FabSwingers.com forum: Is it wrong to have a written agreement?

By *ongelolo OP Woman
over a year ago

ipswich

I have a partner. However I am listed on here as single. The reason is that I like to play on my own with out Mr. Mr and I have a joint account for when we play together.

I am thinking of writing up a contract between the two of us. This contract would contain our fantisies as well as how often I am allowed to play away and the rules of playing away, the same would apply to Mr. All this is to be agreed between us. I also encourage him to play as often as he can but he seems a bit hessitant.

Is it wrong to encourage him to play away? Is it wrong to want to watch him with another woman and tell him how to play with her?

Is it wrong in general to have a contract? I just feel that if it is all written down then none of us can say but I did not agree to that?

Am I as strange as I think I am? LOL

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A written contract sounds awful! If you are going to ensure you both stick to each others boundaries, simply discuss it and agree it! Seriously, if one of you will do something against the other ones wishes then having a piece of paper will make no difference at all!!

I would simply speak about it, but accept that there will have to be some flexibility within the arrangement. Rules and boundaries are all good and well, but starting to put limits on how many times? Surely the only limit should be "it does not have a negative affect on us".

We dont have fixed rules as such. I have freedom to do what I want, as long as I dont do anything that I know will offend or upset hubby.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

if it will work for you BOTH, go for it.

if not BOTH, ....... NO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its not wrong its flipping BIZARRE!

I think it depends why you want to encourage him to meet more, is it because if hes meeting more he cant moan if you meet more? or do you genuinally care about if he gets sex? personally id leave him to sort his own meets out hes a grown man and im sure he dont need your help

As for a written contract as to when and how you can play, if my relationship got to that point id jack it in

sorry just my opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the penalty for breach of contract?

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

if someone handed me a written contract dictating how i could play with someone.................... i would tell them where i stick it! and that is putting it politely...

if the roles were reversed.... how would you feel?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if someone handed me a written contract dictating how i could play with someone.................... i would tell them where i stick it! and that is putting it politely...

if the roles were reversed.... how would you feel?"

lol i know

i have to keep coming back to read it again incase i miss read what she was saying

but no keeps reading the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reading it again, it sounds like you want to play on your own more than he does - and by having a contract written up saying he can do the same, you will feel better about it.

Theres nothing wrong with playing more than him, and you shouldnt feel bad about doing so - I play a LOT more than hubby does, and this isnt an issue.

Trying to persuade him to play more so that you dont feel bad about playing isnt the right way to go about it. Speak to him about it - if he is already fine with you playing on your own, he will more than likely be fine with you playing more than him. If anything, he may feel a lot more comfortable with you playing when you want without any pressure on himself to do the same as often as you do.

No two people are alike, even those in relationships. Playing should work so that you both get what you want from it - if that happens to be you playing a lot more than him, and you are both ok with that, then go for it!! Just dont remove the erotic and sexiness aspect by having a written contract for it!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many in bdsm have written contracts... Wouldn't work so much for myself and my master as we would constantly need a rewrite but if it makes you feel better then do it.

Cali

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

"Many in bdsm have written contracts... Wouldn't work so much for myself and my master as we would constantly need a rewrite but if it makes you feel better then do it.

Cali "

Was going to say exactly the same, some in bdsm find contracts reassuring, personally i dont see how they can be broad enough for the inevitable change that happens when we embark on new things.

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"I have a partner. However I am listed on here as single. The reason is that I like to play on my own with out Mr. Mr and I have a joint account for when we play together.

Is it wrong to encourage him to play away? Is it wrong to want to watch him with another woman and tell him how to play with her?

Is it wrong in general to have a contract? I just feel that if it is all written down then none of us can say but I did not agree to that?

Am I as strange as I think I am? LOL

"
As long as you both know the parameters of your outside activities - I don't see a written contract being required. As soon as one partner wishes the agreement to cease - it doesn't matter if it is written or not...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all have rules that we meet and play by and as far as I can see, his isn't really that different. Maybe it just adds to the OP's fantasy?

The singles here might find it a bit restrictive, but to us married or attached people it's no different to having our own personal rules.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds a bit clinical to us, but hey if that's what lights your candle and you think it'll work for you - go for it, fill ya boots

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By *ub bbwWoman
over a year ago

oldbury

I have rules with Sir that we both abide by but we are in a bdsm relationship its nto a written contract tho its just rules such as safe sex at all times no matter who with honesty etc its all there to lay the basics down but this is by no means the same as a contract maybe discussing ground rules is the same as this but to have written contract drawn up seems a bit daunting to me just talk about the rules if you have enough communication that you can discuss swinging seperately then you can surely discuss this too

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

I only want a contract if its performance related

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your life, your choice, your decision.

If it makes sense to you, then JFDI, no need to justify it to anyone else but you.

IMHO.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont feel anyone has the right to dictate to another. Why cant you both just talk instead of a contract and telling him what to do? If anyone did this to me id laugh in there face, and not see them again i just feel you might want to meet more than him or what too? And he seems unsure about things? If im erong sorry but it all seems like hard work to me. Its supposed to be fun swinging?

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By *ongelolo OP Woman
over a year ago

ipswich

Thank you all for your imput. I must say this has brought a few truths out for me. I am quite dominant and I find it quite appealing to have the contract. Also the punishment aspect of it is also extrememly appealing.

Perhaps that is the truth of it and I just needed to put it down in black and white to see what it actually means to me.

No offence was taken at any of the comments and again just want to thank all of you for your imput.

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I and obviously others find it strange that you would want or need to write it down

However if it helps you, and your partner agrees its a good thing then go for it

Writing feeling and thoughts down can sometimes be good

Id look on it more as a guide to your swinging lifestyle rather than a contract

What i would say further though is if hubby is content with his life dont push him to play alone

If he wants to he will xx

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By *he Ring WraithMan
over a year ago

Bradford

An interesting post and thread, I have signed a contract in the past, very much a Submissive / Dominant contract with a couple i have played with a few times.

That way i know there rules, there is no doubt about them and they can dictate punishments if i disobey one or break the contract in anyway.

The rules would be there anyway, as i suspect the OP's would be, but it was actually quite horny signing my freedom away and agreeing to sign a contract like that.

The suggestion was to sign 'in blood' but we settled for blood red ink.

(and yes for those posting on this thread that know me.... i am a slut before you tell me)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We did a rule sheet when we first started. Contract's a bit severe of a word to use for anything like that. Anyway on the first night, we said, just do what we fancy and we'll talk about it all after, and promptly chucked the rulesheet in the bin. The point I'm making is... if you know your partner (and you really should before you embark in this game) then you'll both always be on the same page when it comes to what's okay, and what's not. It's more important to talk about things than ever it is to chalk em up, otherwise you'll find things get too mechanical, by the numbers and less enjoyable.

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with wolf.

My OH and i had a set of written 'guidelines' that we both freely and willingly agreed to when we first started playing as a couple.

It stopped either one of us getting over excited and carried away without realising the other one wouldnt be happy!! It kind of helped at the time to clarify how we both wanted to play.

However im picking up from your further posts that this maybe more to do with your bdsm side. So perhaps the advice from jemima and cali would be more useful to you?

That said, you def need to make sure your husband is agreeing to things he is 100% happy with!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From a bdsm sub / dom perspective, I can see the relevance. You never know, your other half may actually like your dominant persuasion and might get aroused by the idea that you have control over his playing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a good way to put down some ground rules, so both understand whats good and not.

Of course if you feel a breach of contract has happened, your unlikely to take the other to a smalls claims court about it.

Guess the only forfeit is ending the contract or walking away.

If it will work for you both and both are happy go for it, never mind what others think (Bet they have some strange conditions too

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if someone handed me a written contract dictating how i could play with someone.................... i would tell them where i stick it! and that is putting it politely...

if the roles were reversed.... how would you feel?"
lol yes i would tell them where to stick too ... and thats the place the sun dont shine , lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Make sure a lawyer's present at the signing in case it ever goes to court

Seriously if it works for you then go for it, but i think just sitting down and talking would prob be better

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By *mma peelWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Sounds very controlling behaviour to me.

He's reluctant to play as much as you want and you want to direct him whilst he's playing?

Alarm bells are ringing....!

Sit down, ask yourself why you feel the need to have control in this aspect of your life.

Is everything else out of control in your life? How are you hoping this behaviour will pan out.

Have a think about the need to give permission

and know exactly what's happening.....

Gosh, I must've got up early this morning.....

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