FabSwingers.com forum: Me, my wife and her boyfriend

By *astdevonmylf OP Couple
over a year ago

Exeter

Hello lovely people!

I’m looking for a bit of emotional advice/support really...

For a long while I have been mentioning to my everso slightly vanilla wife that the cuckold thing was a turn on for me. Which it absolutely is. After a decent amount of time, not pushing her to do anything she didn’t want to, she has found that actually, having the freedom to act in that way is quite liberating and she is now very much enjoying the introduction to the lifestyle.

It has been my ethos from the start that I reject the notion of placing a limit on my wife, I do not want to stop her from expressing herself nor limiting her experiences. This has been at the very epicentre of my logic in introducing her to this.

She has been on one date, for dinner, a hotel but held short on the physical stuff on this occasion as was very new to the idea.

Recently however, she has been in contact with an ex who has by sheer coincidence, popped up at the right time...

She is very excited by him, their texts are constant, speaking on the phone and laughing etc... a real bond is forming and with an interest in physical contact very much on the cards...

This has excited me HUGELY whilst also giving me odd jealousy, anxiety etc... I seem very happy with the physical elements being discussed but hearing her laughing or saying that she ‘misses his voice’ sends me down a strange avenue of emotion.

My wife has been completely open, I’m allowed to read everything, I have control to stop it at any moment, she has thanked me for allowing her to explore etc. I love her dearly and feel great that I’ve given her this freedom but it’s odd having these slightly adverse feelings...

Is it normal? Healthy? Will it go?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello lovely people!

I’m looking for a bit of emotional advice/support really...

She has been on one date, for dinner, a hotel but held short on the physical stuff on this occasion as was very new to the idea.

Recently however, she has been in contact with an ex who has by sheer coincidence, popped up at the right time...

She is very excited by him, their texts are constant, speaking on the phone and laughing etc... a real bond is forming and with an interest in physical contact very much on the cards...

Is it normal? Healthy? Will it go? "

Wow this is a tricky one? I would probably feel the same as you OP, it's a different kettle of fish in my eyes.

That being said, if your relationship is solid and open and remains that way... and she respects you if you say you've had enough... then it may be a good thing x

I wish you good fortune sir.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello lovely people!

I’m looking for a bit of emotional advice/support really...

She has been on one date, for dinner, a hotel but held short on the physical stuff on this occasion as was very new to the idea.

Recently however, she has been in contact with an ex who has by sheer coincidence, popped up at the right time...

She is very excited by him, their texts are constant, speaking on the phone and laughing etc... a real bond is forming and with an interest in physical contact very much on the cards...

Is it normal? Healthy? Will it go? "

Wow this is a tricky one? I would probably feel the same as you OP, it's a different kettle of fish in my eyes.

That being said, if your relationship is solid and open and remains that way... and she respects you if you say you've had enough... then it may be a good thing x

I wish you good fortune sir.

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By *ittleKinksCouple
over a year ago

Reading

If you stopping her would likely make him the forbidden fruits and drive her to concealing what she's up to or resenting you for taking this bit of fun away. He's her ex for a reason so in the long run she will have her fun but eventually remember why he's an ex. He may just be good in bed but crap in a relationship. I think you will be fine if you let her play. Plus you will get a lot of get out of jail free cards from her for this one hahah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cuckold angst mind fuck going on here mate. Give it time and see how it goes.

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By *alaciousCurvesWoman
over a year ago

Gainsborough

My husband loves the idea of cuckolding too, it turns him on so much. However, exes are strictly off limits, they are not flames we want to rekindle, too much possibility of the old chemistry rearing its head up.

If I were you I would be pretty wary, this thing your wife has with her ex has the potential to develop into something more than casual shagging. It sounds like she's already on her way to at least an emotional affair even if she doesn't realise it yet.

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By *astdevonmylf OP Couple
over a year ago

Exeter

Haha but I never go to jail?!

I agree, the ‘ex’ element isn’t of great relevance to me, our relationship is far too strong to break... but it is interesting that I can enjoy and feel odd all at the same time about it! Mind blowing at times!

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By *ardiffCoupleNJCouple
over a year ago

Pontypridd/Rhyfelin

Hmmm...

I think from the tone of what you are writing, alarm bells are ringing & possibly rightly so.

Something you really need to discuss. We enjoy threesome play but always play together. It's sexy fun not emotional involvement that we are looking for. That said, we have made friends doing this and we value them so it's a fine line.

Suggest the two of you should think carefully & talk talk talk before going further.

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By *astdevonmylf OP Couple
over a year ago

Exeter

The ex was from a VERY long time ago... I honestly don’t feel threatened by her leaving... she has remained open about all the contact so far (naturally I can’t hear the telephone calls) but being anxious about her happiness with this guy contradicts my entire reason for allowing her this freedom! Lol I LOVE that as her husband I’m letting her be herself... but at the same time, I only want it on my terms! That’s selfish and a complete mindf**k!

Trust me to be complicated!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmm. I wouldn't like the idea of an ex being the other person.

Or the idea of my OH going on dates etc. A shag every now and again I could cope with.

And feeling jealous etc is human. Keep talking to your lady and dont bottle up how you are feeling because it could just explode one day and end up being worse than you first wanted. C Xx

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By *entle giraffeMan
over a year ago

Minehead

"Hello lovely people!

I’m looking for a bit of emotional advice/support really...

She has been on one date, for dinner, a hotel but held short on the physical stuff on this occasion as was very new to the idea.

Recently however, she has been in contact with an ex who has by sheer coincidence, popped up at the right time...

She is very excited by him, their texts are constant, speaking on the phone and laughing etc... a real bond is forming and with an interest in physical contact very much on the cards...

Is it normal? Healthy? Will it go? "

Hi, have you talked with eachother about how you feel? Communicating both your thoughts and feelings in an honest and open way would be my advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My husband loves the idea of cuckolding too, it turns him on so much. However, exes are strictly off limits, they are not flames we want to rekindle, too much possibility of the old chemistry rearing its head up.

This makes a lot of sense.

Me and my wife are more stag and vixen we have 3 way threesomes with other males but we see them more as an extra toy it's purely physical nothing more they are there to augment our pleasure (and they enjoy themselves aswell I'm sure). If a chance came up for us to have a threesome with one of her ex's there's no way in hell I'd want me and her to do it. I also think if one of my ex's asked us both for a threesome then my wife would definitely be against it as would I.

You just don't know what spark could be rekindled, powerful old feelings of love resurfing etc

Good luck with it all.

J K x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/06/19 13:55:48]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""She is very excited by him, their texts are constant, speaking on the phone and laughing etc... a real bond is forming and with an interest in physical contact very much on the cards...""

I don't understand much about cuckolding it's not my thing but the bit you put above seems to describe the lustful beginning of a new relationship with the potential for mental love and attachments forming.

I thought the whole wife and her bull was predominantly a physical relationship? Also if your present when her bull fucks her there's the humiliation elements aswell.

I know there's no hard and fast rules and people will have different cuckold dynamics it's just to me the bit you described above sounds like the beginning of an affair / emotional relationship? Or is that part of some cuckold set ups?

J K x

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By *astdevonmylf OP Couple
over a year ago

Exeter

Interesting observation... I think you’re right, there must be hundreds of different dynamics...

For her, she always explained that she needed someone who she could relate to and not solely have a physical relationship. This Ex is from when they were 18, some 15/16 years ago...

They are able to bond because they have a common ground I think... I’m not sure there’s much to rekindle... - I’d hate to be proved wrong on that though! Haha

I enjoy her being happy, soppy but true. Should it truly matter how she is happy? So long as she is? The philosophical concept is good but the emotional complexity is, well, complex!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting observation... I think you’re right, there must be hundreds of different dynamics...

For her, she always explained that she needed someone who she could relate to and not solely have a physical relationship. This Ex is from when they were 18, some 15/16 years ago...

They are able to bond because they have a common ground I think... I’m not sure there’s much to rekindle... - I’d hate to be proved wrong on that though! Haha

I enjoy her being happy, soppy but true. Should it truly matter how she is happy? So long as she is? The philosophical concept is good but the emotional complexity is, well, complex!

I think your a braver man than me!

You meet her emotional needs in terms of that part of the relationship is that not enough or is an emotional relationship with her bull / lover a must?

Has she described what thier teenage relationship was like? Was it wild, intensive, casual, first love etc I would want those things answered personally so you can weight up the flight risk. It's the constant texting part that sounds like a lot of investment early on and before the fucking has even started.

J K x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

^^^ this for me too ... too many ties & emotions

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By *umKinkwithUsCouple
over a year ago

Camberley

If this is developing into more than physical into a relationship I think you would be best getting advice from polyamorous groups. There are a few good ones on FB. UK Polyamory is the main one for advice.

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By *astdevonmylf OP Couple
over a year ago

Exeter

"If this is developing into more than physical into a relationship I think you would be best getting advice from polyamorous groups. There are a few good ones on FB. UK Polyamory is the main one for advice."

Thank you for that suggestion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello lovely people!

I’m looking for a bit of emotional advice/support really...

She has been on one date, for dinner, a hotel but held short on the physical stuff on this occasion as was very new to the idea.

Recently however, she has been in contact with an ex who has by sheer coincidence, popped up at the right time...

She is very excited by him, their texts are constant, speaking on the phone and laughing etc... a real bond is forming and with an interest in physical contact very much on the cards...

Is it normal? Healthy? Will it go? "

If you have even one bit of doubt..stop. An ex is different to a single guy on here. There is history. You don't like the idea then you tell her. X

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By *offee and KinksCouple
over a year ago

Notts/Derby

Whilst we’re stag rather than cuck, i’ve been cuck’d in vanilla life before. So I can appreciate this from all angles. It’s a double edged sword - the thing that provides the pleasure also provides the pain. If you can cope with this duality, it’s amazing. If you can’t, then get out now for your own sanity and your relationship’s survival. Other posters have given some great advice.

You’ve started off the best way, it has to be completely 100% open for it to work. Aside from providing the confidence that you know what is going on, it also provides the stimulus that you need. We actually got into swinging because Ms.H was messaging an ex. I’d got wind of it and rather than finishing it, I told her how it turned me on. This guy should write erotica because he got me hot

She’s met up with him twice, with my knowledge and permission. He lives far enough away that he’s no threat to us and he’s an ex for a reason and that reason is never going to change.

One weird part of this is that it usually brings you closer together, providing you can cope with the mixed feelings you have.

I wish both of you luck if you decide to keep going.

Mr.S

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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago

Wherever the party is!

"Hello lovely people!

I’m looking for a bit of emotional advice/support really...

She has been on one date, for dinner, a hotel but held short on the physical stuff on this occasion as was very new to the idea.

Recently however, she has been in contact with an ex who has by sheer coincidence, popped up at the right time...

She is very excited by him, their texts are constant, speaking on the phone and laughing etc... a real bond is forming and with an interest in physical contact very much on the cards...

Is it normal? Healthy? Will it go? "

Just a bit of advice, this situation is NOT cuckolding. The emotional aspect is dangerous territory.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are a few cucks on here who were in relationships and the lady left them for a bull, maybe search around for them and get a clear picture of how it happens, your situation seems like dangerous territory to us

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By *irkydirkyMan
over a year ago

Stevenage

"Hello lovely people!

I’m looking for a bit of emotional advice/support really...

She has been on one date, for dinner, a hotel but held short on the physical stuff on this occasion as was very new to the idea.

Recently however, she has been in contact with an ex who has by sheer coincidence, popped up at the right time...

She is very excited by him, their texts are constant, speaking on the phone and laughing etc... a real bond is forming and with an interest in physical contact very much on the cards...

Is it normal? Healthy? Will it go? "

I give you 2 six months..

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La

For her to tell him she misses his voice is an alarm bell. If this were just a physical thing is there a need for all the texts and conversations? Likebpointed out above this does sound like the start of a new budding relationship, and he is single.. I hope it alm works out

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By *itsAndTaffCouple
over a year ago

Grays, Essex

I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with this

We have one rule no emotional connection, our meets are purely for sex, it works for us and the people we meet, meaning we rarely meet the same person twice

The idea of an ex might be appealing but there’s history which I’d be scared could get reignited & it would definitely cause me to become anxious & jealous, something in 3 years of us opening up our marriage I’ve never been

MrsH

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

In your bed

From what I know of cuckolding it is best to view it as a scale rather than a specific kink.

For some it is about sharing their partner sexually for others the mental aspect is important and for a limited few emotion is also part of the experience.

It can also be something of a journey and where you start and aim to go is not nessarily where you end up.

Even the strongest relationships are breakable and when you open certain doors you never know what will happen.

I know some cuckolding relationships where the emotional bonds have been very strong. I've talked to guys in the past who have had to console their wives when the lover/bf/bull eventually broke it off because she was deeply in love.

It is a rarer end of cuckolding but does happen in limited cases. However, I'm not sure there are many if any who can advise you as for some the risk and the danger of losing their love to another is part of the attraction.

Its certainly not for most people but then not all people want to be whipped with nettles were as others find extreme pain strangely erotic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure I could handle an ex...anything else no problem but not sure my head would allow it?

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Playing that involves emotion is very risky game to play. Tread very very carefully if you are going to go down that path.

Even in casual swinging you are putting your relationship on the line. Bringing emotional feelings into it is something else entirely. Ex's in our opinion are not a good idea. The risk is far greater...

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By *ormalguy8Man
over a year ago

oldham

Talk with her about how you feel. Try and refrain from coming across as jealous but I agree with some of the other posters here that this guy being an ex is venturing into strange territory.

Just be honest and tell her as keeping it in is only likely to cause more issues.

Sounds like you have a great understanding relationship which is superb. Good luck mate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your playing with fire in this situation with an ex partner. Personally should swerve that and find a new man that comes with no previous intimate and emotional bond For your partner.

She is excited as it’s an ex .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A couple of things:

If you play with someone familiar with the scene you can explore with them whether they have an understanding of the cuck dynamic. Does the ex have any understanding of this? Or is he going to assume that she’s unhappy and that they will get emotionally involved?

Given that you haven’t experienced how either of you feel with a sexual encounter, why not experiment with a less complicated scenario than an ex? The stakes will be lower for both of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read this post and I immediately felt uneasy as soon as you mentioned ex, which I know you have no ‘issues with’ but from what I read it certainly sounds like you may have issues with it as it wasn’t until she started saying more intimate things such as ‘she misses him’, if I may ask? If this was to another random man that she has been seeing with your approval would you be so worried?

Does the ex know the situation you both find yourself in now? Is it clear his role in all this because if she hasn’t been honest with him and he ends up falling for her again, that is a whole different ball game as this whole thing could blow up for you.

Personally speaking myself and doughy have met one of his exes, she was our first threesome and I was not worried at all but if it had been the scenario we find ourselves in now (he has a girlfriend) and she was that person I would probably have huge issues over it.

One thing I find with our relationship is talking and talking some more, tell her your fears because if you don’t and it happens you may be kicking yourself.

Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just out of curiosity, who ended the relationship? Did she finish with him or vice versa? If it was her that ended it, I'd be worried that he see's this as a way to entice her back, no matter how strong you believe your relationship to be.

Personally, I'd be asking her to stop the communication with him and find someone neutral, that she hasn't had previous emotional or physical ties with.

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By *ev_1Couple
over a year ago

Bickliegh

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By *ev_1Couple
over a year ago

Bickliegh

Walking on thin ice here I think should never involve a ex and even in cuckhold some rules should be in place

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By *ewhorizonsCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Been there and got the T shirt. My wife went for a “drink” with an ex and they ended up having sex at his place. She texted on the night me to tell me what was happening and we’d already talked it through. I was happy but a little surprised she did it. It was a 1 night stand.

She has also been for a drink with several other exes but not progressed any further mainly due to their jealous wives. I know ultimately she wouldn’t do it if I said no so I don’t feel the jealousy thing (only in a good way). Each to their own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello lovely people!

I’m looking for a bit of emotional advice/support really...

She has been on one date, for dinner, a hotel but held short on the physical stuff on this occasion as was very new to the idea.

Recently however, she has been in contact with an ex who has by sheer coincidence, popped up at the right time...

She is very excited by him, their texts are constant, speaking on the phone and laughing etc... a real bond is forming and with an interest in physical contact very much on the cards...

Is it normal? Healthy? Will it go? "

It’s completely natural dude. You’re battling with huge emotions about her past and what it might mean to your relationship with her now he’s back on the scene.

Tell your wife how you feel, including the anxiety that you’re feeling about it. Being given the power to stop it is one thing, but it doesn’t sound like you want to, but you should talk to her.

Cuckolding is a very intense dynamic, you haven’t said how far into that lifestyle you’ve become, but there is still a duty of care to both people. If certain feelings she’s showing towards him are on your mind, how you feel should also be on hers, in my opinion. Cuckolding is an ultimate freedom, but it shouldn’t be abused. You’re showing her the utmost respect in letting her do the things she wants, and with that brings a risk to your emotions, and she should be aware of that too as her duty of care towards you in this scenario.

It’s a complete head trip, with and endless mine field to navigate. I wish you all the best, but what you’re feeling is completely normal bro.

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