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Confused and bewildered after relationship

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By *harmingC OP   Man
over a year ago

Bishops Stortford

Fairly recently broken up with partner.

I was happen and didn’t know she wasn’t, she says she has got to much going on in her life at the moment to concentrate on me. Since we split she has been going out more, being more public with instagram and Snapchat. And I got to start feeling like I was holding her back.

Then when I say i want to talk we have a long text message (I wasn’t ready to actually talk on phone) about stuff. She proceeded to tell me all about her and how things are tough on here and that she misses me. I don’t get a word in and I get really wound up when she calls me one of our pet names.

Why do I and and should I feel sorry for her. She made her choice.

Now she messages me saying she still wants to be friends and she will always love and be there for me but In my mind I know that I’m just going to be a placeholder for the next person and that when that happens I’m going to be forgotten about.

Confused and bewildered by her lack of understanding

Don’t really expect replies, just wondered as I still crazy for caring about her and wanting her to be okay?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women are just crazy

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

Not crazy at all. If you really love someone you'll never stop loving them.

I don't think she is using you as a placeholder because she said she wants to be friends, this means she isn't interested in you for a relationship any more.

Make sure to look after yourself, maybe take time off from her while you deal with your feelings and go to being friends later if you can handle it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fairly recently broken up with partner.

I was happen and didn’t know she wasn’t, she says she has got to much going on in her life at the moment to concentrate on me. Since we split she has been going out more, being more public with instagram and Snapchat. And I got to start feeling like I was holding her back.

Then when I say i want to talk we have a long text message (I wasn’t ready to actually talk on phone) about stuff. She proceeded to tell me all about her and how things are tough on here and that she misses me. I don’t get a word in and I get really wound up when she calls me one of our pet names.

Why do I and and should I feel sorry for her. She made her choice.

Now she messages me saying she still wants to be friends and she will always love and be there for me but In my mind I know that I’m just going to be a placeholder for the next person and that when that happens I’m going to be forgotten about.

Confused and bewildered by her lack of understanding

Don’t really expect replies, just wondered as I still crazy for caring about her and wanting her to be okay? "
sounds like she wants her cake and eat it ,the swinging world is a bit like that you find someone you like and want to meet regularly but they've always got others in the wings ,that applies to men and women. The secret I think is to be happy with your lot ,if you want a relationship commit to it 100% and converse with your partner ,communication is the key to all great relationships .If you don't want to be committed to one person which essentially is this lifestyle then it's the opposite share as little information about what you do as possible but always remaining a gent .

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By *harmingC OP   Man
over a year ago

Bishops Stortford

That a way of looking at it that I hadn’t thought about, think I’m still to involved to be able to see the big picture.

I have told her I need space and time, when I said I was going to stop following her social media she get annoyed/upset with me. She saw it’s as I was blocking her out, when really I don’t want to see where/who/what she’s upto because it makes me feel crap essentially, she doesn’t get that even after an explanation.

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By *harmingC OP   Man
over a year ago

Bishops Stortford


"Not crazy at all. If you really love someone you'll never stop loving them.

I don't think she is using you as a placeholder because she said she wants to be friends, this means she isn't interested in you for a relationship any more.

Make sure to look after yourself, maybe take time off from her while you deal with your feelings and go to being friends later if you can handle it?"

That a way of looking at it that I hadn’t thought about, think I’m still to involved to be able to see the big picture

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its normal i broke up with my partner nearly a year ago and i still ask myself the same question i still care about her and want her to be happy where still freinds

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That a way of looking at it that I hadn’t thought about, think I’m still to involved to be able to see the big picture.

I have told her I need space and time, when I said I was going to stop following her social media she get annoyed/upset with me. She saw it’s as I was blocking her out, when really I don’t want to see where/who/what she’s upto because it makes me feel crap essentially, she doesn’t get that even after an explanation.

"
well yes and I agree with your thinking ,perhaps the error was telling her

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

Do what you want to look after yourself, you are single after all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That a way of looking at it that I hadn’t thought about, think I’m still to involved to be able to see the big picture.

I have told her I need space and time, when I said I was going to stop following her social media she get annoyed/upset with me. She saw it’s as I was blocking her out, when really I don’t want to see where/who/what she’s upto because it makes me feel crap essentially, she doesn’t get that even after an explanation.

"

Its upto you if you block her on social media. She sounds a little bit controlling to me. Although it seems hard now I think you have had a lucky escape. You defintely at the very least need some breathing space from her. Good luck lovely xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ghost her. Delete her number and social media from your phone. Block her on everything and move on.

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By *harmingC OP   Man
over a year ago

Bishops Stortford

I’m doing okay, I know that the time we had together was the best time of my life, I’m greatful for that. I’m not suicidal before anyone starts worrying, I always find it good to talk about it and sometimes my anxiety takes me to a dark place where I get stuck.

I would always want people to talk about things, sometimes it can help, even when you think it can’t, different opinions or points of view an show you different sides of a story

Which I why I started this, i feel like I’m stuck in the dark, I know there are ways out, it’s just not obvious to me yet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m doing okay, I know that the time we had together was the best time of my life, I’m greatful for that. I’m not suicidal before anyone starts worrying, I always find it good to talk about it and sometimes my anxiety takes me to a dark place where I get stuck.

I would always want people to talk about things, sometimes it can help, even when you think it can’t, different opinions or points of view an show you different sides of a story

Which I why I started this, i feel like I’m stuck in the dark, I know there are ways out, it’s just not obvious to me yet.

"
its hard it gets better over time thought

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dude.

Stop the contact full stop. Insta. Snap ect.

Then when Your ok and given urself time to say IM OK NOW READY TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE.. then if u want let her back in. Just a little bit mind u.

Go live YOUR BEST LIFE.

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By *urray MintMan
over a year ago

Brewtoon


"I’m doing okay, I know that the time we had together was the best time of my life, I’m greatful for that. I’m not suicidal before anyone starts worrying, I always find it good to talk about it and sometimes my anxiety takes me to a dark place where I get stuck.

I would always want people to talk about things, sometimes it can help, even when you think it can’t, different opinions or points of view an show you different sides of a story

Which I why I started this, i feel like I’m stuck in the dark, I know there are ways out, it’s just not obvious to me yet.

"

Good Morning,

Writing your thoughts and feelings on this is a very good way to get your brain de fogged !!

Do what makes you happy, if that means a break from social media which involves your ex then go for it regardless of her opinion on the matter .

* It’s refreshing to see plenty of varied replies without the usual muppet element.

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By *harmingC OP   Man
over a year ago

Bishops Stortford


"

Good Morning,

Writing your thoughts and feelings on this is a very good way to get your brain de fogged !!

Do what makes you happy, if that means a break from social media which involves your ex then go for it regardless of her opinion on the matter .

* It’s refreshing to see plenty of varied replies without the usual muppet element."

Morning,

I was apprehensive about posting it at first but the responses have actually helped so far.

* totally agree with your last comment, although it’s still very early on a Saturday morning, don’t muppets usually sleep in?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A clean break is hard, but would be better for you. Don’t torture yourself looking at social media etc, just delete all that. Go cold turkey.

That’s not to say you can’t be friends in the future, sometimes though you need time away from each other altogether. Then you can get your head straight and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m doing okay, I know that the time we had together was the best time of my life, I’m greatful for that. I’m not suicidal before anyone starts worrying, I always find it good to talk about it and sometimes my anxiety takes me to a dark place where I get stuck.

I would always want people to talk about things, sometimes it can help, even when you think it can’t, different opinions or points of view an show you different sides of a story

Which I why I started this, i feel like I’m stuck in the dark, I know there are ways out, it’s just not obvious to me yet.

Good Morning,

Writing your thoughts and feelings on this is a very good way to get your brain de fogged !!

Do what makes you happy, if that means a break from social media which involves your ex then go for it regardless of her opinion on the matter .

* It’s refreshing to see plenty of varied replies without the usual muppet element."

They're all still in bed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Has she once asked you about your feelings and thoughts?

Don't ever be a back up, and don't give in to the emotional manipulation.

Sounds like an extremely selfish person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It really is like a bereavement when you break up .

It makes you so sad inside as your emotions drain you. Time is a good healer it really is.. A step at a time ..

The longest journey starts with the first step. I get on really well with my ex wife now, and we are great friends.

Enjoy been single

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By *igblackdomTV/TS
over a year ago

West Midlands


"That a way of looking at it that I hadn’t thought about, think I’m still to involved to be able to see the big picture.

I have told her I need space and time, when I said I was going to stop following her social media she get annoyed/upset with me. She saw it’s as I was blocking her out, when really I don’t want to see where/who/what she’s upto because it makes me feel crap essentially, she doesn’t get that even after an explanation.

"

Absolutely this, delete her from all your media including your phone, not to be nasty but to protect yourself.

At the moment you have no power in the 'relationship' and won't be able to extricate yourself whilst being tortured with evidence of her new life.

Good luck OP, I know it doesn't help but we've all been there and in time you'll wonder why you felt the way you do know.

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By *igblackdomTV/TS
over a year ago

West Midlands

PS did she know/find out you were on here btw?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A clean break is hard, but would be better for you. Don’t torture yourself looking at social media etc, just delete all that. Go cold turkey.

That’s not to say you can’t be friends in the future, sometimes though you need time away from each other altogether. Then you can get your head straight and move on. "

she is right you know

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By *ustalittleKinkWoman
over a year ago

in the shadows

It sounds to me like she's being very selfish. Wanting to keep you as a buffer should she feel the need to lean against you.

The fact she's angry you're not going to be following her says a fair deal really. Why an earth would you want to follow her and have your nose rubbed in her new , fun life ?

I think you should go and take some time for yourself and heal. Do something that makes you happy, try a new hobby , weekend away with some friends etc take time to find yourself so you can rebuild.

Be kind to yourself and put yourself first for a change x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't know the ladies side of this story but I don't understand how you can love someone and not know they're unhappy.

If there was a communication breakdown in your relationship maybe she's trying to communicate now. Whatever the reasons behind her behaviour you must do what's best for your own wellbeing.

Good luck.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

*lady's

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By *heIcebreakersCouple
over a year ago

Cramlington

Not crazy at all. It sounds like you are really hurting but don't dismiss her offer of friendship, it's not mixed messages or being a placeholders, it's saying she cares too but as a friend.

The relationship escalator (really worth googling) and our cultural norms tell straight couples that friendship is lesser, and impossible after a break up.

Neither is true.

Look after yourself and remember it's ok to not be ok right now

Ms Icebreaker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fairly recently broken up with partner.

I was happen and didn’t know she wasn’t, she says she has got to much going on in her life at the moment to concentrate on me. Since we split she has been going out more, being more public with instagram and Snapchat. And I got to start feeling like I was holding her back.

Then when I say i want to talk we have a long text message (I wasn’t ready to actually talk on phone) about stuff. She proceeded to tell me all about her and how things are tough on here and that she misses me. I don’t get a word in and I get really wound up when she calls me one of our pet names.

Why do I and and should I feel sorry for her. She made her choice.

Now she messages me saying she still wants to be friends and she will always love and be there for me but In my mind I know that I’m just going to be a placeholder for the next person and that when that happens I’m going to be forgotten about.

Confused and bewildered by her lack of understanding

Don’t really expect replies, just wondered as I still crazy for caring about her and wanting her to be okay? "

Go no contact. She's messing you about and you need to step away from that crap.

Go out and have fun with your mates and meet new females. That's the way to go.

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