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Why does this always happen?!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So recently I started talking to a man on here. I immediately fancied him, he fancied me and we got on great. We were talking - not long, only about 4 days. But in that time we covered a lot of ground and even set a date to meet, which was kind of a big deal as he lives quite far away and I was prepared to travel around 100 miles to meet him. He said all the right stuff, got me super excited to meet him and he came off sounding incredibly eager too.

Now, due to past bad experiences, I usually have a rule where I don't send people nudes or sext very explicitly until I've at least met them. However this guy just knew how to push all my buttons and before I knew it I was too turned on for my own good and started sending him pictures and videos and having general "kik fun". He sent me a video of him wanking to my pictures so I know the problem was definitely not that he didn't fancy me. I kicked myself slightly afterwards for not having stuck to my rule but he seemed legit and promised not to disappear.

The next day, he disappeared.

His profile on here has been deleted and his kik deactivated. I found his socials (he sent me a couple of videos with one of his social media handles in them so didn't take any effort) and messaged him over Instagram but obviously given this behaviour I don't expect him to reply. I don't doubt that he was real as he sent me lots of live pics over kik and the background details of his home in those photos those match those on his social media posts. So I didn't get catfished but I did get taken in by someone who was obviously just looking for cyber sex.

I feel incredibly stupid and naive. If this was the first time it had happened I could chalk it up to being a newbie who made a rash decision while horny, however this has happened to me too many times for me to even be able to justify it to myself. I'm more upset at the fact that I'm so used to this happening than I am at the fact that someone I thought liked me fucked me over.

This honestly happens with about 90% of the men I speak to. That doesn't include the ones I exchange a few messages with before they disappear. I mean men who I genuinely believe are into me and have gotten me to trust them and like them and legitimately believe that they will meet. This one was only 4 days of my time but there are people I've spoken to for weeks, months even (soldiers stationed far away and the like) who just disappear into thin air.

At some point I have to ask myself: is it my fault? Am I picking the wrong ones? Are they idiots for ghosting me? Will this ever stop happening to me???

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By *hocolateRodMan
over a year ago

London and over UK

Sorry to hear this

This happens to a lot of people - chatting and then disappearing. In fact, in my experience, I have found it a lot on vanilla dating sites - will chat to someone - arrange to meet, and then it all goes cold

In future, I would chat to someone for longer (but not too long), be discreet with pics.

And if there is any hesitation about meeting - then realise they are just not serious...

When I used to be in vanilla sites, it’s happened so often (someone disappearing, making excuses) that I came to expect it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't give them something to wank over before meeting

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Ghosting and cat fishing and gaslighting- old words with new meanings for this brave new digital world.

Rest assured it’s not you, OP. It happens too often to too many people.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Dont send nudes or break your rules. If they are interested they will hang around

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Don't give them something to wank over before meeting "

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By *ifeandhubby400Couple
over a year ago

Arse hole of nowhere ,Scotland

Had this happen too ,whether its days or weeks of chatting ,they make you feel comfortable enough to chat ,send pics etc and think a meet is on the cards ,i refuse to go on KIK or any other mesage site now and no extra pic than what i have on here are sent ,this is only recently we did well until then ,must be a influx of A holes sadly ...

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate


"Don't give them something to wank over before meeting "

Exactly.

I make it clear in my profile I won't be sending anything more than what you can see on my profile, and I've never had this issue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't give them something to wank over before meeting "

this every time im cold till we meet lol only then they get the goodies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So recently I started talking to a man on here. I immediately fancied him, he fancied me and we got on great. We were talking - not long, only about 4 days. But in that time we covered a lot of ground and even set a date to meet, which was kind of a big deal as he lives quite far away and I was prepared to travel around 100 miles to meet him. He said all the right stuff, got me super excited to meet him and he came off sounding incredibly eager too.

Now, due to past bad experiences, I usually have a rule where I don't send people nudes or sext very explicitly until I've at least met them. However this guy just knew how to push all my buttons and before I knew it I was too turned on for my own good and started sending him pictures and videos and having general "kik fun". He sent me a video of him wanking to my pictures so I know the problem was definitely not that he didn't fancy me. I kicked myself slightly afterwards for not having stuck to my rule but he seemed legit and promised not to disappear.

The next day, he disappeared.

His profile on here has been deleted and his kik deactivated. I found his socials (he sent me a couple of videos with one of his social media handles in them so didn't take any effort) and messaged him over Instagram but obviously given this behaviour I don't expect him to reply. I don't doubt that he was real as he sent me lots of live pics over kik and the background details of his home in those photos those match those on his social media posts. So I didn't get catfished but I did get taken in by someone who was obviously just looking for cyber sex.

I feel incredibly stupid and naive. If this was the first time it had happened I could chalk it up to being a newbie who made a rash decision while horny, however this has happened to me too many times for me to even be able to justify it to myself. I'm more upset at the fact that I'm so used to this happening than I am at the fact that someone I thought liked me fucked me over.

This honestly happens with about 90% of the men I speak to. That doesn't include the ones I exchange a few messages with before they disappear. I mean men who I genuinely believe are into me and have gotten me to trust them and like them and legitimately believe that they will meet. This one was only 4 days of my time but there are people I've spoken to for weeks, months even (soldiers stationed far away and the like) who just disappear into thin air.

At some point I have to ask myself: is it my fault? Am I picking the wrong ones? Are they idiots for ghosting me? Will this ever stop happening to me??? "
just meet dont get sucked into cyber crap, its not satisfying is it?

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By *abrielle247Couple (FF)
over a year ago

PDI Gran Canaria

Once they have a wank most lose interest, probably pic collectors and married guys.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Don't give them something to wank over before meeting "

I know... Usually I don't because of this exact reason but there was just something about this guy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So recently I started talking to a man on here. I immediately fancied him, he fancied me and we got on great. We were talking - not long, only about 4 days. But in that time we covered a lot of ground and even set a date to meet, which was kind of a big deal as he lives quite far away and I was prepared to travel around 100 miles to meet him. He said all the right stuff, got me super excited to meet him and he came off sounding incredibly eager too.

Now, due to past bad experiences, I usually have a rule where I don't send people nudes or sext very explicitly until I've at least met them. However this guy just knew how to push all my buttons and before I knew it I was too turned on for my own good and started sending him pictures and videos and having general "kik fun". He sent me a video of him wanking to my pictures so I know the problem was definitely not that he didn't fancy me. I kicked myself slightly afterwards for not having stuck to my rule but he seemed legit and promised not to disappear.

The next day, he disappeared.

His profile on here has been deleted and his kik deactivated. I found his socials (he sent me a couple of videos with one of his social media handles in them so didn't take any effort) and messaged him over Instagram but obviously given this behaviour I don't expect him to reply. I don't doubt that he was real as he sent me lots of live pics over kik and the background details of his home in those photos those match those on his social media posts. So I didn't get catfished but I did get taken in by someone who was obviously just looking for cyber sex.

I feel incredibly stupid and naive. If this was the first time it had happened I could chalk it up to being a newbie who made a rash decision while horny, however this has happened to me too many times for me to even be able to justify it to myself. I'm more upset at the fact that I'm so used to this happening than I am at the fact that someone I thought liked me fucked me over.

This honestly happens with about 90% of the men I speak to. That doesn't include the ones I exchange a few messages with before they disappear. I mean men who I genuinely believe are into me and have gotten me to trust them and like them and legitimately believe that they will meet. This one was only 4 days of my time but there are people I've spoken to for weeks, months even (soldiers stationed far away and the like) who just disappear into thin air.

At some point I have to ask myself: is it my fault? Am I picking the wrong ones? Are they idiots for ghosting me? Will this ever stop happening to me??? "

That's why if I agree to meet a lady I will suggest a hotel and I will pay and send her proof. If I say I will meet i will. People like that give us genuine guys a bad rep.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once they have a wank most lose interest, probably pic collectors and married guys."
lol cynics

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I find it more worrying that you looked him up on social media to send him messages. Put it down to experience and change how you do things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't give them something to wank over before meeting

I know... Usually I don't because of this exact reason but there was just something about this guy "

You sound like a really nice lass and look amazing so it's his loss. Good luck for the future.x

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By *irkydirkyMan
over a year ago

wigan

They just change their minds, it happens. No big deal..

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Don't give them something to wank over before meeting

I know... Usually I don't because of this exact reason but there was just something about this guy

You sound like a really nice lass and look amazing so it's his loss. Good luck for the future.x"
Its not his loss though otherwise he wouldnr of disappeared after the wanking session. He got what he wanted

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

He's blocked me on Instagram now. It's not having the closure that I can't deal with. I can handle rejection much better than being ghosted.

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London


"Dont send nudes or break your rules. If they are interested they will hang around"

This

KM

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I find it more worrying that you looked him up on social media to send him messages. Put it down to experience and change how you do things"

Why? He sent me his handle so he was obviously comfortable with me knowing his socials.

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London


"He's blocked me on Instagram now. "

He's a people user, though 'stalking' him on his social media accounts isn't cool either

KM

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"He's blocked me on Instagram now. It's not having the closure that I can't deal with. I can handle rejection much better than being ghosted. "
lol this happens to guys all the time youll survive

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"I find it more worrying that you looked him up on social media to send him messages. Put it down to experience and change how you do things

Why? He sent me his handle so he was obviously comfortable with me knowing his socials. "

You said you found his handle on one of the videos he sent you

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By *irkydirkyMan
over a year ago

wigan


"He's blocked me on Instagram now. It's not having the closure that I can't deal with. I can handle rejection much better than being ghosted. "

Being ghosted and rejection is the same thing..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I find it more worrying that you looked him up on social media to send him messages. Put it down to experience and change how you do things

Why? He sent me his handle so he was obviously comfortable with me knowing his socials.

You said you found his handle on one of the videos he sent you"

They were TikTok videos. For those unfamiliar - your handle is very clearly displayed in the corner of the video for the full length of it, like a logo. Like I said, if he didn't want me knowing it, he wouldn't have sent it. It's not like I studied the videos frame by frame for clues to get his handle, it's literally printed over the video.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm so sorry but you have my complete empathy. This has happened to me a few times and it makes you feel so stupid because they genuinely make you feel like there's a connection. It does make you feel like giving up. I'm still looking but I'm hopeful that a decent guy is out there for me. Hopefully for you too x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"He's blocked me on Instagram now. It's not having the closure that I can't deal with. I can handle rejection much better than being ghosted.

Being ghosted and rejection is the same thing.. "

No it's not. At least with rejection you're aware it's happening.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"He's blocked me on Instagram now. It's not having the closure that I can't deal with. I can handle rejection much better than being ghosted. lol this happens to guys all the time youll survive "

Yes it happens to me all the time too. That's what I'm saying; it's really frustrating. It must have happened with well over 30 or 40 people now, which is why I'm starting to give up hope.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also, after being ghosted by a guy who I was falling for (and who I thought was falling for me), I received a message from him about a year later. I genuinely believed his reasons and that he was sorry and understood what he'd put me through. So spent a few weeks chatting every day and getting close again. Then the night before our big reunion, he said he couldn't do it. So at least he didn't ghost me again but I felt sooooo stupid having put myself in a position to be hurt by him again. I'm just such an optimistic person that I want to see the best in everybody.

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds


"So recently I started talking to a man on here. I immediately fancied him, he fancied me and we got on great. We were talking - not long, only about 4 days. But in that time we covered a lot of ground and even set a date to meet, which was kind of a big deal as he lives quite far away and I was prepared to travel around 100 miles to meet him. He said all the right stuff, got me super excited to meet him and he came off sounding incredibly eager too.

Now, due to past bad experiences, I usually have a rule where I don't send people nudes or sext very explicitly until I've at least met them. However this guy just knew how to push all my buttons and before I knew it I was too turned on for my own good and started sending him pictures and videos and having general "kik fun". He sent me a video of him wanking to my pictures so I know the problem was definitely not that he didn't fancy me. I kicked myself slightly afterwards for not having stuck to my rule but he seemed legit and promised not to disappear.

The next day, he disappeared.

His profile on here has been deleted and his kik deactivated. I found his socials (he sent me a couple of videos with one of his social media handles in them so didn't take any effort) and messaged him over Instagram but obviously given this behaviour I don't expect him to reply. I don't doubt that he was real as he sent me lots of live pics over kik and the background details of his home in those photos those match those on his social media posts. So I didn't get catfished but I did get taken in by someone who was obviously just looking for cyber sex.

I feel incredibly stupid and naive. If this was the first time it had happened I could chalk it up to being a newbie who made a rash decision while horny, however this has happened to me too many times for me to even be able to justify it to myself. I'm more upset at the fact that I'm so used to this happening than I am at the fact that someone I thought liked me fucked me over.

This honestly happens with about 90% of the men I speak to. That doesn't include the ones I exchange a few messages with before they disappear. I mean men who I genuinely believe are into me and have gotten me to trust them and like them and legitimately believe that they will meet. This one was only 4 days of my time but there are people I've spoken to for weeks, months even (soldiers stationed far away and the like) who just disappear into thin air.

At some point I have to ask myself: is it my fault? Am I picking the wrong ones? Are they idiots for ghosting me? Will this ever stop happening to me??? "

I'll sugar coat this,..if its happening a lot (90% is a lot) the common denominator is you.

Change something, add checks and balances.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is why I avoid sex chatter. Someone can turn me on in random day to day conversations. Most of my photos are quite Tame by comparison to most peoples on Fab. As are the ones I share in private.

A lot of men aren't sure whether Fab is something they really want to do. So they test the waters first. A lot of men and women use the site for fantasy wanking without ever plucking up the courage to try it out for real. Think of yourself as a free cam girl to these types.

I've been cat fished that many time by horny white walkers that I've developed a sixth sense for them now, yet still get it wrong occasionally.

Thd sad thing about it, is they dont consider how it makes us feel when they do it. They don't seem to care that we could be fretting about why they ghosted us, of were talking to us to start with.

Hang in there OP. There are a few genuine souls on Fab, when you find one who matches, it's worth all this bullshit we have to put up with at times.

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By *oistknickersCouple
over a year ago

London

Don’t let the bastards grind you down, put it down to experience and move on, don’t let them spoil your true nature.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry this happened to you!

Definitely sounds like he just wanted cyber sex and was far too much of a coward to tell you so.

I have the same rule as you in regards to sexting and sending photos, also because they’ve ended up elsewhere and anyone genuine who truly wants to meet me, will not mind.

X

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Also, after being ghosted by a guy who I was falling for (and who I thought was falling for me), I received a message from him about a year later. I genuinely believed his reasons and that he was sorry and understood what he'd put me through. So spent a few weeks chatting every day and getting close again. Then the night before our big reunion, he said he couldn't do it. So at least he didn't ghost me again but I felt sooooo stupid having put myself in a position to be hurt by him again. I'm just such an optimistic person that I want to see the best in everybody. "

Sorry to hear that, it really sucks to be stung multiple times by the same person. Sometimes we are so willing to believe that someone means what they say that we'll easily fall for their manipulation. I'm the same to be honest. Wish I had a better bullshit detector!

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By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London


"it really sucks to be stung multiple times by the same person. Sometimes we are so willing to believe that someone means what they say that we'll easily fall for their manipulation. "

This sums it up really, the trick is to be fooled only once, never again.

Don't get close to complete strangers on the internet. Value yourself more than that.

KM

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By *irkydirkyMan
over a year ago

wigan


"He's blocked me on Instagram now. It's not having the closure that I can't deal with. I can handle rejection much better than being ghosted.

Being ghosted and rejection is the same thing..

No it's not. At least with rejection you're aware it's happening. "

And you didn’t realise it at the deleting and deactivation stage?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On my profile it says DONT ASK FOR PICS. As soon as they do. They are blocked . Stick with ur rules

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"He's blocked me on Instagram now. It's not having the closure that I can't deal with. I can handle rejection much better than being ghosted.

Being ghosted and rejection is the same thing..

No it's not. At least with rejection you're aware it's happening.

And you didn’t realise it at the deleting and deactivation stage? "

OK let me rephrase: ghosting is the coward's way out. Rejection is at least a little respectful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"He's blocked me on Instagram now. It's not having the closure that I can't deal with. I can handle rejection much better than being ghosted. lol this happens to guys all the time youll survive

Yes it happens to me all the time too. That's what I'm saying; it's really frustrating. It must have happened with well over 30 or 40 people now, which is why I'm starting to give up hope. "

It's highly likely you will now be targeted by more men wanting wank chat and pics etc, as you've admitted you're easily fooled.

Stick to your rule of no sex chat until after you've met them in person. You are in charge.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

OP I think this experience will teach you to stick to your rules in future. We all go of the rails sometimes but it’s better to stick to your guns and find genuine men and there are some on here.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I've also had this a fair number of times and not just on here. On dating sites and even by men I knew in real life. I've been physically waiting in the agreed meeting location before for him not to turn up.

I don't think you can ever totally avoid it but there are things you can do to help prevent it like having boundaries you put in place before the first meet. Though I've then had some refuse to meet me because I won't bend my personal boundaries for them so it goes both ways. At least then you know though.

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By *he James gangCouple
over a year ago

NEWTOWNABBEY


"He's blocked me on Instagram now. It's not having the closure that I can't deal with. I can handle rejection much better than being ghosted. lol this happens to guys all the time youll survive

Yes it happens to me all the time too. That's what I'm saying; it's really frustrating. It must have happened with well over 30 or 40 people now, which is why I'm starting to give up hope. "

He’s a total, weak, pathetic a*sehole. But, with love, I think that 30 - 40 times should make you rethink your approach/strategy for meeting. My advice, for what it’s worth, is don’t keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. There are so many lovely, genuine people here that you could connect with. Wishing you the best of luck x Jessy

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By *aidForSharingWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

Just meet somewhere you're going anyway, then whether they turn up or not is no big deal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP I think it is becoming a lot more common on this site. We have had it a few times recently, getting to the point to arrange a meet a poof they are gone. I even had it last week with a guy we had met, so we know he is real, we had been saying we would meet up again and on the day he disappeared he said he would check his rota and the went on to tell me what he was doing over my photos and with that he was gone.

It annoyed me as I thought we got on well and we don't really want one off meets. We wanted to find a couple of people who we can play exclusively with but it's seems to be harder to find than you think because of that kind of behaviour. I am sorry its happened to you. It sucks xx

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By *lknhungMan
over a year ago

Luton

Yeah this has happened to me a lot, everything is perfect till it’s close to meeting then they deactivate and disappear!

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By *irkydirkyMan
over a year ago

wigan


"He's blocked me on Instagram now. It's not having the closure that I can't deal with. I can handle rejection much better than being ghosted.

Being ghosted and rejection is the same thing..

No it's not. At least with rejection you're aware it's happening.

And you didn’t realise it at the deleting and deactivation stage?

OK let me rephrase: ghosting is the coward's way out. Rejection is at least a little respectful. "

Either way it’s rejection and going stalker crazy through social media isn’t cool.. FAQs explains the rules.

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By *easidegirlWoman
over a year ago

south shore

When I first joined on my previous profile I got chatting to a guy, he messaged me all the time but whenever we arranged a meet he went quiet days before until weeks after, then messaged saying he had been super busy. Took me a while, naive as I was, to realise the silence about meeting came after I had sent him pic's.. They are losers, sad wankers, literally, I hope you meet a genuine guy next time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"He's blocked me on Instagram now. It's not having the closure that I can't deal with. I can handle rejection much better than being ghosted.

Being ghosted and rejection is the same thing..

No it's not. At least with rejection you're aware it's happening.

And you didn’t realise it at the deleting and deactivation stage?

OK let me rephrase: ghosting is the coward's way out. Rejection is at least a little respectful.

Either way it’s rejection and going stalker crazy through social media isn’t cool.. FAQs explains the rules."

Why am I the one being shamed here? I looked up someone who sent me their social media details. That hardly makes me a stalker. It's like sending someone a face pic and then getting annoyed they know the colour of your eyes?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh it’s such a shame that people are like that and I know it’s horrible and spoils it for the genuine people amongst us.

I didn’t realise how much this happens and can now totally understand why people are sometimes very on guard.

Personally I don’t ask for any photos or videos, why should I when meeting for the real thing is so much nicer

Please don’t let it get you down, you look lovely on your profile and I wish you well with future fabbing xxx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"He's blocked me on Instagram now. It's not having the closure that I can't deal with. I can handle rejection much better than being ghosted.

Being ghosted and rejection is the same thing..

No it's not. At least with rejection you're aware it's happening.

And you didn’t realise it at the deleting and deactivation stage?

OK let me rephrase: ghosting is the coward's way out. Rejection is at least a little respectful. "

Men say this all the time and are told to change their selection process, suck it up and move on.

It's horrible but it happens all the time

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By *oney to the beeWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

People have a change of heart they decide its not for them or maybe something you said. I doubt he would have sent as much information and as many photos as you said he did if it was all to wank over photos there are easier options for a man on here. Just take it he decided you/fab/swinging or whatever wasn't for him so best just to delete and leave him be.

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By *irkydirkyMan
over a year ago

wigan


"He's blocked me on Instagram now. It's not having the closure that I can't deal with. I can handle rejection much better than being ghosted.

Being ghosted and rejection is the same thing..

No it's not. At least with rejection you're aware it's happening.

And you didn’t realise it at the deleting and deactivation stage?

OK let me rephrase: ghosting is the coward's way out. Rejection is at least a little respectful.

Either way it’s rejection and going stalker crazy through social media isn’t cool.. FAQs explains the rules.

Why am I the one being shamed here? I looked up someone who sent me their social media details. That hardly makes me a stalker. It's like sending someone a face pic and then getting annoyed they know the colour of your eyes?! "

I’m not shaming, I’m explaining..

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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London


"So recently I started talking to a man on here. I immediately fancied him, he fancied me and we got on great. We were talking - not long, only about 4 days. But in that time we covered a lot of ground and even set a date to meet, which was kind of a big deal as he lives quite far away and I was prepared to travel around 100 miles to meet him. He said all the right stuff, got me super excited to meet him and he came off sounding incredibly eager too.

Now, due to past bad experiences, I usually have a rule where I don't send people nudes or sext very explicitly until I've at least met them. However this guy just knew how to push all my buttons and before I knew it I was too turned on for my own good and started sending him pictures and videos and having general "kik fun". He sent me a video of him wanking to my pictures so I know the problem was definitely not that he didn't fancy me. I kicked myself slightly afterwards for not having stuck to my rule but he seemed legit and promised not to disappear.

The next day, he disappeared.

His profile on here has been deleted and his kik deactivated. I found his socials (he sent me a couple of videos with one of his social media handles in them so didn't take any effort) and messaged him over Instagram but obviously given this behaviour I don't expect him to reply. I don't doubt that he was real as he sent me lots of live pics over kik and the background details of his home in those photos those match those on his social media posts. So I didn't get catfished but I did get taken in by someone who was obviously just looking for cyber sex.

I feel incredibly stupid and naive. If this was the first time it had happened I could chalk it up to being a newbie who made a rash decision while horny, however this has happened to me too many times for me to even be able to justify it to myself. I'm more upset at the fact that I'm so used to this happening than I am at the fact that someone I thought liked me fucked me over.

This honestly happens with about 90% of the men I speak to. That doesn't include the ones I exchange a few messages with before they disappear. I mean men who I genuinely believe are into me and have gotten me to trust them and like them and legitimately believe that they will meet. This one was only 4 days of my time but there are people I've spoken to for weeks, months even (soldiers stationed far away and the like) who just disappear into thin air.

At some point I have to ask myself: is it my fault? Am I picking the wrong ones? Are they idiots for ghosting me? Will this ever stop happening to me??? "

It's really sad it happens but if this happens all the time with you you have to stick to your rules, no matter how persuasive he may be. Don't trust strangers till you meet face to face.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of people are attached. Flirting without your partner knowing is one thing but the reality of arranging to actually meet is a big step up in difficulty and bottle. The logistics of lying and then not being where you are supposed to be is a step too far for most people. Find someone to flirt with, get a bit sexy, talk about meeting, bottle it, vanish. Rinse and repeat. Online makes it super easy too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try only to meet locals.......

People from hundreds of miles away are usually dreamers

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By *errysMan
over a year ago

milton keynes and kent

I get confused about things like this.

If you dont want cyber sex why not meet after a couple of messages.

Meeting can be done safely such as with a friend watching or 2 cars side by side with locked doors and engine running etc or at a club.

Btw this doesnt seem to work for me i rarely get replies. lol.

Good luck in your future fabbing and dont be put off by a few glitches. above all, as others have said stick with your own rules.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't beat yourself up love. I had this almost done to me by someone who had obviously made falsehoods an art form.

We look and hope for the best in everyone and it takes a kind of strength to admit to yourself that you have been caught out. It can happen to anyone. Learn to forgive yourself, life is too harsh otherwise xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A lot of people are attached. Flirting without your partner knowing is one thing but the reality of arranging to actually meet is a big step up in difficulty and bottle. The logistics of lying and then not being where you are supposed to be is a step too far for most people. Find someone to flirt with, get a bit sexy, talk about meeting, bottle it, vanish. Rinse and repeat. Online makes it super easy too. "

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By *oan of DArcCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Don't give them something to wank over before meeting

I know... Usually I don't because of this exact reason but there was just something about this guy "

Did you get turned on by exchanging pics/videos with him?

If so treat it as just that.

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By *ochesterMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So recently I started talking to a man on here. I immediately fancied him, he fancied me and we got on great. We were talking - not long, only about 4 days. But in that time we covered a lot of ground and even set a date to meet, which was kind of a big deal as he lives quite far away and I was prepared to travel around 100 miles to meet him. He said all the right stuff, got me super excited to meet him and he came off sounding incredibly eager too.

Now, due to past bad experiences, I usually have a rule where I don't send people nudes or sext very explicitly until I've at least met them. However this guy just knew how to push all my buttons and before I knew it I was too turned on for my own good and started sending him pictures and videos and having general "kik fun". He sent me a video of him wanking to my pictures so I know the problem was definitely not that he didn't fancy me. I kicked myself slightly afterwards for not having stuck to my rule but he seemed legit and promised not to disappear.

The next day, he disappeared.

His profile on here has been deleted and his kik deactivated. I found his socials (he sent me a couple of videos with one of his social media handles in them so didn't take any effort) and messaged him over Instagram but obviously given this behaviour I don't expect him to reply. I don't doubt that he was real as he sent me lots of live pics over kik and the background details of his home in those photos those match those on his social media posts. So I didn't get catfished but I did get taken in by someone who was obviously just looking for cyber sex.

I feel incredibly stupid and naive. If this was the first time it had happened I could chalk it up to being a newbie who made a rash decision while horny, however this has happened to me too many times for me to even be able to justify it to myself. I'm more upset at the fact that I'm so used to this happening than I am at the fact that someone I thought liked me fucked me over.

This honestly happens with about 90% of the men I speak to. That doesn't include the ones I exchange a few messages with before they disappear. I mean men who I genuinely believe are into me and have gotten me to trust them and like them and legitimately believe that they will meet. This one was only 4 days of my time but there are people I've spoken to for weeks, months even (soldiers stationed far away and the like) who just disappear into thin air.

At some point I have to ask myself: is it my fault? Am I picking the wrong ones? Are they idiots for ghosting me? Will this ever stop happening to me??? "

Really

Sorry to hear that happened to you. Try not to get disheartened. I’m the future stick to your rule. It’s a good rule to have x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Once they have a wank most lose interest, probably pic collectors and married guys."

This.

That’s why single men get such a hard time on here- they know the buttons to press, tell you what they think you want to hear and when they have their ‘fix’ it’s on to the next woman.

Communicate via Fab, give/share anything of yourself until you have enough information to enable you make an informed decision and set up a social meet, if the men don’t like it the move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish the damn frogs would croak off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince."

I wish the frogs would croak of!

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds

At some point I have to ask myself: is it my fault? Am I picking the wrong ones? Are they idiots for ghosting me? Will this ever stop happening to me???

Is it your fault.. Yep.. YOU altered your way of doing things .

Are you pickng the wrong ones.. errrr YOU posting this tells you that.

Are they idiots.. maybe.. if they got what they wanted ..no.

Will this stop happening to you.. only if YOU change something.

The common denominator in the answers is YOU.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/10/19 08:01:25]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(he sent me a couple of videos with one of his social media handles in them so didn't take any effort) 

Seems stalkerish to me, if I accidentally sent someone something from social media, that doesn't indicate to contact me on there. He obviously doesn't want contacting if he deleted kik and fab.

Just imagine a man writing the above he would be slated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just think you are taking it too personally. This happens every day to hundreds of people.

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By *ikingCoolMan
over a year ago

carmarthen

I just can not understand why any other person could do this to another person ,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just can not understand why any other person could do this to another person , "

Really??? People do this and a heck of a lot worse to people every single day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is not your fault. People are just people,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Currently getting ghosted now after 3 years but hey ho just move on & it goes to show what kind of person they are haven’t got a back bone! & I certainly don’t want anyone like that in my life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would never lead a lady on like this, it’s disgusting. But I have been told in a club that I’m too nice to be a swinger. Don’t alter your rules, an attractive lady like you will have lots of suitable men only too willing to meet on your terms.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"I would never lead a lady on like this, it’s disgusting. But I have been told in a club that I’m too nice to be a swinger. Don’t alter your rules, an attractive lady like you will have lots of suitable men only too willing to meet on your terms."

What does ‘too nice to be a swinger’ mean? That’s surely a daft statement! We are who we are end of......

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By *ollycouple71Couple
over a year ago

manchester


"I would never lead a lady on like this, it’s disgusting. But I have been told in a club that I’m too nice to be a swinger. Don’t alter your rules, an attractive lady like you will have lots of suitable men only too willing to meet on your terms.

What does ‘too nice to be a swinger’ mean? That’s surely a daft statement! We are who we are end of......"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I find it more worrying that you looked him up on social media to send him messages. Put it down to experience and change how you do things

Why? He sent me his handle so he was obviously comfortable with me knowing his socials.

You said you found his handle on one of the videos he sent you

They were TikTok videos. For those unfamiliar - your handle is very clearly displayed in the corner of the video for the full length of it, like a logo. Like I said, if he didn't want me knowing it, he wouldn't have sent it. It's not like I studied the videos frame by frame for clues to get his handle, it's literally printed over the video. "

It's possible he wasn't thinking with his up top head. I'd say chalk it up and move on, if you provide wank fodder, men will wank, if you don't they will move on or want to meet YOU in person. Maybe you enjoy internet wanking and if so own it and don't feel so bad when men disappear, once they've spunked. Alternatively know your worth and don't fall for BS and certainly don't chase him for something more or an explanation, he left.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


" It must have happened with well over 30 or 40 people now"

So why do you continue to send men wank fodder before meeting them if ghosting happens to you so frequently ?

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

OP. Ignore the shamers. If someone has freely given you there social media details in whatever form, then they behave like a dick, I'd say you're perfectly entitled to contact them that way. I don't think you'll get the response you're looking for, but I don't think it's unreasonable on your part. As others have said - maintain your boundaries, to try and avoid people taking advantage of you again. It's a lesson I've learned the hard way too, being a trusting and open soul in general.

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is not you! I have plenty of similar stories. I think men will say anything for virtual wank material. I know it's disheartening but just remember it is not you. Don't beat yourself up too much, we all go with our instincts sometimes but unfortunately there is alot of liars in the hook up world.

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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds


"It is not you! I have plenty of similar stories. I think men will say anything for virtual wank material. I know it's disheartening but just remember it is not you. Don't beat yourself up too much, we all go with our instincts sometimes but unfortunately there is alot of liars in the hook up world.

"

How is it not 'her'.. 30-40 times 90% all numbers mentioned by the op, the common denominator is her. if she altered her process it would be a lot less,

Einstein said 'to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result is insanity'.

if this was a guy he'd be told think with your brain not your dick. Same apllies use your brain.

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By *ellsuitedMan
over a year ago

Elstree


"So recently I started talking to a man on here. I immediately fancied him, he fancied me and we got on great. We were talking - not long, only about 4 days. But in that time we covered a lot of ground and even set a date to meet, which was kind of a big deal as he lives quite far away and I was prepared to travel around 100 miles to meet him. He said all the right stuff, got me super excited to meet him and he came off sounding incredibly eager too.

Now, due to past bad experiences, I usually have a rule where I don't send people nudes or sext very explicitly until I've at least met them. However this guy just knew how to push all my buttons and before I knew it I was too turned on for my own good and started sending him pictures and videos and having general "kik fun". He sent me a video of him wanking to my pictures so I know the problem was definitely not that he didn't fancy me. I kicked myself slightly afterwards for not having stuck to my rule but he seemed legit and promised not to disappear.

The next day, he disappeared.

His profile on here has been deleted and his kik deactivated. I found his socials (he sent me a couple of videos with one of his social media handles in them so didn't take any effort) and messaged him over Instagram but obviously given this behaviour I don't expect him to reply. I don't doubt that he was real as he sent me lots of live pics over kik and the background details of his home in those photos those match those on his social media posts. So I didn't get catfished but I did get taken in by someone who was obviously just looking for cyber sex.

I feel incredibly stupid and naive. If this was the first time it had happened I could chalk it up to being a newbie who made a rash decision while horny, however this has happened to me too many times for me to even be able to justify it to myself. I'm more upset at the fact that I'm so used to this happening than I am at the fact that someone I thought liked me fucked me over.

This honestly happens with about 90% of the men I speak to. That doesn't include the ones I exchange a few messages with before they disappear. I mean men who I genuinely believe are into me and have gotten me to trust them and like them and legitimately believe that they will meet. This one was only 4 days of my time but there are people I've spoken to for weeks, months even (soldiers stationed far away and the like) who just disappear into thin air.

At some point I have to ask myself: is it my fault? Am I picking the wrong ones? Are they idiots for ghosting me? Will this ever stop happening to me??? "

That is awful!

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By *ndrew CareyMan
over a year ago

Peterborough, Cambridgeshire & Lincolnshire

Commiserations, that's fab for you. At least you didn't travel and get stood up.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"I find it more worrying that you looked him up on social media to send him messages. Put it down to experience and change how you do things

Why? He sent me his handle so he was obviously comfortable with me knowing his socials. "

That isn't what you said on your OP

"I found his socials (he sent me a couple of videos with one of his social media handles in them so didn't take any effort)"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I find it more worrying that you looked him up on social media to send him messages. Put it down to experience and change how you do things

Why? He sent me his handle so he was obviously comfortable with me knowing his socials.

That isn't what you said on your OP

"I found his socials (he sent me a couple of videos with one of his social media handles in them so didn't take any effort)"

"

I've already explained this multiple times very clearly. The videos were TikTok videos where your handle is printed over the top of the video. He sent me three of them knowing full well I would have his handle. He explained all about how he loves making those videos. It's not like I paused the video frame by frame and zoomed in for clues. It was literally right there. His account is set to public and he has a massive following (tens of thousands) so I'm pretty sure he didn't think anything of it. Please don't make me out to be some sort of crazy stalker when that's just not true. I sent him ONE message over social media asking why he disappeared and then left it alone so please stop acting like I've hired a private investigator to stake out his home address.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"OP. Ignore the shamers. If someone has freely given you there social media details in whatever form, then they behave like a dick, I'd say you're perfectly entitled to contact them that way. I don't think you'll get the response you're looking for, but I don't think it's unreasonable on your part. As others have said - maintain your boundaries, to try and avoid people taking advantage of you again. It's a lesson I've learned the hard way too, being a trusting and open soul in general.

Mrs TMN x

"

Right?! People are trying to make me sound insane, as if I'd go to some crazy investigative lengths to find someone I'd been talking to for FOUR DAYS. No. I had his handle, I searched it and it came up. How is everyone pretending like they've never tried looking up people online that they meet on here/other dating apps?! I'm sorry but if for example someone told me they'd gone on a date with someone off tinder without looking them up online first I'd find it incredibly hard to believe them. Maybe it's a generational thing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A lot of people are attached. Flirting without your partner knowing is one thing but the reality of arranging to actually meet is a big step up in difficulty and bottle. The logistics of lying and then not being where you are supposed to be is a step too far for most people. Find someone to flirt with, get a bit sexy, talk about meeting, bottle it, vanish. Rinse and repeat. Online makes it super easy too. "

There's the route cause of the problem perfectly laid out.

Real and honest people want to meet for real so save any sexy stuff until you are actually with them in the flesh and know they are genuine.

KJ x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sounds like you wanted to believe him and let down your defences

next time step back and really look at what is being said and if you're being pushed out of your comfort zone. stop if it is

self care is your priority

keep your ego in check x

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

I always have it in the back of my head that everyone I encounter online is not being at least entirely truthful. After all not many people are entirely truthful even in real life. Look out for the discrepancies.

Never ever ever send photos or videos you wouldn’t be happy with your grandchildren finding one day!!

When you arrange a meet, make it local and somewhere you are happy going to alone. I usually use coffee shops.

If they sound to good to be true they usually are!!

Don’t look for someone to make your life better. Make your life better yourself. It’s the only way that really works. Once your life is on track you might just find the right person to share it with.

These are some of the things I have learnt on my journey. I hope they help x

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By *oan of DArcCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow


"

Right?! People are trying to make me sound insane, as if I'd go to some crazy investigative lengths to find someone I'd been talking to for FOUR DAYS. No. I had his handle, I searched it and it came up. How is everyone pretending like they've never tried looking up people online that they meet on here/other dating apps?! I'm sorry but if for example someone told me they'd gone on a date with someone off tinder without looking them up online first I'd find it incredibly hard to believe them. Maybe it's a generational thing? "

I don't think the issue is looking up his social media accounts, it's messaging him outside of this platform without his consent!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Right?! People are trying to make me sound insane, as if I'd go to some crazy investigative lengths to find someone I'd been talking to for FOUR DAYS. No. I had his handle, I searched it and it came up. How is everyone pretending like they've never tried looking up people online that they meet on here/other dating apps?! I'm sorry but if for example someone told me they'd gone on a date with someone off tinder without looking them up online first I'd find it incredibly hard to believe them. Maybe it's a generational thing?

I don't think the issue is looking up his social media accounts, it's messaging him outside of this platform without his consent! "

Agree totally, messaging off here crossed a line. If a guy posted this exact same thread he would of been slaughtered by the white knights etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"OP. Ignore the shamers. If someone has freely given you there social media details in whatever form, then they behave like a dick, I'd say you're perfectly entitled to contact them that way. I don't think you'll get the response you're looking for, but I don't think it's unreasonable on your part. As others have said - maintain your boundaries, to try and avoid people taking advantage of you again. It's a lesson I've learned the hard way too, being a trusting and open soul in general.

Mrs TMN x

Right?! People are trying to make me sound insane, as if I'd go to some crazy investigative lengths to find someone I'd been talking to for FOUR DAYS. No. I had his handle, I searched it and it came up. How is everyone pretending like they've never tried looking up people online that they meet on here/other dating apps?! I'm sorry but if for example someone told me they'd gone on a date with someone off tinder without looking them up online first I'd find it incredibly hard to believe them. Maybe it's a generational thing? "

Fair point. Investigate.

The fact he has thousands of followers makes me think he's just a wanking catfish though.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"I'm sorry but if for example someone told me they'd gone on a date with someone off tinder without looking them up online first I'd find it incredibly hard to believe them. Maybe it's a generational thing? "

It must indeed be a generational thing. I have never once looked someone up online before going on a date.

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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London


"OP. Ignore the shamers. If someone has freely given you there social media details in whatever form, then they behave like a dick, I'd say you're perfectly entitled to contact them that way. I don't think you'll get the response you're looking for, but I don't think it's unreasonable on your part. As others have said - maintain your boundaries, to try and avoid people taking advantage of you again. It's a lesson I've learned the hard way too, being a trusting and open soul in general.

Mrs TMN x

Right?! People are trying to make me sound insane, as if I'd go to some crazy investigative lengths to find someone I'd been talking to for FOUR DAYS. No. I had his handle, I searched it and it came up. How is everyone pretending like they've never tried looking up people online that they meet on here/other dating apps?! I'm sorry but if for example someone told me they'd gone on a date with someone off tinder without looking them up online first I'd find it incredibly hard to believe them. Maybe it's a generational thing?

Fair point. Investigate.

The fact he has thousands of followers makes me think he's just a wanking catfish though. "

I was going to say this when I read it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Right?! People are trying to make me sound insane, as if I'd go to some crazy investigative lengths to find someone I'd been talking to for FOUR DAYS. No. I had his handle, I searched it and it came up. How is everyone pretending like they've never tried looking up people online that they meet on here/other dating apps?! I'm sorry but if for example someone told me they'd gone on a date with someone off tinder without looking them up online first I'd find it incredibly hard to believe them. Maybe it's a generational thing?

I don't think the issue is looking up his social media accounts, it's messaging him outside of this platform without his consent! "

The guy was a tw*t though. He had a choice over how he behaved and he chose to be a d*ck. He didn't ask for consent for that. Behave badly and don't be suprised if someone behaves badly back.

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By *oan of DArcCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow


"

Right?! People are trying to make me sound insane, as if I'd go to some crazy investigative lengths to find someone I'd been talking to for FOUR DAYS. No. I had his handle, I searched it and it came up. How is everyone pretending like they've never tried looking up people online that they meet on here/other dating apps?! I'm sorry but if for example someone told me they'd gone on a date with someone off tinder without looking them up online first I'd find it incredibly hard to believe them. Maybe it's a generational thing?

I don't think the issue is looking up his social media accounts, it's messaging him outside of this platform without his consent!

The guy was a tw*t though. He had a choice over how he behaved and he chose to be a d*ck. He didn't ask for consent for that. Behave badly and don't be suprised if someone behaves badly back."

He probably is a twat, but just like any other member here, has the right to disengage at any stage they like.

It's up to individuals to decide what theyre prepared to share with others, who after all are total strangers and not obligated to anyone!

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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London

Okay humour me for a minute here.

- What if -

The guy you saw in the TikTok videos, the guy who has lots of followers on Instagram, that you messaged, isn't the guy you've been speaking to and planning to meet and sharing your private photos or videos with?

It could be where you were catfished to believe he was this really hot guy who was sending you legitimate videos to gain your trust to send your more intimate pictures? And the sad thing is, you probably aren't the only person he's done it too.

The lesson you can learn from this is to just not share anything private with anyone you haven't met and stick to your rules no matter how convincing or hot that person may be. Otherwise you just fall back into the same pattern over and over again.

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By *andare63Man
over a year ago

oldham

Op you ask the question will this keep happening? Who knows? But one thing you can control and change is your own actions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

He probably is a twat, but just like any other member here, has the right to disengage at any stage they like.

It's up to individuals to decide what theyre prepared to share with others, who after all are total strangers and not obligated to anyone!

"

If you want to disengage at any stage on here then it should be kept on here only. Once you move it off here then it is about trust and you need to consider that the stranger you are talking to has no obligations to behave in the way you want.

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By *inful xWoman
over a year ago

In a sleepy little village

You're not alone !

I try to remember that a large quantity of men on here will say anything to get pictures / into your pants. I avoid all sex chat and I don't share any pictures other than the ones loaded on fab. If my gut instinct kicks in , even the slightest twinge , I'm out of there !

Make your boundaries and stick to them op. I hope you can move on from this soon x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry you are getting shamed when all you wanted to do was vent.

In a week you'll feel differently. In a month you'll have forgotten. Give yourself some time.

Best way to get over someone us to try underneath someone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Okay humour me for a minute here.

- What if -

The guy you saw in the TikTok videos, the guy who has lots of followers on Instagram, that you messaged, isn't the guy you've been speaking to and planning to meet and sharing your private photos or videos with?

It could be where you were catfished to believe he was this really hot guy who was sending you legitimate videos to gain your trust to send your more intimate pictures? And the sad thing is, you probably aren't the only person he's done it too.

The lesson you can learn from this is to just not share anything private with anyone you haven't met and stick to your rules no matter how convincing or hot that person may be. Otherwise you just fall back into the same pattern over and over again."

Nev and Max would agree with you.

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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London


"Okay humour me for a minute here.

- What if -

The guy you saw in the TikTok videos, the guy who has lots of followers on Instagram, that you messaged, isn't the guy you've been speaking to and planning to meet and sharing your private photos or videos with?

It could be where you were catfished to believe he was this really hot guy who was sending you legitimate videos to gain your trust to send your more intimate pictures? And the sad thing is, you probably aren't the only person he's done it too.

The lesson you can learn from this is to just not share anything private with anyone you haven't met and stick to your rules no matter how convincing or hot that person may be. Otherwise you just fall back into the same pattern over and over again.

Nev and Max would agree with you. "

Love those guys, learnt a lot from them

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I’m sorry to hear this but sadly I knew where this was going by the end of the second sentence.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield


"They just change their minds, it happens. No big deal.. "

No they don’t. They go out with the intention of messing people about.

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

It’s definitely rude of him to ghost, no question. But it’s not cool to contact him outside of Fab either. Most people have a very clear line between Fab and the real world and and want to keep it that way. Him cutting off contact means he does not want to talk to you, you reaching into his real life world to try get him to was never going to work. If anyone from Fab contacted me through social media without invitation I’d block them immediately too.

If you want genuine meets stay local and hold back on the swapping pics and vids unless you’re comfortable if you never hear from them again. Experience has showed you that is likely to happen. If it’s still fun for you then that’s fine, but if it’s not then don’t do it.

Have you tried clubs/parties? I find them a much better way to meet genuine people who actually want to meet and play. I had a couple of time wasters last year when trying to arrange private meets. It gets tiresome. Parties are better for introductions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So recently I started talking to a man on here. I immediately fancied him, he fancied me and we got on great. We were talking - not long, only about 4 days. But in that time we covered a lot of ground and even set a date to meet, which was kind of a big deal as he lives quite far away and I was prepared to travel around 100 miles to meet him. He said all the right stuff, got me super excited to meet him and he came off sounding incredibly eager too.

Now, due to past bad experiences, I usually have a rule where I don't send people nudes or sext very explicitly until I've at least met them. However this guy just knew how to push all my buttons and before I knew it I was too turned on for my own good and started sending him pictures and videos and having general "kik fun". He sent me a video of him wanking to my pictures so I know the problem was definitely not that he didn't fancy me. I kicked myself slightly afterwards for not having stuck to my rule but he seemed legit and promised not to disappear.

The next day, he disappeared.

His profile on here has been deleted and his kik deactivated. I found his socials (he sent me a couple of videos with one of his social media handles in them so didn't take any effort) and messaged him over Instagram but obviously given this behaviour I don't expect him to reply. I don't doubt that he was real as he sent me lots of live pics over kik and the background details of his home in those photos those match those on his social media posts. So I didn't get catfished but I did get taken in by someone who was obviously just looking for cyber sex.

I feel incredibly stupid and naive. If this was the first time it had happened I could chalk it up to being a newbie who made a rash decision while horny, however this has happened to me too many times for me to even be able to justify it to myself. I'm more upset at the fact that I'm so used to this happening than I am at the fact that someone I thought liked me fucked me over.

This honestly happens with about 90% of the men I speak to. That doesn't include the ones I exchange a few messages with before they disappear. I mean men who I genuinely believe are into me and have gotten me to trust them and like them and legitimately believe that they will meet. This one was only 4 days of my time but there are people I've spoken to for weeks, months even (soldiers stationed far away and the like) who just disappear into thin air.

At some point I have to ask myself: is it my fault? Am I picking the wrong ones? Are they idiots for ghosting me? Will this ever stop happening to me??? "

This is not a nice way to be treated, you obviously gave him what he needed without the effort of having to have a shower, getting dressed up, making excuses to the wife and then driving to the meeting place...oh and the faff and expense of finding a half-decent hotel to play in. Make your rules and stick to them. I have rules and find that it only goes pear-shaped when I break them. Only thing to do now is forget him, move forward and find someone more deserving of your attention.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"I find it more worrying that you looked him up on social media to send him messages. Put it down to experience and change how you do things

Why? He sent me his handle so he was obviously comfortable with me knowing his socials.

That isn't what you said on your OP

"I found his socials (he sent me a couple of videos with one of his social media handles in them so didn't take any effort)"

I've already explained this multiple times very clearly. The videos were TikTok videos where your handle is printed over the top of the video. He sent me three of them knowing full well I would have his handle. He explained all about how he loves making those videos. It's not like I paused the video frame by frame and zoomed in for clues. It was literally right there. His account is set to public and he has a massive following (tens of thousands) so I'm pretty sure he didn't think anything of it. Please don't make me out to be some sort of crazy stalker when that's just not true. I sent him ONE message over social media asking why he disappeared and then left it alone so please stop acting like I've hired a private investigator to stake out his home address. "

You can post as many times as you like, the OP didn't say any of what you have said since. He blocked you on the forms of communication that you had exchanged and has now blocked you on Instagram where you followed him to. He obviously doesn't want your contact

I would have taken the hint before following him elsewhere. If this was a man posting this there would be a hell of a lot of women hounding him for doing exactly what you did.

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By *onny37Woman
over a year ago

South Yorkshire


"He's blocked me on Instagram now. It's not having the closure that I can't deal with. I can handle rejection much better than being ghosted. "

I’m starting to worry about his bunnies

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City


"I find it more worrying that you looked him up on social media to send him messages. Put it down to experience and change how you do things"

100% agree. This is totally unacceptable

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By *entleman and SassyPussCouple
over a year ago

.


"I find it more worrying that you looked him up on social media to send him messages. Put it down to experience and change how you do things

100% agree. This is totally unacceptable"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try not to beat yourself up about it, but I would say to definitely stick to your rules. However, I’m not having a go, but I would advise that you don’t message anyone outside the agreed contact again.

Different experience, as I wasn’t in contact with them, so he had no way of getting my info, but a guy messaged me on insta because he recognised me. Polite at first, but then he got more graphic and mentioned Fab, but not his details on here. Someone contacting me, uninvited, because of Fab, wasn’t welcomed, and having been stalked a couple of times on here, freaked me a bit.

I’m mentioning it because this chap may have given you the details of someone else’s profile, either way, it’s not worth taking the risk. Keep yourself safe from inadvertently contacting a stranger, you’ve also now given them your insta details, and if you’ve mentioned Fab, more info about you than you may have wanted. Either way, it would not have been a welcomed message. If it was him, he can now justify his shitty behaviour by that error of judgement, but he closed off the avenue of contact when he stopped messaging you.

We can all do daft things though.

Chalk it up to experience lovely, don’t be so trusting (don’t be cynical and let it change you though) and move on.

Just be yourself, stick to your rules, and you’ll be fine x

Viv xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A poor experience and I'm sorry it happened to you. A meet is my dream (unfulfilled), so I'd never turn down the opportunity should it ever arise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So recently I started talking to a man on here. I immediately fancied him, he fancied me and we got on great. We were talking - not long, only about 4 days. But in that time we covered a lot of ground and even set a date to meet, which was kind of a big deal as he lives quite far away and I was prepared to travel around 100 miles to meet him. He said all the right stuff, got me super excited to meet him and he came off sounding incredibly eager too.

Now, due to past bad experiences, I usually have a rule where I don't send people nudes or sext very explicitly until I've at least met them. However this guy just knew how to push all my buttons and before I knew it I was too turned on for my own good and started sending him pictures and videos and having general "kik fun". He sent me a video of him wanking to my pictures so I know the problem was definitely not that he didn't fancy me. I kicked myself slightly afterwards for not having stuck to my rule but he seemed legit and promised not to disappear.

The next day, he disappeared.

His profile on here has been deleted and his kik deactivated. I found his socials (he sent me a couple of videos with one of his social media handles in them so didn't take any effort) and messaged him over Instagram but obviously given this behaviour I don't expect him to reply. I don't doubt that he was real as he sent me lots of live pics over kik and the background details of his home in those photos those match those on his social media posts. So I didn't get catfished but I did get taken in by someone who was obviously just looking for cyber sex.

I feel incredibly stupid and naive. If this was the first time it had happened I could chalk it up to being a newbie who made a rash decision while horny, however this has happened to me too many times for me to even be able to justify it to myself. I'm more upset at the fact that I'm so used to this happening than I am at the fact that someone I thought liked me fucked me over.

This honestly happens with about 90% of the men I speak to. That doesn't include the ones I exchange a few messages with before they disappear. I mean men who I genuinely believe are into me and have gotten me to trust them and like them and legitimately believe that they will meet. This one was only 4 days of my time but there are people I've spoken to for weeks, months even (soldiers stationed far away and the like) who just disappear into thin air.

At some point I have to ask myself: is it my fault? Am I picking the wrong ones? Are they idiots for ghosting me? Will this ever stop happening to me??? "

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By *ighanWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most men and women enjoy the chase and being desired, nothing else

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By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

Old skool rules. Meet in a public place only send clothed shots (they can see your shape) and make it clear from 1st message that your real eyes only.

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By *avid from farnboroughMan
over a year ago

Farnborough and Chepstow

Not very nice and not worth your time x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Find it quite sad that people are quick to jump on the guy with insults etc, we only have one side of the story

And why is he so bad for deleting his profile? People do it all the time, you don't have a clue about what is happening in his life, his reasons may not be solely because of you.

As for the blocking on social media, damn straight. Unnaceptable to find him there.

We've all been ghosted, stood up, Houdini'd. Shit happens, suck it up and move forward with more knowledge for the future

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS
over a year ago

doncaster

It's sounding like the usual crack on here I'm so sorry to say

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By *ubsteffTV/TS
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I’ve read your opening post and it doesn’t surprise me that you’ve been treated this way. Sadly there are more wind up merchants than you can shake a stick at on here.

I’ve also read your profile and you sound like you would be great fun and whoever does meet up with will be one lucky guy x

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