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Cronically shy in a club!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So i have a question for all you couples and single women who visit clubs.

Im hoping to go to a club night this saturday but the last time i went there my cronic shyness got in the way of me having any fun or even having a single conversation!

The issue i have is that i think im a nice chap (verifications i have suggest so) but breaking the ice and walking up to anyone is my absolute krypton! So i wondered what advice any of you might have on that front? As a couple or a single female what would you deem as acceptable from a single guy approaching you? (Im as happy just having a great conversation with cool people as anything else btw) cheesy one liner, massive emotional overshare or just "hi, im a bit nervous and new here but saw you.....

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By *hatMinxOverThereWoman
over a year ago

42 Wallaby Way

[Removed by poster at 28/10/19 19:00:17]

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By *hatMinxOverThereWoman
over a year ago

42 Wallaby Way

I think starting off with saying you're nervous helps, I would be too so would make me feel better. Personally.

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By *harliebbwWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

relax and if making the first hi is to much a smile, goes a long way for a ice breaker. the hi etc can follow. little steps don't give up x

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By *inotGringoMan
over a year ago

Lancashire

This sounds awfully like me.

You need a club friend. Male, female, couple... doesn’t matter. Just someone to make you feel like you’re not on your own.

It’s a weird concept but just having someone to chat to initially eases the nerves, conversations with others develop and you make more friends.

Just remember that swinging is 95% social, so that’s the thing you need to focus on if you want that extra 5%.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell yourself you’re going to meet friends in a club, nothing else, then stay around the bar area and socialise like you would in any establishment. Pretend you’re waiting for friends to arrive. You’ll feel far more relaxed the less pressure you put on yourself.

Don’t forget to smile as well, makes you look far more approachable

Hope it all goes well for you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is why I dont go to clubs, I'm so shy/socially awkward

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By *inotGringoMan
over a year ago

Lancashire


"This is why I dont go to clubs, I'm so shy/socially awkward "

An off topic

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By *ildjianMan
over a year ago

London

Try the Beer Munch approach.

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By *oved Up 2Couple
over a year ago

nottingham

Perhaps ask the staff to introduce to one or two regulars who may be happy to chat and calm your nerves down a little?

Our experience is that most regulars in clubs are really friendly and will understand your nerves

Mrs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Perhaps ask the staff to introduce to one or two regulars who may be happy to chat and calm your nerves down a little?

Our experience is that most regulars in clubs are really friendly and will understand your nerves

Mrs x"

If you’re thinking of going to Pandora’s again, but not on a party night, I would have thought that would absolutely be possible. They have quite a few regulars who spend time at the bar.

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By *JohnMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

I'm not a couple or a woman, but I have been in the same situation as you, so I hope this helps.

If there's a small group having an open conversation, and you have something to contribute, join them. I find this much easier than approaching individuals.

The hot tub and smoking areas are good places for this (I don't smoke, but still go there sometimes for the conversation) - you get a managebly small group, but still more than just a couple.

The most important thing is to do it. Force yourself. Yes, it's hard, but nothing bad will happen if you make an effort. Promise yourself before you leave home that you will talk to someone. If all you manage is "hi, I love your outfit", you can go home with that small success, and aim for more next time.

The evening is divided into two parts. The first is social. You're just there to talk with people, and sex might not be mentioned at all. Later, it's so much easier to approach people that you have already made a social connection with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to chat to someone on fab or kik that I know is heading to the club that same night. Wouldn't have spoken to them or met them before. That way we can look out for each other and have a drink at the bar. Your verifications suggest you're a great guy so absolutely no need for nerves but I know that's easier said than done. I do need a drink or two beforehand, lol. Good luck and enjoy. Mrs x

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

I would say that no matter who you are when approaching others in a club then there will be nerves, I know we are. It is looking for that opening line or opportunity, once conversation is going the nerves soon go.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

a gentleman started an almost iddentical thread a couple of days ago..... i will say to you exactly the same thing i said to him

clubs are not for everyone....

but if you are going to meet people then at some point you are going to have to flap them gums and words will need to come out!

its as much about at least making the effort to talk to people

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for all the replies folks, reading through them there are some great suggestions and advice. I think one i will certainly be trying to do is to present myself how i know i can be among people i know, smiling and chatting. Just have to make that first step and open a conversation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Perhaps ask the staff to introduce to one or two regulars who may be happy to chat and calm your nerves down a little?

Our experience is that most regulars in clubs are really friendly and will understand your nerves

Mrs x"

Very good advice there

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

Get there early and chat to bar staff. Ask them to introduce you to regulars or just comment on someone's drink if they are handing drinks in.

A smile and a hi , is a good start.

Don't over think it. Deep breath, relax shoulders, smile and say hello . The more you do it, the easier it gets.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I'm like this in general although far better now (a lot to do with being a single on a club scene). What you got to ask your self is what do you want from the club scene and what you have to do about going about?

I found a way but the answer is not easy. Simply to have to be brave and really push yourself outside of your comfort zone. Be friendly and just keep pushing yourself to introduce yourself to people socially. It may seem honestly the most daunting thing. The feeling of self doubt and fear of rejection are not nice. But if you keep doing it you'll find most people will reciprocate the same level of friendliness, respect and good nature you put towards them. I won't lie there will be few occasionations when you crash and burn. That's life in general, you just need to role with it and brush yourself off. On the whole you really have nothing to lose. Granted not everyone will be interested in investing time with you but that's the beauty of a club (over a meet) you can simply go a speak to others who take your interest. Also may find you get on with some people and like them but there is no sexual interest for them or you. It's still good to met people and get your face know, trusted and respected. I have swinger freinds that are freinds but we don't play as there is no sexual chemistry. But freinds are always good to have and through them you find your self meeting others and widening your circle and thus horizons.

So I my experience if you can just find your self the strength to push your comfort zone you'll find in time and practice it gets easier every time. You'll find this in the long run will be more enjoyable and successful than keeping yourself to yourself and just lurking.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Great advice from the man with the golden eyeball

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where are you going? Have a look in the forums and the event may have a post up

Say hi on there, say how you're feeling and someone may say about having a drink with them when you get there.

Just don't have too much Dutch courage

Enjoy your night mate

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By *rufflesCouple
over a year ago

manchester

For us, a nice smile (which you seem to have) and maybe something like "I'm alone here, do you mind if i sit next to you for a chat"

However, such things as "playing with your cock" at the same time is a definite NO NO!!!!!!

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

Make an observation to someone "busy in here tonight/It's a nice club isn't it" as an icebreaker?

Smoking areas can be a good place to chat as they are not so loud

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So i have a question for all you couples and single women who visit clubs.

Im hoping to go to a club night this saturday but the last time i went there my cronic shyness got in the way of me having any fun or even having a single conversation!

The issue i have is that i think im a nice chap (verifications i have suggest so) but breaking the ice and walking up to anyone is my absolute krypton! So i wondered what advice any of you might have on that front? As a couple or a single female what would you deem as acceptable from a single guy approaching you? (Im as happy just having a great conversation with cool people as anything else btw) cheesy one liner, massive emotional overshare or just "hi, im a bit nervous and new here but saw you....."
the secret is to get completely naked all inhibitions fall Away

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

The easiest ice breaker you can ask anyone (single male, female, or couple), is "Could you tell me where the toilets are please?" You don't even need to need the loo, but you've just opened conversation with someone......"Are you a regular here?"......and so forth. Good luck fella, it's not easy being a single guy in these places (I know), but you can have a great time, if you meet the right people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is why I dont go to clubs, I'm so shy/socially awkward "

Maybe shy but absolutely beautiful. Your pictures are amazing. A stunning young lady x

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By *uliaChrisCouple
over a year ago

westerham


"The easiest ice breaker you can ask anyone (single male, female, or couple), is "Could you tell me where the toilets are please?" You don't even need to need the loo, but you've just opened conversation with someone......"Are you a regular here?"......and so forth. Good luck fella, it'b the right people "

Er if you do that make sure to explain to them its only for a number one, not a number two

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/11/19 09:38:02]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi, it is the same for us too. I think the secret is to either find a club you feel welcome in or to arrange a club meet with a few people. Having been to a few clubs we find this is the best way for us. We’ve only been to one club in the UK and doubt we’ll try any others as we feel welcomed there which helps massively.

We have only been approached by a single guy once and he simply asked if he could join us (in the bar) which was a friendly and acceptable way of approach.

Have fun

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