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Out of the closet

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By *ax_uk_2009 OP   Man
over a year ago

Wilmslow

A school friend of mine who is married (his wife is also a school friend) with kids recently told me he was gay. I have since found out that this came about from their swinging adventures. All this came as a surprise. He and his wife are now going through a rough patch, not surprisingly. Both need my support but knowing both sides of the story makes it difficult to be impartial. Any advice?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do you need to be impartial? Are you her friend too?

Just be there for him as a mate. He may not have realised or wanted to admit it to himself. The hardest person to come out to can be yourself.

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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London


"A school friend of mine who is married (his wife is also a school friend) with kids recently told me he was gay. I have since found out that this came about from their swinging adventures. All this came as a surprise. He and his wife are now going through a rough patch, not surprisingly. Both need my support but knowing both sides of the story makes it difficult to be impartial. Any advice?"

Be a friend to both but you can't make decisions for them, you can only support the decisions they make with each other for their family at this time. They may need professional counselling.

It's unfair for them to put you in the spot of choosing a side. If they do that you just have to remind them you can't do that, they have to be adults and make these decisions without blaming each other and asking people around them to choose a side.

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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London


"Why do you need to be impartial? Are you her friend too?

Just be there for him as a mate. He may not have realised or wanted to admit it to himself. The hardest person to come out to can be yourself. "

They were all school mates...

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By *ax_uk_2009 OP   Man
over a year ago

Wilmslow


"Why do you need to be impartial? Are you her friend too?

Just be there for him as a mate. He may not have realised or wanted to admit it to himself. The hardest person to come out to can be yourself.

They were all school mates..."

Yes both were. Having been together 30 yrs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why do you need to be impartial? Are you her friend too?

Just be there for him as a mate. He may not have realised or wanted to admit it to himself. The hardest person to come out to can be yourself.

They were all school mates...

Yes both were. Having been together 30 yrs."

But you could still support them both. I'm probably being thick, sorry.

You can support them both without slagging the other off. If they stay together or decide to separate, they could also still support each other.

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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London


"Why do you need to be impartial? Are you her friend too?

Just be there for him as a mate. He may not have realised or wanted to admit it to himself. The hardest person to come out to can be yourself.

They were all school mates...

Yes both were. Having been together 30 yrs.

But you could still support them both. I'm probably being thick, sorry.

You can support them both without slagging the other off. If they stay together or decide to separate, they could also still support each other. "

Yeah definitely, remain neutral. They, as your friends too, shouldn't put you in a position to make you choose between them. If they do, I'd worry about the kids.

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By *ax_uk_2009 OP   Man
over a year ago

Wilmslow


"Why do you need to be impartial? Are you her friend too?

Just be there for him as a mate. He may not have realised or wanted to admit it to himself. The hardest person to come out to can be yourself.

They were all school mates...

Yes both were. Having been together 30 yrs.

But you could still support them both. I'm probably being thick, sorry.

You can support them both without slagging the other off. If they stay together or decide to separate, they could also still support each other.

Yeah definitely, remain neutral. They, as your friends too, shouldn't put you in a position to make you choose between them. If they do, I'd worry about the kids."

The kids are going to with me next weekend as the couple need sometime to talk. Any ideas for days out with a group of kids.

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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago

London


"Why do you need to be impartial? Are you her friend too?

Just be there for him as a mate. He may not have realised or wanted to admit it to himself. The hardest person to come out to can be yourself.

They were all school mates...

Yes both were. Having been together 30 yrs.

But you could still support them both. I'm probably being thick, sorry.

You can support them both without slagging the other off. If they stay together or decide to separate, they could also still support each other.

Yeah definitely, remain neutral. They, as your friends too, shouldn't put you in a position to make you choose between them. If they do, I'd worry about the kids.

The kids are going to with me next weekend as the couple need sometime to talk. Any ideas for days out with a group of kids. "

I live in London so, lots of stuff for kids here. I just Google it

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By *ara JTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol East

Not really any rights or wrongs in these situations.

It just is.

Avoid taking sides, avoid judgement, just be there to help both get to wherever it is they are going to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can still stand by your friends when they are in the wrong. That's the beauty of a strong friendship, having the courage to be very honest, yet still be both forgiving and empathising.

If they're both people you still consider friends. I'd tell both you need to be there for both. Might be you have to take a step back from both when it comes to their conflict.

You aren't their counsellor. You're a friend. You don't have to be involved.

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