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"Depends on what you consider a relationship. If you mean someone you regularly meet up for sex, then yes, I have two at the moment. We have regular times when we meet for sex and occasionally go on weekends away etc. The relationships are completely based on sex, there is no question of me ever leaving my husband for one of them, and they know that. I suppose it is made easier that one of them is himself married so no expectations there from him for it to become anything more. I think I would probably go as far as calling him my lover, as we are quite emotionally involved, but it isn't the same as the love I have for my husband." I don't think it's possible to experience the love you have with your husband with someone else because you have so many share life experiences and history. I do think it's possible to experience different kinds of love and I think falling in love is the most wonderful thing. I don't just enjoy meets that are only about sex. I want someone to genuinely care about me and be connected to my emotions as well as my body. | |||
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" I don't think it's possible to experience the love you have with your husband with someone else " Some obviously do, they start off having an affair and fall so in love with each other that they end up leaving their partners for each other. My on-going partners, know all about my life and I theirs, but I never want to get involved enough to make things complicated. It sounds what you are looking for is pore of a polyamorous relationship. | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? " Yes. Polyamoury does work, it's hard work but so satisfying. | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? " cant see it ending well | |||
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"Well - I have was the part time boyfriend for a wife several years ago. It worked really well - we went for dinner, cinema, theatre - dated basically and she stayed over at my place. She was very happily married and her husband knew all about her extra-marital affairs. In fact, she had two or three lovers on the go! She wasn’t a swinger - more of lady who liked to have boyfriends in her life. I met her husband but wasn’t a poly thing - she was more of a free spirit as am I. Would love that again!" That sounds exactly what I'm after! You didn't meet anyone else during that period and stop seeing her? | |||
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"Good to hear that that is what you are after. She - in fact she was the one who opened my eyes to the a lady being sexually liberated.she wasn’t a swinger at all - but wanted to date other man as well as being married. She told that on the first date - as well as the fact she was dating other men. In fact, I met her on a very vanilla dating website - I was her weekend boyfriend (!). Though, of course, she had other boyfriends as well. I found it very erotic to date a married lady - i think I was exclusive to her - to be honest I cant remember - as It was long time ago, and I didn’t have much time. But it was my first introduction to meeting sexually liberated lady and I found it huge turn on, that after spending the night with me - she would go home and have sex wither husband or another of her lovers.... I didnt realise how lucky I was - and its been very hard to have the same thing again !" This is where I feel like I fall between the cracks. I'm not really a swinger at heart but then vanilla sites don't tend to have men who understand fully. I'm not Poly in that I want all equal partners because my husband will always be number one but I do want sexual and emotional attachments to others. I don't fit in a box so I don't know where to find what I need! | |||
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"Yes twice, one was for 8 yrs plus, the other lived with us for 3 yrs or so, its possible " How wonderful ! | |||
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"Can you not have emotional attachments in the real world and sex in the swinging world? Does sound like something is missing from your marriage. I never feel the need for real emotional attachment with playmates, it’s just fun. I get all the emotional attachment I need at home and from friends in the vanilla world." This is the common misconception that people have. I have the most amazing, loving, supportive husband. However, I still crave more from others. You can love more than one friend so why not more than one lover. I would suggest that many in the vanilla world would question your relationship and suggest you're not getting all the sexual satisfaction you need from your partner, it's quite offensive isn't it? | |||
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"Can you not have emotional attachments in the real world and sex in the swinging world? Does sound like something is missing from your marriage. I never feel the need for real emotional attachment with playmates, it’s just fun. I get all the emotional attachment I need at home and from friends in the vanilla world. This is the common misconception that people have. I have the most amazing, loving, supportive husband. However, I still crave more from others. You can love more than one friend so why not more than one lover. I would suggest that many in the vanilla world would question your relationship and suggest you're not getting all the sexual satisfaction you need from your partner, it's quite offensive isn't it? " From my own experience, it was attachment of a different sort - as i realised from my married girlfriend - she enjoyed “dating” other men in addition to being married - she enjoyed knowing on Friday night, she might be going to the cinema with me and then staying at my place before going back to her husband. For well over a year and half, we dated -now that can mean a lot of things to a lot of people - we werent in love but we were definitely boyfriend and girlfriend - she just happened to be married and have other boyfriends - it was companionship and sex. And she enjoyed having several lovers... | |||
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"Can you not have emotional attachments in the real world and sex in the swinging world? Does sound like something is missing from your marriage. I never feel the need for real emotional attachment with playmates, it’s just fun. I get all the emotional attachment I need at home and from friends in the vanilla world. This is the common misconception that people have. I have the most amazing, loving, supportive husband. However, I still crave more from others. You can love more than one friend so why not more than one lover. I would suggest that many in the vanilla world would question your relationship and suggest you're not getting all the sexual satisfaction you need from your partner, it's quite offensive isn't it? " My partner isn’t a girl and I love girly play plus I like 2 cocks in my mouth or being spit roasted etc etc however your point is well made just trying to work it out xxx | |||
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" ... ... I'm not Poly in that I want all equal partners because my husband will always be number one but I do want sexual and emotional attachments to others... " Polyamory comes in many forms, including one called "Hierarchy Poly" in which everyone understands your nested/married partner (or whoever you pick) takes priority, and all others are "secondary". It really sounds like poly is your thing and I would recommend doing a bit of research into it to see. The book More Than Two was excellent for my own understanding and journey. There really are so many ways to do poly, its all about making your relationships suit you, not forcing yourself into social expectations. Good luck with your journey, it's hard work but amazing. | |||
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"Thank you so much for your responses. I really do appreciate it. " No problems - my own view is to be fluid with things - and also realise that these married lady/extra boyfriend also can run their course - with the married lady i dated - after year and half - we just drifted apart - just like vanilla dating. Which is why I think she had several boyfriends. Likewise, when i chatted to her she always referred to her boyfriends as free spirits as a guy who was into dating a married lady was unconventional in other ways, ie would quite their job and go travelling, or have some project that suddenly took up their time. One of her lovers was a musician so he was always travelling. A guy who wants to date a married lady is prob (not always) going to be taking you out on date every week or having pizza/Netflix on sunday evening. its something to acknowledge. | |||
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"This is a really interesting post as it’s something we have been thinking about. I love being social and going out but hubby doesn’t, he’s more than happy for me to date others and the idea of seeing someone regularly to socialise and play with really appealing to us both! It’s not something I’ve pursued yet but thinking about it for the future " That is pretty much my situation, and in the past I've had one or two boyfriends, things didn't work out in the medium to long term but I am open to another relationship of that kind. I believe it can work with honest and open communication if everybody concerned wants the same things. | |||
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"This is a really interesting post as it’s something we have been thinking about. I love being social and going out but hubby doesn’t, he’s more than happy for me to date others and the idea of seeing someone regularly to socialise and play with really appealing to us both! It’s not something I’ve pursued yet but thinking about it for the future " We have a fem fwb, very irregular due to distance & her work but yes doing "Vanilla" stuff with H or all together if possible (I run my own business so big time constraints for me at least) becoming an xtra in family life & then sharing our bed, we just love it & just wish she was nearer than a five hour drive. :-/ S | |||
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"Depends on what you consider a relationship. If you mean someone you regularly meet up for sex, then yes, I have two at the moment. We have regular times when we meet for sex and occasionally go on weekends away etc. The relationships are completely based on sex, there is no question of me ever leaving my husband for one of them, and they know that. I suppose it is made easier that one of them is himself married so no expectations there from him for it to become anything more. I think I would probably go as far as calling him my lover, as we are quite emotionally involved, but it isn't the same as the love I have for my husband." It’s based on sex but you have regular weekends away. You are emotionally involved?? | |||
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" It's difficult because we have a child and his parents are very old school!! Mine wouldn't be phased at all. " Exactly the same as me. I'd love to be 'out' and proud that I'm Poly but my husband is massively private so I have to respect that of course. | |||
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" It's difficult because we have a child and his parents are very old school!! Mine wouldn't be phased at all. Exactly the same as me. I'd love to be 'out' and proud that I'm Poly but my husband is massively private so I have to respect that of course. " I agree but then it's the added difficult of finding someone who's prepared to be a 'secret' sort of if you get me. | |||
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" It's difficult because we have a child and his parents are very old school!! Mine wouldn't be phased at all. Exactly the same as me. I'd love to be 'out' and proud that I'm Poly but my husband is massively private so I have to respect that of course. " I can understand - when i was dating my married lady friend - we had to be discreet - not so much because of her husband but because of her teenage children.. in amy that added to the excitement | |||
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"Both my fb and me are married. We've known each other for about 7 or 8 years and it works for us." Are both your spouses fully aware? | |||
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" It's difficult because we have a child and his parents are very old school!! Mine wouldn't be phased at all. Exactly the same as me. I'd love to be 'out' and proud that I'm Poly but my husband is massively private so I have to respect that of course. I agree but then it's the added difficult of finding someone who's prepared to be a 'secret' sort of if you get me. " Understand completely | |||
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"Good to hear that that is what you are after. She - in fact she was the one who opened my eyes to the a lady being sexually liberated.she wasn’t a swinger at all - but wanted to date other man as well as being married. She told that on the first date - as well as the fact she was dating other men. In fact, I met her on a very vanilla dating website - I was her weekend boyfriend (!). Though, of course, she had other boyfriends as well. I found it very erotic to date a married lady - i think I was exclusive to her - to be honest I cant remember - as It was long time ago, and I didn’t have much time. But it was my first introduction to meeting sexually liberated lady and I found it huge turn on, that after spending the night with me - she would go home and have sex wither husband or another of her lovers.... I didnt realise how lucky I was - and its been very hard to have the same thing again ! This is where I feel like I fall between the cracks. I'm not really a swinger at heart but then vanilla sites don't tend to have men who understand fully. I'm not Poly in that I want all equal partners because my husband will always be number one but I do want sexual and emotional attachments to others. I don't fit in a box so I don't know where to find what I need! " This is something I am struggling with at the moment and could have written your post, and I feel your frustrations. I am looking for more than a fuck buddy, tried the vanilla dating and as a general rule the guys on there didn’t get it at all, and fab the guys in general just seem to be looking for random hook ups. Its so frustrating and like looking for a needle in a haystack | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? " Find a married man who also doesn't want to leave his wife. | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? Find a married man who also doesn't want to leave his wife. " Easier said then done when you bring all the other things into the equation. Very, very small minority. | |||
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"Good to hear that that is what you are after. She - in fact she was the one who opened my eyes to the a lady being sexually liberated.she wasn’t a swinger at all - but wanted to date other man as well as being married. She told that on the first date - as well as the fact she was dating other men. In fact, I met her on a very vanilla dating website - I was her weekend boyfriend (!). Though, of course, she had other boyfriends as well. I found it very erotic to date a married lady - i think I was exclusive to her - to be honest I cant remember - as It was long time ago, and I didn’t have much time. But it was my first introduction to meeting sexually liberated lady and I found it huge turn on, that after spending the night with me - she would go home and have sex wither husband or another of her lovers.... I didnt realise how lucky I was - and its been very hard to have the same thing again ! This is where I feel like I fall between the cracks. I'm not really a swinger at heart but then vanilla sites don't tend to have men who understand fully. I'm not Poly in that I want all equal partners because my husband will always be number one but I do want sexual and emotional attachments to others. I don't fit in a box so I don't know where to find what I need! This is something I am struggling with at the moment and could have written your post, and I feel your frustrations. I am looking for more than a fuck buddy, tried the vanilla dating and as a general rule the guys on there didn’t get it at all, and fab the guys in general just seem to be looking for random hook ups. Its so frustrating and like looking for a needle in a haystack " Think you will be have to be more fluid - the reality is that most men who would be into dating a married lady are going to be “:free spirits” - ie not want to be tied down but also go off and do their own thing - even if its travelling. to be honest, just basic logistics help a lot - ie living not too far fro each other so that could see each regularly - i would love to replicate the situation again but it just hasnt happened.. | |||
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"For me I definitely would be happy for the person to be a free spirit and see other people etc in fact would encourage it as long as they were happy for me to do the same and still made the effort with me. " This works well with us, our female friend is on fetlife & has friends from there nearer to her home & we are still on here looking for someone else a bit more regular. If all are happy if can work well. S | |||
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"For me I definitely would be happy for the person to be a free spirit and see other people etc in fact would encourage it as long as they were happy for me to do the same and still made the effort with me. " That makes sense - i loved the fact i dating a married lady - that she was my girlfriend but also that she had other boyfriends as well - made it so much more erotic.. | |||
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"R had someone like this while married to her ex for their last couple of years, the ex was losing interest in sex and didn't mind her having other men as long as she didn't bring them home. Her ex wasn't interested in hearing any details so it wasn't the traditional cuck relationship. She eventually found an unmarried regular FB not far from home, but he and she had other lovers too. She, the FB and her ex were all happy with the arrangement. " This is interesting and i am sure it happens a lot in ‘real life” - a marriage fizzles out but becuase of children/financial constraints - people have to stay together and partners turn a blind eye When i was in my 30s, and had a thing for MILFs (still do!) - i dated/have flings with women who were in exactly this situation. Practical circumstances meant they couldnt get divorced. It was when I met that lady who husband enjoyed the fact his wife was out dating/sleeping with other men that my mind was blown open to a whole other side. It was mind expanding experience | |||
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"I have no time for a full time relationship but I definitely want the intimacy and connection of one" Yes - that is what attracted me to dating a married lady - didnt have the full on relationship but also had more then just sex | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? " Yes, I'd say that's me and I'd love a girlfriend but obviosly not just anyone. It could become quite painful too when bringing it to an end though just like a vanilla relationship but then again it could end amicably as we're ultimately free to move on. I'd say the best thing to do is to hang loose, meet people (not just for sex) in a range of environments (clubs, socials, fab online meets, vanilla settings, etc.) and it'll manifest in tje form of luck. Pushing it will lead to frustration and that will come through perhaps negatively when you actually do meet people. Keep positive and I hope that you get a connection soon. xx | |||
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"Well - I have was the part time boyfriend for a wife several years ago. It worked really well - we went for dinner, cinema, theatre - dated basically and she stayed over at my place. She was very happily married and her husband knew all about her extra-marital affairs. In fact, she had two or three lovers on the go! She wasn’t a swinger - more of lady who liked to have boyfriends in her life. I met her husband but wasn’t a poly thing - she was more of a free spirit as am I. Would love that again!" Same here. I'd like to experienve that. Dating frequently sounds like the adequate response that she has a nice time with you when out. The lifestyle sure demands more than just sex. | |||
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"Well - I have was the part time boyfriend for a wife several years ago. It worked really well - we went for dinner, cinema, theatre - dated basically and she stayed over at my place. She was very happily married and her husband knew all about her extra-marital affairs. In fact, she had two or three lovers on the go! She wasn’t a swinger - more of lady who liked to have boyfriends in her life. I met her husband but wasn’t a poly thing - she was more of a free spirit as am I. Would love that again! Same here. I'd like to experienve that. Dating frequently sounds like the adequate response that she has a nice time with you when out. The lifestyle sure demands more than just sex. " Pretty much the same with my wife and I. We both have fwb that we meet up with regularly. | |||
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"I definitely think I'm Poly but it's so hard to find a man who is as well who also happens to be my type and live locally! " My first introduction to Polyamory was actually meeting Poly people when I started attending events around Nottingham and Derby when I used to live in Leicester. They certainly exist it's just about happening to meet them. If I was any good at that sort of thing I'd create a Polyamory dating site! | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? Yes, I'd say that's me and I'd love a girlfriend but obviosly not just anyone. It could become quite painful too when bringing it to an end though just like a vanilla relationship but then again it could end amicably as we're ultimately free to move on. I'd say the best thing to do is to hang loose, meet people (not just for sex) in a range of environments (clubs, socials, fab online meets, vanilla settings, etc.) and it'll manifest in tje form of luck. Pushing it will lead to frustration and that will come through perhaps negatively when you actually do meet people. Keep positive and I hope that you get a connection soon. xx" Think this is spot on - you have to go with open mind. According to my “normal” friends - vanilla dating is hard enough in terms of compatibility let alone the added stuff of swinging and being married. I would take the same approach as indicated above - being out/about meeting people at socials and/or for sex and seeing the results. | |||
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" ... ... I'm not Poly in that I want all equal partners because my husband will always be number one but I do want sexual and emotional attachments to others... Polyamory comes in many forms, including one called "Hierarchy Poly" in which everyone understands your nested/married partner (or whoever you pick) takes priority, and all others are "secondary". It really sounds like poly is your thing and I would recommend doing a bit of research into it to see. The book More Than Two was excellent for my own understanding and journey. There really are so many ways to do poly, its all about making your relationships suit you, not forcing yourself into social expectations. Good luck with your journey, it's hard work but amazing." For me personally it isn't about my nesting partner being "number one" and others taking a back seat. I mean logistically I already live with him so full time cohabiting is something that's unlikely to be on the table in the future for anyone else looking to date me, same with things like marriage. This suits some people though as it takes away the pressure of the traditional "relationship escalator" where there is a pressure of these kind of things being expected after dating for certain amounts of time. Also as I've been with my nesting partner for over three years, someone new couldn't expect the same level of commitment from me from the get go. I never want to make anyone else I date feel like the lowest priority though. They're still important to me. For many of the people I've dated while with my nesting partner, it has suited them too due to their own commitments like work, family, time constraints, etc which make traditional dating difficult. | |||
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" ... ... I'm not Poly in that I want all equal partners because my husband will always be number one but I do want sexual and emotional attachments to others... Polyamory comes in many forms, including one called "Hierarchy Poly" in which everyone understands your nested/married partner (or whoever you pick) takes priority, and all others are "secondary". It really sounds like poly is your thing and I would recommend doing a bit of research into it to see. The book More Than Two was excellent for my own understanding and journey. There really are so many ways to do poly, its all about making your relationships suit you, not forcing yourself into social expectations. Good luck with your journey, it's hard work but amazing. For me personally it isn't about my nesting partner being "number one" and others taking a back seat. I mean logistically I already live with him so full time cohabiting is something that's unlikely to be on the table in the future for anyone else looking to date me, same with things like marriage. This suits some people though as it takes away the pressure of the traditional "relationship escalator" where there is a pressure of these kind of things being expected after dating for certain amounts of time. Also as I've been with my nesting partner for over three years, someone new couldn't expect the same level of commitment from me from the get go. I never want to make anyone else I date feel like the lowest priority though. They're still important to me. For many of the people I've dated while with my nesting partner, it has suited them too due to their own commitments like work, family, time constraints, etc which make traditional dating difficult." Yes - thats a great way of putting it. When I dated my married lady friend - I had no interest in the relationship escalator that vanilla dating would have required - because of work and time constraints. Dating her suited me perfectly - | |||
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" ... ... I'm not Poly in that I want all equal partners because my husband will always be number one but I do want sexual and emotional attachments to others... Polyamory comes in many forms, including one called "Hierarchy Poly" in which everyone understands your nested/married partner (or whoever you pick) takes priority, and all others are "secondary". It really sounds like poly is your thing and I would recommend doing a bit of research into it to see. The book More Than Two was excellent for my own understanding and journey. There really are so many ways to do poly, its all about making your relationships suit you, not forcing yourself into social expectations. Good luck with your journey, it's hard work but amazing. For me personally it isn't about my nesting partner being "number one" and others taking a back seat. I mean logistically I already live with him so full time cohabiting is something that's unlikely to be on the table in the future for anyone else looking to date me, same with things like marriage. This suits some people though as it takes away the pressure of the traditional "relationship escalator" where there is a pressure of these kind of things being expected after dating for certain amounts of time. Also as I've been with my nesting partner for over three years, someone new couldn't expect the same level of commitment from me from the get go. I never want to make anyone else I date feel like the lowest priority though. They're still important to me. For many of the people I've dated while with my nesting partner, it has suited them too due to their own commitments like work, family, time constraints, etc which make traditional dating difficult. Yes - thats a great way of putting it. When I dated my married lady friend - I had no interest in the relationship escalator that vanilla dating would have required - because of work and time constraints. Dating her suited me perfectly - " Exactly. I've also dated two men who emotionally didn't want the expectations of the relationship escalator after the break down of very long term relationships. In a way Polyamory can freeze things at a certain step for a long time which is something you're less likely to find elsewhere as most people wish to eventually make that climb. | |||
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" ... ... I'm not Poly in that I want all equal partners because my husband will always be number one but I do want sexual and emotional attachments to others... Polyamory comes in many forms, including one called "Hierarchy Poly" in which everyone understands your nested/married partner (or whoever you pick) takes priority, and all others are "secondary". It really sounds like poly is your thing and I would recommend doing a bit of research into it to see. The book More Than Two was excellent for my own understanding and journey. There really are so many ways to do poly, its all about making your relationships suit you, not forcing yourself into social expectations. Good luck with your journey, it's hard work but amazing. For me personally it isn't about my nesting partner being "number one" and others taking a back seat. I mean logistically I already live with him so full time cohabiting is something that's unlikely to be on the table in the future for anyone else looking to date me, same with things like marriage. This suits some people though as it takes away the pressure of the traditional "relationship escalator" where there is a pressure of these kind of things being expected after dating for certain amounts of time. Also as I've been with my nesting partner for over three years, someone new couldn't expect the same level of commitment from me from the get go. I never want to make anyone else I date feel like the lowest priority though. They're still important to me. For many of the people I've dated while with my nesting partner, it has suited them too due to their own commitments like work, family, time constraints, etc which make traditional dating difficult. Yes - thats a great way of putting it. When I dated my married lady friend - I had no interest in the relationship escalator that vanilla dating would have required - because of work and time constraints. Dating her suited me perfectly - Exactly. I've also dated two men who emotionally didn't want the expectations of the relationship escalator after the break down of very long term relationships. In a way Polyamory can freeze things at a certain step for a long time which is something you're less likely to find elsewhere as most people wish to eventually make that climb." Agreed - and of course, for my married girlfriend (like you), she had a primary partner who she had been married to for donkey years. The great thing was that is was a very fluid relationship - we could go a month without seeing each other (she had other boyfriends) - so it meant the whole thing was less “pressure” - which is why it last so long. | |||
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" ... ... I'm not Poly in that I want all equal partners because my husband will always be number one but I do want sexual and emotional attachments to others... Polyamory comes in many forms, including one called "Hierarchy Poly" in which everyone understands your nested/married partner (or whoever you pick) takes priority, and all others are "secondary". It really sounds like poly is your thing and I would recommend doing a bit of research into it to see. The book More Than Two was excellent for my own understanding and journey. There really are so many ways to do poly, its all about making your relationships suit you, not forcing yourself into social expectations. Good luck with your journey, it's hard work but amazing. For me personally it isn't about my nesting partner being "number one" and others taking a back seat. I mean logistically I already live with him so full time cohabiting is something that's unlikely to be on the table in the future for anyone else looking to date me, same with things like marriage. This suits some people though as it takes away the pressure of the traditional "relationship escalator" where there is a pressure of these kind of things being expected after dating for certain amounts of time. Also as I've been with my nesting partner for over three years, someone new couldn't expect the same level of commitment from me from the get go. I never want to make anyone else I date feel like the lowest priority though. They're still important to me. For many of the people I've dated while with my nesting partner, it has suited them too due to their own commitments like work, family, time constraints, etc which make traditional dating difficult. Yes - thats a great way of putting it. When I dated my married lady friend - I had no interest in the relationship escalator that vanilla dating would have required - because of work and time constraints. Dating her suited me perfectly - Exactly. I've also dated two men who emotionally didn't want the expectations of the relationship escalator after the break down of very long term relationships. In a way Polyamory can freeze things at a certain step for a long time which is something you're less likely to find elsewhere as most people wish to eventually make that climb. Agreed - and of course, for my married girlfriend (like you), she had a primary partner who she had been married to for donkey years. The great thing was that is was a very fluid relationship - we could go a month without seeing each other (she had other boyfriends) - so it meant the whole thing was less “pressure” - which is why it last so long. " Absolutely. It can be very hard for some when for whatever reason they don't have the capacity for a full time monogamous relationship but often people still have emotional needs and want companionship, someone to confide in and an emotional connection. Polyamory opens up options between casual and traditional relationship. Obviously monogamous relationships work for some people and that's wonderful but I really believe it shouldn't be seen as the default acceptable option as for some people there are many ways in which they can have both their emotional and sexual needs met better through various forms of non-monogamy. But of course I'm mostly preaching to the choir on here . | |||
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"I definitely think I'm Poly but it's so hard to find a man who is as well who also happens to be my type and live locally! My first introduction to Polyamory was actually meeting Poly people when I started attending events around Nottingham and Derby when I used to live in Leicester. They certainly exist it's just about happening to meet them. If I was any good at that sort of thing I'd create a Polyamory dating site!" There's a couple of groups on FB, One a classifieds group. We joined it but didn't post & might not yet as those like us wanting a second female seem to get a hard time just as they do on here sometimes. On there though I think it's the full on Lesbians that get the hump because they like your Mrs & are not invited to the party so to speak. We have a G/F now anyway, We just wish she wasn't five blooming hours away, But you never know what will happen in the future that may resolve this. We'll do what we usually do & go with the flow & see what develops. S | |||
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"I definitely think I'm Poly but it's so hard to find a man who is as well who also happens to be my type and live locally! My first introduction to Polyamory was actually meeting Poly people when I started attending events around Nottingham and Derby when I used to live in Leicester. They certainly exist it's just about happening to meet them. If I was any good at that sort of thing I'd create a Polyamory dating site! There's a couple of groups on FB, One a classifieds group. We joined it but didn't post & might not yet as those like us wanting a second female seem to get a hard time just as they do on here sometimes. On there though I think it's the full on Lesbians that get the hump because they like your Mrs & are not invited to the party so to speak. We have a G/F now anyway, We just wish she wasn't five blooming hours away, But you never know what will happen in the future that may resolve this. We'll do what we usually do & go with the flow & see what develops. S" Glad to hear you have found a friend - but the reality i realise is logistics! When i have tried to recreate the situation of dating married lady - inevitably logistics means it never goes anywhere.. | |||
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"Alex D. I don't do ironing but would love someone who does From your photos you only do it naked so that would be obligatory. Lacey, Orgasms and cakes? Where do I sign up?! " Would love someone to do my ironing as well | |||
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"I definitely think I'm Poly but it's so hard to find a man who is as well who also happens to be my type and live locally! My first introduction to Polyamory was actually meeting Poly people when I started attending events around Nottingham and Derby when I used to live in Leicester. They certainly exist it's just about happening to meet them. If I was any good at that sort of thing I'd create a Polyamory dating site! There's a couple of groups on FB, One a classifieds group. We joined it but didn't post & might not yet as those like us wanting a second female seem to get a hard time just as they do on here sometimes. On there though I think it's the full on Lesbians that get the hump because they like your Mrs & are not invited to the party so to speak. We have a G/F now anyway, We just wish she wasn't five blooming hours away, But you never know what will happen in the future that may resolve this. We'll do what we usually do & go with the flow & see what develops. S Glad to hear you have found a friend - but the reality i realise is logistics! When i have tried to recreate the situation of dating married lady - inevitably logistics means it never goes anywhere.." Early days yet, but she works four on four off, First visit she could only stay two days, she is currently organising her life there so that she can come over maybe once a month & stay for the full four days. We shall see how it goes S&H | |||
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"I definitely think I'm Poly but it's so hard to find a man who is as well who also happens to be my type and live locally! My first introduction to Polyamory was actually meeting Poly people when I started attending events around Nottingham and Derby when I used to live in Leicester. They certainly exist it's just about happening to meet them. If I was any good at that sort of thing I'd create a Polyamory dating site! There's a couple of groups on FB, One a classifieds group. We joined it but didn't post & might not yet as those like us wanting a second female seem to get a hard time just as they do on here sometimes. On there though I think it's the full on Lesbians that get the hump because they like your Mrs & are not invited to the party so to speak. We have a G/F now anyway, We just wish she wasn't five blooming hours away, But you never know what will happen in the future that may resolve this. We'll do what we usually do & go with the flow & see what develops. S Glad to hear you have found a friend - but the reality i realise is logistics! When i have tried to recreate the situation of dating married lady - inevitably logistics means it never goes anywhere.. Early days yet, but she works four on four off, First visit she could only stay two days, she is currently organising her life there so that she can come over maybe once a month & stay for the full four days. We shall see how it goes S&H" How did you meet your lady friend?? | |||
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"I have no time for a full time relationship but I definitely want the intimacy and connection of one" That sums up what I’m after. I could never really find the right words to describe what I want. | |||
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"I have no time for a full time relationship but I definitely want the intimacy and connection of one " Definetly! I see my kids every other weekend and with work it doesn't leave a lot of time for a full on relationship. I would be great to meet someone who wants the intimacy and connection as meeting for random sex isn't for me these days. | |||
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"Can you not have emotional attachments in the real world and sex in the swinging world? Does sound like something is missing from your marriage. I never feel the need for real emotional attachment with playmates, it’s just fun. I get all the emotional attachment I need at home and from friends in the vanilla world. This is the common misconception that people have. I have the most amazing, loving, supportive husband. However, I still crave more from others. You can love more than one friend so why not more than one lover. I would suggest that many in the vanilla world would question your relationship and suggest you're not getting all the sexual satisfaction you need from your partner, it's quite offensive isn't it? " I completely understand where you are coming from. | |||
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"Alex D. I don't do ironing but would love someone who does From your photos you only do it naked so that would be obligatory. Lacey, Orgasms and cakes? Where do I sign up?! " Interestingly, I have a secret USP with my ironing services and it does not involve any sexual activity. xx | |||
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"Alex D. I don't do ironing but would love someone who does From your photos you only do it naked so that would be obligatory. Lacey, Orgasms and cakes? Where do I sign up?! Interestingly, I have a secret USP with my ironing services and it does not involve any sexual activity. xx" Pray do tell | |||
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"I definitely think I'm Poly but it's so hard to find a man who is as well who also happens to be my type and live locally! My first introduction to Polyamory was actually meeting Poly people when I started attending events around Nottingham and Derby when I used to live in Leicester. They certainly exist it's just about happening to meet them. If I was any good at that sort of thing I'd create a Polyamory dating site! There's a couple of groups on FB, One a classifieds group. We joined it but didn't post & might not yet as those like us wanting a second female seem to get a hard time just as they do on here sometimes. On there though I think it's the full on Lesbians that get the hump because they like your Mrs & are not invited to the party so to speak. We have a G/F now anyway, We just wish she wasn't five blooming hours away, But you never know what will happen in the future that may resolve this. We'll do what we usually do & go with the flow & see what develops. S Glad to hear you have found a friend - but the reality i realise is logistics! When i have tried to recreate the situation of dating married lady - inevitably logistics means it never goes anywhere.. Early days yet, but she works four on four off, First visit she could only stay two days, she is currently organising her life there so that she can come over maybe once a month & stay for the full four days. We shall see how it goes S&H How did you meet your lady friend?? " She appeared on here, with a good profile,pic verified, pics etc. cool tatoos, the butterfly one is something else lucky if you saw it. So we sent a message (against our usual newbie rule) & she answered straight away, chatted, did our usual which is a video chat on kik then she left here mainly because of all the mail as she didn't know how to set filters. She's over again hopefully in a couple of weeks & we'll take some new pics which she's up for S | |||
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"Good to hear that that is what you are after. She - in fact she was the one who opened my eyes to the a lady being sexually liberated.she wasn’t a swinger at all - but wanted to date other man as well as being married. She told that on the first date - as well as the fact she was dating other men. In fact, I met her on a very vanilla dating website - I was her weekend boyfriend (!). Though, of course, she had other boyfriends as well. I found it very erotic to date a married lady - i think I was exclusive to her - to be honest I cant remember - as It was long time ago, and I didn’t have much time. But it was my first introduction to meeting sexually liberated lady and I found it huge turn on, that after spending the night with me - she would go home and have sex wither husband or another of her lovers.... I didnt realise how lucky I was - and its been very hard to have the same thing again ! This is where I feel like I fall between the cracks. I'm not really a swinger at heart but then vanilla sites don't tend to have men who understand fully. I'm not Poly in that I want all equal partners because my husband will always be number one but I do want sexual and emotional attachments to others. I don't fit in a box so I don't know where to find what I need! " I get ya x although im not married maybe if my ex husband was up for it we would of still been together who knows!! | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? " What do you class as long term? | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? What do you class as long term? " I guess I wouldn't really want to put an end date on it unless it came to a natural conclusion. | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? What do you class as long term? I guess I wouldn't really want to put an end date on it unless it came to a natural conclusion. " Yes. These sort of relationships have a natural conclusion - much like “vanilla” relationships.. | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? " Married man here, I've had a long term mistress as she likes to be called. Knew everything about each other etc, very respectful of each others private lives and daytime we pass each other in a friendly manner. It's a different kind of connection one based on intense lust, sex, adventure. We've both said the minute feelings start getting in the way pull away ofc her feelings grew strong... I'm a passionate guy, deep, sensual made her feel special, pleased her in every way etc but yeah it got too much and that was that. We do randomly chat just to make sure life is good stuff. Respectful friends. When in such a situation both have to be disciplined and have rules in place. Trust me I love my wife and soul mate she's amazing and my world, but my sex drive is just through the roof. | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? Married man here, I've had a long term mistress as she likes to be called. Knew everything about each other etc, very respectful of each others private lives and daytime we pass each other in a friendly manner. It's a different kind of connection one based on intense lust, sex, adventure. We've both said the minute feelings start getting in the way pull away ofc her feelings grew strong... I'm a passionate guy, deep, sensual made her feel special, pleased her in every way etc but yeah it got too much and that was that. We do randomly chat just to make sure life is good stuff. Respectful friends. When in such a situation both have to be disciplined and have rules in place. Trust me I love my wife and soul mate she's amazing and my world, but my sex drive is just through the roof. " Just need to add, a element of trust goes a long way, like really does. I'm not a one nighter, prefer the long term one and only type. If you manage to find that type trust me it's an amazing feeling in a way of also spices up your own sex life (when it happens) with your spouse. | |||
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"I would love something like this. I love all the emotional connection etc but definitely do not want a full blown relationship. As someone already mentioned most men on here are after a one nighter so it gets tricky. I left Tinder as it is difficult to explain and a lot of married men on Tinder want you to be their dirty secret which I am not a fan of. I would prefer a married man for sure. " What you've said is 100% true. One nighters make you feel a bit neglected in an emotional way but each to their own, everyone is different in their needs, so who am I to judge ?? But get this lady a glass of wine ???? | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? Find a married man who also doesn't want to leave his wife. " This ???????????? | |||
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" I guess I wouldn't really want to put an end date on it unless it came to a natural conclusion. " I had a relationship with a wife (unknown to her husband) which went on for over a year, it worked ok although it was difficult to find the balance between making quality time for us both and her family. But with compromise and imagination it worked ok. | |||
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"Spending time with a married lady in and out of the bedroom, with the full consent of her husband is something to be cherished......all the pleasure of a relationship and in the full knowledge that the lady goes home happy to her loving husband and she gets to enjoy the best of both worlds . " I share a smilar view. A Win-win-win scenario. | |||
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"Spending time with a married lady in and out of the bedroom, with the full consent of her husband is something to be cherished......all the pleasure of a relationship and in the full knowledge that the lady goes home happy to her loving husband and she gets to enjoy the best of both worlds . " I’d love to find this, this is perfect | |||
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"Spending time with a married lady in and out of the bedroom, with the full consent of her husband is something to be cherished......all the pleasure of a relationship and in the full knowledge that the lady goes home happy to her loving husband and she gets to enjoy the best of both worlds . " This is what I'm looking for. So hard to find! | |||
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"Spending time with a married lady in and out of the bedroom, with the full consent of her husband is something to be cherished......all the pleasure of a relationship and in the full knowledge that the lady goes home happy to her loving husband and she gets to enjoy the best of both worlds . This is what I'm looking for. So hard to find!" You lovely married ladies looking for boyfriends are so far away... | |||
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"Well it also must be hard for the husband too if he sees his wife having a better time than he gives her must have feelings thing is 99 % of men just want sex also 99%of men dont know difference between sex and makeing love with me I never go to please myself I always go with the sole intention of pleeseing the women " This is my husband's idea. I must admit I am very lucky.. I'm not in need of anything at all I've got an amazing marriage.. this is just an added extra bit of fun. But yes I guess for some it may be difficult. | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? " Loving this post as it’s exactly what I’d been looking for and been lucky enough to find on the site. I won’t say it’s not been without it’s complications but we are all trying to make it work, so it’s interesting for me to see there are others with the same mindset as me. Good luck OP I hope you find what your looking for. G | |||
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"I do love hot wife scenario but only when my partner is present and is no emotional connection. Otherwise is just cheating in my opinion to getting attached for fuckboy." There are a couple of posts here from guys saying they've had wife fun without the hubbies knowledge, to us that's not a "boyfriend" it a sneeky affair. Its not like you could walk hand in hand down the street she lived in for instance. On the other hand if the hubby knows then its not cheating really. We are trying to find similar but with a lady, but a lady for both of us, thought we'd achieved it recently, all went well but she has said a busy life & the distance (200+miles) is too much. S | |||
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"I do love hot wife scenario but only when my partner is present and is no emotional connection. Otherwise is just cheating in my opinion to getting attached for fuckboy. There are a couple of posts here from guys saying they've had wife fun without the hubbies knowledge, to us that's not a "boyfriend" it a sneeky affair. Its not like you could walk hand in hand down the street she lived in for instance Single guys mostly not even have clue what’s on about hotwife scenario.Yes you got different arrangement between partners. I will defo not accept my partner having someone outside our relationship.As couple play together,stay together c On the other hand if the hubby knows then its not cheating really. We are trying to find similar but with a lady, but a lady for both of us, thought we'd achieved it recently, all went well but she has said a busy life & the distance (200+miles) is too much. S" | |||
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"I do love hot wife scenario but only when my partner is present and is no emotional connection. Otherwise is just cheating in my opinion to getting attached for fuckboy. There are a couple of posts here from guys saying they've had wife fun without the hubbies knowledge, to us that's not a "boyfriend" it a sneeky affair. Its not like you could walk hand in hand down the street she lived in for instance Single guys mostly not even have clue what’s on about hotwife scenario.Yes you got different arrangement between partners. I will defo not accept my partner having someone outside our relationship.As couple play together,stay together c On the other hand if the hubby knows then its not cheating really. We are trying to find similar but with a lady, but a lady for both of us, thought we'd achieved it recently, all went well but she has said a busy life & the distance (200+miles) is too much. S" Agree with this | |||
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"I do love hot wife scenario but only when my partner is present and is no emotional connection. Otherwise is just cheating in my opinion to getting attached for fuckboy." Cheating if the husband is fully aware and supportive? | |||
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"I do love hot wife scenario but only when my partner is present and is no emotional connection. Otherwise is just cheating in my opinion to getting attached for fuckboy. Cheating if the husband is fully aware and supportive? " It’s up to yours boundaries and rules x I said in my opinion xx | |||
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"I suppose this is exactly what I've wanted and hopefully may have it. I'm seeing someone who doesn't feel like a meet at all, it's beyond that for both of us. We socialise together. We meet even when we know sex isn't on the cards just to be able to see each other. We talk about everything and anything but we are both married to orhers- my husband knows and infact they will meet each other at the MLS. " How wonderful - sounds like a great situation | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? Loving this post as it’s exactly what I’d been looking for and been lucky enough to find on the site. I won’t say it’s not been without it’s complications but we are all trying to make it work, so it’s interesting for me to see there are others with the same mindset as me. Good luck OP I hope you find what your looking for. G " Does his wife know too? I suppose if she doesnt it probably works better as he may not be as likely to develop really strong feelings for you, or develop them and need to act on them. | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? " i like intimacy and a connection and the idea of a relationship doesn't scare me but what does scare me is seeing her in morning no make up bed hair and creases in cheeks | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? " We came here to find a single guy for long term, regular mfm and one to one meets. We've stopped looking now but recently the thought of a married guy with permission has started to make sense as an option. | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? We came here to find a single guy for long term, regular mfm and one to one meets. We've stopped looking now but recently the thought of a married guy with permission has started to make sense as an option. Why did you stop looking? the guys were looking for quick sex? Or Logistics didnt work to make it practicable for long term fun " | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? We came here to find a single guy for long term, regular mfm and one to one meets. We've stopped looking now but recently the thought of a married guy with permission has started to make sense as an option. Why did you stop looking? the guys were looking for quick sex? Or Logistics didnt work to make it practicable for long term fun " It was a mixture of things really, including the things you've suggested. There were certain things we were looking for/wanting and it seemed too much to ask of people. | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? We came here to find a single guy for long term, regular mfm and one to one meets. We've stopped looking now but recently the thought of a married guy with permission has started to make sense as an option. Why did you stop looking? the guys were looking for quick sex? Or Logistics didnt work to make it practicable for long term fun It was a mixture of things really, including the things you've suggested. There were certain things we were looking for/wanting and it seemed too much to ask of people. " Ah - the more i think about it - its the same as vanilla dating - finding a boyfriend is hard enough (or girlfriend) - you have to get on, have time to meet, not live too far away from each other, have similar-ish interests - thats decent list. And on top of that - guy has to comfortable dating a married lady and she dating single guy - the more i think about it - no wonder it is difficult... | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? Loving this post as it’s exactly what I’d been looking for and been lucky enough to find on the site. I won’t say it’s not been without it’s complications but we are all trying to make it work, so it’s interesting for me to see there are others with the same mindset as me. Good luck OP I hope you find what your looking for. G Does his wife know too? I suppose if she doesnt it probably works better as he may not be as likely to develop really strong feelings for you, or develop them and need to act on them. " He’s not married but has his own life and responsibilities so he’s happy with our arrangement. | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? We came here to find a single guy for long term, regular mfm and one to one meets. We've stopped looking now but recently the thought of a married guy with permission has started to make sense as an option. Why did you stop looking? the guys were looking for quick sex? Or Logistics didnt work to make it practicable for long term fun It was a mixture of things really, including the things you've suggested. There were certain things we were looking for/wanting and it seemed too much to ask of people. Ah - the more i think about it - its the same as vanilla dating - finding a boyfriend is hard enough (or girlfriend) - you have to get on, have time to meet, not live too far away from each other, have similar-ish interests - thats decent list. And on top of that - guy has to comfortable dating a married lady and she dating single guy - the more i think about it - no wonder it is difficult..." I was thinking this particular dynamic last night. I often see the issues of cuckold couples seeking (a) regular boyfriend(s). There may be lots of guys on this site however I suspect the thresholds set for an adequate boyfriend are too bespoke, perhaps even too high. Not helped either that many guys see this site as a sex area as opposed to swinging so the catchment is low. That's why I always wish a cuckold couple good luck as it sounds a thrilling fantasy/kink to play out. | |||
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"I had a friend with benefits relationship that lasted 3 years. I met the husband who was fully aware and we done the boyfriend/girlfriend thing with sex at the end. We would meet once or twice a month. She also met other guys. It worked well at the time. It was emotionally deeper than a fuck buddy. Plenty of guys on here who would be interested in in you. Good luck op " Thank you, it sounds ideal what the lady had with you x | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? We came here to find a single guy for long term, regular mfm and one to one meets. We've stopped looking now but recently the thought of a married guy with permission has started to make sense as an option. Why did you stop looking? the guys were looking for quick sex? Or Logistics didnt work to make it practicable for long term fun It was a mixture of things really, including the things you've suggested. There were certain things we were looking for/wanting and it seemed too much to ask of people. Ah - the more i think about it - its the same as vanilla dating - finding a boyfriend is hard enough (or girlfriend) - you have to get on, have time to meet, not live too far away from each other, have similar-ish interests - thats decent list. And on top of that - guy has to comfortable dating a married lady and she dating single guy - the more i think about it - no wonder it is difficult... I was thinking this particular dynamic last night. I often see the issues of cuckold couples seeking (a) regular boyfriend(s). There may be lots of guys on this site however I suspect the thresholds set for an adequate boyfriend are too bespoke, perhaps even too high. Not helped either that many guys see this site as a sex area as opposed to swinging so the catchment is low. That's why I always wish a cuckold couple good luck as it sounds a thrilling fantasy/kink to play out. " Great way of expressing the dilemma | |||
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"For us this is an issue. It’s more than a needle in a haystack, more like a needle somewhere on the planet. We attract (maybe our profile is not clear) the guys who want a quickie! Very few try hard to get our attention or even ask out on a date? We don’t want to hear “look at my profile and see what you think”. Finding a guy who will date Naomi twice a month and want a connection between all of us just seems impossible. " Well I'm hopefully that you may find somebody through this thread now that the conversation has been thrown out to a broader spectrum x | |||
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"This is a great thread. An would totally suit my needs. Maybe I’ve been going wrong by cutting married men out as an option. ?? " But is that with or without the wifes knowledge ? | |||
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"This needs to be really carefully navigated to ensure everyone is clear in terms of feelings and boundaries. My own marriage ended because my wife was insistent on 'poly' which didn't extend the other way- i.e she could do what she liked but I couldn't. It began happening behind my back and despite my best efforts, the other parties involved thought their own sexual self entitlement trumped my concerns. Hence me saying be very careful. I thought I knew my wife after 10 years- sadly not it seems. Now, can I find a female or couple on here for anything approaching regular meetings or a relationship? Hah!! My left hand provides more certainty I think..." As you say not poly when its only one way. | |||
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"This is a great thread. An would totally suit my needs. Maybe I’ve been going wrong by cutting married men out as an option. ?? But is that with or without the wifes knowledge ?" I think for me personally it would have to be with her knowledge | |||
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"Hi. I lived in what I know know as a poly relationship a few years ago. It started off as just a sexual thing with them both and ended up me me being her boyfriend which he was happy with. It lasted about 2 years but unfortunately culminated in her husband not liking it anymore. I think the drama was she preferred to spend time with me rather than him. Our relationship ended and unfortunately I believe their marriage did too shortly after. It was my first and only experience of being a bff to a married woman. In hind sight, I think I would have done a little more "due dilligence" I'm sorry we are still bot in that relationship, I've even more sorry they split up as I feel terribly guilty. I don't often post stuff on here but felt compelled to do this one. OP: For us, it totally wasnt just about sex, there was a connection far beyond that. I do believe however, that is hard to come by. Dunno if that helps but it's just an experience I had. Good luck on your journey." Thanks for posting. Do you develope any feelings for her or how did you manage that side of the relationship? | |||
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"Hi. I lived in what I know know as a poly relationship a few years ago. It started off as just a sexual thing with them both and ended up me me being her boyfriend which he was happy with. It lasted about 2 years but unfortunately culminated in her husband not liking it anymore. I think the drama was she preferred to spend time with me rather than him. Our relationship ended and unfortunately I believe their marriage did too shortly after. It was my first and only experience of being a bff to a married woman. In hind sight, I think I would have done a little more "due dilligence" I'm sorry we are still bot in that relationship, I've even more sorry they split up as I feel terribly guilty. I don't often post stuff on here but felt compelled to do this one. OP: For us, it totally wasnt just about sex, there was a connection far beyond that. I do believe however, that is hard to come by. Dunno if that helps but it's just an experience I had. Good luck on your journey.Thanks for posting. Do you develope any feelings for her or how did you manage that side of the relationship? " Yes we both 100% had feelings for each other. Having said that I knew my place and would only visit etc if I was asked. | |||
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"Hi. I lived in what I know know as a poly relationship a few years ago. It started off as just a sexual thing with them both and ended up me me being her boyfriend which he was happy with. It lasted about 2 years but unfortunately culminated in her husband not liking it anymore. I think the drama was she preferred to spend time with me rather than him. Our relationship ended and unfortunately I believe their marriage did too shortly after. It was my first and only experience of being a bff to a married woman. In hind sight, I think I would have done a little more "due dilligence" I'm sorry we are still bot in that relationship, I've even more sorry they split up as I feel terribly guilty. I don't often post stuff on here but felt compelled to do this one. OP: For us, it totally wasnt just about sex, there was a connection far beyond that. I do believe however, that is hard to come by. Dunno if that helps but it's just an experience I had. Good luck on your journey.Thanks for posting. Do you develope any feelings for her or how did you manage that side of the relationship? Yes we both 100% had feelings for each other. Having said that I knew my place and would only visit etc if I was asked." I see..must have been hard to curtail them or frustrating if you wanted more? Were you exclusive to her or make to see others? | |||
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"I'll draft a CV up " I await a thorough CV in our inbox | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? " What a shame you so far away, we have this with the mrs she loves it happy hubby ! Now it's my turn she loves the idea and wants me to find someone | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? What a shame you so far away, we have this with the mrs she loves it happy hubby ! Now it's my turn she loves the idea and wants me to find someone " Yes it's a shame. It seems very difficult to find the right guy x | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? What a shame you so far away, we have this with the mrs she loves it happy hubby ! Now it's my turn she loves the idea and wants me to find someone Yes it's a shame. It seems very difficult to find the right guy x" I'm sure there will be someone good luck | |||
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"Depends on what you consider a relationship. If you mean someone you regularly meet up for sex, then yes, I have two at the moment. We have regular times when we meet for sex and occasionally go on weekends away etc. The relationships are completely based on sex, there is no question of me ever leaving my husband for one of them, and they know that. I suppose it is made easier that one of them is himself married so no expectations there from him for it to become anything more. I think I would probably go as far as calling him my lover, as we are quite emotionally involved, but it isn't the same as the love I have for my husband. I don't think it's possible to experience the love you have with your husband with someone else because you have so many share life experiences and history. I do think it's possible to experience different kinds of love and I think falling in love is the most wonderful thing. I don't just enjoy meets that are only about sex. I want someone to genuinely care about me and be connected to my emotions as well as my body. " I agree with you that love is a spectrum and there are different types of love rather than a few ridged categories. I think it's perfectly possible to have different types of relationships that run concurrently. In fact it's very normal in everyday life. For example many of us have love and a relationship with our partners but also have different deep platonic lovimg relationships and freindships running concurrently. So why not non-platonic ones too. I had a couple of very close loving friendships that were also sexual. There was genuine love and care within those close friendships but not of the same nature I have for my partner, who is truly my everthing. They would be no threat to my relationship with my partner or the total love I have for her. Simply different types of love, but genuine love all the same. Now that's the theory, but in reality things tend to be more tricky. Especially if what you are looking for is long term. In my experience even if you are happy to have a non-platonic relationship with someone along side the one with your life partner the other person may not be when they get into a more deep relationship with someone else. Also not everyone likes feeling or infact being 2nd fiddle to your partner. Sometime people dont see that type of relationship an equal or beneficial exchange for them in the long run. And also not everyone is very good at carpartmentalising their relationship lives or sticking to the boundries. When boundries get confused or other people want to move in other directions this can also get very messy. So I would say be realistic about the chances of having a long term boyfriend. Not saying it's impossible but I would say unlikely. Having said that if your a new romantic energy junky then this may not be a bad thing as you could get to search for a new boyfriend every year or so and keep reliving the buzz. Plus for everyone your deeply involved with you learn from them and takes lessons from them. But remember to stay focused on your primary relationship if that is who you want to be your life partner. That is where you should truly be focused. Rember that you do open that up to risk and complication by perusing a more ploy type of lifestyle. | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? " Yes that's definitely the case. The whole package when you are together, but also being comfortable in the fact that you aren't smothering each other or being demanding of each other. X | |||
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"Depends on what you consider a relationship. If you mean someone you regularly meet up for sex, then yes, I have two at the moment. We have regular times when we meet for sex and occasionally go on weekends away etc. The relationships are completely based on sex, there is no question of me ever leaving my husband for one of them, and they know that. I suppose it is made easier that one of them is himself married so no expectations there from him for it to become anything more. I think I would probably go as far as calling him my lover, as we are quite emotionally involved, but it isn't the same as the love I have for my husband. I don't think it's possible to experience the love you have with your husband with someone else because you have so many share life experiences and history. I do think it's possible to experience different kinds of love and I think falling in love is the most wonderful thing. I don't just enjoy meets that are only about sex. I want someone to genuinely care about me and be connected to my emotions as well as my body. I agree with you that love is a spectrum and there are different types of love rather than a few ridged categories. I think it's perfectly possible to have different types of relationships that run concurrently. In fact it's very normal in everyday life. For example many of us have love and a relationship with our partners but also have different deep platonic lovimg relationships and freindships running concurrently. So why not non-platonic ones too. I had a couple of very close loving friendships that were also sexual. There was genuine love and care within those close friendships but not of the same nature I have for my partner, who is truly my everthing. They would be no threat to my relationship with my partner or the total love I have for her. Simply different types of love, but genuine love all the same. Now that's the theory, but in reality things tend to be more tricky. Especially if what you are looking for is long term. In my experience even if you are happy to have a non-platonic relationship with someone along side the one with your life partner the other person may not be when they get into a more deep relationship with someone else. Also not everyone likes feeling or infact being 2nd fiddle to your partner. Sometime people dont see that type of relationship an equal or beneficial exchange for them in the long run. And also not everyone is very good at carpartmentalising their relationship lives or sticking to the boundries. When boundries get confused or other people want to move in other directions this can also get very messy. So I would say be realistic about the chances of having a long term boyfriend. Not saying it's impossible but I would say unlikely. Having said that if your a new romantic energy junky then this may not be a bad thing as you could get to search for a new boyfriend every year or so and keep reliving the buzz. Plus for everyone your deeply involved with you learn from them and takes lessons from them. But remember to stay focused on your primary relationship if that is who you want to be your life partner. That is where you should truly be focused. Rember that you do open that up to risk and complication by perusing a more ploy type of lifestyle." A very interesting insight, thank you. | |||
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"I'll draft a CV up " One word; four letters. Sure it’s a bird of an application | |||
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"Id love to be a part time sissy boyfriend/girlfriend. Be great to have a regular couple so i never know if im getting pussy, cock or both x" I'm with you on this. We only live and hope | |||
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"Has any wife managed to successfully have a long term relationship alongside her marriage? I'm feeling like it's the impossible dream. Some men aren't interested because they just want sex, others don't want to go down that route because they're afraid of getting hurt. Others I've experienced where it gets to the point that they want more of me than I can give. I do understand from their perspective that potentially falling in love with someone who can never be fully 'theirs' is a bad idea. However, there must be some men who don't have time for a full relationship but still want the intimacy of a deeper connection? " me i will do it | |||
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"I would love to find this." Having looked at your pictures I think you will have quite a lot of guys offering you their services | |||
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"I would love to find this. Having looked at your pictures I think you will have quite a lot of guys offering you their services " i totally agree | |||
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