FabSwingers.com forum: When someone breaks a rule you have

By *awtymarky OP Man
over a year ago

chester

Well looking for a bit of advice really as at a dilemma.

What would you do if when you asked a fwb about a meeting they had and found out a rule which you both agreed too they broke

Would you forgive and forget or would you be angry and punish them or look for another FWB??

The rule was no unprotected penetration but keep it for our own intimacy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well looking for a bit of advice really as at a dilemma.

What would you do if when you asked a fwb about a meeting they had and found out a rule which you both agreed too they broke

Would you forgive and forget or would you be angry and punish them or look for another FWB??

The rule was no unprotected penetration but keep it for our own intimacy."

How did you find out?

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By *awtymarky OP Man
over a year ago

chester

How did you find out? "

Well I asked them as we talk about the meetings. They where honest on that part.

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

It all depended on the rule, who set it and how it would impact us.

I don't have a FB (so this gives a different spin on my answer) but it is a rule, pretty much the main rule, that my husband and I have. And if he had unprotected sex I would kick his ass from 1 end of town to the other! Banned from meeting her again, tested before we had BB sex again and eventually once I had gotten over my feeling of betrayal a good long chat.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

If we'd both agreed rules, then I'd be highly upset if I found one had been intentionally broken.

I've been there, and it ended the relationship.

I trusted someone, they broke that. Once that line is crossed, I don't think there is any going back

The rule you've had broken, would be the biggest breach of trust, and not something I could ever forgive

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By *ersnickety PantsWoman
over a year ago

Club Meets Only

Depends on how important the rule is to you, I'd be pretty annoyed at them for the one you've explained tbh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they mentioned it after the meet and you hadn't had sexual contact since then they've been honest and to me that is the biggest factor.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

How would you punish her ?

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By *awtymarky OP Man
over a year ago

chester

"It all depended on the rule, who set it and how it would impact us.

Thanks for this as this is how I feel. Good idea on a test will put that forward.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Well I wouldn't punish them

I think it depends on how much you want to keep the relationship going. I wouldn't be having unprotected sex with them again though and a visit to the clinic for us both would be required.

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By *awtymarky OP Man
over a year ago

chester

"Depends on how important the rule is to you, I'd be pretty annoyed at them for the one you've explained tbh "

It is major rule for me as I normally play safe just after so many meetings and happy with her I felt happy we played Natural.

We both agreed to this condition and it was her rule.

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By *oney to the beeWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

Pointless punishing and not your place to do so either just walk away if you feel that strongly.

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By *awtymarky OP Man
over a year ago

chester

"Pointless punishing and not your place to do so either just walk away if you feel that strongly. "

Thanks Bee

It is crossing my mind to walk away but I do like them a lot which is hard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Punishing seems unnecessary. I don’t even know how you punish an adult besides just walking away.

Really, only you can decide how big of an issue it is in terms of betrayal. If you choose to move on, I would say to stay protected yourself since that trust has been violated. -Mrs

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By *manaWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Been there and I forgave but not for that reason. For that reason I'd not forgive but it's only a choice you can make xx

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"Well looking for a bit of advice really as at a dilemma.

What would you do if when you asked a fwb about a meeting they had and found out a rule which you both agreed too they broke

Would you forgive and forget or would you be angry and punish them or look for another FWB??

The rule was no unprotected penetration but keep it for our own intimacy."

Awkward !!

I'd ask them to take a test to make sure nothing has been caught and want assurances that it was a one off as it's just not safe(unfortunately)

Did it happen or could she be saying it to get a reaction ?

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By *idnightxBrownCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Depends on how important the rule is to you, I'd be pretty annoyed at them for the one you've explained tbh

It is major rule for me as I normally play safe just after so many meetings and happy with her I felt happy we played Natural.

We both agreed to this condition and it was her rule. "

Throw her in the bin.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She's an adult and you aren't in a relationship.

Why I never had rules only unprotected sex I have is in a full monogamous relationship

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I wouldn't trust anybody enough to have unprotected sex with them anyway apart from Mr N.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Punishment isn't appropriate here, she's an adult and you're equals.

Talk it out, negotiate, express your feelings. Decide to end it if that s what's called for.

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By *awtymarky OP Man
over a year ago

chester

"Punishment isn't appropriate here, she's an adult and you're equals.

Talk it out, negotiate, express your feelings. Decide to end it if that s what's called for."

Great advice and trying to talk it out then will see where we go x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with the guys on here. First, it is a breach of trust, so how do you know it won't happen again. Did she confess to you out the blue so to speak or did it come out after you had asked? That would indicate to me whether she felt any guilt or remorse. As it is her rule you could do with knowing why she broke it - does she value what you have together that little? This said it isn't like you are in a monogamous relationship or are even an item so how far do you take it?

Good luck whatever you decide to do, OP.

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

Gosh, I think if I were your FB/FWB and YOU decided to punish me, I'd be walking first. Not my keeper, its a casual arrangement, so PUNISHMENT is not appropriate. Different if you were in a proper relationship, but still PUNISHMENT, not acceptable

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By *lan157Man
over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

Talk,talk and keep talking OP. Don't do anything precipitous you might regret afterwards .

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By *nkedMilfWoman
over a year ago

Colchester

I'm quite a hot head so for me if bareback rule was broken I'd be walking....probably not much help to you, but for me thats a fundamental rule.

Did they explain why the rule was broken?

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By *ez1987Man
over a year ago

Great Harwood, Blackburn

Talk it through with them, as they have breached your trust by breaking an important rule of safety.

The only punishment I'd be giving is the walking away type and them missing out on you.

Any other kind of punishmet would be excessive as your both adults and equals in life.

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"Pointless punishing and not your place to do so either just walk away if you feel that strongly.

Thanks Bee

It is crossing my mind to walk away but I do like them a lot which is hard."

FWB....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the rule was broken intentionally it was never meant to be stuck to. The question is would they have told you if you hadn't asked?

Either way they don't sound like true fwbs as otherwise you'd be keeping each other safe and would know well in advance of any potential risks and precautions you'll need to take.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

If i had a rule like that and they went bare with me.. then someone else they wouldn't be going bare with me anymore. To be fair its unlikely id carry on meeting. I left my ex for this amongst other reasons but that for me was the unforgivable. X

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By *ustmehungguyMan
over a year ago

Gillingham

Give an inch they'll take a mile. Wave goodbye.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You sound like your in a relationship OP. Your not. They owe you nothing.

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

Oh dear .... once broken there’s no going back ...

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Id dump them there and then

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

"You sound like your in a relationship OP. Your not. They owe you nothing."

I would define an FWB as a relationship.

Ok, not one in the traditional standard terms, but it's still a relationship between 2 people.

The title, Friends, this is someone you've developed a friendship, rapport, a level of trust with.

It's not just about sex, it's more than that.

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

If it is this particular rule, I would run. Well, I would not be unprotected in the first place.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

"I wouldn't trust anybody enough to have unprotected sex with them anyway apart from Mr N. "

This,only with Jack

If you want to stay fbs I'd say always use protection in case she isn't with others.

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I discussed protection with my FWB we agreed to use condoms with anyone else other than ourselves, we both got tested and proved to each other that we are clean and safe however our one and rule is to never put the other at risk, if either of us do have unprotected sex with others then we will tell the other and then get tested and proven clean before we bareback again. If she was to put me at risk I wouldn’t hesitate to drop her like a stone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe in a eye for a eye.....

I would teach her a lesson and bareback my next meet , then tell her about it...

Then she might learn how you felt , when she did that to you..

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

"I believe in a eye for a eye.....

I would teach her a lesson and bareback my next meet , then tell her about it...

Then she might learn how you felt , when she did that to you.."

So you'd risk your own health, for revenge?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I believe in a eye for a eye.....

I would teach her a lesson and bareback my next meet , then tell her about it...

Then she might learn how you felt , when she did that to you.."

That's just childish behaviour.

Personally I'd just stop meeting them as my trust had been breached. If you're keen to keep seeing her OP I would personally go back to using protection as she's proved herself to be untrustworthy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd walk away, if it's just a FWB

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I believe in a eye for a eye.....

I would teach her a lesson and bareback my next meet , then tell her about it...

Then she might learn how you felt , when she did that to you..

That's just childish behaviour.

Personally I'd just stop meeting them as my trust had been breached. If you're keen to keep seeing her OP I would personally go back to using protection as she's proved herself to be untrustworthy."

I’ve noticed something as I’ve gotten older.....

People will ask you for advice on a subject but they will already made up their minds and know exactly what they are going to do...

They just want you to agree with them... if you don’t agree with them , they will then move on to the next friend until someone tells them what they want to hear....

I have now decided to give all my friends the worst advice possible so it can save me wine and having to buy them dinner.....

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