FabSwingers.com forum: New domme needs advice.

By *all me S OP Woman
over a year ago

North Wales

Context:

Worked with a guy who offered to do shitty jobs for me constantly and joked he was my slave. Progressed to him being referred to as my bitch, then including more sexual undertones.

It has since come to the forefront that he REALLY enjoys the idea of me being a domme to him and is obviously a masochist. We're both in relationships and he wants to remain faithful BUT also wants to explore this.

We have started to talk about boundaries and limits but this will mostly be a long distance dom/sub relationship as we no longer work together.

COMPLETELY new to me, but the control I have on him does get me going. He's obviously getting ideas from extreme porn! Although I'm not into the extreme aspects of humiliation, but I'm happy to explore further as it's new to him too.

I could really do with some ideas and advice on tasks I can get him to do and anything else you think may be relevant.

Thanks

S xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It might help anyone looking to give you advice if you shed some light on the boundaries you have.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *all me S OP Woman
over a year ago

North Wales

"It might help anyone looking to give you advice if you shed some light on the boundaries you have.

The main one for him is limited sexual contact between us as wants to remain physically faithful. Although he has been slightly contradictory with some aspects. Eg. Wouldn't touch me sexually. But is happy to clean cum off me after I've had sex.

Says he finds me attractive but finds the idea of me being able to make him do things and/or humiliate him as the ultimate turn on. Another 'no' for him is anything male on male things.

S xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Stick a pinny on him after he’s stripped naked or make him wear some silky knickers, if he doesn’t want to be fully naked and get him to do the housework. Obviously call him all the derogatory names under the sun whilst he’s doing it. Inspect his work afterwards and each infraction gets a spank or whatever he’s into.

I suppose this is one scenario, I could think of a few outdoor ones as well

I suppose after some soft play like above, you could explore more extreme fantasies with him

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

to spare him sexual fantasies with you...lock him when he is with you in a cock cage...wear key on a necklace..and unlock him when he goes home...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are some great videos online if you google domme/ dominatrix etc.

You can ignore the sexual parts but gives you a great idea on how to talk to your slave etc.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Be very careful would be my first words of advice - there's a huge difference between some of the extreme porn and the reality and without experience you can do some serious damage both mentally and physically if you're not careful.

I'd recommend you both reading books like Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns and SM101 to start to get an idea of what you are both looking for.

Also look out some of the BDSM questionnaires on-line particularly the ones that list different activities and you have to rate them 1-5 in terms of interest - if you both complete them and then compare notes it should help you find some common ground.

Read as much as you can on the subject, and consider getting along to a local munch (social for the kink world) where you can talk to experienced people and get ideas, helpful hints etc

Can't emphasise enough how important it is to take things slowly, even though you might want to run.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It might help anyone looking to give you advice if you shed some light on the boundaries you have.

Says he finds me attractive but finds the idea of me being able to make him do things and/or humiliate him as the ultimate turn on. Another 'no' for him is anything male on male things.

S xx"

Put him in a cock cage and arrange a meet with a guy who is well hung (there hasn't got to be anything sexual for your slave) humiliate him and tell him how amazing the hung guy is and he how his cock pleases you.

Hit your slave with cat and nine tails if he doesn't apologise for his inferior cock.

After all, every domme likes a well mannered slave... If he's not well mannered he needs training.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Does his partner know? If not your second consideration will be limits on physical marking, your first will be arming yourself with the knowledge required for this responsibility for responsibility it is. Read as much as possible on the subject then if you're happy to go forward Google relevant phrases. There are loads of blogs and Web sites with ideas.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hocko87Man
over a year ago

dublin

this is my biggest fantasy to serve a domme .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *all me S OP Woman
over a year ago

North Wales

Thank you for all the advice guys, I really appreciate it.

I will definitely check out the questionnaires, think that will set us on the same page.

No his partner doesn't know. And due to work/life commitments, I don't think it will be much face to face to a while.

So I suppose I'm most confused about how to task him over message as won't actually see him like I used to.

Thanks again

S xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hatsthisMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

Lucky him is what i say x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you for all the advice guys, I really appreciate it.

I will definitely check out the questionnaires, think that will set us on the same page.

No his partner doesn't know. And due to work/life commitments, I don't think it will be much face to face to a while.

So I suppose I'm most confused about how to task him over message as won't actually see him like I used to.

Thanks again

S xx"

He's already cheating with you, no matter his supposed 'rules'. Does he have your actual phone number? If she finds it she may call you and cause you problems.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *all me S OP Woman
over a year ago

North Wales

"Thank you for all the advice guys, I really appreciate it.

I will definitely check out the questionnaires, think that will set us on the same page.

No his partner doesn't know. And due to work/life commitments, I don't think it will be much face to face to a while.

So I suppose I'm most confused about how to task him over message as won't actually see him like I used to.

Thanks again

S xx

He's already cheating with you, no matter his supposed 'rules'. Does he have your actual phone number? If she finds it she may call you and cause you problems. "

I'm not looking for advice or judgement on the situation. Just asking for advice with regards to the dom/sub relationship.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you for all the advice guys, I really appreciate it.

I will definitely check out the questionnaires, think that will set us on the same page.

No his partner doesn't know. And due to work/life commitments, I don't think it will be much face to face to a while.

So I suppose I'm most confused about how to task him over message as won't actually see him like I used to.

Thanks again

S xx

He's already cheating with you, no matter his supposed 'rules'. Does he have your actual phone number? If she finds it she may call you and cause you problems.

I'm not looking for advice or judgement on the situation. Just asking for advice with regards to the dom/sub relationship. "

Your OP mentioned 'anything else that might be relevant'.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ucky88oMan
over a year ago

london

A sub here looking for a FLR and sounds like i have the same intrests as Your potential slave.

If You would like to chat and hear things which make me tick i would love to chat

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *all me S OP Woman
over a year ago

North Wales

"Thank you for all the advice guys, I really appreciate it.

I will definitely check out the questionnaires, think that will set us on the same page.

No his partner doesn't know. And due to work/life commitments, I don't think it will be much face to face to a while.

So I suppose I'm most confused about how to task him over message as won't actually see him like I used to.

Thanks again

S xx

He's already cheating with you, no matter his supposed 'rules'. Does he have your actual phone number? If she finds it she may call you and cause you problems.

I'm not looking for advice or judgement on the situation. Just asking for advice with regards to the dom/sub relationship.

Your OP mentioned 'anything else that might be relevant'. "

So it does. Apologies for the confusion. Those that enter into 'cheating' usually are aware of the risks and possible repercussions. As I am.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *all me S OP Woman
over a year ago

North Wales

"A sub here looking for a FLR and sounds like i have the same intrests as Your potential slave.

If You would like to chat and hear things which make me tick i would love to chat"

Thank you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

Some of the most important factors are limits (hard & soft) and very importantly aftercare. I can not stress aftercare enough!!!!

Can't really give you ideas or advice without knowing boundaries etc. Its easy for him to do the stuff he likes but to test him its the stuff he dislikes but will still do if that makes sense.

If you are going to walk in someone else's head, be aware of the damage you can cause. Humiliation is great until you go to far and mentally scar someone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread