this world is so unimportant compared to what you already have.

I hope it works out for you both x

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

I would suggest taking a break from here and swinging in general. Concentrate on your relationship. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have had a good few meets on here and it's been a great experience however a few bad meets have destroyed my confidence and brought up some issues between us.

One hurdle we cannot seem to get over is playing alone. We both would like to meet alone, me so I can explore my bi side and L so she can explore some fantasies with other men.

The big problem is although she is fine with me going out alone I am not comfortable with her going alone, I admit I do get paranoid, jealous, feel worthless and I am also terrified for her safety.

It has thrown up a great big wall between us that neither of us can get through and come to any sort of agreement.

Anyone else been in a similar position? What did you do about it? All advice is welcome as this us driving me nuts

Mr M x"

Would both of you meeting those people first socially help?

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria

Firstly it's no one's fault, we all like different things and therefore it takes communication and on going dialogue.

We have a general agreement that if there is anything we find uncomfortable then we both stop as neither would want the other to be upset or not enjoying themselves.

It also prevents the need for the putting down of any foot as our primary concern is the others well-being.

All that said, there are many ways that you can take smaller incremental steps.

If your major worry is safety, then start with going to a club together but letting each other circulate and chat as singles when inside. You are within walking distance for any issues and it allows instant reconnect once play is over.

If that works you could move on to home or hotel meets were you stay in a different room.

As you find each more comfortable tweak it slightly again until you find your level.

I could talk to you alot about jealousy, but similarly like any emotion that you need to manage you can only do so by exposure to it in small increments. People who get anger management don't avoid conflicts, but expose themselves to it in small doses to start with.

Our whole experience of swinging has been in small stages. We started out as soft swingers and no kissing.

Our only rule now is have fun and stay safe.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

As a compromise, could you go to a club and each play separately while you are there?

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

"As a compromise, could you go to a club and each play separately while you are there?"

I was gonna say this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When it doesn’t become fun anymore stop!!

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By *aughtywifeandhimCouple
over a year ago

bedford

If you do decide to play solo try to get to know either the guy or girl first. I will only let my wife play solo outside of club with guys we have met and got to trust. In club if she playing solo I'm not to far awayv

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you do decide to play solo try to get to know either the guy or girl first. I will only let my wife play solo outside of club with guys we have met and got to trust. In club if she playing solo I'm not to far awayv"

That is what we have tried but one of the bad experiences was with a guy I thought I knew and could trust.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As a compromise, could you go to a club and each play separately while you are there?"

We have had a chat about clubs and definitely something we would like to try one day but with my confidence vanishing out the window it's not something I'm quite ready for yet. I struggle socially as it is

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By *aughtywifeandhimCouple
over a year ago

bedford

That's bad luck I guess we have been lucky. Don't give up on your first attempt, don't let the odd bad experience spoil it for you. Plenty of decent people on here just have to be extra special to filter weirdos as a few of them around too

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By *lwaysup4it69Couple
over a year ago

Kirkby in Ashfield

"We have had a good few meets on here and it's been a great experience however a few bad meets have destroyed my confidence and brought up some issues between us.

One hurdle we cannot seem to get over is playing alone. We both would like to meet alone, me so I can explore my bi side and L so she can explore some fantasies with other men.

The big problem is although she is fine with me going out alone I am not comfortable with her going alone, I admit I do get paranoid, jealous, feel worthless and I am also terrified for her safety.

It has thrown up a great big wall between us that neither of us can get through and come to any sort of agreement.

Anyone else been in a similar position? What did you do about it? All advice is welcome as this us driving me nuts

Mr M x"

Have you thought of having a guy come to your place and he plays with your lovely lady upstairs, while you are downstairs, at least that way you are there and can hear what is happening

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Clubs are a great way to relax and lap up the atmosphere. Most who go will be friendly and approachable, even if you are socially awkward you will find people will come and speak to you both.

As for the separate meets issue, it’s a make or break. If you really want to do it then maybe suggest her meeting a Male but with you there (almost like a cuckold meeting, you watch but not partake) you may find this triggers some lusting horniness within. This may even work better if it’s someone you have had meets with in the past, a point of recognition so you can sit back and watch the horny goings on as your wife is enjoying herself and you get the visual stimulations. If this doesn’t work then obviously progressing to actual separate meets will not work.

It’s your marriage/relationship that is more important though.... always keep that in mind.

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By *hesexpeopleCouple
over a year ago

s wales

Possibly you should take some time out from swinging at the moment, not forever just until you can work on your self esteem and confidence. Jealousy is fuelled by low confidence, work on those and hopefully everything else will work out xx

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By *rK MrsJCouple
over a year ago

Kidderminster

"We have had a good few meets on here and it's been a great experience however a few bad meets have destroyed my confidence and brought up some issues between us.

One hurdle we cannot seem to get over is playing alone. We both would like to meet alone, me so I can explore my bi side and L so she can explore some fantasies with other men.

The big problem is although she is fine with me going out alone I am not comfortable with her going alone, I admit I do get paranoid, jealous, feel worthless and I am also terrified for her safety.

It has thrown up a great big wall between us that neither of us can get through and come to any sort of agreement.

Anyone else been in a similar position? What did you do about it? All advice is welcome as this us driving me nuts

Mr M x"

If you use clubs you could always try separate room swapping as once you played with others you both meet back up and what happens in the club stays in the club

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe it's time to take a break for a bit and concentrate on your relationship.? Be honest with each other and talk about it. Communication is everything in a relationship. None of us are not mind readers. Wishing you both all the best

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