FabSwingers.com forum: Erections issues for guest

By *oneyjule65 OP Couple
over a year ago

Halifax

It isn't a issue for us but sometimes the guest has issues getting hard...no matter what I try to do..so can't penetrate me...they are able to cum over me but they feel bad about not been able to have sex with me. It doesn't bother me & I am understanding about it as these things happen..but just wondering if it's happened to anyone else. At first I thought they didn't fancy me so felt upset but they say they do..& it isn't down to drink either could it be nerves even for a experienced guy?.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can be nerves, what their expectations were or guilt, more than likely not you at all but so many reasons why it can be them.

I’ve experienced it myself and realised I was putting pressure on myself to perform, once I relaxed it all came naturally and we all enjoyed ourselves.

The good thing for me was neither the woman or man put me under pressure.

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

"It isn't a issue for us but sometimes the guest has issues getting hard...no matter what I try to do..so can't penetrate me...they are able to cum over me but they feel bad about not been able to have sex with me. It doesn't bother me & I am understanding about it as these things happen..but just wondering if it's happened to anyone else. At first I thought they didn't fancy me so felt upset but they say they do..& it isn't down to drink either could it be nerves even for a experienced guy?.

Could well be ‘big match nerves’ even for an experienced guy. Could be age related. Have any come back for a subsequent meet and not had an issue?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"
yes nerves probably had they been in that situation before, also you have to be turned on even if you take the blue pill

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

It is really common, and I feel quite awkward unless there's a way to talk about it. There was somebody recently that I felt I got on really well with, and although there was passion there was not even a slight stirring in his loins. When I tried to subtly to ask him about it as we were talking about possibly meeting up some other time, he was saying there is no issue at all, but I'm completely not convinced so it's now a bit of an elephant in the room.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I understand totally that it can easily happen, and I've helped people over it before.

We are just people not machines, and everything has to be comfortable mentally and physically for the flow to flow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's happened to me, being understanding and tactful makes the situation far less awkward for the guy. It's a minor disappointment, but as long as he's willing to stick around and pleasure me by other means. I don't need to be penetrated in order to enjoy a session.

I heard of people who've ridiculed the guy out of the house, which only makes the situation worse for his next meet up.

Guys, don't fret it. It happens far more commonly than you'd think. Fab isn't overflowing with superstuds that pummel away for hours on end. Relax, dont overthink a situation, take your time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It happens to the best of us OP, there’s literally loads that can affect a guy, full belly after food, too much drink (or not enough!!) bust mostly extreme nervousness releases an enzyme/hormone in the body which prevents erections, sometimes us guys need to be super relaxed around a fit couple before we join in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's very common.. nerves and expectations for the meet..it happens to us all even hardened swingers like me(Mr)no pun intended.

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By *oneyjule65 OP Couple
over a year ago

Halifax

Could well be ‘big match nerves’ even for an experienced guy. Could be age related. Have any come back for a subsequent meet and not had an issue?"
one returned & same thing happened..

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By *oneyjule65 OP Couple
over a year ago

Halifax

I am non pushy & go with the flow...& besides penetrative sex isn't the be all & end all plus I get satisfied by their tongues or fingers & let them know this...

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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth

It's happened to C once. And happened to a guy who wanted to fuck me (K). C tends to take Viagra before a party as that was the advice some more experienced swingers gave us. Which has resolved the issue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's happened to C once. And happened to a guy who wanted to fuck me (K). C tends to take Viagra before a party as that was the advice some more experienced swingers gave us. Which has resolved the issue "

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I think it can be dissapointing as I like a good hard fuck. Fingers and tongue are not the same for me.

I completely understand though, it's life sometimes. Ms

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By *oneyjule65 OP Couple
over a year ago

Halifax

"I think it can be dissapointing as I like a good hard fuck. Fingers and tongue are not the same for me.

I completely understand though, it's life sometimes. Ms"

Yes you're right it is disappointing for me..however the guys are so embarrassed despite me saying it doesn't matter..guess I would feel the same tbh...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had it happen in the past, performance anxiety. The more you think about it the harder it gets, no pun intended. If the op is still interested in the guy, do no penetration meets to the take, the presure off. Being tired, anxious, stressed, tipsy can all affect it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As most people have said likelihood is it's a psychological issue around performance, the more you think it isn't going to happen more it dosent. Tell him you just want him to bring you with his hands or mouth not penertrative sex next time you meet up. Ask him to stand with his feet nearly together and then play with his penis, via hand, mouth or both. Ask him to concentrate on your efforts or body touching etc then it will usually stir an awakening. The more you do this, getting an awakening, the more confidence he will have and the more it will rise on its own. Male

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This has happened a few times with me and my OH when we have had couples meets.

I am very understanding and do not put pressure on the guy but at the same time I usually call an end to the meet. For me a meet with another couple isnt me leaning on my elbow watching while my OH fucks the life outta the other lady. Lol. C Xx

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By *ndysaysMan
over a year ago

Winsford

Yes..fairly common..i have learned to just relax better...and spend time chatting more...then it naturally tends to be a more relaxed atmosphere and hardens the ardour ??

Its certainly not you or that you arent fancied or attractive...its these damned human bodies of ours.

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By *cunnylassCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

We've experienced this a few times.We don't get upset or disappointed as this is bound to happen from time to time.

Mike

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had same in club once 2sexy naked women inviting me to enjoy them so excited everymans dream 2women together.

Cock wouldn't rise to the occasion but did later in the evening.

Stage fright can happen to anyone

Just awkward when it does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

can and does happen to most at one point or another but to you guys where its a sudden regular thing please get your self to the dr's and tell them whats going on ...your cock not working as should is a very good indicator that something else is going on.

I don't mean one off problems im on about those who notice its happening more and more.

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

This is a situation which I would dread to be in although I do know it can happen. I am not afraid to admit to ensuring it doesn't happen to me.

I can sympathise with ladies who experience a meet where it occurs and I can imagine that although being understanding they must feel disappointed and possibly blame themselves.

Help is out there lads don't be embarrassed to use it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can sympathise with ladies who experience a meet where it occurs and I can imagine that although being understanding they must feel disappointed and possibly blame themselves.

Help is out there lads don't be embarrassed to use it."

if I meet a guy and for some reason it wont perform on the night I just tend to carry on talking and let them know its not a problem... I never blame myself ?? and im not disappointed its part and parcel of life ive even agreed to meet again for everything to be fine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a bit of an over thinker and I can get a bit overwhelmed in the moment. Though taking time picking the right partners who dont expect me to perform like a dancing bear.

I'm relatively confident and healthy.

Sometimes I may not feel connected enough to the other person.

Sometimes I'm just in a bad/dark mood and can't be brought round come hello or high water.

Usually I'm fine.. once I calm down, relax and take everything at face value. Once I get comfy with someone.

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By *ittlemiss1985Woman
over a year ago

Lansing

I agree it could be performance anxiety. But I know some medication can affect performance too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never been with a couple so I'm not sure how it would affect me.

I'm not the type of man who can get it up for any woman either. There must be some connection for me.

Even if a lady is absolutely stunning it doesn't guarantee a boner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nerves generally for people I find.

Have some kamagra / viagra for them if you meet people regularly just in case

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think what you described is common a lot is down to nerves and some stress, but sadly some down to simple ED issues

Then as is often the case, some get over excited lol

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

A friend of mine , single & 71 lives in France and meets quite a few women. Never used any pills but admits on occasion he just doesn’t rise. He blames her for not turning him on enough. And he means it!

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By *eefdoddusCouple
over a year ago

Scottish Borders

We experienced this very thing, with Mr Deef, when we first started going to a club near Newcastle years ago. No problem at home so it came as a surprise when into the play room.....nothing. We call it "stage fright".

From then on, if it happened, we found that by finding somewhere private and starting foreplay like we would do at home, for just a short time, up he would spring. Once he was ready, back to play and everything was alright.

We've had a run of single chaps lately who have all had a similar problem but we would never make an issue of it although it's obviously a bit disappointing.

Is it an age thing, maybe? Anyone having this problem certainly has our sympathy.

An interesting thread. Having found a way to manage it ourselves, we're not sure if it'll work with a "guest" but may be worth a try.

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By *oppet22TV/TS
over a year ago

huddersfield

Tell them to see a doctor he can give you something to help with that

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I think often it's an issue of how into it someone is and if it's actually making them feel sexy. I'm not talking about attractiveness, I'm sure they find you attractive. But sex is in the mind more than the body and this the more the same for men that people give credit. I think often men like the idea of a threesome as a gateway into having sex with a woman rather than being turned on by the idea of having a threesome with a couple. So when it comes to the reality of sharing a woman with her other half (who has great chemistry with her) he can feel not so in tune or even up for sharing. All good sex happens when there is great chemistry with all involved and they actually really enjoy the group format. If that atmosphere is not there it's hard for it to work and men can't fake as easy as women for obvious reasons. So the key is chemistry and the male really feeling the chemistry. I think sometimes singles can be made to feel like additional sex toy for a couple to use rather than a real part of what's going on. Also sometimes I think couples are avoident to creating an atmosphere where another can really feel part of the team or create a feeling of distance. This is understandable but also not conducive to creating a hot atmosphere for all. So I think that's why it's hard for couples to find a good plus one that works.

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By *D835Man
over a year ago

London

"I think often it's an issue of how into it someone is and if it's actually making them feel sexy. I'm not talking about attractiveness, I'm sure they find you attractive. But sex is in the mind more than the body and this the more the same for men that people give credit. I think often men like the idea of a threesome as a gateway into having sex with a woman rather than being turned on by the idea of having a threesome with a couple. So when it comes to the reality of sharing a woman with her other half (who has great chemistry with her) he can feel not so in tune or even up for sharing. All good sex happens when there is great chemistry with all involved and they actually really enjoy the group format. If that atmosphere is not there it's hard for it to work and men can't fake as easy as women for obvious reasons. So the key is chemistry and the male really feeling the chemistry. I think sometimes singles can be made to feel like additional sex toy for a couple to use rather than a real part of what's going on. Also sometimes I think couples are avoident to creating an atmosphere where another can really feel part of the team or create a feeling of distance. This is understandable but also not conducive to creating a hot atmosphere for all. So I think that's why it's hard for couples to find a good plus one that works."

Spot on

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By *eefdoddusCouple
over a year ago

Scottish Borders

An interesting perspective. Food for thought.....!

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By *ambsLad2Man
over a year ago

Peterborough

Happened to me at the VA Bi Night. A lovely lady invited me to give her one, but when she went to put a condom on me, I began to deflate. I think it was the prospect of banging her in front an audience which caused it. I did the gentlemanly thing of bringing her off with my tongue by way of recompense though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it happens regularly something is wrong with the situation do you give them time to relax have a drink a chat or whatever

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Could be caused by guilt in some cases if the guy is playing away ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had a meet with a young guy had similar prob but he did managed to get it up but virtually as soon as he was inside the wife he shot his load and went soft very soon after. My wife was very understanding he said he got over excited. We still had fun evening I stepped in for him made the wife happy. Unfortunately no mater how much playing he never managed to get back up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hi mine is fine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If it happens regularly something is wrong with the situation do you give them time to relax have a drink a chat or whatever "

I would agree that being relaxed is key - if you meet socially first, that's also good start

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We had a meet with a young guy had similar prob but he did managed to get it up but virtually as soon as he was inside the wife he shot his load and went soft very soon after. My wife was very understanding he said he got over excited. We still had fun evening I stepped in for him made the wife happy. Unfortunately no mater how much playing he never managed to get back up. "

Again (and in no disrespect to younger people), early ejaculation is another common thing related to being or excited

My ex fem partner on here and I make a conscious decision to meet anyone younger socially first, to try and relax them - sometime worked, but its pot luck really

On the other hand there are lots of younger men and women out there who are well in control - good on you peeps

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By *eith28Man
over a year ago

uxbridge

I guess I’m lucky I’ve never had an issue with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction - quite the opposite! But as I get a bit older I do worry it might happen someday. It’s nice to read that most couples will accept it happens and not ridicule the guy. As they say. A good man is hard to find but a hard man is good to find!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just relax

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By *appyLarry007Man
over a year ago

Runcorn

I’ve had this with nerves but once this has happened it makes it terrible next time because all your thinking is please don’t fail again! And obviously because your thinking about it it happens again.

This had nothing to do with attraction it becomes a mental block thing! Viagra 30 min before and everything is great porn star confidence restored ????

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By *appyLarry007Man
over a year ago

Runcorn

Viagra is amazing! Sure confidence boost and when you feel confident the night is just so much fun

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By *m3232Man
over a year ago

maidenhead

For myself I am comfortable in my own head and comfortable in what I do so never fail to rise. It may be difficult for some to get in to that space to perform.

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