 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I read a long running thread, which is still being commented on, largely to quite positive feedback. I don't agree with all of it and I'm not fond of the way it's a guide for men, singling us out like we're the root cause of all issues on Fab.
So here is a Ghengis-style Guide to Fab, for all users.
1. Baby steps
When joining for the first time, I reccomend you have a relatively blank and anonymous profile. Block everyone, have a good look around your local area and see who is about. Get a feel for the site, before diving in head first.
2. Research
Join the Forum, get a feel for how other people use Fab. Observe all the different ways fab is used by different personalities. There is no one way for you to use this site. Though there are a few fab faux-pas you can avoid most basic mistakes with a little research.
3. Reflection
After some browsing and a little research, question yourself. What is it that YOU want from this site? No-strings? Some strings? All strings? Are you social? Do you need connection? A particular fantasy? A bucket list? One or two regulars? A lover? Variety? Types? Preferences you hold (why it is you're harbouring them). Also remember that the more specific your desire, the smaller your target audience will become, in some cases and areas, you may want to consider travelling some distance.
4. Strategize.
Now you know what it is YOU want. Write a profile that will attract the attention of the kind of people you'd hope to meet. It's worth bearing in mind that most of us like a little intrigue, so there is no need to lay it all out on a plate, sometimes less is more.
Avoid negativity at all costs on your profile. Long lists of rules, checkboxes and hard limits can be very offputting. Fab is also littered with negative profiles (mainly, though not exclusively, couples profiles in my experience). It's possible to express what you dislike in a very brief way, if you consider your use of language.
5. Looks
Photos are important. You may not think you've a very nice body, but someone on here definately will. You may think you have the rippling figure of a Greek Deity, but someone will disagree and find you physically abhorrent.
What kind of photos do the profiles that turn you on have? A variety? Use of colour? Framing? Editing? Filters? Backgrounds? Subject Matter? Poses? Inspiration can be found on Fab, but it can also be found and improved upon by reading up a little about photography and modelling. Erotic art, pornography, calenders, human subject, the human body, sports, your home.. Again, think about the vibe the people whose attention you're hoping to attract would be attracted to.
6. The real you
So you've done your research. Know who you like. Know what you want. Why you want it. You now have a profile and some photos that show it. Chances are your profile now looks like a carbon copy of the other half of Fab. Who've taken the time to learn the same steps. So now you need to work on standing out from the crowd.
You may want to consider injecting a little uniqueness into it. For example, I like to play with my username in the Forum a little. I can use it to share knowledge, joke about or make connections.
I understand some of you find it hard being your true self on here. Fear of being outed or mocked for who you are, is a pretty good reason to be cagey, private or paranoid about how much info you give out. So it's not a tactic that'll work for all of you.
But if you can, are less bothered, unashamed, or have no fear/reason not to be you. Then really consider putting as much of the real you on display as possible, especially if you're like me and like a little connection. How else are your type of people supposed to find you, if you don't show yourself for who you are.
You can give A LOT of information and honesty, without revealing your identity.
7. Be honest
We've all got wobbly bits and parts of our body or personality we have concerns about. If they are visible in your photos, yet you still have a full inbox, it's clearly not an issue for other people. If you pout, angle and filter to hide, disguise features you worry about in person. You're more likely to encounter awkward situations or potential rejection based on those concerns. A vicious cycle begins.
It's as important to own your percieved personality flaws, as much as the physical ones. Lack a bit of experience? Not as confident as you're pretending to be? Socially awkward? Suffering from a condition? On medication? Accommodation or Travelling issues? It may be worth getting some of that off your chest to a friend, in the Forum or even on your profile.
Honesty and transparency help to build trust and given the vulnerable position were all putting ourselves in, it's important to earn trust.
How will you attract those who may be into your brand of Fab, if you're not telling them what YOUR brand is?
8. Communication
Before commenting, ensure you read thoroughly. Read the profile. Read the question. Think about it. Consider what others are saying or have said. The messages that kind of profile may have already received. The possible preferences they have, if they're listed and you fall out of their interest zone, leave them alone. Does a Straight Man want to be badgered by TV/TS or male attention? No! Respect people and their profiles. Otherwise you're likely to have your message deservedly thrown back in your face.
Most people, men included, like to be wooed a little, flattered and flirted with. Asked interesting questions that tantalise and tease other answers out of us and lead to other avenues of conversation. I want to know why YOU find ME attractive. Rather than the guy who commented above, or the man who lives three streets away from me.
Communication in the Forum is important. Their is an unwritten social guide that some choose to follow and some don't. Ettiqutte and manners go a long way. The Official Forum Rules are a bag of bollocks in my opinion, but the summary is a good one and worth bearing in mind. If you're getting ratty, annoyed, irritated, argumentative, venomous.. back off for a bit. Those emotions aren't going to get you anything but ignored, argued with or banned. Treat other people like people, the way in which you'd like to be treated. The respect, empathy, patience and kindness you'd like to be shown yourself.
Liars and pretenders are easily spotted on the Forum. There is a little green arrow next to your name on every post. This directs us to all your other posts. If you're saying one thing in one place and different thing in another, you'll soon be found out. So try and keep all communication as honest as possible, or risk tripping yourself up with your own words.
9. Others
There will be people on here who rub you up the wrong way. Try not to engage. There are time wasters, photo collectors, fake profiles, trolls and assholes of all kinds. Avoid them. Question anything that sounds off or unreasonable. Consider your personal saftey and security at all times. Don't be afraid to IGNORE, BLOCK and REPORT anti-social behaviour. If you know a crime is being committed, inform the police and Fab, grow a pair so the victims and future potential victims don't suffer anymore than they have to.
There will be times when you rub others up the wrong way. It may be worth pausing to read and reflect on some of the things brought up, especially if they are echoed by others. Not every negative seeming comment is as it first may seem. There may be a little wisdom worth latching onto in that scathing summary of a profile critique you've asked for.
10. Growing
Another time to pause for reflection. Our needs and desires change and fluctuate, so if youre beginning to find yourself a little lost on here. Some soulsearching may help. Are your desires still the same? If not why not? Have you changed? Are you bored? Is it the people? The acts? Or something deep inside you don't understand yet. Why not try a little abstinence? A little exploration? Venture outside a comfort zone? Look at things from a fresh perspective? Mix things up a little? Are you on here for the right reasons? Is there somewhere else that may be better suited for what you seek?
11. Online saftey
You can be as open or closed as you like on here. As you open up and explore, bear in mind it's worth taking time to think about saftey. Not just your own, but partners, family, friends, belongings, data and your genitally bits.
You may want to move to a more fluid app for intimate private communications. Kik is anonymous. There is no phone number connected to the app that may link you to other Apps. WhatsApp exchanges may link you to sites like Facebook and Instagram and LinkedIn via the phone number. It also allows direct access, so if drama develops at a later date, your previous openness and transparency can return to haunt you. Some people, like myself need a certain level of trust before we're willing to get naked infront of you. Don't do or say anything that makes you uncomfortable, but don't get offended if some of us choose to end communication if we can't build on trust. We aren't all the same.
Anything you send or receive can be screenshotted, edited, copied and used in a nefarious way by nefarious people. It's the internet, consider that at all times.
Be careful With your backgrounds in photos, they can reveal family photos, neighbourhoods and homes. Tattoos and scars are identifiable features.
12. Meet Saftey
So you've considered all the above, found someone you think is worth the effort. Both invested some time to build trust. Now it's meet time.
Have a no strings social first, for people who are more relaxed, more confident and more experienced it may be with a view to move onto to carnal matters if the chemistry is there.
Meet in public, where there is CCTV. It doesn't have to be glamourous or elegant, just a place where you can chat for a while, a chance to see if the profile really does reflect the reality. Many people lie to get what they want. They may look a lot older/younger in person, may not even be the same person as the photo, conversation may be stunted, they may have hidden things online they can't in person. If you're particularly vulnerable, or have concerns about your saftey. Have no fear about using your phone infront the other person (but remember your manners). Tell them you need to check in with a friend occasionally. Be it a farce, or not, your meet doesn't know the truth of it. Predators pick easy prey, demonstrate your intelligence and that you're not weak and certainly not prey.
Be wary of how you park, arrive first, scope the area, if you spot them arrive, make mental notes of their vehicle etc. Even mention it in conversation. You don't have to be all private investigator about it, just drop hints about the small details you've noticed. An innocent person with no agenda wouldn't overly care, would understand your concerns, seek to reassure or joke about it. A predator may be thinking this might not be worth all the effort.
I brushed on it earlier, but having an online mate who knows where you are, were last.. Could be key to any attempt to help you, should the worst thing happen. So it's worth considering having a friend on here, or reality who has your back when arranging first contact.
13. Health
There are a number of Sexually transmitted infections. I'd advise everyone to keep up to date on the latest news. HIV is no longer the barrier to sex and life in general that it used to be. Whilst drug resistant strains of lesser known viruses can stick with you for life and ruin things a bit.
How you choose to protect (Or not protect) yourself is 100% up to you. It's nobody else's business. Don't trust someone's word that they always play safe, that you're the only one they don't play safe with, that you're the only person they've met since a STI test. The warts around your sensitive areas will tell the truth of the matter.
Most things you can catch through anal or vaginal sex, you can catch through oral sex. So if you insist on a condom but happily give/receive a BJ. You may want to consider what you say about those who choose to engage in bareback sex.
If you don't know the names and symptoms of the most common STIs then personally I think you've no business being on here. Go to your local GUM clinic, get tested and ask for information. You might even get some free condoms as well as the priceless peace of mind. You may be a carrier of an STI like chlamidya or HPV virus, showing zero symptoms, but infecting everyone you are intimate with.
14. Clubs and Group Socials
I'd advise everyone to consider a Group Social over a Club meet, single males especially so. Club life is definately not the be all and end all of success on Fab. It's usually unessercarily and unfairly expensive for men, we deserve better treatment in my opinion.
Having said that, Club life may be the key to all of this for you. They are usually quite social places that swingers find tickle their needs on a number of levels. Pick the right one for you as they are as different from one another as the users are. Some being exhibitionist with no spaces for private intimacy. Some having dresscodes or nights and events dedicated to certain themes or people. Some even exclude based on body type or looks, so it's important to shop about. A shit night out at one club, doesn't mean clubs aren't for you.
Parties. I can't really comment too much as I've not been invited to a genuine one. Only the faux-parties that try to charge £100+ to attend. Not the kind I'm looking for, that's not a party, it's an event where people are profiting at my expense.
If nothing local to you is happening, why not try organising something yourself? You may be great at it, may getting talking to someone who has the ideal location, or another who is a DJ, another who can cook. Make your own fate, steer your own ship
15. Awkward
There will be moments of madness, mistakes made, regrets - you'll have a few. Just learn a lesson, be respectful and move on, try not to repeat. Don't dwell on what may have been, fall too deeply down the rabbit hole of why it all went horribly wrong. There will be moments where you feel a bit used, abused, neglected and forgotten by people. Manage your own expectations to avoid disappointment. It is an online, anonymous site about sex, it attracts strange people from all walks of life. There are diamonds in the rough, but most of us and up fucking a few frogs by accident. Shit happens, it's how you feel with it that matters.
That's my generalised guide on how to use Fab, whoever you are. Take from it what you will, take the piss if you're inclined. If you customise it to your own needs, desires and experience, I don't think you'll go far wrong on Fab, whether you're a single male, or not. |
"
The abridged version is - have the right attitude, approach and expectations, couple that with a decent profile and pics, be respectful and considerate of others and accept a "no thanks" graciously and overall be positive - and it won't guarantee anything but your experience of the site will be far better 
