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The good Dominant

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

ThSo as always this is not based on any one thing or aimed at anyone. It simply comes from my mind not switching off and wanting to write something down.

It seems so easy to come online and label yourself a Dom, but is it truely that easy, just because you give yourself that title.

Simply because you can order someone to suck your cock, you own a black shirt and leather trousers and you may even own a cane or two does not make you a Dom.

Yes I will admit image, toys and even being able to give orders can be part of the overall package of being a Dom but on their own they dont make you a Dom.

So I suppose we need to define what makes a good Dominant.

So first of all is being a Dom nature or nurture.

To me its a bit of both, I think some people are naturally Alpha males or Alpha Females but without learning the skills of Domination they would simply be dominant people.

These skills are like any other, in the right enviroment and given the right tutors anyone can learn them. But just like any other lessons it comes down to how receptive the person is to learning them.

Now the natural Alpha Male/Female part of someone helps them be more suited to taking on a Dominant role than someone who is not a Alpha.

So what are the characteristics should we tell newbies to look out for when looking for a Dominant within the lifestyle.

For me a good Dominant should have a strong sense of ethics, be honest and should be respectful of others no matter their position in life.

In addition i feel a good Dominant should also possesses the very qualities of a normal descent person. Those of kindness, consideration, politeness, empathy, sympathy.

There is also a need for Confidence not Arrogance (there is a big difference)

Both confident and arrogant Doms have a strong belief in their own abilities. Those with confidence can easily overcome fears and uncertaint but also take ownership of their mistakes and learn from them. They are willing to listen and take onboard new ideas and views. They admit there is always something to learn.

Arrogant people usually view themselves as superior and never admit their mistakes. Feel that they no it all and their way is always right.

For me no one is right all the time.

As there are many skills to the art of domination a good Dominant tends to show a eagerness to learn, to grow and to understand that they are on a journey, just as much as a submissive is when entering the life style.

A common mistake that some Doms make is the idea that you have to be Domineering. They are easy to spot, as their attitude is brash and rude, their tone frequently crass and their treatment of submissives is generally negative and oppressive.

A Dominant controls their submissive not by being overbearing or through the use of threats or by belittling another, but rather by working on a more subtle level, influencing their thoughts, desires, needs and hopes – and through the simple action of showing they care for them.

They take responsibility for their submissive always being empathic towards them and sympathetic to their needs, knowing that for a submissive to give their best, they must be secure and confident in their submission.

Indeed, it is fair to say that the good Dominant is guided by their empathy towards their submissive and is able to step away from the dynamic and be supportive of their submissive when needed.

A good Dominant will instil trust and actively encourages communication. They do this by listen to their submissive and learn about them, their needs, hopes and desires.

They also understand the importance of ongoing communication as all relationships grow and alter over time.

They will encourage their sub to make friends within the scene and seek out and speak to other subs etc to learn from them

Certainly, the good Dominant will work to avoid emotional harm and/or seek to rectify matters where such may occur, however unintended.

Notw there is also a big difference if your just playing in a kink scene without a dynamic.

The person taking less is really just topping the submissive if mondynamic exists.

Yes you may be roleplaying D/s but the boundaries and limits of that play should be agreed by both parties before hand.

What is expected and what is not.

And finally a good Dominant is a Dominant driven by respect and safety in all they do.

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By *inkyman1964Man
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent

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By *obi_DDCouple
over a year ago

Dundee

I think I've read this somewhere else before. . .

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By *r_Jake70Man
over a year ago

London

All good stuff. Excellently worded. One of the essential requirements in my book, is that submission is not taken, or enforced, but offered freely and without fear. That the (Master) Dom (I have issues with any self-declaration of that phrase) is led by the submissive tendencies and aspirations, and is gently realised at a pace that both parties are comfortable with, while acknowledging that there is always much to learn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

MrD

This feels like it is written by a submissive?

From a Dominants perspective, and I admit from an inexperienced one so it may not be correct, but these are some other points I would add.

A dominant does it mainly, but not entirely, to please his sub in the same way you would give oral for hours to someone else because they absolutely love it. You may like doing it, you may want sex, but you are being a dominant over that sub because it's a way you like to please them, and you do (mainly) what they like not what you like. Doing what you both like is better. A Dom should also make it clear if something you would like them to do or you are interested in makes them feel uncomfortable and explain why, especially if the reason is because it's not something they have done before.

While you need to maintain authority figure to be looked up to in confidence and knowledge, what you don't have to do is pretend to know things or always have the answer. It is better to be honest that you do not know and have the confidence in yourself to remain an authorative figure, than to have a wrong answer.

If someone is wanting to become your Dom before they ever agree to they would be endlessly talking to you to get to know you on an equal basis not as a sub/Dom. They will be keen to know YOU and very interested in you, not interested in a personless submissive robot. I believe it would be a really bad sign otherwise.

Behind the scenes what you won't see is a Dom probably making little notes now + then of things you tell them. Like a comment of something you liked a boyfriend did before, or something you saw in a porn you told them in a joking way but they feel you secretly liked. This is just to help remember the little things that can come in handy now + then later on.

A Dom will always be following new things/ideas up with trying to ask if it's something you are interested in. People's language is different but they should be dropping something into a conversation earlier and then trying to find out if it appeals before ordering you to do it. It is about doing what the sub enjoys/wants. For example "if you talk to me like that again I will slap you around the face" - "sorry sir" - "is that something you would like?" - "yes sir" - it gives the sub the opportunity to say no sir if they don't like it so you can find out without dropping the sub/dom dynamic.

A Dom should always want to talk to you sometimes on an equal basis, as a friend (or partner) not as their sub. They will want to know how you are feeling, what's going on in your life, that kind of thing. It is important to gauge the subs wellbeing especially emotionally but also it is just as exhausting to a Dom as it is a Sub to keep up the "act".

I personally feel this downtime is needed to keep you both connected in the same way you were before you started a Ds relationship. If you are not partners a Dom would/should have gotten to know you well enough before agreeing to start to be able to call you a friend.

Never continue a Ds relationship with a Dom who does not have a similar downtime after periods of playing, whether that's physical like whipping or emotional/psychological and ensures the sub knows they are there to talk to them anytime they need to. If (more like when) a sub contacts their Dom they should never treat them as a sub they should treat them as a friend on equal basis. A Dom should be open with their feelings and make sure they tell their sub how proud they are of them or how they have been a good girl/boy. This is absolutely essential, subdrop is very real and you should not be with a Dom that does not do this. A Dom should already have a plan (even a "care package") in place for when subdrop kicks in.

If a Dom misses a subdrop the sub WILL suffer. Their Dom should admit it's their fault, be apologetic and as supportive as they can. You may need to take a break for a while.

My advice is to have two "safe words". One the traditional stop immediately that used either by the sub or the Dom is they feel the sub (or them) needs to stop but the sub isn't thinking clearly to call it themselves. The second safe word is for the sub to either inform the Dom things are getting a bit much (physical such as whipping or emotional) so they are aware or to call a quick temporary stop, for example to tell them something related before resuming, or for the Dom to call a temporary stop to talk to the sub briefly on an equal basis not as sub/Dom, for example to check they are ok or ask a question. A Dom should never agree to continue after anyone calls an immediate stop, even if the sub insists they want to carry on.

I'm sure I've written enough crap lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm too d*unk to read this now but I shall read it in the morning

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By *ucky88oMan
over a year ago

london


"I'm too d*unk to read this now but I shall read it in the morning"

??????

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By *ucky88oMan
over a year ago

london


"I'm too d*unk to read this now but I shall read it in the morning

??????"

They was laughing faces not question marks

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

The good Dominant .........

always acknowledges the source of anything they copy from the internet.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The good Dominant .........

always acknowledges the source of anything they copy from the internet."

This is a writing done by me that I have posted before on here before under a thread and also under my profile on a certain fetish site

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think I've read this somewhere else before. . ."

This is a writing done by me that I have posted before on here and also under my profile on a certain fetish site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"ThSo as always this is not based on any one thing or aimed at anyone. It simply comes from my mind not switching off and wanting to write something down.

It seems so easy to come online and label yourself a Dom, but is it truely that easy, just because you give yourself that title.

Simply because you can order someone to suck your cock, you own a black shirt and leather trousers and you may even own a cane or two does not make you a Dom.

Yes I will admit image, toys and even being able to give orders can be part of the overall package of being a Dom but on their own they dont make you a Dom.

So I suppose we need to define what makes a good Dominant.

So first of all is being a Dom nature or nurture.

To me its a bit of both, I think some people are naturally Alpha males or Alpha Females but without learning the skills of Domination they would simply be dominant people.

These skills are like any other, in the right enviroment and given the right tutors anyone can learn them. But just like any other lessons it comes down to how receptive the person is to learning them.

Now the natural Alpha Male/Female part of someone helps them be more suited to taking on a Dominant role than someone who is not a Alpha.

So what are the characteristics should we tell newbies to look out for when looking for a Dominant within the lifestyle.

For me a good Dominant should have a strong sense of ethics, be honest and should be respectful of others no matter their position in life.

In addition i feel a good Dominant should also possesses the very qualities of a normal descent person. Those of kindness, consideration, politeness, empathy, sympathy.

There is also a need for Confidence not Arrogance (there is a big difference)

Both confident and arrogant Doms have a strong belief in their own abilities. Those with confidence can easily overcome fears and uncertaint but also take ownership of their mistakes and learn from them. They are willing to listen and take onboard new ideas and views. They admit there is always something to learn.

Arrogant people usually view themselves as superior and never admit their mistakes. Feel that they no it all and their way is always right.

For me no one is right all the time.

As there are many skills to the art of domination a good Dominant tends to show a eagerness to learn, to grow and to understand that they are on a journey, just as much as a submissive is when entering the life style.

A common mistake that some Doms make is the idea that you have to be Domineering. They are easy to spot, as their attitude is brash and rude, their tone frequently crass and their treatment of submissives is generally negative and oppressive.

A Dominant controls their submissive not by being overbearing or through the use of threats or by belittling another, but rather by working on a more subtle level, influencing their thoughts, desires, needs and hopes – and through the simple action of showing they care for them.

They take responsibility for their submissive always being empathic towards them and sympathetic to their needs, knowing that for a submissive to give their best, they must be secure and confident in their submission.

Indeed, it is fair to say that the good Dominant is guided by their empathy towards their submissive and is able to step away from the dynamic and be supportive of their submissive when needed.

A good Dominant will instil trust and actively encourages communication. They do this by listen to their submissive and learn about them, their needs, hopes and desires.

They also understand the importance of ongoing communication as all relationships grow and alter over time.

They will encourage their sub to make friends within the scene and seek out and speak to other subs etc to learn from them

Certainly, the good Dominant will work to avoid emotional harm and/or seek to rectify matters where such may occur, however unintended.

Notw there is also a big difference if your just playing in a kink scene without a dynamic.

The person taking less is really just topping the submissive if mondynamic exists.

Yes you may be roleplaying D/s but the boundaries and limits of that play should be agreed by both parties before hand.

What is expected and what is not.

And finally a good Dominant is a Dominant driven by respect and safety in all they do.

"

Good post x

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By *nforcer68Man
over a year ago

leeds

I think so many people are put off trying BDSM due to the amount of people who call themselves Dom but just use that title to abuse, either intentionally because they target new subs who don't understand what is required from the Dom or unintentionally as they don't know what they are doing.

Being called sir/master etc..is a title earnt by a Dom when you have proven yourself worthy of being addressed as that . Any "Dom" who demands this straight off is no more than a joke Dom. I feel pride when a sub sees my conduct and actions worthy of the title.

Submission is a gift given to me to which is respected and played with then returned stronger. It's like blue tack, play with it, warm it, stretch it and it goes further. Pulling hard straight away and it snaps.

Obviously there are many forms of kink play but many more people would try and enjoy it if they understood BDSM isn't all about pain and being made to feel like shit.

Sensory play is about as erotic as it comes without a whip insight.

If anyone is interested in BDSM seek out an expirienced Dom and ask questions.

50 shades (father forgive me) brought a lot of people interested into the sub scene but also a lot of twats thinking it is an easy way to abuse people and get thier sexual kicks on the back of calling themselves a Dom

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

[Removed by poster at 06/08/19 09:04:46]

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich


"The good Dominant .........

always acknowledges the source of anything they copy from the internet.

This is a writing done by me that I have posted before on here before under a thread and also under my profile on a certain fetish site

"

In that case there is a 56 year old bloke from Italy that is copying your work.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The good Dominant .........

always acknowledges the source of anything they copy from the internet.

This is a writing done by me that I have posted before on here before under a thread and also under my profile on a certain fetish site

In that case there is a 56 year old bloke from Italy that is copying your work.

"

Well I wrote that several years ago on a well known site. So dont know what to say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To me.. All a person needs to do, to be considered Dom/Domme is to have a naturally, equal, stronger or more confident personality than myself. Able to steer and lead, should they want to. Quietly and gently.. or firm and forceful.

Ropes, toys, orders.. that's more in realms of BDSM, which isn't D/s, but often fused together often seen as one and the same.

I think a lot of people confuse arrogance for confidence. Which leads to a lot of people seeking seemingly 'bad boy' types, when the reality is usually very different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To me.. All a person needs to do, to be considered Dom/Domme is to have a naturally, equal, stronger or more confident personality than myself. Able to steer and lead, should they want to. Quietly and gently.. or firm and forceful.

Ropes, toys, orders.. that's more in realms of BDSM, which isn't D/s, but often fused together often seen as one and the same.

I think a lot of people confuse arrogance for confidence. Which leads to a lot of people seeking seemingly 'bad boy' types, when the reality is usually very different.

"

Thanks for this ^^^ often wondered why all doms etc had to be about bdsm as I thought the two could be totally separate things! On here though they have always seemed to be the same thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think so many people are put off trying BDSM due to the amount of people who call themselves Dom but just use that title to abuse, either intentionally because they target new subs who don't understand what is required from the Dom or unintentionally as they don't know what they are doing.

Being called sir/master etc..is a title earnt by a Dom when you have proven yourself worthy of being addressed as that . Any "Dom" who demands this straight off is no more than a joke Dom. I feel pride when a sub sees my conduct and actions worthy of the title.

Submission is a gift given to me to which is respected and played with then returned stronger. It's like blue tack, play with it, warm it, stretch it and it goes further. Pulling hard straight away and it snaps.

Obviously there are many forms of kink play but many more people would try and enjoy it if they understood BDSM isn't all about pain and being made to feel like shit.

Sensory play is about as erotic as it comes without a whip insight.

If anyone is interested in BDSM seek out an expirienced Dom and ask questions.

50 shades (father forgive me) brought a lot of people interested into the sub scene but also a lot of twats thinking it is an easy way to abuse people and get thier sexual kicks on the back of calling themselves a Dom "

I like the Blue Tack analogy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To me.. All a person needs to do, to be considered Dom/Domme is to have a naturally, equal, stronger or more confident personality than myself. Able to steer and lead, should they want to. Quietly and gently.. or firm and forceful.

Ropes, toys, orders.. that's more in realms of BDSM, which isn't D/s, but often fused together often seen as one and the same.

I think a lot of people confuse arrogance for confidence. Which leads to a lot of people seeking seemingly 'bad boy' types, when the reality is usually very different.

Thanks for this ^^^ often wondered why all doms etc had to be about bdsm as I thought the two could be totally separate things! On here though they have always seemed to be the same thing. "

In the heat of the moment most people who like being fucked, enjoy being pinned down, hair pulled, throat held, tits squeezed and arse slapped. They like being dominated a bit. Not made love to gently.

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By *razoMan
over a year ago

Kent

Wow interesting

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I tend to come from things left field.

I dislike prescriptive designations based on an individual's or couple's subjective tastes. I think kink is like humanity and is different on all axis measurable. Therefore I don't believe a one size fits all definition works.

I am not fond of definitions that effectively recreate the medieval description of the chivalric knight imbued with a Jane Austen romanticism, touched with a sprinkling of James Bond. I was brought up on the concept of being a gentleman and all that stuff upper lip nonsense.

No-one likes to describe themselves as a character as being less than perfect. I tend to find that when people use perfectionist descriptions these definitions are usually self referring in the case of a dominant or referring to their dominant in the case of a submissive.

The problem I have always found is that in reality very few people match up to the ideal they claim. As Rabbie Burns said about the greatest gift.

The fact that people fall far short of their own ideal is fine as we are all human.

I just have difficulty with the fact that people are happily critical of other people. My own view is to concentrate on myself and be the best at what I want to do in the hope I have what matches what someone else is wants.

I try to be a decent human being but I accept being human.

Which comes back to the original point, basically a dominant should be a good human being, but as should be everyone else. Which is fine, but what if the submissive is not seeking a good human being, just someone that hits all of his or her twisted pleasure buttons.

Then a dominant may hurt but do no harm.

The rest is down to the individual relationship. Therefore with respect to OP and others I am unable to accept their descriptions.

In a relationship a good dominant is one that largely delivers for both themselves and the submissive, full stop.

But then I don't expect my heroes to be faultless or expect great leaders necessarily to be faithful to their wives.

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By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

thanks very much ..excellent knowledge to learn cos im a submissive . I would not be able to dom a lady at all ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think so many people are put off trying BDSM due to the amount of people who call themselves Dom but just use that title to abuse, either intentionally because they target new subs who don't understand what is required from the Dom or unintentionally as they don't know what they are doing.

Being called sir/master etc..is a title earnt by a Dom when you have proven yourself worthy of being addressed as that . Any "Dom" who demands this straight off is no more than a joke Dom. I feel pride when a sub sees my conduct and actions worthy of the title.

Submission is a gift given to me to which is respected and played with then returned stronger. It's like blue tack, play with it, warm it, stretch it and it goes further. Pulling hard straight away and it snaps.

Obviously there are many forms of kink play but many more people would try and enjoy it if they understood BDSM isn't all about pain and being made to feel like shit.

Sensory play is about as erotic as it comes without a whip insight.

If anyone is interested in BDSM seek out an expirienced Dom and ask questions.

50 shades (father forgive me) brought a lot of people interested into the sub scene but also a lot of twats thinking it is an easy way to abuse people and get thier sexual kicks on the back of calling themselves a Dom "

Exactly.. if after a few short messages a man refers to himself as sir/master - end of conversation. It has to be the biggest red flag to a fake/wannabe for me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I tend to come from things left field.

I dislike prescriptive designations based on an individual's or couple's subjective tastes. I think kink is like humanity and is different on all axis measurable. Therefore I don't believe a one size fits all definition works.

I am not fond of definitions that effectively recreate the medieval description of the chivalric knight imbued with a Jane Austen romanticism, touched with a sprinkling of James Bond. I was brought up on the concept of being a gentleman and all that stuff upper lip nonsense.

No-one likes to describe themselves as a character as being less than perfect. I tend to find that when people use perfectionist descriptions these definitions are usually self referring in the case of a dominant or referring to their dominant in the case of a submissive.

The problem I have always found is that in reality very few people match up to the ideal they claim. As Rabbie Burns said about the greatest gift.

The fact that people fall far short of their own ideal is fine as we are all human.

I just have difficulty with the fact that people are happily critical of other people. My own view is to concentrate on myself and be the best at what I want to do in the hope I have what matches what someone else is wants.

I try to be a decent human being but I accept being human.

Which comes back to the original point, basically a dominant should be a good human being, but as should be everyone else. Which is fine, but what if the submissive is not seeking a good human being, just someone that hits all of his or her twisted pleasure buttons.

Then a dominant may hurt but do no harm.

The rest is down to the individual relationship. Therefore with respect to OP and others I am unable to accept their descriptions.

In a relationship a good dominant is one that largely delivers for both themselves and the submissive, full stop.

But then I don't expect my heroes to be faultless or expect great leaders necessarily to be faithful to their wives.

"

And as i said this was just my thoughts on the subject. Everyone has their own views and thoughts on the matter.

That's the beauty of the lifestyle everyone is different and as such there is a wealth if thoughts and opinions on this subject.

For me that is fantastic and always interested in others views

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To me.. All a person needs to do, to be considered Dom/Domme is to have a naturally, equal, stronger or more confident personality than myself. Able to steer and lead, should they want to. Quietly and gently.. or firm and forceful.

Ropes, toys, orders.. that's more in realms of BDSM, which isn't D/s, but often fused together often seen as one and the same.

I think a lot of people confuse arrogance for confidence. Which leads to a lot of people seeking seemingly 'bad boy' types, when the reality is usually very different.

Thanks for this ^^^ often wondered why all doms etc had to be about bdsm as I thought the two could be totally separate things! On here though they have always seemed to be the same thing.

In the heat of the moment most people who like being fucked, enjoy being pinned down, hair pulled, throat held, tits squeezed and arse slapped. They like being dominated a bit. Not made love to gently.

"

Lol @ most hahahahahahahahaha

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By *ornymike_2017Man
over a year ago

Tranmere

Soooo many crumbs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To me.. All a person needs to do, to be considered Dom/Domme is to have a naturally, equal, stronger or more confident personality than myself. Able to steer and lead, should they want to. Quietly and gently.. or firm and forceful.

Ropes, toys, orders.. that's more in realms of BDSM, which isn't D/s, but often fused together often seen as one and the same.

I think a lot of people confuse arrogance for confidence. Which leads to a lot of people seeking seemingly 'bad boy' types, when the reality is usually very different.

Thanks for this ^^^ often wondered why all doms etc had to be about bdsm as I thought the two could be totally separate things! On here though they have always seemed to be the same thing.

In the heat of the moment most people who like being fucked, enjoy being pinned down, hair pulled, throat held, tits squeezed and arse slapped. They like being dominated a bit. Not made love to gently.

Lol @ most hahahahahahahahaha "

What's wrong with saying 'Most'? I know I'm generalizing, but I can only talk from my own experience. That's what 'Most' Seem to be after 'bedroom wise' physically with me at least. Maybe that's just who I attract?

I do think most people want the intimacy, tenderness and transparency that comes with lovemaking. AND the raw animal passion that comes with fucking. So take the mick if you like, I'm open to enlightening if I've got it wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a chivalrous knight who keeps falling off his horse I couldn't agree more... My sub chooses to be submissive to me but is very decisive... I choose to dominate her but always want people to like me... It's fascinating... What it should always be is fun... For both... Toys, tools and ropes are just props for play... D/s is about the mind... It's a fantastic adventure... Every dynamic is different... I am naturally a switch but am a Daddy Dom because that's what she needs... It's all about her and that's what makes me happy. It's about feeling loved and secure. Happy and content in your dynamic. You know when it's right. Yes there are lots of people playing at it but who cares as long as they are both happy. Life is a journey. Let's embrace and explore it.

And the name is Blond, James Blond...

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton


"As a chivalrous knight who keeps falling off his horse I couldn't agree more... My sub chooses to be submissive to me but is very decisive... I choose to dominate her but always want people to like me... It's fascinating... What it should always be is fun... For both... Toys, tools and ropes are just props for play... D/s is about the mind... It's a fantastic adventure... Every dynamic is different... I am naturally a switch but am a Daddy Dom because that's what she needs... It's all about her and that's what makes me happy. It's about feeling loved and secure. Happy and content in your dynamic. You know when it's right. Yes there are lots of people playing at it but who cares as long as they are both happy. Life is a journey. Let's embrace and explore it.

And the name is Blond, James Blond... "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To me.. All a person needs to do, to be considered Dom/Domme is to have a naturally, equal, stronger or more confident personality than myself. Able to steer and lead, should they want to. Quietly and gently.. or firm and forceful.

Ropes, toys, orders.. that's more in realms of BDSM, which isn't D/s, but often fused together often seen as one and the same.

I think a lot of people confuse arrogance for confidence. Which leads to a lot of people seeking seemingly 'bad boy' types, when the reality is usually very different.

Thanks for this ^^^ often wondered why all doms etc had to be about bdsm as I thought the two could be totally separate things! On here though they have always seemed to be the same thing.

In the heat of the moment most people who like being fucked, enjoy being pinned down, hair pulled, throat held, tits squeezed and arse slapped. They like being dominated a bit. Not made love to gently.

Lol @ most hahahahahahahahaha

What's wrong with saying 'Most'? I know I'm generalizing, but I can only talk from my own experience. That's what 'Most' Seem to be after 'bedroom wise' physically with me at least. Maybe that's just who I attract?

I do think most people want the intimacy, tenderness and transparency that comes with lovemaking. AND the raw animal passion that comes with fucking. So take the mick if you like, I'm open to enlightening if I've got it wrong "

Oh definitely wasn't taking the mick just "most" made me laugh ...being female and having many female friends over the years this has been discuss quite often and I just laughed at most!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

shall I change it to "All" Then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"shall I change it to "All" Then? "

Oh far from all!

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By *latinumkittenWoman
over a year ago

from Home Counties to Middle Earth

I'm exploring what specifically works for me in this arena. Previously a closed door, that's now wide open.

I've gone full circle from where I believed I sat on the spectrum, so finding this topic very interesting!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

love a sexually dominant guy but hate using the word dominant because of peoples views of it i get all the bdsm crap talk then the bully talk then the down and damm right outrageous talk then the freaks who think i wanna be shat on but all i want is a sexual dominant guy surely its not that hard to understand the word dominant its not a word owed by the bdsm/kink crowd its a word on its own

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By *r_Jake70Man
over a year ago

London


"all i want is a sexual dominant guy surely its not that hard to understand the word dominant its not a word owed by the bdsm/kink crowd its a word on its own"

Try using a different phrase: Naturally assertive, ...who enjoys taking the lead....who likes to take control etc. Dominant (like submissive) means so many things to so many people that there is always going to be room for misinterpretation (and misogyny), especially for the wannabes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no ?? i want a sexually dominant guy ?? why should i used a different word ?? is it because the bdsm crowd own that word ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry that was harsh lol ...finds cake to calm down

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

It was a bit harsh.

I hope you have had some coffee and cake.

Words take on new and extended meanings. It is like people complaining about the loss of nice innocent words such as "gay" or "keyhole" or carpenter's losing "screwed".

English is fantastic in that the same word can have different meanings. It is then up to the person using the word to be clear what they mean. As this thread shows, you can start a bar fight defining "dominant".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

cake is such a healer so much so i took the mans advice and changed my profile lol ''cake'' magical stuff

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By *r_Jake70Man
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 06/08/19 15:28:37]

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By *r_Jake70Man
over a year ago

London


"cake is such a healer so much so i took the mans advice and changed my profile lol ''cake'' magical stuff "

Hooray for cake!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"cake is such a healer so much so i took the mans advice and changed my profile lol ''cake'' magical stuff

Hooray for cake!"

Cake and orgasms pls

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

I have had a couple of what some my box as D/s relationships.

I always found Assertion/Domination a verb not a noun.

It is behaviour, not identity. A dance of two people, not a demand. A respect of a present, the wrapper (metaphor) is not to be ripped off and after you have played with it, left alone, broken.

I’m not a Dom, just a man who respects a ladies need for emotional and cognitive release and the means to get there.

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