FabSwingers.com forum: Vanilla advice needed..

By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

I have recently re-aquainted with a childhood crush. It has come about that he also had a crush but neither of us acted on it.

We have met for a few coffee dates and are meeting again soon for an actual date as we've both realised there are feelings still lingering.

Now I obviously don't know if anything more will happen but my fab life is playing on my mind. I know for sure he is not a swinger but do I admit to it? If I dont I'll feel like a liar which I dont want to be but if I do he may run...

Any advice will be appreciated xxx

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By *acavityMan
over a year ago

Redditch

I'd be honest about the past, if you want a future.

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By *ily Con CarneTV/TS
over a year ago

Cornwall

Any advice will be appreciated xxx"

I'd keep it to myself...for now at least

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go for neopolitan it tastes much nicer

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By *histlerMan
over a year ago

Guildford

You don’t need to confess anything!

See how it goes, but when the time comes to talk about what you like then be open with him. Could be something you enjoy together in time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Experience loser-in-love here

If you are happy to give swinging up don’t say anything.

If not, you need to tell him ASAP. Otherwise, it gets messy and the more he likes you the more it’ll hurt him when he realises he can cope with your swinging side.

... well, that’s what a friend said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have recently re-aquainted with a childhood crush. It has come about that he also had a crush but neither of us acted on it.

We have met for a few coffee dates and are meeting again soon for an actual date as we've both realised there are feelings still lingering.

Any advice will be appreciated xxx"
don't mention past most guys not all wouldn't want to know and theirs only one world and one life you're living it, don't feel guilty about what you do but don't share what you don't need to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To confess means you have something to feel guilty about. Right now you dont owe him anything as your not in relationship we all have a past. If you. Other choose to move forward and not just a single date or a one off shag. Ask yourself what sort of relationship you want and ask about his fantasies are once you find out offer to make a few of them a reality, opening the door so to speak depending on how he reacts go from there. You will get a pretty good idea by that point on how open minded he really is and what sort of relationship you might be getting into.

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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

I'd give it up for the right guy but I'd miss it, just dont want to lie to him but also dont want to put a spanner in the works if something develops.

It's a tough one xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he asks tell him, if he doesn't don't.

Even though the feelings are still there, you are both not the same people you once were as we grow and evolve.

If it gets serious and he doesn't accept it, then it wasn't meant to be.

Good luck and i hope it does go well

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By *ellytransvTV/TS
over a year ago

Wirral

"I'd give it up for the right guy but I'd miss it, just dont want to lie to him but also dont want to put a spanner in the works if something develops.

It's a tough one xx"

I dont think it really is a tough one... if you start a new relationship just stop swinging until you discuss it with your new partner. Just see how your new relationship develops.

Swinging

Will always be there for you to get back into if you need it with your new partner included or without him if the relationship doesn't work out

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By *nglishdoodMan
over a year ago

Morristown

Assuming you go further and give up swinging then that's it. If he's not into it, what's the point in trying to explain a moot point?

There's no need to mention your past unless you're bringing something from it along with you into the future.

If you can't see yourself giving up swinging then you'll just have to tell him and see what happens. You could possibly say you're curious about it and make your decision based on his reaction.

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

You are 42 years old, he will know you will have had past lovers just as he will have had. There is nothing to confess or admit especially at this stage of your relationship.

If things work out and he truely loves you then your past will not matter to him.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I'm always straight up and honest about everything. Things don't seem right to me unless I am.

I think you have to make your own individual decision but to me honesty is always the best quality

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think about swinging as your kink.

Can you give that up?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'd be honest about the past, if you want a future.

Succinct, to the point and very good advice

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'd give it up for the right guy but I'd miss it, just dont want to lie to him but also dont want to put a spanner in the works if something develops.

It's a tough one xx"

How honest do you hope he will be with you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If youre getting on well and having sex , maybe ask him about his fantasys etc and see what sort of reaction you get? Test the water sort of? Anyhow good luck hope all goes well for you both

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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Thank you all, I guess I'm overthinking

I'll maybe wait and see how it all pans out xx

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"I'd give it up for the right guy but I'd miss it, just dont want to lie to him but also dont want to put a spanner in the works if something develops.

It's a tough one xx

I dont think it really is a tough one... if you start a new relationship just stop swinging until you discuss it with your new partner. Just see how your new relationship develops.

Swinging

Will always be there for you to get back into if you need it with your new partner included or without him if the relationship doesn't work out"

Exactly this.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you plan to carry on swinging then best to tell him now.

If you're happy to stop swinging for now and see where things go then no need to say anything.

If things develop and the past comes up just say you've had a few sexual relationships but nothing serious. I'd leave it at that.

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

To early for a heart to heart type chat. Not unless he kicks it off first anyway.

I'd keep stumm for now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you are going to continue with the lifestyle whilst seeing him then I’d be upfront. If you are going to be exclusive with him then at the early stages then it doesn’t matter does it. We all have a past. If you end up in a serious relationship with him and you’d like to continue as a swinger with him then you’re going to have to have the conversation and also be prepared for him to run a mile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I told a potential new female partner and she walked off calling me all sorts of names!!

Pervert seemed to used a lot

I think, if it’s a female introducing a male, he’d probably be more open to it than a female.

Let’s be honest most males would consider this heaven!

A partner that swings, happy for him to swing but goes home or back to him after!! Bliss..

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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"I told a potential new female partner and she walked off calling me all sorts of names!!

Pervert seemed to used a lot

I think, if it’s a female introducing a male, he’d probably be more open to it than a female.

Let’s be honest most males would consider this heaven!

A partner that swings, happy for him to swing but goes home or back to him after!! Bliss.."

I'm not convinced he would be that way but I guess time will tell xx

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By *etite HandfulWoman
over a year ago

Chester

"I have recently re-aquainted with a childhood crush. It has come about that he also had a crush but neither of us acted on it.

We have met for a few coffee dates and are meeting again soon for an actual date as we've both realised there are feelings still lingering.

Any advice will be appreciated xxx"

Hide your profile for starters and just because you don't open your past doesn't make you a liar I am sure you are not going to ask about his past in detail so if he asks about certain things just say you would rather not discuss it.

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By *rworldwide2000Man
over a year ago

wakefield

Personally I’d wait before revealing all. My OH and I did. We told each other (unknown to the other) later down the line and It didn’t cause any problems.

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

You don't owe him any confession. If the relationship reaches the point where it becomes 'exclusive' then you can choose to end your Fab adventure or tell him its part of your life. He can then choose to accept it or not.

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By *irkydirkyMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I have recently re-aquainted with a childhood crush. It has come about that he also had a crush but neither of us acted on it.

We have met for a few coffee dates and are meeting again soon for an actual date as we've both realised there are feelings still lingering.

Any advice will be appreciated xxx"

It’s just a 1st date so no need to say a thing..

If it develops into something more you can decide then, if you think you kinda need a partner to swing with it’s best to bring it up sooner rather than later, if you don’t, just leave and you’ll never need to bring it up...

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

To be fair I always like to wait with men for the prime reason that if they aren’t a swinger but find it ‘exciting’ they think they are all of a sudden invited to everything and ‘you must know a girl for a threesome’ ugh, bitch please. No.

I’d personally wait to see if he was someone I’d want to share the lifestyle as a whole with. Not just a bed. Xx

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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"To be fair I always like to wait with men for the prime reason that if they aren’t a swinger but find it ‘exciting’ they think they are all of a sudden invited to everything and ‘you must know a girl for a threesome’ ugh, bitch please. No.

I’d personally wait to see if he was someone I’d want to share the lifestyle as a whole with. Not just a bed. Xx"

Eloquently put, and very true. I'm overthinking lol xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would you on an early date, list all previous sexual partners who were not met through fab?

You may want to let him know that you are bi before too long, that may crop up... the numbers and specifcs are often glossed over in new relationships between adults.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put telling him out of your mind, at least until you see how things go, however he might run and that's a risk you take I guess.

Frankly if you are not with him it has no relevance unless you plan to continue swinging during you relationship.

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By *ustfun001Man
over a year ago

East Sussex

Honesty is the best policy, I dont think its a confession you are not guilty of anything you just lead a different life style.

you can keep it quiet and see how things go and have conversation later but if you develop feelings before the conversation you both might get hurt...

question.... what happens if you keep quiet never mention it and it all works out for now you give up swinging and in few months /year you miss the lifestyle? will you go on the quiet? will you get him involved? Ive just seen a similar situation where one person thought the other was enough but eventually they needed what they gave up...

this cant be easy xxx

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By *etro1940sCouple
over a year ago

Kingston upon Thames

Any advice will be appreciated xxx

I'd keep it to myself...for now at least"
agree with this ... see where this goes but do give hints

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

See how your date goes. Guysseem to be intimidated by women who admit to that sort of thing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be honest with him if he asks but he may be the type that just doesn't want to know about your past, I wouldn't just blurt it out. Have a few dates to get the measure of him and by then you'll know what to do.

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By *oldyoudown41Man
over a year ago

caledonian

[Removed by poster at 19/08/19 15:18:43]

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By *oldyoudown41Man
over a year ago

caledonian

He’d probably love it

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've said this before many a time but I've never been afraid to repeat myself

I would feel a bit miffed if six weeks or six months into a relationship someone revealed something to me or I somehow found something out that would have been a deal breaker early on. By the same token I don't want to waste my (or their) time and emotional energy building up a relationship only to tell them something significant about myself six months down the line that was a deal breaker for them. If I was dating with a view to establishing a relationship I would discuss everything I consider significant during the first couple of meetings. If someone doesn't like my past or the way I want to live my life on day one they aren't going to like it any better on day 101.

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By *layfulpairsxCouple
over a year ago

Southend

OP. You said you knew him in the past. How would he have reacted then if you said you were into swinging? What do you know of his character? Is he secure in himself or needy and insecure and likely to be unable to cope? What would his friends say to him if he approached them with the same problem from his point of view and you'd told him you have swung? Would he flip and demand you stopped? How attracted to him are you?

Listen to your subconscious, that will be your guide.

You also need to feel that this relationship has legs, whether you are swinging or not.

If swinging is an integral part of who you are and you don't want to give it up, then that has to be a factor.

Whatever you decide, be true to yourself.

Good luck

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By *m3232Man
over a year ago

maidenhead

If he is sensible with his head screwed on any history no matter what it is should be a thing of the past if you are going to give it up.

What I would do is stop meets now until you tell him your sexual past as he will probably ask and then just say you where a swinger as you have sexual needs and needed sex.

Hopefully the conversion should move on to you enjoyed your time doing and happy to continue if he was interested.

If he acts totally against it he may not be the man for you.

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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Thanks all, I'm very guilty of overthinking everything.

Hed have laughed and encouraged me back then but now? Its been a long time so who knows? If, and it's a big if, we become a couple then I'll stop swinging, but I suppose it's a wait and see kinda thing...

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By *m3232Man
over a year ago

maidenhead

"Thanks all, I'm very guilty of overthinking everything.

Xx"

Can I meet you before you stop lol

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By *ettyboop61Woman
over a year ago

St Neots

"Thanks all, I'm very guilty of overthinking everything.

Xx"

Go with your heart....but wait till the time is right I would leave here if I found love as I'm a very loyal person ....good luck

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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Thanks all, I'm very guilty of overthinking everything.

Can I meet you before you stop lol

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By *hewifeandiCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"Thanks all, I'm very guilty of overthinking everything.

Can I meet you before you stop lol

xx"

Slip us in there too

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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Thanks all, I'm very guilty of overthinking everything.

Can I meet you before you stop lol

Slip us in there too

Hehehe!!! To be fair he may hate me so we will see xx

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By *hewifeandiCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"Thanks all, I'm very guilty of overthinking everything.

Can I meet you before you stop lol

Slip us in there too

Hehehe!!! To be fair he may hate me so we will see xx"

Hate you?? I doubt that very much he'll whisk you away if he don't he's mad and you know we will try and console you if he don't

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By *onglegcoupleCouple
over a year ago

manchester

I had no idea about the swinging life. My boyfriend and I have been together now for almost 2 years. He told me just short of a year into our relationship about his swinging past. It was the best thing he ever did. He was honest with me and I respected him so much for that because he had no idea how I'd react. We now both swing together and I love it!! My advice would be totally honest with him. What ever you both do after that is up to you xx

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By *astyEricMan
over a year ago

Hull

Just be honest, you never know he may like it

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By *easidegirlWoman
over a year ago

south shore

Don't tell him..I went down this same road once..he recoiled and said he didn't want to date a woman from a swinging site as they were 'easy'

We are not, I know, but his perception.. Ruined the whole thing so yeah keep it quiet he doesn't need to know x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't tell him..I went down this same road once..he recoiled and said he didn't want to date a woman from a swinging site as they were 'easy'

We are not, I know, but his perception.. Ruined the whole thing so yeah keep it quiet he doesn't need to know x"

I agree. No way I'd tell anyone about my past. None of their business.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

One piece of advice is don't act like a born again virgin with him only to have him find out about your swinging past later. He will be seriously pissed off!

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Male or female, there's a big difference between online dating, which people accept and saying you enjoy group sex (or whatever). He'll likely run for the hills if you say the latter as jobs, houses, holidays rank well above swinging. I doubt it would even be a thought to most people when looking for a partner.

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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

I think people have a preconceived idea that swingers sleep with everyone... i am actually ridiculously picky. I dont sleep with everyone and I'm safe. It's hard thinking of entering a potential relationship while swinging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think people have a preconceived idea that swingers sleep with everyone... i am actually ridiculously picky. I dont sleep with everyone and I'm safe. It's hard thinking of entering a potential relationship while swinging

"
I think it's trebally hard because of it

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

"I have recently re-aquainted with a childhood crush. It has come about that he also had a crush but neither of us acted on it.

We have met for a few coffee dates and are meeting again soon for an actual date as we've both realised there are feelings still lingering.

Any advice will be appreciated xxx"

Clearly not a first date conversation, but at some point you need to tell him.

So the question is really when?

Second date

Second base

Second anniversary of getting together

When he moves in

Wedding night

Retirement day

You get the point. There is never a perfect time.

Also it depends on whether you want to give up swinging for him?

Personally my view is you love who you love including the bits you may not like or agree with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that life is too short to try to fit into anyone's mold, anyone that is going to be your partner should accept you for you,and not who they think you are. There's a saying " I would rather someone hate me for who I am instead of loving me for who I'm not. you like what you like, no need to feel guilty or for big confessions. It's not so much what you tell him but how you tell him, rather than saying your a swinger you can tell him you have a freaky side

, have discussions about sex and your kinks while your having fun. Do it gradually rather than a big confession that might or might not scare him off. As it grows let him know more. Like someone said above there's no harm in taking a break from swinging if it feels like it's going to get complicated.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

In all honesty for me it would depend on if you wanted to carry on swinging, if so then tell him (but not straight away, after 3rd date maybe).

If you didn’t want to then i’d Not tell him. I wouldn’t want to know the ins and outs of a new fellas past sex life and most men i’ve Dated haven’t wanted to know details about my sexual life.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

"In all honesty for me it would depend on if you wanted to carry on swinging, if so then tell him (but not straight away, after 3rd date maybe).

Interesting, I was the opposite and wanted to know it all.

But maybe I'm just nosey

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