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Rules / boundaries - newbies advice

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By *lysses J OP   Man
over a year ago

cardiff

My amazing girlfriend and I are attending a club together soon for the first time.

We will see how we go but I’d expect us to full swap. We are excited!!

Please could we get some advice on explaining our boundaries to people (which tbf aren’t too restrictive!) eg using / changing condoms, where to cum etc?

We don’t want to spoil the moment for anyone or ruin any connection but I think we will need to establish just a few things so we can fully relax!

All advice as to how / when / what to say would be really welcome!

Thank you! x

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I usually keep condoms on me so I can offer them one in a whole ‘do you have one or do you want this one’ conversation. They can’t not wear one then.

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By *ldhillhotwifeCouple
over a year ago

Old Hill

Lists of rules kills and hampers a decent session.

Rules are often broken as well so why set them.

I play and when I don't want something offered I give them a strong indication, a smart guy then moves on... Doesn't have to kill the mood but let's a guy get on with fucking.

I am not surprised some couples have issues with getting dates and playing when their profiles read like a list of demands. There is something so much more fun about going with the flow.

Sx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Before play once you feel there’s a connection is best to explain boundaries and be sure to be polite and ask if they have any. A majority have the rule of condoms being used and in a club environment it is definitely expected when playing with someone other that your own partner x

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By *lysses J OP   Man
over a year ago

cardiff

Thanks for replying! Really helpful. We want to make sure everyone has fun!

Would be very interested in hearing more views ??x

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Change your condom when you change your partner

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By *lysses J OP   Man
over a year ago

cardiff

Thanks for replying ??

Do you raise this as a need before you start playing? We’re keen to not breach etiquette or ruin flow! x

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

No I wouldn't raise it as a need. Just quietly do it and the women playing with you will be watching to check you change it between partners

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Change your condom when you change your partner"

Lol.. do people use single condom for multiple session/partners? Bit surprising if people does

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By *lysses J OP   Man
over a year ago

cardiff

Thank you- would you raise any other needs up front? x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks for replying ??

Do you raise this as a need before you start playing? We’re keen to not breach etiquette or ruin flow! x "

Sod the etiquette. Your rules are your rules. Don't let lifetime Swingers make you feel bad about having rules. If you don't want to do something, don't do it.

Tell your girlfriend she can always say no at any point. Keep an eye out for her in case she feels pressured and doesn't want to say anything in case it ruins the flow. X

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Someone once tried it with me after he had done anal with another woman and a different woman said it had happened to her too

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Someone once tried it with me after he had done anal with another woman and a different woman said it had happened to her too"

I’d have swerved him altogether. The cheek of it (insert angry face here!)

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By *lysses J OP   Man
over a year ago

cardiff

Thank you! What sort of language do you use? We don’t want to sound uptight!!

??x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Change your condom when you change your partner

Lol.. do people use single condom for multiple session/partners? Bit surprising if people does "

Condoms are expensive, why would he change it? He thinks he's protected. Doesn't matter about anyone else, they're probably all riddled with STI's anyway.

(In his eyes.)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We’re relatively new but body language speaks volumes. You can also gently move a hand away to indicate something is a no. We have full swapped but always in the same room. A direct question like ‘are you happy for me to kiss your husband?’ works and can also be a turn on.

‘Xx shall we both lick your wife?’

Don’t seem to need to stipulate things prior....

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Thank you! What sort of language do you use? We don’t want to sound uptight!!

??x "

People are generally very polite saying things like "are you looking to play later" or " may we join you"

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By *lysses J OP   Man
over a year ago

cardiff

[Removed by poster at 13/10/19 09:48:25]

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By *lysses J OP   Man
over a year ago

cardiff

[Removed by poster at 13/10/19 09:48:55]

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By *lysses J OP   Man
over a year ago

cardiff

Thank you x

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By *lysses J OP   Man
over a year ago

cardiff

Thank you! x

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

Just do it while playing, she says 'use a condom' and 'don't pull out' when she's with strangers. During the fuck she says what she wants - position, speed, whatever.

It can kill the mood if someone gives a briefing on likes/dislikes etc before you start. When having a 4some at home that's OK but in a club things are best if they're spontaneous.

Have fun!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I usually keep condoms on me so I can offer them one in a whole ‘do you have one or do you want this one’ conversation. They can’t not wear one then. "

Can confirm this is a winner, I do this too. Also applies to lube if you need it.

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By *lysses J OP   Man
over a year ago

cardiff

Are there any things that you ever do say up front? Or things that people have said that you thought were good to have said? Or maybe a bit odd?? x

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Are there any things that you ever do say up front? Or things that people have said that you thought were good to have said? Or maybe a bit odd?? x

"

No. Like Sally said. It’s better just to say during the action else stating a list of rules can be a real moment killer.

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By *tudiousPipWoman
over a year ago

W Yorks

The 'where to cum' bit strikes a chord with me. My gag reflex kicks in if a man cums in my mouth, and I don't want anyone cumming on my face. I find a couple of sucks shows I'm into giving oral, then, while wanking him, look him in the eyes and say, "Don't cum in my mouth or on my face." Once he agrees, get back to it. It's worked so far!

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By *lysses J OP   Man
over a year ago

cardiff

Super helpful! x

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By *anda and CatCouple
over a year ago

.

The most important rule about rules! Is to clearly define your own between yourselves, keep an eye on eachother and agree a safe word or action. You will find most couples will ask first during polite conversation before hand. If things just happen and something is starting to happen your not comfortable with a simple movement or change of position should suffice to tell the other party it's a no. You will find people very respectful on the whole.

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By *lysses J OP   Man
over a year ago

cardiff

Thank you x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Thank you x "

Hi, if you use reply+quote under the post you're replying to we'll know who you're replying to .

Don't worry too much about what everyone else does or how they do it. Do whatever makes you the most comfortable. Don't rely on signals or body language, if something is happening that you don't like, be clear in saying no.

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By *lysses J OP   Man
over a year ago

cardiff


"Thank you x

Hi, if you use reply+quote under the post you're replying to we'll know who you're replying to .

Don't worry too much about what everyone else does or how they do it. Do whatever makes you the most comfortable. Don't rely on signals or body language, if something is happening that you don't like, be clear in saying no.

"

Thank you! x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Thank you x

Hi, if you use reply+quote under the post you're replying to we'll know who you're replying to .

Don't worry too much about what everyone else does or how they do it. Do whatever makes you the most comfortable. Don't rely on signals or body language, if something is happening that you don't like, be clear in saying no.

Thank you! x "

Don't be embarrassed! Nobody knows everything when they start out of even years down the line.

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

Don't over think things. We've been to couples only evenings. Yes, couples were there, but they all only played with their own partners. No interacting and swapping.

Even single guys don't always want sex. Bj's, fingering ect. So sitting there chatting and listing off rules could br fruitless.

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By *lysses J OP   Man
over a year ago

cardiff


"Don't over think things. We've been to couples only evenings. Yes, couples were there, but they all only played with their own partners. No interacting and swapping.

Even single guys don't always want sex. Bj's, fingering ect. So sitting there chatting and listing off rules could br fruitless. "

Thank you! Really helpful

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London


"Thank you! What sort of language do you use? We don’t want to sound uptight!!

??x "

I use the same language I always use. It is a good filter.

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