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Depression and swinging

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What are peoples views on this?

A friend of mine was suffering with depression, stopped taking the tablets after a short while for a few months and then ended up a recluse etc again.

Managed to get him to see Dr's again and he's back on anti depressants.

Just before starting the antidepressants for the second time he was having sexual fun with a colleague(no longer work together) which has now turned into a relationship with her and being introduced and spending time with her four kids often.

They've made a swingers account and want to meet other couples for full swap fun

Surely fab isn't the best place for someone who is already depressed and seeing his gf fuck another man even whilst he's fucking the fem half could mess with his mental state even more and cause problems?

She says she loves him lots and lots and says he's her Peter pan but surely if that's the case then you would make sure he got better first before adding more potential problems, especially with kids involved also?

He will also sit in the same room as guys ring her sex line and wank to her talking dirty and pretending she's a chick with a dick.

Any advice welcome... Just no people saying I'm jealous as I'm one of a number of friends he just isn't listening to atm.

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By *uliaChrisCouple
over a year ago

westerham

He rings her sex line? Eh, is that her job, not following?

Hope the kids are alright whatever is going on

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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

Maybe it is idea I just think its is decision to make and sometimes it better of keeping out of it

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Sounds really complicated, some people love living in a drama.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull


"What are peoples views on this?

A friend of mine was suffering with depression, stopped taking the tablets after a short while for a few months and then ended up a recluse etc again.

Managed to get him to see Dr's again and he's back on anti depressants.

Just before starting the antidepressants for the second time he was having sexual fun with a colleague(no longer work together) which has now turned into a relationship with her and being introduced and spending time with her four kids often.

They've made a swingers account and want to meet other couples for full swap fun

Surely fab isn't the best place for someone who is already depressed and seeing his gf fuck another man even whilst he's fucking the fem half could mess with his mental state even more and cause problems?

She says she loves him lots and lots and says he's her Peter pan but surely if that's the case then you would make sure he got better first before adding more potential problems, especially with kids involved also?

He will also sit in the same room as guys ring her sex line and wank to her talking dirty and pretending she's a chick with a dick.

Any advice welcome... Just no people saying I'm jealous as I'm one of a number of friends he just isn't listening to atm. "

Forget the sex and think of the kids, there safety is paramount

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By *pmsldCouple
over a year ago

kettering

I dont think anyone is going to be able to give you the answers here. Best advice is really to let him find his own way and just be there to support him either way. You dont know what is hidden in his mind, it could hurt him more or it could help him beat it, only he would be able to tell you.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

People with depression don't listen or take advice.

Only he can make decisions about what goes on in his life.

Just be there to support when he needs it and keep an eye out for the kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What are peoples views on this?

A friend of mine was suffering with depression, stopped taking the tablets after a short while for a few months and then ended up a recluse etc again.

Managed to get him to see Dr's again and he's back on anti depressants.

Just before starting the antidepressants for the second time he was having sexual fun with a colleague(no longer work together) which has now turned into a relationship with her and being introduced and spending time with her four kids often.

They've made a swingers account and want to meet other couples for full swap fun

Surely fab isn't the best place for someone who is already depressed and seeing his gf fuck another man even whilst he's fucking the fem half could mess with his mental state even more and cause problems?

She says she loves him lots and lots and says he's her Peter pan but surely if that's the case then you would make sure he got better first before adding more potential problems, especially with kids involved also?

He will also sit in the same room as guys ring her sex line and wank to her talking dirty and pretending she's a chick with a dick.

Any advice welcome... Just no people saying I'm jealous as I'm one of a number of friends he just isn't listening to atm. "

You'd be surprised how many in the swinging lifestyle are suffering with mental health problems. You've tried speaking with him, as have others. He's a grown man and this is his decision to make. You've done what you can for now. It is his life and how he chooses to live it, is his business. You can only be there to support if it does go a bit pear shaped.

Holly

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"He rings her sex line? Eh, is that her job, not following?

Hope the kids are alright whatever is going on

"

No random guys ring her sex line haha

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Also you might be projecting how you would feel in this situation on to him. He might be fine with it

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By *JohnMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Depression is quite common, and poorly understood by people who don't suffer it. The OP, I'm afraid, is an example.

I suffer depression, and I have to say that swinging has been good for it. It gets me out of the house and meeting new people. It's got me a social life and new friends. I'm feeling better now than I have in the last 30+ years. My psychologist approves.

It sounds like he's getting the help he needs from professionals. Let him and them worry about what's best treatment-wise. Be happy that your friend has found something good. Don't try to take it away from him.

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By *r_GirthMan
over a year ago

Leeds

[Removed by poster at 09/08/19 10:49:44]

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By *r_GirthMan
over a year ago

Leeds


"

You'd be surprised how many in the swinging lifestyle are suffering with mental health problems. You've tried speaking with him, as have others. He's a grown man and this is his decision to make. You've done what you can for now. It is his life and how he chooses to live it, is his business. You can only be there to support if it does go a bit pear shaped.

Holly"

This

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks all, always hard either way I know.

Its like is it what he really wants or is it just him trying to find a way out.. Only time will tell. She's been a full on swinger before with her husband yet he's only dabbled in it.

Yea of course we will still be there for him if it goes pear shaped with her.

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Depression is quite common, and poorly understood by people who don't suffer it. The OP, I'm afraid, is an example.

I suffer depression, and I have to say that swinging has been good for it. It gets me out of the house and meeting new people. It's got me a social life and new friends. I'm feeling better now than I have in the last 30+ years. My psychologist approves.

It sounds like he's getting the help he needs from professionals. Let him and them worry about what's best treatment-wise. Be happy that your friend has found something good. Don't try to take it away from him."

We are happy, just trying to look at it from all points of view.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

There is often a temptation for other people to blame partners for some of the depressed person's mental state. That isn't true in many cases, quite often the partner is in as much need of support as the depressed person. They see the person at their worst, often endure days, weeks or months of moodiness, short temper and sometimes unkind comments. I know this from watching my parents deal with my mother's bouts of this horrible illness.

Supporting the pair of them, accepting her and trusting that she has his best interests at heart is the best way forward in my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Depression is quite common, and poorly understood by people who don't suffer it. The OP, I'm afraid, is an example.

I suffer depression, and I have to say that swinging has been good for it. It gets me out of the house and meeting new people. It's got me a social life and new friends. I'm feeling better now than I have in the last 30+ years. My psychologist approves.

It sounds like he's getting the help he needs from professionals. Let him and them worry about what's best treatment-wise. Be happy that your friend has found something good. Don't try to take it away from him."

Totally agree,I suffer with it myself and swinging is great for me. Like you said, gets you outside the house in a relaxed environment, meeting new people, having a laugh, lots of sex. Keeps me happy.

This lad might really enjoy watching his partner with other people, and hearing that too. If he's actually happy being with her I say just be happy for him and support him if he needs that from you in the future

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

Swinging has been amazing for my depression and general mood, I think you need to just let him do what he wants to do and hopefully it will all work out for him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know a few people on the scene that have depression .I think it's good for them to get some attention and if it makes them feel good then why not . It's the brain releasing endorphins and serotonin that helps them and gives them that feel good factor

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By *eviationMan
over a year ago

Brynamman

For a male this site can be one of the most depressing place's to spend any time .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have depression and, whilst not a hardened swinger, Fab and exploring my sexuality has been amazing for my mental health. Actually it has helped me understand me and why I've struggled to fit into 'vanilla' relationships. The hedonist in me has been validated by the open minded people I have met through here.

Yes sometimes things can not go the way I wanted but that is the same with every aspect of life.

As with anything, just be there for him in case it goes wrong or he needs support.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have depression and, whilst not a hardened swinger, Fab and exploring my sexuality has been amazing for my mental health. Actually it has helped me understand me and why I've struggled to fit into 'vanilla' relationships. The hedonist in me has been validated by the open minded people I have met through here.

Yes sometimes things can not go the way I wanted but that is the same with every aspect of life.

As with anything, just be there for him in case it goes wrong or he needs support. "

Exactly that

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