FabSwingers.com forum: Not our type rejection

By *wingcouplenw OP Couple
over a year ago

Cheshire

Any tips? We will often strike up a conversation with a guy. He can be witty, intelligent with a decent body and then when we swap face pics he's just not our type. We're not being shallow but let's face it we're not meeting to be library buddies, there must be some attraction. Everyone has a type.

How do we let them down in the nicest possible way without leading them on.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Sorry, you're not our type. Best of luck to you, and happy Fabbing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything.

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By *W Cunning-linguistMan
over a year ago

Gloucester ish

Yep, agree with the above comment, as a single guy, if you understand the world of swinging, you’ll be ok with that. Had it a couple of times #faceforradio

Just be ‘nice’ about it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Exactly as above.

Also if a person's face is important to you and I fully understand if it is, don't go too far down the chatting route without seeing a face pic

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By *wingcouplenw OP Couple
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Sorry, you're not our type. Best of luck to you, and happy Fabbing. "

That just seems a bit callous, especially after chatting for a while. Thats a bit like... yeah seems ok... yeah not bad...ewww!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Sorry, you're not our type. Best of luck to you, and happy Fabbing.

That just seems a bit callous, especially after chatting for a while. Thats a bit like... yeah seems ok... yeah not bad...ewww!"

Callous would be actually saying eww

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe describe what qualifies as your type in your profile?

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

[Removed by poster at 26/10/19 09:47:27]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask for a face pic sooner rather than later

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

If you've been chatting to them this is perfect and then block or you'll get 101 messages asking why etc

The only suggestion I'd make is to ask for photos immediately to prevent a guy getting his hopes up if that makes sense.

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By *wingcouplenw OP Couple
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything. "

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By *imAndHerKentCouple
over a year ago

Folkestone

"Exactly as above.

Also if a person's face is important to you and I fully understand if it is, don't go too far down the chatting route without seeing a face pic"

I agree with this 100%. If it's a showstopper, and it sounds like it is, get it out of the way as soon as possible. A polite 'no thanks' will much easier to accept if expectations haven't been built up. (Him)

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything.

You don't have to send a pic, you're asking for one of the guy and then that's either moving things on to further chats or you're sending a polite thanks but no thanks

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By *adetMan
over a year ago

South of Ipswich

It's tricky to say 'no thank you' in a nice way.

You could try 'sorry but you look exactly like my ex'

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything.

Someone's got to take that risk, ultimately, and in this scene it's often expected that men will first.

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By *wingcouplenw OP Couple
over a year ago

Cheshire

"It's tricky to say 'no thank you' in a nice way.

You could try 'sorry but you look exactly like my ex'

Oh I like that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry, you're not our type. Best of luck to you, and happy Fabbing. "
as a single guy I would appreciate a honest reply but I do understand why people don't as some really nasty replies after all your here for your enjoyment.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"It's tricky to say 'no thank you' in a nice way.

You could try 'sorry but you look exactly like my ex'

Then they could reply "but you liked the look of your ex or you wouldn't have got together" people usually break up because of bad behaviour rather than disliking looks that they once loved ?

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By *adetMan
over a year ago

South of Ipswich

"It's tricky to say 'no thank you' in a nice way.

You could try 'sorry but you look exactly like my ex'

Oh I like that!"

Saves hurting anyone's feelings

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything.

Then you will have to accept that you are going to be telling people they aren't your type. Just make it unambiguous and brief. If you don't want to actually say they aren't your type say something like

"Thank you for your picture we won't be taking things further" .

There is no "nice" way of rejecting someone it always means they aren't your type, just "nicer" ways of doing it

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By *adetMan
over a year ago

South of Ipswich

"It's tricky to say 'no thank you' in a nice way.

You could try 'sorry but you look exactly like my ex'

Then they could reply "but you liked the look of your ex or you wouldn't have got together" people usually break up because of bad behaviour rather than disliking looks that they once loved ?"

I guess they could but it's a place to start at least

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It's tricky to say 'no thank you' in a nice way.

You could try 'sorry but you look exactly like my ex'

Then they could reply "but you liked the look of your ex or you wouldn't have got together" people usually break up because of bad behaviour rather than disliking looks that they once loved ?

I guess they could but it's a place to start at least

Is it better to be told you look like their ex? A guy we met said a lot of women told him he looked too much like their brother. He seemed to believe it was possible.

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By *wingcouplenw OP Couple
over a year ago

Cheshire

[Removed by poster at 26/10/19 10:08:42]

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By *wingcouplenw OP Couple
over a year ago

Cheshire

"It's tricky to say 'no thank you' in a nice way.

You could try 'sorry but you look exactly like my ex'

Then they could reply "but you liked the look of your ex or you wouldn't have got together" people usually break up because of bad behaviour rather than disliking looks that they once loved ?

I guess they could but it's a place to start at least

Is it better to be told you look like their ex? A guy we met said a lot of women told him he looked too much like their brother. He seemed to believe it was possible."

Brother... genius!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Any tips? We will often strike up a conversation with a guy. He can be witty, intelligent with a decent body and then when we swap face pics he's just not our type. We're not being shallow but let's face it we're not meeting to be library buddies, there must be some attraction. Everyone has a type.

How do we let them down in the nicest possible way without leading them on. "
look sorry mate the wife just doesn't fancy you, bye

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By *sagent81Man
over a year ago

Leeds

A no thanks is a million times better than saying nothing. If they persist then block.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do we let them down in the nicest possible way without leading them on. "

Why don’t you swap face pics straight away? No point in chatting if they aren’t your type??

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By *adetMan
over a year ago

South of Ipswich

It's a genuine dilemma

You're essentially rejecting someone because you don't like the look of their face

I just prefer to let them down gently

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Direct and honest is ultimately the kindest thing to do.

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By *ab jamesMan
over a year ago

ribble valley

Ahhhhh... That's an easy one! If you don't like the face pic, then drop the bombshell, "you need to be 10" plus ". If they happen to be that, well, your a lucky girl!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have a preferred face aesthetic as well as body aesthetic preference then maybe include it in your profile so that guys know from the start and you dont waste each others time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you have a preferred face aesthetic as well as body aesthetic preference then maybe include it in your profile so that guys know from the start and you dont waste each others time."

I tried that and got called shallow

if you're too pacific then you open yourself to the "up your own" I have a type.. but not allowed to openly say due to discrimination. .x

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"If you have a preferred face aesthetic as well as body aesthetic preference then maybe include it in your profile so that guys know from the start and you dont waste each others time.

I tried that and got called shallow

if you're too pacific then you open yourself to the "up your own" I have a type.. but not allowed to openly say due to discrimination. .x"

You'll be called names unless you fuck everyone.

Oh no! I have preferences! This makes you sad!

... So be sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you have a preferred face aesthetic as well as body aesthetic preference then maybe include it in your profile so that guys know from the start and you dont waste each others time.

I tried that and got called shallow

if you're too pacific then you open yourself to the "up your own" I have a type.. but not allowed to openly say due to discrimination. .x"

I'd say balls to them. If you know what you like and dont deviate from that preference then why waste all your times.

You're here for you and what you want, if someone decides to get butthurt because they dont fit what you like then that's there petty issue to deal with x.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you have a preferred face aesthetic as well as body aesthetic preference then maybe include it in your profile so that guys know from the start and you dont waste each others time.

I tried that and got called shallow

if you're too pacific then you open yourself to the "up your own" I have a type.. but not allowed to openly say due to discrimination. .x

I'd say balls to them. If you know what you like and dont deviate from that preference then why waste all your times.

You're here for you and what you want, if someone decides to get butthurt because they dont fit what you like then that's there petty issue to deal with x."

*their

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If you have a preferred face aesthetic as well as body aesthetic preference then maybe include it in your profile so that guys know from the start and you dont waste each others time.

I tried that and got called shallow

if you're too pacific then you open yourself to the "up your own" I have a type.. but not allowed to openly say due to discrimination. .x"

I understand what you're saying but people ask for BBW and BBC daily and they're rarely called shallow. Its a funny old game this swinging lark that's why we do what we think is right for us and don't take too much notice of what other people think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you have a preferred face aesthetic as well as body aesthetic preference then maybe include it in your profile so that guys know from the start and you dont waste each others time.

I tried that and got called shallow

if you're too pacific then you open yourself to the "up your own" I have a type.. but not allowed to openly say due to discrimination. .x

I know... it is a funny old game

yet still here ...lol..x

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By *isaAndNicoleTransTV/TS
over a year ago

Southport / Ellesmere Port

"If you have a preferred face aesthetic as well as body aesthetic preference then maybe include it in your profile so that guys know from the start and you dont waste each others time."

Very hard for anyone to describe a "face aesthetic", other than maybe no beards, no bald heads or something like that or that they must resemble Brad Pitt....You either like someone's face or you don't.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

I think op is overthinking it.

Ask for an early photo before you start more conversation.

If you don't fancy them send a polite "sorry but you're not my type" message and block.

I should know as I've had a few

lol

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We sent face pictures to someone once and they immediately left the site. Do you think they were trying to tell us something?

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"We sent face pictures to someone once and they immediately left the site. Do you think they were trying to tell us something?

Sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection is never nice, no matter how nicely put, but if people are on this site then they should know that it comes with the territory. Let them down as gently as possible.

I would always send a face pic with a first message. Those saying it is risky maybe it is, but again if guys don't send a face pic, it's unlikely they'll get a reply. If you don't fancy someone, you don't fancy them.

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By *y93Man
over a year ago

London

People just need to grow up and accept the chat processes for what it is, its not nice being rejected but if there is no attraction, its best to say so. no harm done really, plenty more fish etc..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say you've been talking it over and decided not to take it any further with them. You don't need to say why. But as others have said, it's easier for everyone if it's done sooner rather than later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d definitely support a brief, direct and honest approach. Going round the houses or long-winded explanations just seems to invite questioning responses. And personally I much prefer a ‘thanks but you’re not our type’ to some blatantly made up excuse that implies they think I’m not emotionally mature enough to accept that two fairly random strangers don’t think I’m sexy. Rip the plaster off quickly.

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By *linkyMalinkyWoman
over a year ago

South Somerset

I’ll very rarely reply to any messages that haven’t included a face pic in the first instance, and even then I’ll only reply if I fancy them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a man the worst thing is when the person messaging me has no face pic, asks for one, then ignores me after I send one. I hate being put in a vulnerable position only to be ignored. Yes rejection is the part and parcel of this site but don't forget you are talking to a real person.

I would say trade face pics as soon as possible and if they're not your type tell them. Be up front. If they keep asking why or pester you block them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything. "

As Chase says. I would always send a face pic with my opening message to save wasting each other's time ..I still send a face pic now when we chat to each other as i know it won't get opened as she gets so many messages ..Lol

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

"Sorry, you're not our type. Best of luck to you, and happy Fabbing.

That just seems a bit callous, especially after chatting for a while. Thats a bit like... yeah seems ok... yeah not bad...ewww!"
thats why many ask for a face photo straight off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything.

Oi!

you’re on my friend’s list but that’s could be changed!

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I always send a face pic first, soon has them running screaming for the hills x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"We sent face pictures to someone once and they immediately left the site. Do you think they were trying to tell us something?

Sorry

At least now you know why we wear bags on our heads

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the face is that important, then insist on a face pic early on. Otherwise you could be wasting a lot of time for both parties. Then it gets understandably awkward and annoying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you have a preferred face aesthetic as well as body aesthetic preference then maybe include it in your profile so that guys know from the start and you dont waste each others time.

I very much agree with this! Someone may fancy Tom Hardy but not Chris Hemsworth. How can they describe that on their profile? "I like men with dark hair and beards but not men with dark hair and beards."

OP... "You look really great but not what I'm looking for, sorry. Hope you find someone nice x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We sent face pictures to someone once and they immediately left the site. Do you think they were trying to tell us something?

Sorry

At least now you know why we wear bags on our heads

This made me smile as I've met someone who was most definitely years older than stated.

With all the make up on she looked, well presentable, then I saw her chicken foot hands and realised something wasn't quite right. Conversation was polite and finished off by going separate ways.

Women are lucky that they can get face paints.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A polite tha k you for messaging, however, we are not a match.....

How do we let them down in the nicest possible way without leading them on. "

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Sorry, you're not our type. Best of luck to you, and happy Fabbing. "

/\ This.

No one here is a kid playing kiss-chase in the playground. If someone cannot accept a courteous* No then they're probably on the wrong site. Especially as a couple, it's not a given that you'll both like the same person.

* We did have someone once refer to one of our face pics with a "Oh, god, No!" That seemed a little harsh!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry, you're not our type. Best of luck to you, and happy Fabbing.

That just seems a bit callous, especially after chatting for a while. Thats a bit like... yeah seems ok... yeah not bad...ewww!"

Exchange face pics very early on...

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
over a year ago

Coventry

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything.

Someone's got to take that risk, ultimately, and in this scene it's often expected that men will first. "

Definitely agree with that. The vast majority of expectations on Fab are on men to step forward first. I've never had an issue with that and expect rejection from the outset the vast majority of the time. As a rule we need to realise that rejection isn't personal - how can it be if you've not even met the person you're saying no to - but there are those who look down on single men as if they're scum and treat them accordingly, with a small minority appearing to get a kick out of the manner of the delivery of the rejection. That being said a lot more guys need to show good grace in accepting a no with a bit of class.

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By *adetMan
over a year ago

South of Ipswich

If I ask for a face pic i usually get the response 'I'll send one if you're free now'

That's just makes it even more awkward

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By *ifty69Man
over a year ago

north tyneside

Rejection is part of the fab

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could state you only reply to profiles with pics. Avoids being in that predicament

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything.

Someone's got to take that risk, ultimately, and in this scene it's often expected that men will first.

I don’t expect men to send a photo first. As I ask for a face photo in the first message, I always send one if I message someone. It’s no jus men who get a polite ‘no thank you’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some clubs ask for face pics before they allow people to become members. Even though they know the rules when they apply, some people still get irate when they get turned down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything.

Yeah but there are few who would send pics up front and we get that. We for one wouldn't dream of just sending a pic from the outset. It's risky. Also is says something about someone who is willing to take that risk from the outset, perhaps not the type we would like to entrust our valuable secret with."
I’m glad someone else thinks like that - I think it’s better to chat for a bit first, to establish a bit more about who you’re speaking too, and then broach the subject of face pics - you can be upfront at that point and point out that either party might not be ‘into’ the other’s looks, and may not wish to continue afterwards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything.

Yeah but there are few who would send pics up front and we get that. We for one wouldn't dream of just sending a pic from the outset. It's risky. Also is says something about someone who is willing to take that risk from the outset, perhaps not the type we would like to entrust our valuable secret with. I’m glad someone else thinks like that - I think it’s better to chat for a bit first, to establish a bit more about who you’re speaking too, and then broach the subject of face pics - you can be upfront at that point and point out that either party might not be ‘into’ the other’s looks, and may not wish to continue afterwards."

Personally, I wouldn’t. There’s no point if there’s no attraction.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
over a year ago

Coventry

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything.

Someone's got to take that risk, ultimately, and in this scene it's often expected that men will first.

I don’t expect men to send a photo first. As I ask for a face photo in the first message, I always send one if I message someone. It’s no jus men who get a polite ‘no thank you’

Good for you! I'd have to imagine you're a rarity in sending the first message as a female. (It's actually nice to know it does happen, even if it's not to me). I've never had a message from anyone I hadn't already messaged first, so wouldn't know. I've always assumed that the onus was on us single as we're so numerous. My single female friends never have to send messages as they get so many. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i do this now if they message me and theres no face pic by the second message then i reply no more ... if i get a face pic and its not for me then its a simple no thanks if they ask why then its a block .... swinging has always been about rejection or saying yes or no if someone finds that hard to handle then they should not be swinging ..simple as

some times you just have to be blunt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything.

Someone's got to take that risk, ultimately, and in this scene it's often expected that men will first.

I don’t expect men to send a photo first. As I ask for a face photo in the first message, I always send one if I message someone. It’s no jus men who get a polite ‘no thank you’

Lots of messages doesn’t equal quality, and if there’s no filters you can quickly drown under the crap. I prefer to find my own meets. Much better, much easier and I find they are more compatible. But no face photo is a delete still and there’s no onus on someone because of their relationship status.

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By *oppet22TV/TS
over a year ago

huddersfield

I get that all the time after chatting for hrs send pic then sorry your no your type move on don't worry about it now

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By *irlintheRedRed dressWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow

I have to say sorry not my type quite often on here. My preference is Black gentlemen as clearly stated in profile but obviously noone reads those. Also Im very specific about the type of Black guys I find attractive. Just be polite,thank you but no thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

‘So sorry but you look so much like my ex, that I just can’t look past it’ surely that’ll do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or my Dad, in one memorable case..

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

We just use the sorry not what we are looking for line. Ultimately you are likely to ever meet them so provided you reject them politely what does it matter what you say.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
over a year ago

Coventry

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything.

Someone's got to take that risk, ultimately, and in this scene it's often expected that men will first.

I don’t expect men to send a photo first. As I ask for a face photo in the first message, I always send one if I message someone. It’s no jus men who get a polite ‘no thank you’

Fair point. I have been shown the general level of stuff my female friends get and it's generally a really poor and sometimes offensive standard. That being said taking time to send considered and well thought out messages makes very little difference either as it comes down to physical attraction (understandably) at the end of the day.

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By *egan_CDTV/TS
over a year ago

In the closet

"Yep, agree with the above comment, as a single guy, if you understand the world of swinging, you’ll be ok with that. Had it a couple of times #faceforradio

Just be ‘nice’ about it. "

To be honest they just need to understand the world in general. It’s pretty normal not to sleep with people you don’t fancy.

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By *ondoner27Man
over a year ago

london

"Sorry, you're not our type. Best of luck to you, and happy Fabbing. "

I think this is the best way personally. It’s polite and unambiguous. But if you’re getting loads and loads of messages I can see the appeal of just deleting

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By *etite HandfulWoman
over a year ago

Chester

Unless you are honest and say there is no attraction you can get pestered that's why its better to swap face pics early it saves wasted tome too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/10/19 10:55:55]

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By *empseyANDRedheadCouple
over a year ago

warwick

"Photos in the first message then there’s no need too say or do anything. "

Yes this, we wont chat until we've seen a CLEAR face pic, preferably 2 or 3

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By *cd and scruffCouple
over a year ago

Rochester

Maybe only chat to guys with face pics, either public or private and do a friend invite early on. You can say in your profe, which many do, that you only talk to guys with pics on profile.

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By *osexyCouple
over a year ago

ST AUSTELL

Sorry but don’t think we match , good luck In your search x

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By *uminsiderMKMan
over a year ago

St Austell

It works both ways - I've received "Sorry, not my type" messages, and on occasion have had to send them after seeing pics...

....as others have said, there's really no need to elaboarate...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How would you like them to say it to you? I would prefer straightforward but in a nice way so that is what I try to do with others. "Sorry you're what I'm looking for, I wish you luck" is honest and not nasty. Then it's out of your hands how they take it really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly why we like to face swap early on, nothing worse than after 20 messages and not being liked, it's happened to us a few times.

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

Yeah this is why we always want to swap face pics earlier. Attraction is key. And as much as people may get on conversationally, if you're not attracted to the person, you're not going to want to go further.

Confirm attraction physically, then chat to confirm attraction mentally / socially / whatever else.

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By *aughty monkey31Man
over a year ago

Walsall

"How would you like them to say it to you? I would prefer straightforward but in a nice way so that is what I try to do with others. "Sorry you're what I'm looking for, I wish you luck" is honest and not nasty. Then it's out of your hands how they take it really."

This is what I prefer but most of the time I don't even get a reply! Makes you wonder if the message as been read or I'm just the elephant man lol

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