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To all the people who complain after a few weeks on Fab:

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By *layfulpairsx OP   Couple
over a year ago

Southend

There are so many people,especially single men,who complain they aren't getting anywhere without thinking about what they are offering.

Male of the trio writing here,I'm not tall, built, hung, particularly good looking or think I'm anything special.

But I do have regular three way sex with two very bisexual women.

The part that many single guys who join swingers sites forget is that it takes a LOT of time and patience and effort and luck to get a meet. You aren't entitled.

You have to work really hard for a long time and accept that you will be ignored. Often.

I started on Dean Matty in about 2002. It took a long while to get anywhere, chatting in chat rooms, thinking I was not being too pushy, but I was pushy, I felt entitled and I made all the mistakes under the sun. I did get needy, thin skinned etc.

You need to grow a thick skin very quickly, learn to out the fakes, accept the rejections and not expect instant gratification.

You are going to be disappointed 99% of the time and that's a truism.

When you do get to meet you have to be interesting, different, attractive, fun to be with. MOST of all you CANNOT be desperate for a shag or come across like you are.

Confident not cocky.

There's lots of good advice about going to clubs etc but if all you do there is follow women around like a woebegotten sheep you won't get anywhere. Don't expect to score. Do expect to go several times and you have to talk to people sociably. Become known. That's how you build a relaxed approach and gain confidence.

Don't try to play way above your game, if you approach only the most gorgeous women and you aren't super good looking you'll just get knocked back time and again, that kills your confidence. Similarly don't lower your standards either.

If you haven't got any game, then get some.

Read women's magazines, find out what makes women tick. Learn to be charming and non-clingy. Ask women you know at work or socially for help, they WILL help so long as you aren't sleazy.

Read books by pick up artists but use caution as women are wise to the peacocking, neg stuff etc.

A good, clothed photo on your profile, no dick pics, probably not even any gym selfies etc and NO pics of your cock over a toilet bowl. I'd bet most women would prefer a pic of you in a crisp white shirt and jeans or a nice jacket to your cock shooting a wad.

Try to have an interesting viewpoint, be passionate. Stand for something.

That is your starting point.

Turn up, shut up, listen, be funny. Be INTERESTED in them, not what your dick wants to do with them. They are living, breathing human beings with emotions and feelings and they are taking huge risks in even talking to you. Make your date feel special,make them intruiged to meet you again. Actually care about them. Maybe a kiss if it's appropriate but no amateur fumbling like a priapic teenager. There's nothing sexier to many women than a man who is a bit unattainable, who doesn't try too hard.

BUT, even then it's no guarantee of success.

The toughest bit after realising most of your carefully crafted messages will be ignored is when you eventually get a meet where you don't click.

If they like you great, that doesn't mean you get to have wild sex. That takes a feeling of comfort and trust. If they don't fancy you or there's no chemistry, even if you have the hots for them big time, accept it and don't ask why. It's simple:they didn't fancy you. End of.

Learn from it and do something better next time.

Move on, be nice, be respectful and you might get a verification. I got some of my best meets that way as a single back in 2004-2007.

If you read our veri's, the guy the girls played with at Eureka was non-pushy,respectful and got his reward by being laid back. It helped he was a good looking bloke in good physical shape but he could have been all of those and still screwed up.

As an aside a very young looking virgin guy got his first ever blowjob off S the same evening as she felt sorry for him. But he too was respectful.

I've been very very lucky to find 2 ladies who like eachother but also find me tolerable enough to share with me.

It took me 16 years to reach this point, can you wait 16 years?

I'm sure there will be a few snarky "Arrogant,know it all" comments, fair enough. I don't just fantasise about two women together and them sharing with me. I don't have to. But I got at least a thousand knockbacks along the way and I and we, as a threesome, will get a few more.

Good luck. It's there for you if you work hard enough. It won't happen in a week or a month or even maybe a year. But when it does. Oh boy.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Very well put

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By *eneral HysteriaMan
over a year ago

Newcastle


"... it takes a LOT of time and patience and effort and luck to get a meet..

"

It's not luck.

"The harder I work the luckier I get"

Paraphrasing someone elses quote, but you get the idea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is very well put, thank you. Hopefully more men will read it and act accordingly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do hope some people read this. I've had an influx of wtf moments lately. And that's just reading the messages

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By *qua vitaeWoman
over a year ago

Shropshire/Midlands

Very well stated.

Most of us women aren’t arrogant, self obsessed and snobby. Some of us don’t care if you don’t have a six pack, look like George Clooney or a millionaire. What counts is personality, manners, honestly and empathy.

Continual persistence and abusive, crude and rude comments, and ‘scatter shooting’ messages, especially with explicit cock and action pictures aren’t going to persuade us ladies to meet you. Who would want to meet someone after they’ve sent their third message within 10 minutes with the line, ‘get your hard cock here’, when you haven’t had a chance to answer their first message, because you’re still wading through the 100s of messages, winks and unsolicited friend requests!

We’re not here to tell you how you present yourself, but don’t expect us to be falling upon our knees waiting to meet you, when you use the above approaches.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very well stated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think most of the single guys here are not swingers. They just join the site looking for a quick easy shag without making any effort and have no respect for anyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some very wise advice , I don't know how many will read it , or take any of it onboard , but thank you for taking the time to write it ,a very worthwhile read , thank you !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey that was long and maybe right for you, we're adults and guess what we learn from our mistakes, people moan, women moan and so do guys I'd say disproportionately women moan more than men certainly in forums probably about some of the points you've made but women moan more but it's not highlighted as much because they are still sought after don't wanna burn that bridge do we. I really am glad you have sex regularly with 2 bisexual women

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some good advice there. The particular part that rings true with myself is to make women feel special. After tons of self-analysis, for part of the enlightenment in this lifestyle is learning about yourself on this journey (though not as much as my delightful OH as she has made this an art form) I realised I was by all accounts a pleaser (I hadn't even heard of that term prior to starting out swinging!) and as such I was fortunate that this came easily to me?

I loved learning about individual women, what made them tick so to speak and as such how to invoke the most pleasure in them possible, both sexually and in general. I never found chatting with women a problem as the fact their conversations are generally softer and more in depth appealed to my own preferred style anyway, so picking up signals was only natural in the main.

Everyone has something different they can offer in interacting and in play, this was just my own main "draw" if you like? The OP gets it spot on when he says that you need to develop your game except I would rephrase this as finding out WHAT you excel at and working on that.

After perhaps close to a decade in the scene (though I did leave and rejoin a couple of times) I've met many wonderful ladies and couples, made some lovely friends and discovered love when I least expected it! So I have no complaints really! Sure, there's negatives to the scene, it's an extension of real life which contains negatives galore after all. Learn to accept these as facts and how to work around them and they become less important and even noticable most of the time, dealt with by humour in the main? And the positives....Oh my!

B

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank YOU!!! This is all very true . Most of us women get quite a few messages daily, so it's the well thought out one and the classy pics with a bit of banter that will get my attention x

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By *hesterXXXMan
over a year ago

in your dreams

Very well put - except I'm not going to read women's magazines. I'm a delicate soul - they are filthy!

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"There are so many people,especially single men,who complain they aren't getting anywhere without thinking about what they are offering.

Male of the trio writing here,I'm not tall, built, hung, particularly good looking or think I'm anything special.

But I do have regular three way sex with two very bisexual women.

The part that many single guys who join swingers sites forget is that it takes a LOT of time and patience and effort and luck to get a meet. You aren't entitled.

You have to work really hard for a long time and accept that you will be ignored. Often.

I started on Dean Matty in about 2002. It took a long while to get anywhere, chatting in chat rooms, thinking I was not being too pushy, but I was pushy, I felt entitled and I made all the mistakes under the sun. I did get needy, thin skinned etc.

You need to grow a thick skin very quickly, learn to out the fakes, accept the rejections and not expect instant gratification.

You are going to be disappointed 99% of the time and that's a truism.

When you do get to meet you have to be interesting, different, attractive, fun to be with. MOST of all you CANNOT be desperate for a shag or come across like you are.

Confident not cocky.

There's lots of good advice about going to clubs etc but if all you do there is follow women around like a woebegotten sheep you won't get anywhere. Don't expect to score. Do expect to go several times and you have to talk to people sociably. Become known. That's how you build a relaxed approach and gain confidence.

Don't try to play way above your game, if you approach only the most gorgeous women and you aren't super good looking you'll just get knocked back time and again, that kills your confidence. Similarly don't lower your standards either.

If you haven't got any game, then get some.

Read women's magazines, find out what makes women tick. Learn to be charming and non-clingy. Ask women you know at work or socially for help, they WILL help so long as you aren't sleazy.

Read books by pick up artists but use caution as women are wise to the peacocking, neg stuff etc.

A good, clothed photo on your profile, no dick pics, probably not even any gym selfies etc and NO pics of your cock over a toilet bowl. I'd bet most women would prefer a pic of you in a crisp white shirt and jeans or a nice jacket to your cock shooting a wad.

Try to have an interesting viewpoint, be passionate. Stand for something.

That is your starting point.

Turn up, shut up, listen, be funny. Be INTERESTED in them, not what your dick wants to do with them. They are living, breathing human beings with emotions and feelings and they are taking huge risks in even talking to you. Make your date feel special,make them intruiged to meet you again. Actually care about them. Maybe a kiss if it's appropriate but no amateur fumbling like a priapic teenager. There's nothing sexier to many women than a man who is a bit unattainable, who doesn't try too hard.

BUT, even then it's no guarantee of success.

The toughest bit after realising most of your carefully crafted messages will be ignored is when you eventually get a meet where you don't click.

If they like you great, that doesn't mean you get to have wild sex. That takes a feeling of comfort and trust. If they don't fancy you or there's no chemistry, even if you have the hots for them big time, accept it and don't ask why. It's simple:they didn't fancy you. End of.

Learn from it and do something better next time.

Move on, be nice, be respectful and you might get a verification. I got some of my best meets that way as a single back in 2004-2007.

If you read our veri's, the guy the girls played with at Eureka was non-pushy,respectful and got his reward by being laid back. It helped he was a good looking bloke in good physical shape but he could have been all of those and still screwed up.

As an aside a very young looking virgin guy got his first ever blowjob off S the same evening as she felt sorry for him. But he too was respectful.

I've been very very lucky to find 2 ladies who like eachother but also find me tolerable enough to share with me.

It took me 16 years to reach this point, can you wait 16 years?

I'm sure there will be a few snarky "Arrogant,know it all" comments, fair enough. I don't just fantasise about two women together and them sharing with me. I don't have to. But I got at least a thousand knockbacks along the way and I and we, as a threesome, will get a few more.

Good luck. It's there for you if you work hard enough. It won't happen in a week or a month or even maybe a year. But when it does. Oh boy. "

I wish men listen to this advice. My pet peeve is when they don't read your profile and get aggressive if you're not interested. People punching above their weight. Sure, even attractive people get declined. I just learn to choose wizer next time to avoid the knock backs...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are so many people,especially single men,who complain they aren't getting anywhere without thinking about what they are offering.

Male of the trio writing here,I'm not tall, built, hung, particularly good looking or think I'm anything special.

But I do have regular three way sex with two very bisexual women.

The part that many single guys who join swingers sites forget is that it takes a LOT of time and patience and effort and luck to get a meet. You aren't entitled.

You have to work really hard for a long time and accept that you will be ignored. Often.

I started on Dean Matty in about 2002. It took a long while to get anywhere, chatting in chat rooms, thinking I was not being too pushy, but I was pushy, I felt entitled and I made all the mistakes under the sun. I did get needy, thin skinned etc.

You need to grow a thick skin very quickly, learn to out the fakes, accept the rejections and not expect instant gratification.

You are going to be disappointed 99% of the time and that's a truism.

When you do get to meet you have to be interesting, different, attractive, fun to be with. MOST of all you CANNOT be desperate for a shag or come across like you are.

Confident not cocky.

There's lots of good advice about going to clubs etc but if all you do there is follow women around like a woebegotten sheep you won't get anywhere. Don't expect to score. Do expect to go several times and you have to talk to people sociably. Become known. That's how you build a relaxed approach and gain confidence.

Don't try to play way above your game, if you approach only the most gorgeous women and you aren't super good looking you'll just get knocked back time and again, that kills your confidence. Similarly don't lower your standards either.

If you haven't got any game, then get some.

Read women's magazines, find out what makes women tick. Learn to be charming and non-clingy. Ask women you know at work or socially for help, they WILL help so long as you aren't sleazy.

Read books by pick up artists but use caution as women are wise to the peacocking, neg stuff etc.

A good, clothed photo on your profile, no dick pics, probably not even any gym selfies etc and NO pics of your cock over a toilet bowl. I'd bet most women would prefer a pic of you in a crisp white shirt and jeans or a nice jacket to your cock shooting a wad.

Try to have an interesting viewpoint, be passionate. Stand for something.

That is your starting point.

Turn up, shut up, listen, be funny. Be INTERESTED in them, not what your dick wants to do with them. They are living, breathing human beings with emotions and feelings and they are taking huge risks in even talking to you. Make your date feel special,make them intruiged to meet you again. Actually care about them. Maybe a kiss if it's appropriate but no amateur fumbling like a priapic teenager. There's nothing sexier to many women than a man who is a bit unattainable, who doesn't try too hard.

BUT, even then it's no guarantee of success.

The toughest bit after realising most of your carefully crafted messages will be ignored is when you eventually get a meet where you don't click.

If they like you great, that doesn't mean you get to have wild sex. That takes a feeling of comfort and trust. If they don't fancy you or there's no chemistry, even if you have the hots for them big time, accept it and don't ask why. It's simple:they didn't fancy you. End of.

Learn from it and do something better next time.

Move on, be nice, be respectful and you might get a verification. I got some of my best meets that way as a single back in 2004-2007.

If you read our veri's, the guy the girls played with at Eureka was non-pushy,respectful and got his reward by being laid back. It helped he was a good looking bloke in good physical shape but he could have been all of those and still screwed up.

As an aside a very young looking virgin guy got his first ever blowjob off S the same evening as she felt sorry for him. But he too was respectful.

I've been very very lucky to find 2 ladies who like eachother but also find me tolerable enough to share with me.

It took me 16 years to reach this point, can you wait 16 years?

I'm sure there will be a few snarky "Arrogant,know it all" comments, fair enough. I don't just fantasise about two women together and them sharing with me. I don't have to. But I got at least a thousand knockbacks along the way and I and we, as a threesome, will get a few more.

Good luck. It's there for you if you work hard enough. It won't happen in a week or a month or even maybe a year. But when it does. Oh boy.

I wish men listen to this advice. My pet peeve is when they don't read your profile and get aggressive if you're not interested. People punching above their weight. Sure, even attractive people get declined. I just learn to choose wizer next time to avoid the knock backs... "
it's not all men it's a common misconception to lump us all in the same food processor, some of us don't think with our dicks

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By *r_Jake70Man
over a year ago

London

“not all men.....”

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I like this. I have met people on Fab who I’m so glad to have in my life. When Fabs good it’s very good. Before anyone thinks differently that’s not a reference to sex but great relationships.

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