FabSwingers.com forum: How to leave a meet....

By *oley999 OP Woman
over a year ago

Land of Rainbows and Happiness

So I have been lucky enough to have very gracious meets. If there is no sexual attraction, I have been able to say that and they have been lovely and completely reasonable.

I am quite aware that that might not always be the situation.

Any particular tips or phrases people use when you just don't get the "I want to fuck you" vibe from folk, so you can leave without drama?

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Depends, are you talking at a social level or a full on sex meet?

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By *esires of HertsCouple
over a year ago

Herts and London Borders

offer them pizza

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually say I need to think about it and will get back to them later

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I usually say I need to think about it and will get back to them later"

This one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't put yourself in a position where sex is expected if you have not already made your mind up. I understand that sometimes something will come to light and put you off but if you have done your homework and met for a social first then this situation should never arise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do socials first to avoid this.

If they don't look like their photos, lied about being single, live miles then stated or anything else I'm not interested in, I keep them company until I've finished my drink. Then I make an excuse why I have to leave. I then thank them for the social and tell them I'll message them later.

I'd rather tell them in a message I'm not interested in further meets. Reason being I'd be rather worried how negative they may react to me in person. I receive enough abuse on here, I don't need it in person.

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By *rtraymondo76Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Don't put yourself in a position where sex is expected if you have not already made your mind up. I understand that sometimes something will come to light and put you off but if you have done your homework and met for a social first then this situation should never arise"

Sound advice. Only had two social meets that have not progressed further. So, yes, do your homework.

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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago

Chester/Wirral

Get someone to call you, txt while your meet is on the toilet or something and make an excuse then.

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By *exy tiggerWoman
over a year ago

portsmouth

I always meet socialy first and if tje sparks not there i just say thanks but no thanks.

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By *rtraymondo76Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham

"I do socials first to avoid this.

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Got too the toilet jump out the window..

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By *e_jpMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

"I do socials first to avoid this.

Seems like sound advice to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Get someone to call you, txt while your meet is on the toilet or something and make an excuse then. "

Or just climb through the toilet window?

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By *oley999 OP Woman
over a year ago

Land of Rainbows and Happiness

"I always meet socialy first and if tje sparks not there i just say thanks but no thanks. "

This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?

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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago

Chester/Wirral

"Get someone to call you, txt while your meet is on the toilet or something and make an excuse then.

Or just climb through the toilet window?"
Got broad shoulders me, doubt I'd fit through.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You probably do this anyway but make it clear in the conversations before hand it will be social only. Then hopefully they won't expect anything else to happen.

While your there if you dont feel comfortable then say something on The lines of. It was lovely meeting you in person..hope your free to chat later online.

It's polite but also gives the other person The 'this is the end of the social' clue lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To add (re read 1st post)If your at an actual meet and you don't get the feeling. Say something we are going to to have to rearrange. Something's come up. You don't have to give a reason x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a social first, with no expectations and when he texts you the next day or whenever, "friend zone" him like you normally would.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jump up, hit the lights on and start singing "Cuban Pete" and dance your way out.

Serious note, make sure it's clear it's a social first so all of you can gauge if there's an interest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?"

If it's going really bad and you don't feel safe you could always #askforangela at the bar. Google it if you don't know what I'm getting at.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Easy..

Say goodbye and leave xx

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Introduce comments that indicate that the meeting is coming to a conclusion, such as 'It's been fantastic to get to meet you...' And offer your thanks etc

There may be no point at this time to spell things out in black and white, that you have no sexual interest. By not doing so, you're not leading them on, as you've not stated that you have it.

You can conclude with a light hug, maybe offer your cheek (or hand

) for a quick kiss - but only if 100% appropriate - and offer something like 'We can chat in a couple of days, thanks again. Enjoy your 200 mile walk home

in the snow.

It throws the point where you may communicate that there's no sexual interest away from that point where you might feel awkward etc. Of course, they may reach the same conclusion as well as realise that you're not interested in them.

If it's a sexual meeting, then continue with a warm, friendliness - unless under duress/threat - and I'd offer my apologies and tell them that I'm not up for it - rather than that they aren't for me. 'Would you like the bathrooom, before you head out?' - if you're at your hotel room etc.

I like to be upfront and honest but I'm unsure of your circumstances, where/what the meet type is and generally do what I can to ensure that I'm respectul and empathetic to a guy's emotions. I usually use myself as the reason, if it was on the spot, rather than pinpointing the focus onto them. A brief explanatory chat at a later point can bring clarity and closure to the involvement.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always meet socialy first and if tje sparks not there i just say thanks but no thanks.

This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?"

Before we arranfe a meet we always make sure the other party understands that the social is non committing to anything further and that no answers about meeting for more will be given or expected during social. Like this no one feels under any pressure during the meet and it gives time to think about it before messaging one way or the other.

Mrs

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"I do socials first to avoid this.

This works well.

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By *raceytvcdTV/TS
over a year ago

mansfield

I am just not feeling it

or sorry but your cock smells,That normally puts a stop to things

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"I always meet socialy first and if tje sparks not there i just say thanks but no thanks.

This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?"

If it's not been talked about, and I prefer it if it's not (esp if I know it's not going any further) I usually thank them for turning and say I'll be in touch. Then message them later.

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By *appytimes2019Man
over a year ago

East Manchester

Don’t over think it, you seem an honest lady, just say what you feel and give true feedback on what didn’t float your boat.

Better to know where they went wrong so that they can correct it and you will get a good feeling more than feeling awkward.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Get someone to call you, txt while your meet is on the toilet or something and make an excuse then.

Or just climb through the toilet window? Got broad shoulders me, doubt I'd fit through.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?

If it's going really bad and you don't feel safe you could always #askforangela at the bar. Google it if you don't know what I'm getting at.

And yes this advice is best if your in a social environment but feel under threat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?

If it's going really bad and you don't feel safe you could always #askforangela at the bar. Google it if you don't know what I'm getting at.

And yes this advice is best if your in a social environment but feel under threat.

Is Angela your back up fab date ?

*Yes no what it is

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By *winkleFairyCouple
over a year ago

"This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?

If it's going really bad and you don't feel safe you could always #askforangela at the bar. Google it if you don't know what I'm getting at.

Yes I was going to bring up asking for Angela if no one else. Worth knowing about “just incase” and I certainly hope to never have to use it!

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By *winkleFairyCouple
over a year ago

"This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?

If it's going really bad and you don't feel safe you could always #askforangela at the bar. Google it if you don't know what I'm getting at.

And yes this advice is best if your in a social environment but feel under threat.

Is Angela your back up fab date ?

*Yes no what it is "

You can approach a member of staff and ask for Angela. They know you are asking for help without wanting to make a scene.

They’ll help you leave discretely, via a back door or let you wait somewhere while a taxi arrives etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?

If it's going really bad and you don't feel safe you could always #askforangela at the bar. Google it if you don't know what I'm getting at.

And yes this advice is best if your in a social environment but feel under threat.

Is Angela your back up fab date ?

*Yes no what it is

You can approach a member of staff and ask for Angela. They know you are asking for help without wanting to make a scene.

They’ll help you leave discretely, via a back door or let you wait somewhere while a taxi arrives etc. "

Well done for posting that twinkle

So important that all fabsters know this if they didn't already

And for once I'm being serious on the forums

Jay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would find this nigh on impossible to do face to face I would have to say Thankyou, I will message you later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As others have said, make it clear from the start it is a social only. Perhaps include in the message when you arrange to meet, that you like to go away and think before arranging anything else. Then as someone suggested you can let them down via a message later. It's about managing expectations. If your chat is just flirty before meeting and you have stressed it is just a social, then there shouldn't be a problem. If however your chat has all been about what you are going to do, when you play, ride him/her/them and it's all horny, porno chat then the expectation would be a lot higher.

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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago

Ashford kent

"I do socials first to avoid this.

Bang on..

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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago

Ashford kent

"This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?

If it's going really bad and you don't feel safe you could always #askforangela at the bar. Google it if you don't know what I'm getting at.

And yes this advice is best if your in a social environment but feel under threat.

Is Angela your back up fab date ?

*Yes no what it is

You can approach a member of staff and ask for Angela. They know you are asking for help without wanting to make a scene.

They’ll help you leave discretely, via a back door or let you wait somewhere while a taxi arrives etc. "

Well I never new that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I usually say I need to think about it and will get back to them later"

What while you're sat there with them..??

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

If you are meeting for a social first maybe choose a pub that has one of those schemes that the bar staff will help you out if the meet is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, they have a code sentence for women to use, and then make sure they can get back to their car or to a taxi safely.

That isn't meant to scare the shit out of you by the way, just reassuring to have that option there if you need it

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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago

the right frame of mind -London

Go to the toilet and escape out the window -do make sure to take everything with you when you do as it's a bit embarrassing having to come back for something with dodgy stains all over your blouse

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By *stmateMan
over a year ago

Notts

Lots of good advice, when you arrange your social it might be worth stipulating that you want to meet for an hour or so, that should be your get out of jail card. It’s all about setting expectations. Just my pennies worth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let one rip and then tell them you love being rimmed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go to use the toilet and escape via the window

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"I always meet socialy first and if tje sparks not there i just say thanks but no thanks.

This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?"

Plan first. Tell them in that you like to decide after the social and that you’ll let them know by message.

A now fabulous friend and I met for a coffee years ago, we were almost all over each other in Nero’s but when it came to getting naked at a later date, we stopped, looked at each other and went “nah”.

If you want to cut the social short “thanks for the social but I don’t feel the sexual attraction”.

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By *lan157Man
over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

My advice to guys when attending a social first meet with a woman is not to ask for a second meet or playtime but leave it until the next day. I never have done ,I just enjoy the social and see what transpires but women friends have told me of the embarassment they have had at being asked about meeting or playing during the social when they are undecided or it's just too early to say. It can ruin the evening seemingly.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

I used to just climb out of the toilet window , but as I'm still carrying a bit of mince pie weight I can't do that any more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I met a lady a few years ago for a social. We arrived separately and went for a drink. She was honest virtually straight away and said I wasn’t for her which was fine. She asked if I would drop her off at home, which being a gentleman agreed to do. As I dropped her off she leaned over for what I thought would be a quick peck on the cheek. But she came in for a full on snog with her hands all over my cock. Then she broke off and said bye and got out of my car. Talk about confused.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I have said, "I just don't feel we have that vibe, it was nice meeting you"

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"I used to just climb out of the toilet window , but as I'm still carrying a bit of mince pie weight I can't do that any more.

On a more serious note, I've said to someone halfway down the first cup of coffee that sorry there was no chemistry and I was leaving.

Didn't feel great saying it, but I don't want to waste their time or mine.

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By *juk72Man
over a year ago

Reading

Know your boundaries and be confident about expressing and enforcing them.

As others have said no one should ever expect sex (even if that was the proposed intent of the meet, and you/they have taken time/energy/money to be there)

Therefore ensure this is the understanding before the meet. Have the 'what if either of us doesn't feel it at the time?' conversation before the meet.

Agree the lemon law (If you have ever watched How i Met your mother.)

If they are not happy to have the conversation beforehand you can put money on the fact they would not take being told no on the meet well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always say its a social meeting. Lunch or dinner then there is no pressure.

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By *dinBiGuyMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"offer them pizza"

Can I meet you... not for the sex I’m just interested in the pizza

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I never say anything face to face, if their is no attraction I leave with a peck on the cheek.

If they didn't get the same vibe and ask me after the fact, I just say 'Sorry, but there was no attraction for me'

Never had any problems with that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say you’re going to pay the bar bill then walk out.....

Then just block them

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By *zamiWoman
over a year ago

LONDON

"Got too the toilet jump out the window..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Start talking about your 6ft tall boyfriend whose just got out of prison....he still there? oh forgot to mention he's in for GBH and you hadn't even slept with the bloke he did over!!

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By *eldomVanillaMan
over a year ago

London

"offer them pizza"

I'd just meet for the pizza !! Anything else would be a bonus

...

I think if you really want to put someone off order them an XL meat feast to fill them up with a side of cheesy garlic bread up and a beer (happy to meet anytime hahaha)

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

Meet for a coffee ....its a Social

No pressure

..gives you chance to make your mind up .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always say its a social meeting. Lunch or dinner then there is no pressure."

And dessert?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have my first social tomorrow never usually do them so this is very interesting although I think we have already decide we are going to fuck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have my first social tomorrow never usually do them so this is very interesting although I think we have already decide we are going to fuck "

Think you know when you know ness without sounding presuming here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have my first social tomorrow never usually do them so this is very interesting although I think we have already decide we are going to fuck

Think you know when you know ness without sounding presuming here

"
No I get it sounds presumptuous it’s just from chatting with her I may be sorely disappointed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always have a social meet and never play at the 1st meet, this then stops anyone feeling the need to say face to face, nah you’re not for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always meet socialy first and if tje sparks not there i just say thanks but no thanks.

This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?"

If it’s just a social, just say you’ve had a lovely time. No need to make it awkward. Just tell them via a message next time they ask to meet! Bit of a cowards way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Always have a social meet and never play at the 1st meet, this then stops anyone feeling the need to say face to face, nah you’re not for me

"
Even if you fancy the fuck out of each other ?

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Get someone to call you, txt while your meet is on the toilet or something and make an excuse then.

Or just climb through the toilet window?"

Cowards way out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Get someone to call you, txt while your meet is on the toilet or something and make an excuse then.

Or just climb through the toilet window?

Cowards way out

"
Yeh grow a pair

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By *OXO2018Couple
over a year ago

Norfolk

Any reasonable adult would be ok with rejection. And if they not you’ve definitely made the right decision not to play with them.

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Normally we have a social first and so at the end of the evening we all say our goodbyes and then after discussing it together we will let them down gently, unless they say no to us.

The only time it has sort of turned nasty was a couple who we quickly discovered we had nothing in common with, he was to put it politely an arrogant dick and she barely spoke but as it was just a social we continued to have a few drinks with them. At the end of the night their taxi failed to arrive so we offered to give them a lift home as it was on our way. We pulled up outside their house and the guy leaned through from the back rubbing his hands rather creepily and said "So how about it?". Mrs looked at him and said succinctly "NO, now get out".

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By *sontopMan
over a year ago

Billericay

Social first.

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By *hocolate37Man
over a year ago

Heathrow

"Any reasonable adult would be ok with rejection. And if they not you’ve definitely made the right decision not to play with them."

I think that's the reason for the initial question...as has been mentioned in soooo many forum posts, there's more than a few that aren't even light years close to "reasonable"...

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

There are members who don’t like socials and head straight for the boudoir so how would they deal with it?

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