FabSwingers.com forum: How to tell the wife/partner

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi all... used to be on here before when I was single. Then I met a lovely girl and we dated and we got married... never had the balls to share my swinging life with her

Now I have rejoined fabs. Would love to share the experience with her. Wonder how do I tell my wife and get her potentially interested in swinging.

What is your experience? How would you react as the wife?

Any tips ideas on how to get her introduced and interested?

Cheers all...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

How's your communication, emotional and sexual?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I honestly wouldn’t say anything to her about swinging.....

As a single married male that lives in Belgium... I don’t think there is going to be that many encounters for you on Fab to use to entice her into the lifestyle....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP maybe setting up a single profile up on here is not a good idea if you really want to get your wife interested.

I have had to speak to new partners before in regards to being ethically non monogamous and the best way I have always done it is talk about their fantasies or things they have done in the past etc.

If you have a good connection these conversations can be fun and start the conversation off small

But how is she going to feel if she finds out you are on her without her knowledge

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meh from my perspective you have actively tried to cheat without her knowledge all trust is gone and can never be earned back.

If i was her the relationship wpuld be dead and I'd be speaking to a lawyer.

In a relationship all you have is your word, its so easy to lie and deceive that once youve shown you're capable of it there's no way that person can ever truely not doubt you again

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the boat for telling her your past has sailed. I would be seriously pi**ed off if the guy I married told me this. It seems like a big thing to his and I’d be upset by the fact that it wasn’t shared, especially as you now want to return to the lifestyle.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ratifying your lustMan
over a year ago

Ramsgate

"OP maybe setting up a single profile up on here is not a good idea if you really want to get your wife interested.

I have had to speak to new partners before in regards to being ethically non monogamous and the best way I have always done it is talk about their fantasies or things they have done in the past etc.

If you have a good connection these conversations can be fun and start the conversation off small

But how is she going to feel if she finds out you are on her without her knowledge

Absolutely agree. Conversations are best started light hearted and get her to talk about her experiences/fantasies. If receptive to ideas, you can slowly introduce your own thoughts and ideas.

OP, you have already crossed a line by being on here 'single' and wanting this lifestyle regardless of her thoughts and wishes I'm afraid.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *limmatureguyMan
over a year ago

Tonbridge

I suggest you take her on a summer holiday to the South of France and whilst there visit Cap D'Agde for the day. How she reacts to what you see there will be a good indicator of how things might develop.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you married a woman who you haven't the balls to tell about your past? Maybe there's a lesson to be learnt there

I told my girlfriend pretty much from the off that I'd swung for years and was active on the link scene si of she had an issue with that she could have walked away. I think you have left it way too late personally

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a pre requisite when ever i heve met a new partner in the past, i make it clear of the lifestyle i live and enjoy, they can either jump on board and enjoy the ride together or they are not compatible.

I think you should try and bring it up as a fantasy during sex, ie how hot it would be if you was to involve or watch her with another man,sometimes fantasies never progress into reality but its worth a try, but its not something you shouldbe perusing without her knowledge

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *dtittyCouple
over a year ago

Durham

If this was me by you being on here in the first place would make me distrust you, have you cheated, why are you trying to cheat, am I not good enough is what would go through my head.

Delete this and anything else on your phone would be a good start lol.

But to move forward I'd maybe try talking about these clubs you'd heard about, but being perfectly clear she's in charge. When me and my oh started with all this it 100% me and him, no soft play, touching anything but we got a kick from being pervs together and we've decided to try more but that's taken time. Good luck!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eneral HysteriaMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

Delete your profile.

After a glass or two of grape juice introduce her to the idea of a swinging site and go from there.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Talk to her

She will either be interested or not

If not, can you give up the lifestyle or will you continue with this profile without her knowledge?.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isty286Couple
over a year ago

Dorset

See if you can find her single profile on here and try to get a meet if she's not too busy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthcoupleXXXCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Why didn’t you speak to her first before making a profile?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arah_kieran_ukCouple
over a year ago

Greater London

Agree with many of the other posts having a single profile is not the way to go about it (even if just for chat).

We found introducing dirty talk about others during height of sex worked well, we did it little by little and could see how excited the other was getting.

But never ever talk your partner into it as it will end in tears more often than not.

K xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he riverdeep69Couple
over a year ago

North west ish

Two issues here - one your swinging past. That could be explained with open, honest and sensitive communication. She accepts it or not. Then there is your swinging present. You have set up a single males profile on a swinging site to meet others. Your bags would be packed and waiting for you on the drive.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Two issues here - one your swinging past. That could be explained with open, honest and sensitive communication. She accepts it or not. Then there is your swinging present. You have set up a single males profile on a swinging site to meet others. Your bags would be packed and waiting for you on the drive. "

It is a bit like getting a dog and then telling your partner afterwards. It's done and your partner had no say in the matter their choice is to accept or get rid of the dog unless you can keep the dog a secret.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose thats the "its easier to ask forgiveness than permission approach" some take

I always find these threads slightly creepy for the readily given advice on how to manipulate thier partners to agreeing.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I suppose thats the "its easier to ask forgiveness than permission approach" some take

I always find these threads slightly creepy for the readily given advice on how to manipulate thier partners to agreeing.

I think that too many people are more able to express their most intimate desires to strangers rather than their partner.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ulu and MonkeyCouple
over a year ago

Durham

[Removed by poster at 17/01/19 11:06:02]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ulu and MonkeyCouple
over a year ago

Durham

"See if you can find her single profile on here and try to get a meet if she's not too busy.

Hahaha

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otlovefun42Couple
over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...

"Hi all... used to be on here before when I was single. Then I met a lovely girl and we dated and we got married... never had the balls to share my swinging life with her

Now I have rejoined fabs. Would love to share the experience with her. Wonder how do I tell my wife and get her potentially interested in swinging.

What is your experience? How would you react as the wife?

Any tips ideas on how to get her introduced and interested?

Cheers all...

Xx "

This is one of the most commonly asked questions on the forum.

You will get lots of hints, a few tips, a bit of piss taking and a handful serious answers.

However every one of them will be wrong. Only you know your partner and how she is likely to react.

So you ask her about swinging. Her answer will be anywhere between "fuck off I want a split/divorce" (likely) or "why didn't you mention it sooner? When do we start?" (unlikely)

To be honest though you have already missed a golden opportunity.

When myself and Mrs H got together I told her about my previous swinger life very early on and although she didn't jump at it, she didn't seem too bothered either. It took another 3 years of occasionally mentioning it before she agreed (wanted) to go to a club, but because I'd told her from the beginning I had no problem bringing it up when the opportunity arose.

Maybe you could start with finding a newspaper article about swinging (there seem to be a few knocking around at the moment) and saying something like: Bloody hell love, there's a swinger club opened just down the road, ha ha ha (or whatever the article is about) Do it in a light hearted and funny way which will give you an escape route if it goes wrong. Then gauge her reaction. If it is something like "fucking perverts they should all be jailed/hung/shot" then you are fucked (OK some probably will be "hung" but you know what I mean)

On the other hand she could say something like "sounds interesting" or even just ask you some questions. That is your "IN" to tell her about your previous and get her on subject.

There's no guarantee it will work, the likelihood is that it won't, but at least it will bring up the subject without you burning all your bridges.

From then on it's down to you but if she says no then don't push it.

Oh! and ditch your profile on here, if she finds that then you are totally fucked.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlemisssassypantsCouple
over a year ago

South East Wales

Y’know MrT hid his swinging past from me when we got together, I eventually found out myself because I’m a terrible person and professional snooper

And initially it was “oh fuck we are over” and then as I had time for it to sink in and think about it, plus talk about it with him I set us up a couples profile, gave him the log on info and the rest is history. BUT- I think I’m a very small exception to the rule and definitely in the minority. Also, it was only a year into our relationship, if we were married and been together for years it would not have gone that way at all.

Delete your profile, have a chat about your past and see what she thinks. Maybe she’ll be keen, but she probably won’t and you’ll have to decide whether swinging is more important than your marriage.

Sassy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

I hesitate to criticise as when I was younger I would have found it impossible to speak to a partner about swinging.

However, now I am old and don't give a fuck, I would say it's best to use honesty rather than manipulation. So my advice would be :

1. You must have some idea what her attitude to more outre sexual activity is. If you think she's likely to be negative about swinging decide whether or not you can live without swinging.

2. If you can live without it and you are pretty sure she won't want to swing, keep your gob shut. Delete your account and concentrate on your partner.

3. If you don't think you can live without it, tell her about your history and tell her you want to swing with her. Be prepared that it might end the relationship.

On no account try to trick or manipulate her into swinging. That never ends well.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"See if you can find her single profile on here and try to get a meet if she's not too busy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

I have always told anyone I have met outside the relationship that I have dabbled in swinging.

Normally the reaction is fine but not interested themselves. If that is the case then swingingbtakea a back seat and never do it outside the relationship.

My view is that you should have been.upfront from the start and it's way too late now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

There is only one way to get her interested and that is to talk to her. Whether you point blank ask her if she is interested in swinging or do it through a more subtle such as watching porn and asking her what she thinks that is for you to decide.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would you leave her if she down right refuses to join the scene?.

Or will you go behind her back

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her, leave her or let it go , make a decision and run with it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arkndirtyMan
over a year ago

sale

"Meh from my perspective you have actively tried to cheat without her knowledge all trust is gone and can never be earned back.

If i was her the relationship wpuld be dead and I'd be speaking to a lawyer."

Totally agree - I'm as highly sexed as they come but if I was lucky enough to find the one then revisiting this arena would be done jointly and with mutual agreement. Setting up a profile and then then letting them know after the event is absolutely no way of conducting a relationship based on trust and honesty.

In a relationship all you have is your word, its so easy to lie and deceive that once youve shown you're capable of it there's no way that person can ever truely not doubt you again"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irtySekretsCouple
over a year ago

Filthy Desires Upon Trent

Sorry. But there is a huge issue with your relationship in the fact that you are not just content with your wife.

However, you think that you could do without the extra thrill and freedom of Swinging.

But it’s always in there.

If you had been honest and discussed your sexual desires before you married and if she was disgusted, would you of married her? Or just gone along in the hope that she would eventually agree to join you?

Being on here with a Single Profile is not the way to handle things.

Good Luck OP. Just don’t fuck up a good marriage for the possibility of a cheap thrill xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another one posting before thinking...single profile..wife does not know...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread