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Will casual sex ever become an acceptable subject to talk about?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

This is a bit of me splurging my mind and seeking the thoughts of others too so sorry for the long post.

To throw a bit of background out there im a straight guy with very little experience (i.e. none!) In the swinging world. Coming from a 20 year vanilla relationship where sex was never a priority and didnt happen for years towards the end.

Add to that i have only ever had that one relationship and that one partner and you may get an idea of how "sheltered" my experience has been.

Thanks to finding fab and the bedhoppers podcast ive been introduced to this world and find it facinating and hope to catch up on a fair bit of lost time!

I love how for most people on here sex is simply a part of life like a nice meal out or a good film and is an extension to social activity rather than how it has been for me which is either a subject to avoid talking about or something so seperate and amped up in my mind it becomes something distinct and seperate to all of the rest of normal life.

Anyway, my psycosis aside! I think that even with it being a normal part of peoples lives (on here at least) its still viewed by society as a very titalating, seedy or abberant way of life to the point that i dont think you can really have a proper conversation about it outside of here without things degrading to school yard sniggers.

So what i wondered is if people think that will always be the way?

We are now in a society that is fairly accepting of interracial relationships, gender fluid people and non cis relationships where 20 years ago such things were not accepted.

So do people think the swinging lifestyle will ever become as socially acceptable as identifying as gay, bi or anything else or will it always lay at the fringe of society?

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Have you never worked in an office or with a predominantly female environment or over heard them on a girls night out

Women openly talk about sex but with the swingers bit left out(so it's just casual sex)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Im not sure its quite the same thing, i may be splitting hairs but i think that casual sex with a serise of individuals is seen as quite different when its done by a single person as to when its done by a couple.

If a person (male, female or other) said they had many partners over a shortish period of time i think they would get a very different reaction to a couple who said the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im not sure its quite the same thing, i may be splitting hairs but i think that casual sex with a serise of individuals is seen as quite different when its done by a single person as to when its done by a couple.

If a person (male, female or other) said they had many partners over a shortish period of time i think they would get a very different reaction to a couple who said the same"

I'd agree, multiple partners as a single person is still seen by many as "cool" for want of a better word, whereas for a couple it would be seen as just plain weird!

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull


"Im not sure its quite the same thing, i may be splitting hairs but i think that casual sex with a serise of individuals is seen as quite different when its done by a single person as to when its done by a couple.

If a person (male, female or other) said they had many partners over a shortish period of time i think they would get a very different reaction to a couple who said the same"

I Didn't read it as relating to couples

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By *azielMan
over a year ago

Midlands

I doubt it, and I wouldn't want it to be neither. Having a secret and losing yourself in another world can be part of the appeal. We all have something in common, namely a live of sex, but some of us are herrtfor other reasons. Reinvent themselves, express themselves in another way, escape there own private lives and many more.

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"Have you never worked in an office or with a predominantly female environment or over heard them on a girls night out

Women openly talk about sex but with the swingers bit left out(so it's just casual sex)"

Yes I believe nowaday casual sex is more accepted than before. Dating sites like T**d*r proves this! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure why you need to tell anyone that much detail about your sex life

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If it does ever become acceptable I think it's a long way off. There are centuries of social conditioning to overcome.

If the forums are to be believed there's not a lot of acceptance of what I think of as casual sex within the fab community. Lots of people don't like someone to have too many verifications and stress that they need a mental connection.

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By *he James gangCouple
over a year ago

NEWTOWNABBEY


"

So do people think the swinging lifestyle will ever become as socially acceptable as identifying as gay, bi or anything else or will it always lay at the fringe of society?"

In reply to your question, I think swinging is the last sexual taboo and possibly the only sexual preference that can be openly discriminated against. People talk all the time on the forums about hiding face pics because if they were identified they’d lose jobs etc. We’re from Northern Ireland and our national Sunday rag had an article today ‘outing’ our only swingers club!!! Unfortunately don’t think we’re anywhere near to being socially acceptable just yet x Jessy

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

We talk about casual sex with our best swinger friends, and she talks about it with a couple of her vanilla friends, who know we swing. But it's generally not discussed. Maybe because some peoples' sex lives are non-existent and they'd feel very left out of such a conversation, and because some people (men mainly!) boast.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Casual sex is the norm in the gay world. Years ago we were persecuted and shamed for our sexual preferences and had to find ways in getting sex without everyone knowing. It has taken years of fighting to be recognised as having the same rights as heterosexuals. So it went underground with music, clubs etc. Which appealed to many people who wanted the same thing without feeling shame or judged. So whether you’re Gay Bi or just curious it was the place to be. I’ve been to many gay clubs where there was “dark rooms” “Play rooms” etc. Places to go to be free to express your desires without being judged. Pioneers back in the day. I miss those days or rather nights out. Also we were fearful of the police raiding a “gay club” because being gay was illegal then it went to being age of consent of 21.

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By *ser574Man
over a year ago

London

In corporate environments, saying to a lady that she looks nice today will put you in the corner for patronising and harassing...

That world is very pretentious

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By *otgirl32Woman
over a year ago

Ashton Under Lyne

Society's unreasonable norms make casual sex taboo yet it's the most natural and normal thing. Monogamy is unnatural and in direct contrast, casual sex is quite normal and natural. I hope there comes a day when two people (man-woman or woman-woman or man-man) can just have sex together similar to sharing a drink and go on with life.

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By *traight up guyMan
over a year ago

Morpeth

Ask Sydney University they've researching it for long enough now ..... apparently!

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By *onty1971Man
over a year ago

London St Helier Trier


"Have you never worked in an office or with a predominantly female environment or over heard them on a girls night out

Women openly talk about sex but with the swingers bit left out(so it's just casual sex)

Yes I believe nowaday casual sex is more accepted than before. Dating sites like T**d*r proves this! Lol"

I even see people on public transport swiping left or right or checking dating sites (not Fab or the other one I am on for my Europe Travels). I have read in the London board a Lady who saw a Gent checking Fab on the Tube.

My best Female Friend is a swinger but not with me. We discuss. But I don't with my male friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is a bit of me splurging my mind and seeking the thoughts of others too so sorry for the long post.

To throw a bit of background out there im a straight guy with very little experience (i.e. none!) In the swinging world. Coming from a 20 year vanilla relationship where sex was never a priority and didnt happen for years towards the end.

Add to that i have only ever had that one relationship and that one partner and you may get an idea of how "sheltered" my experience has been.

Thanks to finding fab and the bedhoppers podcast ive been introduced to this world and find it facinating and hope to catch up on a fair bit of lost time!

I love how for most people on here sex is simply a part of life like a nice meal out or a good film and is an extension to social activity rather than how it has been for me which is either a subject to avoid talking about or something so seperate and amped up in my mind it becomes something distinct and seperate to all of the rest of normal life.

Anyway, my psycosis aside! I think that even with it being a normal part of peoples lives (on here at least) its still viewed by society as a very titalating, seedy or abberant way of life to the point that i dont think you can really have a proper conversation about it outside of here without things degrading to school yard sniggers.

So what i wondered is if people think that will always be the way?

We are now in a society that is fairly accepting of interracial relationships, gender fluid people and non cis relationships where 20 years ago such things were not accepted.

So do people think the swinging lifestyle will ever become as socially acceptable as identifying as gay, bi or anything else or will it always lay at the fringe of society?"
yes but the poignant question is has your dick fell off yet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when you are young and single everyone talks about casual sex, well they did when i was young (I can still remember some things, not totally senile yet). it's when people start buying into the established 'norm' that it becomes taboo.

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By *iss-tiqueWoman
over a year ago

Stockport

I never thought I'd say this but being a Fab member has given me so much confidence. When my dicky boss tries to patronize me I smile at him but inside I think "you don't scare me, I've had more c*ck and p**sy than you can imagine" lol

Those of you who have been to parties and clubs know what it takes to get naked and have sex in public for the first time x

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By *eepgliderMan
over a year ago

Chacewater

Sex as a topic which is part of the overall continuum of chat occurs, yes. "Swingers" would tend to be well represented among those for whom this applies.

You will find your way. Most here can see where you are coming from. "That" place. Many of us here do sex (!), yes - and are open about it with anyone who is also open on the topic.

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By *ove3funCouple
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I like that it's naughty and a secret

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By *upergirthukMan
over a year ago

Liverpool UK


"Have you never worked in an office or with a predominantly female environment or over heard them on a girls night out

Women openly talk about sex but with the swingers bit left out(so it's just casual sex)

Yes I believe nowaday casual sex is more accepted than before. Dating sites like T**d*r proves this! Lol"

I'm actually banned from T**d*r (claim to fame lol) for being open and honest about being a swinger and offering ladies who had an interest in swinging a means to join the lifestyle. Totally respectful to those enquiring even though I was the one receiving the abusive messages on a daily basis.

I think to answer your question, as I came from a similar background, as I dare say many do, I feel its up to us to make it more acceptable by educating people as to it being just good fun and a great laugh too as with so many things the media will portray most things they don't fully appreciate with distain or to look down upon.

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By *eddy and legsCouple
over a year ago

the wetlands


"

So do people think the swinging lifestyle will ever become as socially acceptable as identifying as gay, bi or anything else or will it always lay at the fringe of society?

In reply to your question, I think swinging is the last sexual taboo and possibly the only sexual preference that can be openly discriminated against. People talk all the time on the forums about hiding face pics because if they were identified they’d lose jobs etc. We’re from Northern Ireland and our national Sunday rag had an article today ‘outing’ our only swingers club!!! Unfortunately don’t think we’re anywhere near to being socially acceptable just yet x Jessy "

I don't read Sunday papers ( I wonder why lol) is the article online ?

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By *upergirthukMan
over a year ago

Liverpool UK


"If it does ever become acceptable I think it's a long way off. There are centuries of social conditioning to overcome.

If the forums are to be believed there's not a lot of acceptance of what I think of as casual sex within the fab community. Lots of people don't like someone to have too many verifications and stress that they need a mental connection. "

I've never really understood the whole need for connections in no strings attached fun. Each to their own though I'm happy doing what I do as are the hundreds of others I've had the pleasure of sharing fun with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it is as acceptable as you make it, many people don't enjoy sharing something that is generally intimacy between two people and the details of said intimacy, lets face it its an in the moment thing

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By *reeneggsandsamMan
over a year ago

Perpignan and cap

I often joke about sex during conversation to gauge people's reactions to the subject. If they're prudish and narrow minded they'll let you know. If they're fun and non judgemental then those are most likely the people to trust.

That said, there's very few people in the real work that I talk to about swinging. It's seems that there's still a stigma attached.

Promiscuity is good, swinging is bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I never thought I'd say this but being a Fab member has given me so much confidence. When my dicky boss tries to patronize me I smile at him but inside I think "you don't scare me, I've had more c*ck and p**sy than you can imagine" lol

Those of you who have been to parties and clubs know what it takes to get naked and have sex in public for the first time x"

Indeed we do!

It’s very liberating

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By *oss and SuzieCouple
over a year ago

Porthmadog

We live half the year in Spain and they are much more grown up about swinging. We said to all the estate agents when we were buying 'we're swingers, so we need a private place...' and they didn't miss a beat, even told us where the local clubs were. France was the same.

The old Kestrels wouldn't have been closed down if it was a gay club, they'd have been afraid of Human Rights. But at the moment swinging isn't afforded the same tolerance in the UK.

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By *otgirl32Woman
over a year ago

Ashton Under Lyne


"We live half the year in Spain and they are much more grown up about swinging. We said to all the estate agents when we were buying 'we're swingers, so we need a private place...' and they didn't miss a beat, even told us where the local clubs were. France was the same.

The old Kestrels wouldn't have been closed down if it was a gay club, they'd have been afraid of Human Rights. But at the moment swinging isn't afforded the same tolerance in the UK."

This is because we are so conservative here in the UK swinging, casual sex etc are all taboo. America is even worse.

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By *alcon404Man
over a year ago

London


"We live half the year in Spain and they are much more grown up about swinging. We said to all the estate agents when we were buying 'we're swingers, so we need a private place...' and they didn't miss a beat, even told us where the local clubs were. France was the same.

The old Kestrels wouldn't have been closed down if it was a gay club, they'd have been afraid of Human Rights. But at the moment swinging isn't afforded the same tolerance in the UK.

This is because we are so conservative here in the UK swinging, casual sex etc are all taboo. America is even worse. "

True.

I’ve never understood it. We’re all fucking at it so what’s wrong with talking about it.

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