FabSwingers.com forum: Newbie Nerves

By *lways The Quiet Ones SE OP Couple
over a year ago

Sevenoaks

We are a happily married Vanilla couple with zero swinging experience.

We joined Fab 3 weeks back... I’m sure other similar posts?

In our heads, we are extremely turned on by the fantasy, but we just don't feel either of us have the confidence to make it actually happen.

Nor the confidence to commit to a meet due to concerns it might not be right for us.

This includes the fear of regretting it, or concerns about the feelings of jealousy or resentment.

I’m definitely not ready for another man to fuck my wife!

We would definitely only start slow, and at this stage only consider same room play leading to soft swap, or us playing in a club.

It seems like it would be relatively easy to find an attractive man for a MFM, but we don’t want that.

We have emailed some lovely people and some weirdos.

It seems quite difficult to find a like-minded couple, where we both find them both attractive.

As newbies we don’t want a couple that are super experienced and will take over with us.

It seems hard to find the balance, for example, we also dont want to feel out of league.

Obviously, there is no rush, and the fantasy alone has boosted our sex life like never before.

Half wondering are we being too fusy, or need to better manage our own expectations, or we are out of our depth and not sure is it for us at all…

We already have a very busy home, family and work life, so arranging this sort of thing with discretion takes Bond like skills…

Any tips on starting off? Or other people’s first experiences as a swinging couple.

How long did it take most people to have a first meet?

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By *ikingCoolMan
over a year ago

carmarthen

Just take it slow ,try to find

A couple who you can have a drink with and talk about your

Fantasias and just let it happen it took us 5 meets but

With the same couple and when

It did happen it was awesome and we never looked back

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

We remember these feelings! We started by going to a Club (Our Place 4 fun), excellent evening, looked around, talked to a few people, watched a bit, got increasingly horny and played in front of others. Since then, we’ve gradually pushed our boundaries, getting more and more comfortable in different clubs.

Some people leap right in, but we needed to take it slower. We are still verypicky, but happy to talk with anyone and play with some.

This is your journey, do it at your pace and remember you always have the opportunity to say no or to stop.

We had many misconceptions when we started, but we have never had a bad time at any club and we’ve met some lovely people we are happyto meet outside of clubs now.

Good luck, enjoy and remember it is about fun, excitement and sex - you learn quickly that jealousies you imagine/feel have no grounds - make sure you talk to each other and agree some early ground rules - ours have become less important as we venture further afield

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By *mm and HerCouple
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

These are all thoughts that I'm sure most if not all of us felt when we started, and if we're honest, I suspect have felt a long the way as well.

A couple of thoughts.

Try going to a big organised social- will help with veris, but will also mean you'll be able to pick people's brains.

Talk to each, lots, and be clear what would be a compromise and what would be a step too far. For example, age limits we tend to be more fluid on the actual people, but certain other things are not negotiable.

Become adept at researching who you want to msg. What have have posted? Who have they met, and what do their veris say? Etc

Finally, just to say it isn't easy for the majority of people - it's not just you!

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By *mm and HerCouple
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

Ps We're not allowed to give profile advice without you asking for it. While not terrible, might be a couple of things people would suggest to help

Bon Chance!

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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

"We remember these feelings! We started by going to a Club (Our Place 4 fun), excellent evening, looked around, talked to a few people, watched a bit, got increasingly horny and played in front of others. Since then, we’ve gradually pushed our boundaries, getting more and more comfortable in different clubs.

Some people leap right in, but we needed to take it slower. We are still verypicky, but happy to talk with anyone and play with some.

This is your journey, do it at your pace and remember you always have the opportunity to say no or to stop.

We had many misconceptions when we started, but we have never had a bad time at any club and we’ve met some lovely people we are happyto meet outside of clubs now.

This is very close to our experience. We have never felt pressured to do anything we didn't want to do and slowly progressed at our pace from just watching, to playing together with an audience, then to soft play with couples and now pretty much anything goes (I particularly like having three or more guys!). In a club there is always the chance to see prospective playmates before committing to play, and frustrations and disappointment of no shows is never an issue.

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By *rviennaCouple
over a year ago

Kent

There is a forum post about trying to arrange a social in Kent at some point, maybe worth adding yourself to that as an introduction, no dates or location set yet from what I can tell.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We enjoy same room no swap and soft swap as much as full. Shame you’re both so far away.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Hi op

I met Jack here as a single,so slightly different.However,we started with a social event and got to know a few people,then tried a club.Played with each other first time,then arranged to meet a couple from here at a club the next visit.

Only do what feels right,make it clear to anyone you chat to what you are happy with and take it as slow as you choose.

A social with another couple is good,as you can chat,see of there is a spark for you all and go from there.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are in a similar situation to you.

We went for our first social to a club last Friday. Nerve wracking, but had chatted to a lovely couple that met us before hand, and pretty much eased us in.

We only went for the social (never intended to play) and to meet like minded people, and didn't regret it.

Just go and have fun and see where it takes you, and take your time.

x N

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Start off with a social and get to know a few people in the lifestyle.

Agree between you that you won't take anything further until you are both 100% sure you are ready and united in your first steps.

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple
over a year ago

Chester

We are in a similar situation to you.

We went for our first social to a club last Friday. Nerve wracking, but had chatted to a lovely couple that met us before hand, and pretty much eased us in.

We only went for the social (never intended to play) and to meet like minded people, and didn't regret it.

Just go and have fun and see where it takes you, and take your time.

x N"

Awww glad we were lovely, we were happy to hold your hand and show you that the scene is very social, non pushy and you will ease your way in or just enjoy the vibe Fi xx

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I think a visit to a club to watch might be interesting and a gentle start. Joining in on here will help too, as will going to a social. There’s plenty of time so no pressure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are in a similar situation to you.

We went for our first social to a club last Friday. Nerve wracking, but had chatted to a lovely couple that met us before hand, and pretty much eased us in.

We only went for the social (never intended to play) and to meet like minded people, and didn't regret it.

Just go and have fun and see where it takes you, and take your time.

x N

Awww glad we were lovely, we were happy to hold your hand and show you that the scene is very social, non pushy and you will ease your way in or just enjoy the vibe Fi xx"

You were indeed. Infusions next! xx

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple
over a year ago

Chester

We are in a similar situation to you.

We went for our first social to a club last Friday. Nerve wracking, but had chatted to a lovely couple that met us before hand, and pretty much eased us in.

We only went for the social (never intended to play) and to meet like minded people, and didn't regret it.

Just go and have fun and see where it takes you, and take your time.

x N

Awww glad we were lovely, we were happy to hold your hand and show you that the scene is very social, non pushy and you will ease your way in or just enjoy the vibe Fi xx

You were indeed. Infusions next! xx"

August Bank Hols xx

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

"We are a happily married Vanilla couple with zero swinging experience.

We joined Fab 3 weeks back... I’m sure other similar posts?

In our heads, we are extremely turned on by the fantasy, but we just don't feel either of us have the confidence to make it actually happen.

Nor the confidence to commit to a meet due to concerns it might not be right for us.

This includes the fear of regretting it, or concerns about the feelings of jealousy or resentment.

I’m definitely not ready for another man to fuck my wife!

We would definitely only start slow, and at this stage only consider same room play leading to soft swap, or us playing in a club.

It seems like it would be relatively easy to find an attractive man for a MFM, but we don’t want that.

We have emailed some lovely people and some weirdos.

It seems quite difficult to find a like-minded couple, where we both find them both attractive.

As newbies we don’t want a couple that are super experienced and will take over with us.

It seems hard to find the balance, for example, we also dont want to feel out of league.

Obviously, there is no rush, and the fantasy alone has boosted our sex life like never before.

Half wondering are we being too fusy, or need to better manage our own expectations, or we are out of our depth and not sure is it for us at all…

We already have a very busy home, family and work life, so arranging this sort of thing with discretion takes Bond like skills…

Any tips on starting off? Or other people’s first experiences as a swinging couple.

How long did it take most people to have a first meet?

This raises alarm bells for me

I’m definitely not ready for another man to fuck my wife!

I don't think either you sound ready for this.

You both need to do a lot more talking to each other.

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By *lways The Quiet Ones SE OP Couple
over a year ago

Sevenoaks

"We enjoy same room no swap and soft swap as much as full. Shame you’re both so far away."

You look reall good! Thanks... We are thinking starting with a club visit and initially keep it simple, play in front of others, but probably not with other unless maybe soft swap.

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By *lways The Quiet Ones SE OP Couple
over a year ago

Sevenoaks

"Start off with a social and get to know a few people in the lifestyle.

Agree between you that you won't take anything further until you are both 100% sure you are ready and united in your first steps."

Thanks for your helpful comment.

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By *lways The Quiet Ones SE OP Couple
over a year ago

Sevenoaks

Some people leap right in, but we needed to take it slower. We are still verypicky, but happy to talk with anyone and play with some.

This is your journey, do it at your pace and remember you always have the opportunity to say no or to stop.

We had many misconceptions when we started, but we have never had a bad time at any club and we’ve met some lovely people we are happyto meet outside of clubs now.

Really helpful. Thank you.

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By *lways The Quiet Ones SE OP Couple
over a year ago

Sevenoaks

"These are all thoughts that I'm sure most if not all of us felt when we started, and if we're honest, I suspect have felt a long the way as well.

A couple of thoughts.

Try going to a big organised social- will help with veris, but will also mean you'll be able to pick people's brains.

Become adept at researching who you want to msg. What have have posted? Who have they met, and what do their veris say? Etc

Finally, just to say it isn't easy for the majority of people - it's not just you! "

Very helpful, and so true, jointing fan makes you take research more seriously when checking out profiles!!! Ha ha.

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By *lways The Quiet Ones SE OP Couple
over a year ago

Sevenoaks

"Ps We're not allowed to give profile advice without you asking for it. While not terrible, might be a couple of things people would suggest to help

Bon Chance!"

Constructive Criticism always welcome!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was here a while ago met a lovely lady... she had been swinging for long time I was totally new to all this...I was at a point in my life I just want to be with nice people I'm not a looker with a great big old boy in fact don t seen to have alot going for me at the mo I'm just me honest and loving ....I sound like a proper wash out but everyone sees me as DEL BOY always happy and joking any advice ?

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

"Was here a while ago met a lovely lady... she had been swinging for long time I was totally new to all this...I was at a point in my life I just want to be with nice people I'm not a looker with a great big old boy in fact don t seen to have alot going for me at the mo I'm just me honest and loving ....I sound like a proper wash out but everyone sees me as DEL BOY always happy and joking any advice ? "

My advice would be start your own thread. I’m also confused what you’re asking for advice about.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

"Ps We're not allowed to give profile advice without you asking for it. While not terrible, might be a couple of things people would suggest to help

Bon Chance!

Constructive Criticism always welcome!!

I would lose the US copyright law disclaimer.

You might want to think about putting a little more about what you have to offer in there and a little more about you as people and what you enjoy. The takeaway at the moment is that you’re new and nervous but not much else.

Nice pics but maybe a few of the guy assuming you’re looking for you both to play.

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By *mm and HerCouple
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

"Ps We're not allowed to give profile advice without you asking for it. While not terrible, might be a couple of things people would suggest to help

Bon Chance!

Constructive Criticism always welcome!!

Lol - don't worry, seen far worse! Crimson has said many of what we were thinking

Lose the copyright- it marks you out as a newbie and it's complete tosh anyhow!

Think of your profile as an advert for you- at the moment it reads as a bit of a list of wants. Show some more of your personality and what you can offer to others. This also extends to your messages - these two things made a huge difference for us! Indeed, i think all our meets have come from a carefully crafted, tailored msg from us initially. This includes the headline of your profile. Perhaps look at a number of profiles and see what you like...?

Photos - a bit of variety, some of him, and some of you together would help too. Remember they get posted in the order you submit, so you might want to save the best till last so it's the first one that people see when they look.

Good luck- it's worth the effort!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go at a pace that suits you but don’t involve others without communicating your limits and being upfront, don’t be taken in by the idea that experienced swingers will be pushy and force there way on you. Lots of swingers are pushy and selfish wether experienced or not, lots of swingers are non pushy and looking for mutual play where everyone is happy, it’s down to the individuals.

Best advice is search for a nice couple, set your parameters and go to a club with them, preferably one they know, they can look after you and have a little play with agreed parameters.

Just going off to a club with no experience, unsure of your limits is a recipe for disaster. You may end up with a sexually pushy and selfish couple and it all go wrong for you, lots of couples like this go to clubs only. It’s an easy place for them to get what they want, so avoid any “club meet only” couples

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By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

" so avoid any “club meet only” couples"

Although we’re ‘club meet only’ as we don’t accommodate and feel uncomfortable in people’s houses, plus clubs are cheaper than hotels and we are non pushy couple that can go with the flow or just play with own partners etc! So please don’t tar us all with the same brush xxx

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Agreed, seemed a very strange comment

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By *inkyCouple1927Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

You sound like the kind of people we like! Distance is a bugger

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By *mm and HerCouple
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

"Agreed, seemed a very strange comment

I get where they are coming from though. There are definitely a few - not many but a few - people (not just couples) who target newbies at clubs.

I think what was meant was that if you go with someone you know they'll help you have a great first experience, rather than open yourself to disappointment or worse, a situation that doesn't feel good.

To reassure the OP, clubs are safe and it's highly unlikely to happen- it's just like the first time for anything, a friendly face to guide you can make the difference. Just trust your gut, and say no or go slower please. 98% of people will then bend over backwards to make you feel comfortable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to make add

We hosted the biggest newbie night in our area for some time, we can spot the predators, the selfish and the boundary pushers, we were able to control and exclude those types of people from our night, in our experience from hosting and numerous club visits there are plenty around. Open play areas are notorious for the wrong type of behaviour and we’ve been caught and seen many incidents, mmm the stories we could tell.

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By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

"Agreed, seemed a very strange comment

I get where they are coming from though. There are definitely a few - not many but a few - people (not just couples) who target newbies at clubs.

I agreed with everything else but was taken back by the last comment! Maybe that’s why no one responds to our meets we put up lol

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By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

"Just to make add

Lol and why we avoid open play areas! Although we been on the scene for a good few years now it took over 2.5 years before we played with others!

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By *alentino7Man
over a year ago

London

"Start off with a social and get to know a few people in the lifestyle.

Agree between you that you won't take anything further until you are both 100% sure you are ready and united in your first steps."

This!

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By *he riverdeep69Couple
over a year ago

North west ish

I think you need to talk to each other alot more about what you hope to get out of swinging. Particularly about boundaries, jealousy, expectations. Once you are happy you are both singing from the same hymn sheet maybe try an organised social or club night, with just a view to see what it's like. Once you are out there if you haven't though about what you hope to gain from swinging you may get swept along by others agendas. Baby steps.

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By *BWandhusbandCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

It took me a year to work up to an actual meet from here, I was just too nervous. Hubby was confident about it from the start but knew I needed more time.

Our first experience was having a guy over to watch. He ended up joining us a little bit but only because I felt comfortable with him.

Just don't rush into anything, you'll know when it feels right and which situation suits you both best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We are a happily married Vanilla couple with zero swinging experience.

We joined Fab 3 weeks back... I’m sure other similar posts?

In our heads, we are extremely turned on by the fantasy, but we just don't feel either of us have the confidence to make it actually happen.

Nor the confidence to commit to a meet due to concerns it might not be right for us.

This includes the fear of regretting it, or concerns about the feelings of jealousy or resentment.

I’m definitely not ready for another man to fuck my wife!

We would definitely only start slow, and at this stage only consider same room play leading to soft swap, or us playing in a club.

It seems like it would be relatively easy to find an attractive man for a MFM, but we don’t want that.

We have emailed some lovely people and some weirdos.

It seems quite difficult to find a like-minded couple, where we both find them both attractive.

As newbies we don’t want a couple that are super experienced and will take over with us.

It seems hard to find the balance, for example, we also dont want to feel out of league.

Obviously, there is no rush, and the fantasy alone has boosted our sex life like never before.

Half wondering are we being too fusy, or need to better manage our own expectations, or we are out of our depth and not sure is it for us at all…

We already have a very busy home, family and work life, so arranging this sort of thing with discretion takes Bond like skills…

Any tips on starting off? Or other people’s first experiences as a swinging couple.

How long did it take most people to have a first meet?

Try going to a club then there’s no expectation

You will get a feel of how it all works. You can chat to people there and talk about the lifestyle, or the weather and then if it’s right take it further

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We can resonate with this post.. we are newbies too. If anything it’s improved our sex life and we can’t get enough of each other. So if we never find what we both want it’s been fun and we’ve had some amazing experiences between us. The one thing I would say is to be open and transparent with each other. Talk about you boundaries and stick with them.

That said we are looking forward to trying our first outing to Townhouse. Even if we have to plan it weeks in advance!

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By *notherhappycoupleCouple
over a year ago

Bedford

We are pretty new to this aswell but decided to have our first experience at a club, we went in with no expectations and had a wonderful evening, we've even been back since.

We liked the club for our first time as there was no expectation and no pressure to do anything, it was a great way to dip our toes in at our own pace.

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By *ickedgames88Couple
over a year ago

stoke

" so avoid any “club meet only” couples

Agreed, we definitely aren’t pushy! and only do club meets as can’t/don’t want people in our family home). We also use clubs as a social night, dance chat drink etc, and some nights don’t play with others if not feeling it or get carried away dancing and chatting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Club meets are definitely the best and safest, we find it hard too finding that four way attractions and then them having the right demeanour, respect and personality ontop. All you can do is keep trying and keep communicating, not taking things personal if one of you enjoys something the other didn’t. Just have to enjoy it as a couple and whatever happens next happens, the couples only room at clubs might be good for you, getting used to having fun together in front of others and they may ask to touch, but have to ask before they do so you can go as far as you feel.

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By *ame-room-no-swapCouple
over a year ago

Taunton

"Ps We're not allowed to give profile advice without you asking for it. While not terrible, might be a couple of things people would suggest to help

Bon Chance!

Constructive Criticism always welcome!!

If you're not ready to see another man fuck your wife ( as I believe you said ), then there's no point in putting 'same room swapping' in your interests

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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

We were newbies very recently but we must have taken a completely insane approach!!

We went to a massive organised local ish party on NYE. We went with an open mind take it as it came sort of attitude!! We had a fabulous time!! We had a seven person orgy as our first ever experience!!

We've spoke about doing this for years on and off but the time was never right.

I appreciate we are not the norm!! No one at the party believe we were new because we just went for it haha.

Keep chatting for now would be my advice and see where it goes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We were newbies very recently but we must have taken a completely insane approach!!

We've spoke about doing this for years on and off but the time was never right.

Well done for going with the flow

I appreciate we are not the norm!! No one at the party believe we were new because we just went for it haha.

Keep chatting for now would be my advice and see where it goes"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It took me a year to work up to an actual meet from here, I was just too nervous. Hubby was confident about it from the start but knew I needed more time.

Our first experience was having a guy over to watch. He ended up joining us a little bit but only because I felt comfortable with him.

Just don't rush into anything, you'll know when it feels right and which situation suits you both best."

It’s great when it works out right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just to make add

Lol and why we avoid open play areas! Although we been on the scene for a good few years now it took over 2.5 years before we played with others! "

You look like an amazing couple

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

You'd probably be surprised how many couples would be supportive of your approach. We want to try different levels of interaction and would be more than happy (with the right couple) to take things as slowly as they want. We're up for same-room full-swap, but would still thoroughly enjoy same-room soft-swap or even same-room no-swap. It could be ladies playing with each other without interaction from the men or only the men interacting with their own partners. It's all good, sexy fun.

You probably just want to start with chatting to a couple in a pub or whatever and get to know each other, free to talk about what appeals to you sexually and get comfortable with them. There would be no option of anything happening in a pub so there should be less pressure.

You might want to try our favourite haunt Rio's in Kentish Town. There isn't very much interaction between couples. It's just couples keeping to themselves but getting very into each other. It's a very sexual atmosphere but we think it's very beautiful with couples of all ages, shapes and sizes really into each other. You could let your hair down there without feeling anybody wants to do anything with you unless you specifically put yourself out there for that.

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