FabSwingers.com forum: Transparency in relationship

By *issyEM OP Woman
over a year ago

Nearly

Recently catched my partner that he did not tell me one 'small' thing about where/who he was without me. That was for him not important.

From our confrontation he addmiited he sometimes catching up with "fiends" and don't have to tell me as he not cheating mee ect.

I felt so hurt by that steatment. Do I should be worried or just is normal*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What was the arrangement/agreement?

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By *issyEM OP Woman
over a year ago

Nearly

"What was the arrangement/agreement?"

We are exclusive and swinging together, we agreed telling truth whatever that mean

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No such thing as normal. all relationships are unique.

It it works for you, embrace it.

If it doesn't, talk about it until it does.

This sounds like you guys need to talk this one through and work out your expectations, needs and boundaries.

Keep talking... Communication and trust are everything xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What was the arrangement/agreement?

We are exclusive and swinging together, we agreed telling truth whatever that mean"

Have you had a chance to sit down and have a chat with him? May have to remind him the rules again.

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

Do you tell him your every movement?

If he was truthfully just catching up with friends then it’s hardly something to get upset about. If however you feel he’s being cagey then there may be more to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he doesn't have a track record for being very faithful then perhaps there is a problem, however you have got to know now and it's cause a bit of slight unease. Hopefully he has learnt from the episode too and you'll both have clearer boundary.

It's probably all about expectations of each other couple with trust. If you can get to a point of being realistic about what you expect of each other then that will be the key to success. As someone else said, keep chatting and keep it light, have a chuckle about what you get up to and be nice to each other.

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By *issyEM OP Woman
over a year ago

Nearly

"What was the arrangement/agreement?

We are exclusive and swinging together, we agreed telling truth whatever that mean

Have you had a chance to sit down and have a chat with him? May have to remind him the rules again. "

Yes and he said he don't have to tell me all what he is doing as he not doing anything bad.

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

I've had swinging relationships, I was exclusive but turned out they weren't. Never understand, they get the 'regular' fun, the permission to still play with others (with my knowledge), but instead sneak around for extra fun.

I hope it all works out for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What was the arrangement/agreement?

We are exclusive and swinging together, we agreed telling truth whatever that mean

Have you had a chance to sit down and have a chat with him? May have to remind him the rules again.

Yes and he said he don't have to tell me all what he is doing as he not doing anything bad. "

Hmmmm! That doesn't sound right. Sorry to hear that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've had swinging relationships, I was exclusive but turned out they weren't. Never understand, they get the 'regular' fun, the permission to still play with others (with my knowledge), but instead sneak around for extra fun.

I hope it all works out for you."

Because some men are compulsive liars and don't care who they hurt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope it all works out for you."

I don’t get guys who do that. Why lie to someone who is so open with you. Trust is a big thing, if you can’t trust someone, when you’re already knowingly letting others in to share in your relationship, then what’s the point? Ego destroys so much xx

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By *issyEM OP Woman
over a year ago

Nearly

I hope it all works out for you.

Yes that's why it hurts more as you are open ?? then some kinda shit hit you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Recently catched my partner that he did not tell me one 'small' thing about where/who he was without me. That was for him not important.

From our confrontation he addmiited he sometimes catching up with "fiends" and don't have to tell me as he not cheating mee ect.

I felt so hurt by that steatment. Do I should be worried or just is normal*"

I fully trust my partner, he is also my best friend

we are open about everything and we communicate about everything too,

and normal to one person may not be normal to the other..

trust and respect is a big big thing to me in a relationship

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By *i winkersCouple
over a year ago

manchester

In our relationship its complete honesty. Neil likes spontaneous meets and as long as he tells me I'm good. If he went on a meet and didn't tell me even now I would be incredibly hurt.

Talk to him and explain it maybe shoe on the other foot. As I'm sure he wouldn't like you going on meets and not telling him. Some of it from a safety standpoint and another if you know well you won't disturb unless it's an emergency.

Good luck and open inbox if you need it x

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By *issyEM OP Woman
over a year ago

Nearly

"In our relationship its complete honesty. Neil likes spontaneous meets and as long as he tells me I'm good. If he went on a meet and didn't tell me even now I would be incredibly hurt.

Good luck and open inbox if you need it x

Yes this is how supposed to be xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if Transparency is in doubt then so must be the trust ... couples in the scene together are bound by trust its what make them strong and together...

love trust honesty if one of these break then theres a problem big or small ...think you need to sit down with him and have an honest open talk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What was the arrangement/agreement?

We are exclusive and swinging together, we agreed telling truth whatever that mean

Have you had a chance to sit down and have a chat with him? May have to remind him the rules again.

Yes and he said he don't have to tell me all what he is doing as he not doing anything bad. "

From what I have read and understood, he thinks it's ok not to be open and honest with you as long as what he does he deems as nothing bad?

Then basically he is saying that it's fine and dandy to hide stuff from you?

You definitely need to talk this through as that's not a great basis for any relationship and will leave you permanently wondering what he's up to? Quite possibly led to feeling a little paranoid tbh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Correct if I'm wrong.. but I believe you should be resolving this in private with your partner and not in public at the forum...excuse my honesty !

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By *aughtycp1Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

There has to be 100% complete trust in a swinging relationship and the secret is good communication. Without that a relationship between two people who choose this lifestyle will never work x

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By *hesexpeopleCouple
over a year ago

s wales

It would depend for me on who he was catching up with, if my husband met for lunch with an actual friend and forgot to mention it then that would be no problem, if he was catching up with an ex girlfriend and ‘forgot’ to tell me, then we would have to have a chat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/11/19 21:53:22]

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By *arl17Man
over a year ago

Central Portugal

"There has to be 100% complete trust in a swinging relationship and the secret is good communication. Without that a relationship between two people who choose this lifestyle will never work x"

Agree

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

We can't remember every detail from our days to be able to recount them back to each other and may well see lots of people during the day....including an ex of two....but they are exes for a reason and we trust each other so it's not a problem as there's nothing to hide.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does he mean not needing to mention he was say hanging out with a vanilla friend watching the football or meeting a previous play partner for sex?

KJ x

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

southend

As others have said every relationship has to have complete trust to work, I am in a poly relationship and without 100% trust it wouldn't work, communication is just as important though as if things are not discussed and resolved they will cause problems and resentment or jealousy.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I get where he's coming from. The trouble is we all rationalise things differently and we are not all mind readers. Maybe there is a argument for you both to sit down and agree what information must be actively declared to each other without prompt or question? Then with clearer guidelines to work off you can avoid such misunderstandings in the future.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP,

So he is basically saying that his whereabouts are none of your business, and won't tell you who he met because it was just a friend he was catching up with?

Hmm..... Well that isn't right. If there was nothing to hide, then he'd just say that he met x friend.

On the other hand, every relationship is unique and nobody on this forum knows your background, your history, whether he has always been faithful, whether you are naturally jealous (and he's fed up of it)....

My point being, that his actions definitely point to dishonesty of some sort, but without the full picture, nobody knows.

Have a long chat with him. Tell him how you feel.

Niki xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You both need to clearly communicate what your understanding is of the distinction between "telling each other everything" and "hiding nothing". Yours seems to be different to his. Beyond that I can't really comment as we don't know the true dynamics of your relationship, maybe he's a sneak or maybe you're controlling and paranoid. Who knows?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Correct if I'm wrong.. but I believe you should be resolving this in private with your partner and not in public at the forum...excuse my honesty !

Your honesty is a bit cruel as she is just asking for independent advice. If we all took that advice we would all be in closed relationships where we don't talk to each other. Just being honest about what I think of a comment like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lines become very blurred in this game, you need to be very clear and not second guessing each other.

How long have you been doing it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Recently catched my partner that he did not tell me one 'small' thing about where/who he was without me. That was for him not important.

From our confrontation he addmiited he sometimes catching up with "fiends" and don't have to tell me as he not cheating mee ect.

I felt so hurt by that steatment. Do I should be worried or just is normal*"

sounds like he has trust issues

and being honest but with honesty comes trust

A few years back now my ex thought I was going to meet someone else because I was seen to go past the pub back alley to a ladies house to set and do some befriending he knew where I was going but accused me of something else

unlike him who sat at home or in the pub getting d*unk whilst I worked my arse off to pay the bills

got rid of him after he beat me up a few months later

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