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"Hi both - really sorry to hear of your experience - NO it really shouldn't be like that! - infact totally the opposite. We've talked to people who we're not sexually attracted too, and vice versa and just have a bit of a giggle. Unfortunately there will always be a few who ruin it for the rest. Our experience has been that prettying all the time swingers are the most tolerant, understanding, non pushy people you're likely to meet. Hopefully you'll give it another go as I'd like to think you just got unlucky. Cheers D&K" This^^^^^ Sorry you met a prat, swinging shouldnt be like that, and in our experience of clubs never has been. Hope it doesnt put you off | |||
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"No you aint picky or prudish, you know what you like and what you want. Seems you met some of the people that no one really wants to meet. There are loads of nice folks around, some couples, some ladies and even some single guys. Enjoy what you want to do and ignore these type of people. i am sure you wont be pressured into anything you dont want to do, but if someone trys especially at a club decline politely then tell them to clear off and if that dont work get them thrown out. " Strangely even us singles can be picky and won't just play with anyone... I had a similar experience in a club from a women. It got to the point where another couple had a word with me for ignoring my partner as she was upset at my refusal to play! When I pointed out she wasn't my partner they were most surprised! Needless to say I left! Did decide to go back a couple of weeks later hoping she wouldnt be there to an apology from the owners telling me she was not welcome and sadly it was down to her being pissed! So you're not alone! And it shouldn't happen to anyone and yes keep your standards... | |||
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"I think there is something about clubs, something about making people hand over "cash" for entry seems to in some peoples minds think they they are "due" a shag. The trouble seems to get amplified if you're quite nice and dont want to go right to the "fuck off's" its a difficult thing to let someone know its not happening in a club environment and its just made worse by the very pushy demographic that go to them. " i wouldnt dream of assuming i am due a shag, even having paid. and i am not pushy, i dont need a 'fuck off' i can read body language more than verbals ... i am sure i aint the only one who just enjoys the chat and if i am lucky some fun with a sexy lady / couple / group. but i will concede there are some people who cant take No for an answer in clubs in chat and in life. | |||
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" The trouble seems to get amplified if you're quite nice and dont want to go right to the "fuck off's" " I think a few ladies have broached this kind of thing before over telling people who message them no, and feeling guilty of having to say it, or the idea of letting someone down gently. So in a club with potentially pushy people, or individuals who will attempt to coerce, steer the ship in their own direction... that kind of behaviour ignorant of other people's wishes, that people need to be equally as assertive for their own sakes and tell such individuals in no uncertain terms. Bear in mind that whatever someone has done to you, they will almost certainly do to others, and the way to deal with unsociable behaviour is to nip it in the bud from the get go. I certainly wouldn't get guilt-ridden over that... Wolf | |||
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" i wouldnt dream of assuming i am due a shag, even having paid. and i am not pushy, i dont need a 'fuck off' i can read body language more than verbals ... i am sure i aint the only one who just enjoys the chat and if i am lucky some fun with a sexy lady / couple / group. but i will concede there are some people who cant take No for an answer in clubs in chat and in life." I don't think this is a large scale problem, but in all walks of life it tends to be the smaller negative experiences that influence the others. I have talked to a lot of people at the clubs we have visited and almost everyone has 1-2 negative "pushy asshole" story and its quite annoying that there is this attitude amongst an admitted minority that think they can touch and do what they want with impunity. | |||
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" I certainly wouldn't get guilt-ridden over that... " Well not guild ridden per say, but were both new to the scene and we are looking not just to fuck but to make friends in this community and there are plenty we would love a chat and a laugh with but dont instantly want to "fuck". For some reason being quite affable is taken as a "oh they definately want to fuck us" signal. | |||
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"id say you are right to question the cpl. sounds to me he was a complete knobhead reminds me of our 1st time at a swingers club myself and my female friend were in the jaccuzi when a older gentelman and his wife came in also,,wee min later i felt the old guys hand rubbing my thigh!!! feck i nearly fainted so i moved over a bit thinking it might be my imagination,,nope the guy moved closer again and felt his hand on my thigh again,,so i got up and left with my friend,, not a nice experience and havent been to another club since auds xx " Actually a touch on the thigh is considered to be polite, you simply needed to tell him you didnt want to play...many older guides to swinging specifically say touch someone on the thigh or shoulder to show your interest... Clubs only work if you are willing to accept you need to be proactive about saying no..woman might have the power of no, but they need to use it... | |||
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"Yes, I agree with above poster, well said. Don't waste your time speaking to people you're not interested in. Don't even make eye contact with them as you're wondering around. I think polite sometimes doesn't work with some people. Worse nightmare having someone you're not interested in bearhugging you..... Read your profile, and although some will appreciate your forthrightness. It would put me off....bit too demanding for me! Best wishes! " Agreed, to the extent that I now largely make eye contact with those that I find attractive only, and watch out for those whose body language is emphasising their interest, so that I can move away, or reject it, subtly at first. Thankfully, the words 'stop' and 'no' have become very helpful, always polite and sensitive, but some people need incredibly clear, sometimes very assertively put stop commands. Generally people are really respectful, and it sounds like you got unusually bad luck with them. Don't let it put you off, as your fun is what's most important. | |||
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"Yes, I agree with above poster, well said. Don't waste your time speaking to people you're not interested in. Don't even make eye contact with them as you're wondering around. I think polite sometimes doesn't work with some people. Worse nightmare having someone you're not interested in bearhugging you..... Read your profile, and although some will appreciate your forthrightness. It would put me off....bit too demanding for me! Best wishes! " see... up to a point i can see what you are saying, but I dont agree with the first part of what you said.... i am a gobshite in a club, people will attest to that and to be honest i'll chat to anyone.... that is the way i am, and if that is the way they are then i would say don't change that for a second.... just because i am talking to someone it doesn't mean i am making any assumptions or presumptions... i am not sending out any signals... i am just talking... the onus shouldn't be on them, it should be on the other people not to assume.... if i went to a club, and people didn't talk to others just because they didn't want to play with them.... i'd be in and out of that club like a shot.... | |||
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