FabSwingers.com forum: Poly

By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Are there many poly throuples on here? It's something we have been talking about a lot recently and we are curious if we could make it work.

Something we are open to exploring with a bi single lady who was also open to the idea.

Any throuples making it work? Or does it usually end in disaster?

For those that are successful how did you make it successful? What works for you?

Any single ladies intrigued by the idea?

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

The idea does intrigue me but I'm thinking that finding a couple where you fancy both may be difficult

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"The idea does intrigue me but I'm thinking that finding a couple where you fancy both may be difficult "

Definitely a case of the stars having to align for it all to be right we think but the idea of it working is really intriguing us lately. So who knows. Just got to be open to the idea and see where it leads I guess.

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

Well I hope you find what you are looking for

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Well I hope you find what you are looking for "

Thanks xx

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I've encountered people who are, have freinds who and freinds of freinds who are. My experience (from an outsider) is it's really rough going and often doesn't work out, or at least as originally planned. Although it depends what you want long term relationships wise. It adds a lot of fluidity to relationships and you may go through life gaining and also losing partners through it, including your current one. So something to think about if you intend to spend your life with your current partner. Also a lot depends if you want to go through life as sort of free agent or to combine forces and resourses with a partner or partners as this can be complicated especially if it ends badly. It may work for some people but from what I can see it often results in lots of hurt. A lot depends on what sort of person you are and on if you want life long relationship continuity or an ever evolving and changing relationship life with people coming in and out. Also these relationships often see people more up and down in relationship status in the group. This can be very hard for people, especially if they move down for a level they thought was concrete. Think carefully about it.

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"I've encountered people who are, have freinds who and freinds of freinds who are. My experience (from an outsider) is it's really rough going and often doesn't work out, or at least as originally planned. Although it depends what you want long term relationships wise. It adds a lot of fluidity to relationships and you may go through life gaining and also losing partners through it, including your current one. So something to think about if you intend to spend your life with your current partner. Also a lot depends if you want to go through life as sort of free agent or to combine forces and resourses with a partner or partners as this can be complicated especially if it ends badly. It may work for some people but from what I can see it often results in lots of hurt. A lot depends on what sort of person you are and on if you want life long relationship continuity or an ever evolving and changing relationship life with people coming in and out. Also these relationships often see people more up and down in relationship status in the group. This can be very hard for people, especially if they move down for a level they thought was concrete. Think carefully about it."

Thanks for your input. All makes sense. We are 23 years in so we know what we are about. Maybe we were extremely lucky to find each other and will never find another to fit with that.

It is definitely intriguing but also comes with risk which we have talked about endlessly.

For us, we would only consider something like this a long term arrangement. If it's going to be more than sex then it has to be.

Financial and other ties would be very tricky to resolve that's for sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's our dream too, to thruple up!

Good luck finding your unicorn!

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

This would be my husband’s ideal scenario. He loves another woman by his own confession. He loves me dearly too. He would love to be able to express his love freely to both of us- he is legally married to me, and he has no wish to change that, or to have any more children or set up a home with her, etc- but he wants to have a bona fide relationship with her and me to accept it and me and her to become friends.

My response? No fudging way.

So it’s a matter of seeing if it will work for you in reality. I never thought I was jealous until 18 months ago!

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"This would be my husband’s ideal scenario. He loves another woman by his own confession. He loves me dearly too. He would love to be able to express his love freely to both of us- he is legally married to me, and he has no wish to change that, or to have any more children or set up a home with her, etc- but he wants to have a bona fide relationship with her and me to accept it and me and her to become friends.

My response? No fudging way.

So it’s a matter of seeing if it will work for you in reality. I never thought I was jealous until 18 months ago! "

Absolutely has to be 100% agreement all round.

We definitely don't imagine a relationship where we are a seperate entity it would have to work all 3 ways or not at all.

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"That's our dream too, to thruple up!

Good luck finding your unicorn!

Problem is they're not called unicorns for nothing lol

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By *utsidenakedMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

Yes we have this type of relationship, but its very complicated fir it to work, its all in the mind set of those involved, my girl has me and one other, its fine and works well, I had another woman for a,while but she couldn't cope with it all after a while as its a sharing thing, and most cant get thier head around the idea

I'm quite unique so it works bit it is rare

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Thanks for your input. All makes sense. We are 23 years in so we know what we are about. Maybe we were extremely lucky to find each other and will never find another to fit with that.

It is definitely intriguing but also comes with risk which we have talked about endlessly.

For us, we would only consider something like this a long term arrangement. If it's going to be more than sex then it has to be.

Financial and other ties would be very tricky to resolve that's for sure."

The way I see things is that relationships are a spectrum rather than a couple of set boxes. For example it is possible to have something that falls inbetween the love of your life and yet more than friends with benifits. So perfectly possible to have relationships with others but to maintain your status to each other (in theory). More additions to your current relationship. Be true to yours selfs and just be aware of the risks, humans are complex. Logic and reason are fine on paper but they rarely account for the human emotion chaos factor. Persoanlly I am wary because I often don't see it working to well for all involved long term, or at least as planned.

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By *ittlevixenWoman
over a year ago

Mold North Wales

I would love to be a Polyandry

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"I would love to be a Polyandry "

Hmm similar driving forces I think peeking at your profile

Intriguing idea isn't it lol

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

Yep I’m interested in this and been thinking about it lately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You would need total equality like any relationship for it to work.

I would also say it would need to build and grow as in any relationship, with milestones and meaningful times.

Maybe if you do find someone, don't sleep with them. Show them that it is more than just sex. It's so complex.

Legally the third person wouldn't be entitled to anything, which seems wrong if you are all equal.

I wish you luck on your search, maybe join Tinder or POF etc... if you want it you need to look for it first! I would love to give and recieve that much love in a trouple. Amazing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You would need total equality like any relationship for it to work.

I would also say it would need to build and grow as in any relationship, with milestones and meaningful times.

Maybe if you do find someone, don't sleep with them. Show them that it is more than just sex. It's so complex.

Legally the third person wouldn't be entitled to anything, which seems wrong if you are all equal.

I wish you luck on your search, maybe join Tinder or POF etc... if you want it you need to look for it first! I would love to give and recieve that much love in a trouple. Amazing."

Downside would be the fight for 'shotgun'.....

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"You would need total equality like any relationship for it to work.

I would also say it would need to build and grow as in any relationship, with milestones and meaningful times.

Maybe if you do find someone, don't sleep with them. Show them that it is more than just sex. It's so complex.

Legally the third person wouldn't be entitled to anything, which seems wrong if you are all equal.

I wish you luck on your search, maybe join Tinder or POF etc... if you want it you need to look for it first! I would love to give and recieve that much love in a trouple. Amazing.

Downside would be the fight for 'shotgun'....."

That ones going to need a Rota or there will be cat fights on the driveway lol

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"You would need total equality like any relationship for it to work.

I would also say it would need to build and grow as in any relationship, with milestones and meaningful times.

Maybe if you do find someone, don't sleep with them. Show them that it is more than just sex. It's so complex.

Legally the third person wouldn't be entitled to anything, which seems wrong if you are all equal.

I wish you luck on your search, maybe join Tinder or POF etc... if you want it you need to look for it first! I would love to give and recieve that much love in a trouple. Amazing."

Thank you. Not sure we are going to actively search yet but it's been great discussing with people and had some fantastic suggestions for reading material...

Thanks to those who have contacted us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've really been thinking about poly and the potential to join a couple.

I know most if not all couples are looking for a single girl to join them. Not so good for the guys who want to get into poly!

Has to be the right couple, no jealousy and being able to 'fit' into their already existing relationship.

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"I've really been thinking about poly and the potential to join a couple.

I know most if not all couples are looking for a single girl to join them. Not so good for the guys who want to get into poly!

Has to be the right couple, no jealousy and being able to 'fit' into their already existing relationship."

You'd be surprised judging by the msgs we have had. It's surprised us anyway lol.

There are definitely those looking for guys out there too.

It's fascinating. When you switch from fucking to actually including someone and feelings are involved then jealousy is going to have to be delt with at some point I'm sure but everyone should understand that going in.

For us it would have to work all 3 ways two so anyone coming in would have to fit with both of us.

Not asking much really lol

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By *oreFunForAllCouple
over a year ago

Dumstable

*waves* Poly working just fine!!!!

We didn’t set out to find a poly relationship but sort of fell into it and it’s working great.

The key is to be 100% open. Set limits before you start and everyone needs to be listened to.

If anyone does start to get jealous that’s where it can go wrong.

Happy to answer any questions xxx

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By *nRachCouple
over a year ago

Willenhall

We were verging on this recently, and to be honest it was working out well, it kind of just started falling into place and moved along naturally. Currently our 3rd is having some life problems so she's re-evaluating the whole thing as well as her whole life but she has said she's not ruled out returning to what we were doing.

Personally we would go for it again with the right person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We were verging on this recently, and to be honest it was working out well, it kind of just started falling into place and moved along naturally. Currently our 3rd is having some life problems so she's re-evaluating the whole thing as well as her whole life but she has said she's not ruled out returning to what we were doing.

Personally we would go for it again with the right person."

Hope it works for you guys. Must be hard joining an established couple. I guess good communication and understanding is key to all relationships.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been fascinated by poly relationships for a long time but I think it's probably something that develops between two couples (or a couple and a single guy or girl) and not something that can easily be sought out.

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By *ackandLucyCouple
over a year ago

Chester

One thing to bear in mind is that once you've reset your relationship rules to be poly, then anyone of you can start adding more people to the mix - Your third might want another etc. So I wouldn't imagine it likely to stay just the three of you.

You don't necessarily have to be on an equal footing either - as long as you all know where you stand and are happy with that. After all, you've got an array of friends that have differing degrees of importance to you - I think they don't tend to get jealous of each other because friends don't feel like they own each other. So maybe that's the way to look at the people in a poly relationship - no matter how many there are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes we are in a poly relationship .

Lucy is in love with Tom Hardy.

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By *andy6677Man
over a year ago

crewe

We would love a poly relationship ourselves in future has to be with the right person though as you say. For now we happy having each other and respective play partners though im still yet to find mine lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The idea is interesting to us too. Kitten is looking for a girlfriend at the moment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are all look for a unicorn sorry girlfriend .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is very intriguing for me as well. Although some of you are saying that there are plenty of couples looking for a single guy, all the experiences that you mentioned involved a couple + another female. Hopefully I’ll have my fair share at some point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This. Just this. The honesty and security involved intrigues me. It would be wonderful to find like minded people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any couples/men/women thinking about this .... please read this cautionary tale......

I had a polyamorous relationship.... it was the worst experience of my life....if you think having one relationship is hard imagine having 2 at the same time.......

Problems........

Explanation to friends/family-

I’m not sure what vanilla life you live but trying to figure out who to bring to weddings , Christianings , birthday parties, work parties, and family events gets tiresome... also having to explain to everyone you meet , who each person in the relationship and the dynamics... gets tiresome....

The hardest part was the holidays.... imagine having to decide how you’re going to spend time with 3 families in the same day and in what order....

Living arrangements -

We all lived in my apartment... figuring out chores and sleeping arrangements was killer.

3 different schedules can be very daunting....

Sleeping arrangements started many arguments... we didn’t all sleep together and each woman wanted a night alone with me....

Jealousy -

You will have to give equally 2 ways... anything less or more becomes a argument....

Sex -

Everyone thinks you have crazy sex every night and you’re the man... unfortunately like any relationship sex starts off fast and ferocious then putters off into once a week.....

Polyamory is not like porn... it’s very hard work and when done successful it can be a beautiful thing...

But like anything in life be prepared to have many failures before you find success....

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By *um get us 2Couple
over a year ago

kiddy

We also integrated by a poly relationship with another couple or very much so s female but we not found anybody at the moment who are in to this so if any couples or a single females maybe interested we really love to hear from you and see where it goes x

It’s reslly something we considered now and would defo like to take it another step closer to reality with the right couple or lady or more than one couple

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By *ackandLucyCouple
over a year ago

Chester

You don't have to live together to be in a poly relationship, and you all don't have to be on equal footings.

Other than the label and a pledge to be monogamous, there's no actual difference between friends and people in a relationship. Take away the monogamy rule and you can say that you're in a relationship with all your friends.

loads of profiles on fab state that they are looking for people they can be friends with and fuck on a regular basis - they're basically poly without knowing it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are a few POLY sites which probably make a better source as FAB does not comprehend poly anymore than it does non binary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You don't have to live together to be in a poly relationship, and you all don't have to be on equal footings.

loads of profiles on fab state that they are looking for people they can be friends with and fuck on a regular basis - they're basically poly without knowing it."

Yup that's us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You don't have to live together to be in a poly relationship, and you all don't have to be on equal footings.

loads of profiles on fab state that they are looking for people they can be friends with and fuck on a regular basis - they're basically poly without knowing it."

Ok I’m mistaken... I thought poly meant long term relationships with equal footing for all...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not sure if anyone has mentioned it already (I’m too lazy to read the whole thread) but there is a book which I’d recommend taking a look at. It’s called ‘The Ethical Slut’ and is full of excellent advice about navigating the world of poly relationships

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By *attyBWoman
over a year ago

Dunstable/Luton

Speaking from recent experience.....please bare in mind that the '3rd' may get jealous of your base relationship and do anything in their power to break you up, worming their way in and knowing what will hurt you the most...you both need to be strong enough to withstand that jealousy.

Hope it works out for you x

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Speaking from recent experience.....please bare in mind that the '3rd' may get jealous of your base relationship and do anything in their power to break you up, worming their way in and knowing what will hurt you the most...you both need to be strong enough to withstand that jealousy.

Hope it works out for you x

That's an interesting point. Jealousy is a natural emotion that should always be talked out and neutral ground found to keep everyone happy but considering it from the third persons perspective isn't something that immediately sprang to mind. Definitely something to be aware of.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

I've been recently offered this by some friends, I've said no several times as I feel I would never truly be equal. I'd always be a third wheel. Sadly hasn't ended well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Certainly interest in the whole poly thing. I have had a girlfriend before and it went a bit wrong when she got really possessive.

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By *otwifeforyou1978Couple
over a year ago

Telford

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By *ackandLucyCouple
over a year ago

Chester

"Ok I’m mistaken... I thought poly meant long term relationships with equal footing for all..."

You get primary and secondary partners - some people prefer to be secondary because they like their own space and don't want to get so deeply involved.

Not everyone has to love and have sex with each other but everyone has to have the mentality of sharing and being happy for other people's happiness. If you've got a jealous, envious, possessive or greedy streak in you, then poly relationships are not a clever thing to do until you've overcome these anti-communal emotions.

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By *ackandLucyCouple
over a year ago

Chester

Phoenixcouplexx - you state in your profile that you don't play separately under any circumstances. The reason you choose this is something you will have to look at closely. Being truly poly would mean that either of you could go and play without the other and get themselves a new partner that the other is not involved with.

If you just want a third person to join in with a closed relationship (where no other relationships are allowed) then it's not really polyamory - more a kind of polygamy.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm Poly but I prefer us both to be free to date individually and to be free to date both men and women. In a previous relationship I was dating a guy and a girl and they occasionally played together and we sometimes played as a three but it was not an exclusive triad. She also had two other serious boyfriends in the time I knew her and casually dated a couple of others.

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By *aynLexiCouple
over a year ago

Bridgwater, Somerset

We've been discussing this recently as well. It's an amazing idea but I can see the downsides as well. Reading through the comments here is very interesting, thank you to all who have given their input

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By *aynLexiCouple
over a year ago

Bridgwater, Somerset

Also agreed the book the ethical slut is a really good read for anyone interested in this dynamic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also agreed the book the ethical slut is a really good read for anyone interested in this dynamic

Agree Ethical Slut is a really good read and can help you navigate through your feelings

Lucky enough to have been involved in a couple of poly relationships both mmf and ffm had the most amazing holiday last year with wife and girlfriend. I now find that connection that comes with poly really rewarding.

There are a few good poly groups on Facebook and the munches are good places to meet people that think the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We were a throuple for quite some time with a woman he met through here on his own years ago. We used to live properly as a 3 person relationship and was working fine but eventually she actually got a little unreliable so we ended it with her and have been looking ever since. Had a few “bites” from apparently interested women but nothing has really materialised again yet

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By *londie8399Couple
over a year ago

blackpool

we would love a female to join us who we see often as ,we would like to build a connection with so we all benefit from the situation but this is very hard to come by so we just sit and wait patiently if happen if it dosent then all is not lost

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a husband and a bf for a year and they both found someone else now I'm on my own. Being poly can be hard at times but i had the best time with them both. I had 2 regular fb during that time also.

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Phoenixcouplexx - you state in your profile that you don't play separately under any circumstances. The reason you choose this is something you will have to look at closely. Being truly poly would mean that either of you could go and play without the other and get themselves a new partner that the other is not involved with.

If you just want a third person to join in with a closed relationship (where no other relationships are allowed) then it's not really polyamory - more a kind of polygamy."

Yes we understand that the boundaries we have for swinging are just that... for swinging.

This topic is a whole other thing.

We have talked about a third that we can play with together or any other combination between the three of us. And what's to stop the three of us choosing to go swinging together with any boundaries we choose? Why does it have to closed or totally open, surely it can be whatever those involved want it to be.

Polyamory, Polyamgy not really worried about labelling it.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Being poly doesn’t necessarily mean that a third person lives with you. I played with a guy who was poly and I did meet with a couple of other women who he played with regularly. It really depends on the type of relationship you want. It doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship.

Mine was a Dom/sub relationship and he knew who I met as well. It was more like sharing friends but being open and relaxed.

Please do as much research as possible before deciding what you’re going to do.

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

It's an interesting idea and something we might be interested in with another woman or couple but having discussed it we were worried and scared of where it might lead.

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By *ackandLucyCouple
over a year ago

Chester

" Why does it have to closed or totally open, surely it can be whatever those involved want it to be.

Polyamory, Polygamy not really worried about labeling it."

You're right. The complication is that there are two different types of Polyamory, and you have to make sure everyone involved has the same idea and understanding - because they don't mix.

The difference is that one way has rules and the other doesn't. The one with rules is complicated and needs structure and strict adherence to the rules or there will be strife.

The other type of Polyamory has no rules or constraints from anybody who is not directly interacting with each other: So you can have your own boundaries as to what you personally want to do with someone and what you'll accept from them, but it stops there - you can't give other people boundaries for what they want to do with anyone else. You can't force anyone to be committed to you - they will be as close and spend as much time with you as they want and you allow (which could be a lot or it could be a little) There is no feeling of ownership and no jealousy or annoyance that they're not doing what you want. Essentially this way is friends-with-benefits. Now a lot of people think FWB is just a shallow fuck-buddy who you rarely see just to have sex - but there are varying degrees of friendship (from BFF to vague acquaintances) so can be as deep and meaningful and loving and close as any relationship. There's never a need to lie or hide anything and you have total freedom to be yourself and do what you like. You can live together or not.

So as long as everyone knows the score and is on the same page...

Here are some programs on Polyamory, which you might find online:

"Polyamory Married and Dating" (two seasons) https://mega.nz/#F!JCoAVarb!z_nPZwp7WIl5SA0ZHvLavg

Polyamory - Hidden Lives Three in a Bed - 2007

Love Unlimited Polyamory in Scotland BBC Documentaries

Sharing the love: What it's like to be in a polyamorous relationship

Louis Theroux Altered states Love Without Limits

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

As a community leader in the poly scene, I'd say there are myriad ways people are poly. "throuples" and triads are pretty uncommon but that's generally what the media want to present. I get weekly requests from journalists and researchers who want a young MF couple searching for their third person. Frankly, that's rare.

It's certainly one way, but it's far more common for married people to date others separately. Or for people who live alone to be "solo poly" with several beloved partners but living with none of them. A lot of people choose not to label relationships at all.

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

"I've been recently offered this by some friends, I've said no several times as I feel I would never truly be equal. I'd always be a third wheel. Sadly hasn't ended well. "

I would say that making you feel like a third wheel is bad form on the couple in question

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

" Why does it have to closed or totally open, surely it can be whatever those involved want it to be.

Polyamory, Polygamy not really worried about labeling it.

You're right. The complication is that there are two different types of Polyamory, and you have to make sure everyone involved has the same idea and understanding - because they don't mix.

The difference is that one way has rules and the other doesn't. The one with rules is complicated and needs structure and strict adherence to the rules or there will be strife.

So as long as everyone knows the score and is on the same page...

Here are some programs on Polyamory, which you might find online:

"Polyamory Married and Dating" (two seasons) https://mega.nz/#F!JCoAVarb!z_nPZwp7WIl5SA0ZHvLavg

Polyamory - Hidden Lives Three in a Bed - 2007

Love Unlimited Polyamory in Scotland BBC Documentaries

Sharing the love: What it's like to be in a polyamorous relationship

Louis Theroux Altered states Love Without Limits"

Thanks for the links.

We wouldn't dream of trying to put boundaries on anyone or trying to force them to do what we wanted but if their outlook aligned with ours....

If we chose this route we would be looking for someone with a similar outlook to us.

We're not really viewing it as any different to dating any other perspective partner just that there's two of us not one.

As there is two of us finding someone that is attracted to both of us and would like to further a relationship with both of us is obviously going to be rocking horse poo but an intriguing idea.

In all honesty we have experienced something along those lines before but at the time chose not to venture further than swinging with it. But now having that experience and being much further down the road together times have changed. If it felt right then we would be much more open to the idea of progressing.

We never have conformed to labels lol

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"I've been recently offered this by some friends, I've said no several times as I feel I would never truly be equal. I'd always be a third wheel. Sadly hasn't ended well.

I would say that making you feel like a third wheel is bad form on the couple in question"

That's the key isn't it. We have been together 23 years. How do you convince a potential 3rd that you are open to letting someone in further than sex.

I would think you just have to 'date', enjoy each other's company, be open and see where you end up.

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By *30FetMan
over a year ago

Bucharest

IT s one of my favourite...having this kind of relationship is so exciting....all the ways possible...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now I know that not everyone on here either gets/interested/agrees with the Poly life style and i get that and its totally okay as its down to choice in the end.

But what I have found is this lifestyle opens up the experiences and dynamics to people that may start them considering if poly maybe something worth exploring.

I have been asked a number of times about the benefits and negatives of living a poly lifestyle. Now I am not saying I am the guru of all knowledge but i have had both good and bad experiences of poly and wanted to share what I have learnt.

Let’s start off with all the good parts of Polyamory. Now these may not be in all oly relationships but is generally what I have found.

1. Open Communication

For poly to work you must have amazing two way communication skills.

Poly households need to be able to discuss alot of difficult topics. You need to discuss your relationship dynamics, comfort levels and jealousy. You need to discuss your boundaries and your emotions, which is a great exercise of communication. It can really let you open up about your desires and feelings and learn about the needs of your partner or partners.

2. Cheating/affairs

If you’re open to each other, then you get to be intimate with other people without the damage cheating/affairs can have on a couple. Now i am not saying it can not occur as if couples have set boundaries to their poly relationship and these are broken then cheating can occur.

3. Exploring different dynamics and sexuallity.

Being intimate with more than one person can lead to you being able to exlore all sides of you kink dynamics and your sexuality. It also means that you have more than 1 person to share your life eith opening up an enviroment thar allows you to explore more facets of life. You share lives not just sex.

4. Support and personal growth

The more people you have close to you, the more loving support you hace within your life. This can include additional emotional support, physical support and practical support.

There is a Polyamory theory that the more you are loved, the more you are able to accept love, which in turn makes you a better support system for those around you. That can’t be a bad thing can it ?

So now lets look at some of the negatives that come with a pily lifestyle.

1. Jealousy

Now this is one I always struggled with, i have never really felt or understood jealousy and its something I have had to learn to deal with in others.

At one point i was very silly to assume well your poly you should not be jealous. But thats not true I now understand that people can be in a poly relationship and be jealous. Its how they deal with the jealousy that is the key factor.

In order for the relationships to be successful, you need to be comfortable talking about jealousy and finding ways to solve issues. Ifyou dont do that like in any monogamous relationship it can tear the relationship apart and leave a sea of broken hearts.

2. Juggling time.

Life can get really busy, so making sure everyone gets time is a must. And to be honest this is one of the hardest parts of being poly. I always joke that this is easy fir me as I have a Boo, and she is the Poly PA for the house od pest lol.

But you have to keep in mind sometimes its possible that one person may need more attention than the other, and there needs to be a way to balance everything so no one gets left out.

To be honest normally fir us its the core relationship of Boo and Me that sacrifice time to make sure everyone gets the time they need.

3. The stigma

Polyamory is not widely socially acceptable. I have had people say to me in the past that I can not love Boo if I have someone else. That its really just fucking around, that im cheatimg and Boo can not be accepting of this behaviour. Its seen in a bad light by many. So in many poly groups its kept secret from their friends and family.

4. Baggage

If you are not in a good point in your core relationship and you are trying poly to try and fix your issues then its not going to work. The core has to be strong for poly to work or you end up with unhappy partners. Also the core is taking on the baggage that comes with most people now over the age of 20 lol. This canput strain on the other relationship specially in the early stages

5. The ugly

Poly will always be used by those that are hidding their lifestyle from their partners as an excuse to screw around. This is not poly this is not open relationship this cheating .

Now the above is just a general observation from myself and my poly journey. Now what I can say is that i have met some wonderful people and experienced alot of life adventures with them. I have learnt alot about myself as well, there has also been heartbreak, tears and alot of stress on the way but I will stand by my poly lifesyle and look forward to all it brings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hubby and I experienced a poly trio with a gorgeous girly a few years ago, we met her at Chams and we clicked straight away...we had great times for around 4 years, we swung together, she was accepted by our family and it worked really well for a long time. She was half my age and that’s where the cracks started to show after a while, I started menopause, went off sex completely blah blah blah and I think we just out grew each other...it came to an end and she moved forward with her life...I do still miss her a lot sometimes, Iv never had a best friend as close as she was before or since... and I doubt we would ever find that sort of relationship again, but it was great great fun at the time....

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By *30FetMan
over a year ago

Bucharest

"Hubby and I experienced a poly trio with a gorgeous girly a few years ago, we met her at Chams and we clicked straight away...we had great times for around 4 years, we swung together, she was accepted by our family and it worked really well for a long time. She was half my age and that’s where the cracks started to show after a while, I started menopause, went off sex completely blah blah blah and I think we just out grew each other...it came to an end and she moved forward with her life...I do still miss her a lot sometimes, Iv never had a best friend as close as she was before or since... and I doubt we would ever find that sort of relationship again, but it was great great fun at the time...."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The idea does intrigue me but I'm thinking that finding a couple where you fancy both may be difficult "

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

A couple finding their third person is very difficult. Here's an article by a friend of mine which explains why.

https://emanix.livejournal.com/28752.html

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now I know that not everyone on here either gets/interested/agrees with the Poly life style and i get that and its totally okay as its down to choice in the end.

But what I have found is this lifestyle opens up the experiences and dynamics to people that may start them considering if poly maybe something worth exploring.

Let’s start off with all the good parts of Polyamory. Now these may not be in all oly relationships but is generally what I have found.

1. Open Communication

For poly to work you must have amazing two way communication skills.

2. Cheating/affairs

3. Exploring different dynamics and sexuallity.

4. Support and personal growth

The more people you have close to you, the more loving support you hace within your life. This can include additional emotional support, physical support and practical support.

So now lets look at some of the negatives that come with a pily lifestyle.

1. Jealousy

Now this is one I always struggled with, i have never really felt or understood jealousy and its something I have had to learn to deal with in others.

2. Juggling time.

But you have to keep in mind sometimes its possible that one person may need more attention than the other, and there needs to be a way to balance everything so no one gets left out.

To be honest normally fir us its the core relationship of Boo and Me that sacrifice time to make sure everyone gets the time they need.

3. The stigma

4. Baggage

5. The ugly

Poly will always be used by those that are hidding their lifestyle from their partners as an excuse to screw around. This is not poly this is not open relationship this cheating .

Well written. I really like the part about getting 2 lots of love and giving it back. This is Poly to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The idea does intrigue me but I'm thinking that finding a couple where you fancy both may be difficult "

This

I have a single and couples profiles and it’s so hard to find couples that we both fancy. He might fancy her and I don’t etc etc. The lifestyle can work but don’t let it define your relationship. We indulge when we both feel the need (not often these days) we usually play with couples we’ve met before and both enjoy and vice versa.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And I agree it can also be open to abuse.

I don’t think I’d have a 3rd person in my relationship now though as the last one went a bit crazy. She was married and playing with her hubby say so or so we thought. She then tried to do her best by being very manipulative and saying I love you let’s leave our husbands, then doing the same with my husband. She then turned up unannounced when I was away in Birmingham (she knew this) and asked hubby if they could have sex and I wouldn’t find out. He threw her out, she then kept creating profiles on here and in the end I met her face to face and said if you carry on I will tell your husband. I said you are a liar and a cheat and hell bent on destroying my happy marriage as yours isn’t happy. I thought you was my best friend but you were not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This put him off for several years and we’ve only recently now starting up playing again as a couple. Club meets only!!

Sane people please only apply!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm always curious about the poly idea.. I'm a single female that doesn't really do relationships, but I see the appeal in a poly relationship with several people.

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By *aynLexiCouple
over a year ago

Bridgwater, Somerset

"Now I know that not everyone on here either gets/interested/agrees with the Poly life style and i get that and its totally okay as its down to choice in the end.

But what I have found is this lifestyle opens up the experiences and dynamics to people that may start them considering if poly maybe something worth exploring.

Let’s start off with all the good parts of Polyamory. Now these may not be in all oly relationships but is generally what I have found.

1. Open Communication

For poly to work you must have amazing two way communication skills.

2. Cheating/affairs

3. Exploring different dynamics and sexuallity.

4. Support and personal growth

The more people you have close to you, the more loving support you hace within your life. This can include additional emotional support, physical support and practical support.

So now lets look at some of the negatives that come with a pily lifestyle.

1. Jealousy

Now this is one I always struggled with, i have never really felt or understood jealousy and its something I have had to learn to deal with in others.

2. Juggling time.

But you have to keep in mind sometimes its possible that one person may need more attention than the other, and there needs to be a way to balance everything so no one gets left out.

To be honest normally fir us its the core relationship of Boo and Me that sacrifice time to make sure everyone gets the time they need.

3. The stigma

4. Baggage

5. The ugly

Poly will always be used by those that are hidding their lifestyle from their partners as an excuse to screw around. This is not poly this is not open relationship this cheating .

Wonderfully put and a great informative read, thank you

Lexi

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I'm always curious about the poly idea.. I'm a single female that doesn't really do relationships, but I see the appeal in a poly relationship with several people. "

It might be worth you looking up something called solo Polyamory

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

"I'm always curious about the poly idea.. I'm a single female that doesn't really do relationships, but I see the appeal in a poly relationship with several people.

It might be worth you looking up something called solo Polyamory

Yes very much so..

I cannot recommend "more than two" highly enough too. Valuable book and website. Also find if there is a poly social group near you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/01/19 20:49:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm always curious about the poly idea.. I'm a single female that doesn't really do relationships, but I see the appeal in a poly relationship with several people.

It might be worth you looking up something called solo Polyamory

Yes very much so..

I cannot recommend "more than two" highly enough too. Valuable book and website. Also find if there is a poly social group near you. "

Thanks!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

WE would love to find a guy.

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By *um get us 2Couple
over a year ago

kiddy

We love to find the perfect real genuine polyamory lady or a true polyamory couple who looking for the same if it’s possible but it seem not that mean on here who are interested in this side of life

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By *rownboy30Man
over a year ago

Birmingham

" Why does it have to closed or totally open, surely it can be whatever those involved want it to be.

Polyamory, Polygamy not really worried about labeling it.

You're right. The complication is that there are two different types of Polyamory, and you have to make sure everyone involved has the same idea and understanding - because they don't mix.

The difference is that one way has rules and the other doesn't. The one with rules is complicated and needs structure and strict adherence to the rules or there will be strife.

So as long as everyone knows the score and is on the same page...

Here are some programs on Polyamory, which you might find online:

"Polyamory Married and Dating" (two seasons) https://mega.nz/#F!JCoAVarb!z_nPZwp7WIl5SA0ZHvLavg

Polyamory - Hidden Lives Three in a Bed - 2007

Love Unlimited Polyamory in Scotland BBC Documentaries

Sharing the love: What it's like to be in a polyamorous relationship

Louis Theroux Altered states Love Without Limits"

Reviving this fascinating thread, after reading a similar thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been reading more on it and certainly more interested in trying it

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"I've been recently offered this by some friends, I've said no several times as I feel I would never truly be equal. I'd always be a third wheel. Sadly hasn't ended well.

I would say that making you feel like a third wheel is bad form on the couple in question

That's the key isn't it. We have been together 23 years. How do you convince a potential 3rd that you are open to letting someone in further than sex.

I would think you just have to 'date', enjoy each other's company, be open and see where you end up."

They actually were very good friends. The female kept pestering and wouldn't take no for an answer, I ended up cutting all ties with both. Initially blocking them from all social media to. It makes me sad as I've lost two good friends, unfortunately her behaviour ruined that.

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By *inkyChrissy99TV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

I believe a trans gender fluid person like myself may be of assistance lol

Date with the female, sure i'll wear my jeans and be that guy.

Date with the male, i'll looms sexy and slinky in a lovely evening dress lol

In all honesty being poly is very complex and the balance is even harder than most other relationships but definitely one that works for some.

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"I've been recently offered this by some friends, I've said no several times as I feel I would never truly be equal. I'd always be a third wheel. Sadly hasn't ended well.

I would say that making you feel like a third wheel is bad form on the couple in question

That's the key isn't it. We have been together 23 years. How do you convince a potential 3rd that you are open to letting someone in further than sex.

I would think you just have to 'date', enjoy each other's company, be open and see where you end up.

That's a shame. Surely something so that can be very complex and involves everyone's emotions needs to be done at a pace everyone is happy and comfortable with. Once pressure starts being applied it's always going to result in game over or someone ending up deeply unhappy.

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

*stupid typos

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having been poly for many years it does have its ups and downs. The best way to get it to work it’s trust rules and being honest with each other. If I speak to someone I’m open with them about what my poly lifestyle is like and if there is a connection then who knows.

Like anything there are ups and downs.

For me now I make sure everyone is the same now. So far so good.

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By *ily Con CarneTV/TS
over a year ago

Cornwall

I'm open to any relationship really but the Poly arrangement/concept does appeal to me...I accept that it is unlikely for someone "like me" but who knows ..good luck though to the OP

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By *uck role-playMan
over a year ago

Bolton

"Now I know that not everyone on here either gets/interested/agrees with the Poly life style and i get that and its totally okay as its down to choice in the end.

But what I have found is this lifestyle opens up the experiences and dynamics to people that may start them considering if poly maybe something worth exploring.

Let’s start off with all the good parts of Polyamory. Now these may not be in all oly relationships but is generally what I have found.

1. Open Communication

For poly to work you must have amazing two way communication skills.

2. Cheating/affairs

3. Exploring different dynamics and sexuallity.

4. Support and personal growth

The more people you have close to you, the more loving support you hace within your life. This can include additional emotional support, physical support and practical support.

So now lets look at some of the negatives that come with a pily lifestyle.

1. Jealousy

Now this is one I always struggled with, i have never really felt or understood jealousy and its something I have had to learn to deal with in others.

2. Juggling time.

But you have to keep in mind sometimes its possible that one person may need more attention than the other, and there needs to be a way to balance everything so no one gets left out.

To be honest normally fir us its the core relationship of Boo and Me that sacrifice time to make sure everyone gets the time they need.

3. The stigma

4. Baggage

5. The ugly

Poly will always be used by those that are hidding their lifestyle from their partners as an excuse to screw around. This is not poly this is not open relationship this cheating .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope it works out for you x

Being lied to and told someone is infertile before falling pregnant is hardly being jealous or worming my way in!! STOP TELLING LIES publicly idiot!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bookmarking as there seem to be some good resources I’ve not come across!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How does it work out if you have kids?.

Like Any poly relationship with a young family.

Like ok so the kid/s growing up hasn't just got one mum or dad.

Not like the religions were the husband has many wives and many kids.

See these are all the questions that flood the mind.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

The poly people i know with kids tell them in age appropriate ways. Younger kids might be told that mummy or daddy has their friend staying over or is out with them.

As kids get older, they're told about poly and have any questions answered. Usually for the kids it means more caring adults around the house.

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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago

the right frame of mind -London

I can't help byt thinking that "Poly Throuples" would make an excelent Roald Dahl character with a lisp

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope it works out for you x

Being lied to and told someone is infertile before falling pregnant is hardly being jealous or worming my way in!! STOP TELLING LIES publicly idiot!!"

Some people call having bareback sex with anyone and everyone 'Poly' too. As long as it has a label I guess.....but then what do I know? I look like ''a bulldog chewing a wasp'' Maybe there was a bad smell or something.....?

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

The word "poly" has been. Misappropriated by idiot men who think that label will get them laid.

Polyamory is about multiple, meaningful, serious relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Relationship goals

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The word "poly" has been. Misappropriated by idiot men who think that label will get them laid.

Polyamory is about multiple, meaningful, serious relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved. "

I agree!

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

"Relationship goals

In my considerable experience, most poly folk eschew relationship goals and reject the "relationship escalator".

Polyamory is not about setting targets like "i want two girlfriends" or "i want a boyfriend and a wife".

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

Polyamory is not about setting targets like "i want two girlfriends" or "i want a boyfriend and a wife". "

It can be. If you're seeing one person, and they have other partners so you don't see them all that's often, there's nothing wrong with thinking 'I'd like a second partner' and trying to make that happen.

The whole point of poly is there's many ways to do it. Statements about what poly is or isn't don't tend to be ver helpful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some people call having bareback sex with anyone and everyone 'Poly' too. As long as it has a label I guess.....but then what do I know? I look like ''a bulldog chewing a wasp'' Maybe there was a bad smell or something.....? "

Cath if thats your opinion on poly then I really feel sorry for you. Poly is not about bareback sex it’s about multiple relationships. But each to their own i guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Relationship goals

In my considerable experience, most poly folk eschew relationship goals and reject the "relationship escalator".

Polyamory is not about setting targets like "i want two girlfriends" or "i want a boyfriend and a wife". "

Who the fuck is that guy. Lighten up snowflakes

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

"Relationship goals

In my considerable experience, most poly folk eschew relationship goals and reject the "relationship escalator".

Polyamory is not about setting targets like "i want two girlfriends" or "i want a boyfriend and a wife".

Who the fuck is that guy. Lighten up snowflakes "

I happen to be the organiser of the world's biggest one day conference on polyamory, the organiser of the longest running poly social meets in the UK. Rhe attitude that multiple partners is a "relationship goal" will go down like a lead balloon in the poly community.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Cath if thats your opinion on poly then I really feel sorry for you. Poly is not about bareback sex it’s about multiple relationships. But each to their own i guess. "

The word "poly" has been misappropriated by some men who use it as an way to wile their wsy into women's knickers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cath if thats your opinion on poly then I really feel sorry for you. Poly is not about bareback sex it’s about multiple relationships. But each to their own i guess. "

Mark, thank you for validating my comment. I really needed you to do that and I soooooo need YOU to pity ME. And yes, each to their own. Peace!

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By *riggler90Couple
over a year ago

Essex and Dublin

I Used to be a unicorn, and have moved on to be a girlfriend now.

Its working really well for the 3 of us. Been in a relationship over a year and its amazing. Yeah there are arguments and things but a lot less than I thought. Hardly any in fact. Talking is the key, along with honesty. I just got a valentines day card from them in the post today actually xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Relationship goals

In my considerable experience, most poly folk eschew relationship goals and reject the "relationship escalator".

Polyamory is not about setting targets like "i want two girlfriends" or "i want a boyfriend and a wife".

Who the fuck is that guy. Lighten up snowflakes

Is there an actual conference? That's amazing. Education is always needed in all walks of life. Then maybe 'Poly' wouldn't be misinterpreted do much. I am certainly NOT the most educated person so am always willing to learn about different subjects, especially those that are interesting to me. Not being 'Poly' and having no desire to be either but knowing the rules and guidelines and how different people feel about it would be quite interesting.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Yes there is a conference in London, it's been running around 10 years. In one day we get as many (or more) attendees as the American three day poly events tend to.

I didn't start it but am part of the team which has been running it for the last five years. My nesting wife is chair. I do run the London meetups, drawing around 60-70 people to a pub meet every month and 30-40 to a coffee afternoon.

There are indeed myriad ways to practice polyamory, but having a goal of "i want x partners" isn't one that's known to work.

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By *riggler90Couple
over a year ago

Essex and Dublin

Yeah I never intended to be a unicorn, I just met a lovely married couple and we hit it off and it went from there. Absinthe could you send me the details of your meets please? Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm glad we have experts on honesty in this forum. I hope these 'honest' people don't bring home STDs to their girlfriends and become father to immaculate conceptions.

The word amor is latin for love. How much do you love someone when your need to enjoy bareback sex comes before exposing that person to HIV, syphilis, hepatitis etc?

There is responsibility involved here. It's not about going around having fun at the expense of others and leaving everyone else to clean up the mess you leave in your wake.

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By *riggler90Couple
over a year ago

Essex and Dublin

Someone has a bee in their bonnet about bareback sex. The people In my relationship only have protected sex. We use condoms. Plus we get tested regularly and really do not want any more children.

You always get w*nkers ruining things whatever your relationship prefetance is.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

In my 15 years of ethical non-monogamy and decade of poly, i have used condoms with everyone bar my legal wife. Though we are discussing fluid bonding with my handfasted wife.

Generally, polyamorous people are among the most responsible around because we communicate and discuss things most people don't. There are exceptions of course but most swingers are also responsible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my 15 years of ethical non-monogamy and decade of poly, i have used condoms with everyone bar my legal wife. Though we are discussing fluid bonding with my handfasted wife.

Generally, polyamorous people are among the most responsible around because we communicate and discuss things most people don't. There are exceptions of course but most swingers are also responsible. "

This is such an eye opener for me! Is using protection in a Poly relationship common then?

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By *riggler90Couple
over a year ago

Essex and Dublin

Yeah I'd say so. In my time swinging and being Poly ive ALWAYS used protection unless its been agreed with a fwb that were exclusive to each other and thats only after getting a negative test each.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah I'd say so. In my time swinging and being Poly ive ALWAYS used protection unless its been agreed with a fwb that were exclusive to each other and thats only after getting a negative test each. "

Same as me and my OH. When we became a couple we had tests for everything before not using protection with each other. And we ALWAYS use protection with others. NO EXCEPTIONS EVER.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

This is such an eye opener for me! Is using protection in a Poly relationship common then? "

It is very much the norm to use protection unless its a closed gre(known as poky-fidelity).

The more people in a "polycule" who don't use condoms with each other, the greater the risk. It rises exponentially.

If I have two romantic partners and heve sex with both.... They both have two other partners, I have a couple of "intimate friends"... They have other partners... It only makes sense for us to be very careful who we have unprotected sex with.

Communication helps inform the decision. I know who my partners are having sex with, and who *they* are having sex with... And can assess the risks if fluid bonding is suggested. Its only now I'm handfasted to a partner who I believe will last our lifetimes that it's even under discussion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is such an eye opener for me! Is using protection in a Poly relationship common then?

It is very much the norm to use protection unless its a closed gre(known as poky-fidelity).

The more people in a "polycule" who don't use condoms with each other, the greater the risk. It rises exponentially.

And if your legal wife doesn't agree would you push the subject or leave it? Sorry if that's a stupid or intrusive question. If you don't want to answer it here then don't. Xx

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

I meant to type -- closed poly group (known as poly-fidelity)

To further explain, when my wife and I first got together nearly 22 years ago we used condoms. When we became engaged we ceased condom use, but decided to use condoms with everyone else we have sex with.

Only now that I am in a poly relationship which we consider another marriage is the subject of not using condoms with someone else coming up. I've been tested, my handfasted wife has been tested, her nesting husband has been tested, her other partner has been tested. Her nesting hubby isn't seeing anyone else, and rarely does. Her other partner is 100% trustworthy. So the risk factor is quite low, but still worth considering.

In a "polycule" which literally stretches across the world we must be careful. For example I regularly have fun with a lady who has four partners, one of whom lives in the USA. Each of those four has at least one other partner...each of those has other partners....if you draw it out, it looks like a giant molecule - hence "polycule". We'd be utterly irresponsible if condom use was not the norm.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my 15 years of ethical non-monogamy and decade of poly, i have used condoms with everyone bar my legal wife. Though we are discussing fluid bonding with my handfasted wife.

That's the way I believe it should be.

Clearly anyone who catches an STD from elsewhere and/or becomes a daddy elsewhere isn't using protection. Do you think such a person should be claiming to be an expert on polyamory and preaching honesty? I'm not sure about that.

I think there is a distinct difference between loving more than one person and screwing everything that moves.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

And if your legal wife doesn't agree would you push the subject or leave it? Sorry if that's a stupid or intrusive question. If you don't want to answer it here then don't. Xx "

Nobody will change anything until everyone agrees. We've been discussing it on and off for months. Sexual safety is something we take seriously. I don't know anyone in the poly community who is any different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I meant to type -- closed poly group (known as poly-fidelity)

Wow. This is really interesting. I always think about the people one has sex with and the people THEY have had sex with and so on. But to my shame I thought that those in a serious poly relationship may not use protection as they see their partners as their partners, if you understand me? Lol. It's great the hear about REAL Poly people and not just those who shag around unprotected and damage lives in their wake.

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By *riggler90Couple
over a year ago

Essex and Dublin

"In my 15 years of ethical non-monogamy and decade of poly, i have used condoms with everyone bar my legal wife. Though we are discussing fluid bonding with my handfasted wife.

Generally, polyamorous people are among the most responsible around because we communicate and discuss things most people don't. There are exceptions of course but most swingers are also responsible.

That's the way I believe it should be.

I think there is a distinct difference between loving more than one person and screwing everything that moves."

Who are you referring to?

I think the key is if everyone knows what's going on. If they all do then ok, but id they dont... thats not what polyamoury is about

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

My partners are certainly partners...we are in love with each other....but none of us is monogamous. So we're careful. I know my handfasted wife's husband isn't seeing anyone else and rarely does. I know her other partner is also married and has casual fun with men and women, and though I don't know him well I know he's 100% trustworthy. Like myself, he's not only protecting himself but his wife, our shared partner and the people he plays with.

So the current status is that everyone in the immediate polycule has been tested. We're awaiting the last person's results. If handfasted wife and I fluid bond, we'll all continue getting tested - especially if any of us has sex with someone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my 15 years of ethical non-monogamy and decade of poly, i have used condoms with everyone bar my legal wife. Though we are discussing fluid bonding with my handfasted wife.

Generally, polyamorous people are among the most responsible around because we communicate and discuss things most people don't. There are exceptions of course but most swingers are also responsible.

That's the way I believe it should be.

I think there is a distinct difference between loving more than one person and screwing everything that moves.

Who are you referring to?

I think the key is if everyone knows what's going on. If they all do then ok, but id they dont... thats not what polyamoury is about"

I'm referring to those people in the swinging community who refer to themselves as 'polyamorous' but their behaviour is no different to any other swinger.

I think genuine polyamory is a beautiful thing but I also believe some people use it as a license to be reckless, thoughtless and selfish.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

I'm referring to those people in the swinging community who refer to themselves as 'polyamorous' but their behaviour is no different to any other swinger.

I think genuine polyamory is a beautiful thing but I also believe some people use it as a license to be reckless, thoughtless and selfish.

The word "polyamory" has been hijacked by some men who probably see that poly is considered to be quite fashionable in some circles.

By saying "Hey, I'm poly"...they hope to have sex with multiple women.

But you and I know that's not what polyamory is about at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Someone has a bee in their bonnet about bareback sex. The people In my relationship only have protected sex. We use condoms. Plus we get tested regularly and really do not want any more children.

You always get w*nkers ruining things whatever your relationship prefetance is. "

Just to be clear I have no problem with barebacking per se. If a person believes that the pleasure of unprotected sex is worth the risk of contracting a potentially fatal and incurable disease then that is their decision.

However putting someone else at risk without their knowledge and consent is completely different concept.

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By *heklumpsCouple
over a year ago

south

Poly can work. We practice it to the fullest.and are all happy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm referring to those people in the swinging community who refer to themselves as 'polyamorous' but their behaviour is no different to any other swinger.

I think genuine polyamory is a beautiful thing but I also believe some people use it as a license to be reckless, thoughtless and selfish.

The word "polyamory" has been hijacked by some men who probably see that poly is considered to be quite fashionable in some circles.

By saying "Hey, I'm poly"...they hope to have sex with multiple women.

But you and I know that's not what polyamory is about at all. "

Amen! It's wonderful to have the real McCoy on here to contrast with the subject of this conversation. Thanks for your insight. I've learned a lot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Relationship goals

In my considerable experience, most poly folk eschew relationship goals and reject the "relationship escalator".

Polyamory is not about setting targets like "i want two girlfriends" or "i want a boyfriend and a wife".

Who the fuck is that guy. Lighten up snowflakes

You sound boring mate and clearly no sense of humour

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I meant to type -- closed poly group (known as poly-fidelity)

You know that there are monogamous couples who still use condoms right? Using condoms doesn't distinguish if someone is a partner or not.

Personally I'm fluid bonded with my partner of three years and use condoms with others as currently no others have lasted more than 6 months. I know others who have more than one relationship of multiple years. Some use condoms for all sex with all partners. Some are fluid bonded with more than one long term partner but condoms are used for all other partners. Some are fluid bonded with one partner and use condoms with another long term partner. As with monogamous relationships or swingers it's all down to communication and agreement between partners as well as open honesty about any sexual activity outside the fluid bonded relationship. It's totally possible to be fluid bonded with more than one partner with no risk of STIs if they are all clear from STIs when entering the relationship and are not having sex with any other partners. Obviously the more fluid bonding that occurs, the higher the risk. As with monogamous relationships there is always the risk that someone may not be entirely honest about sexual activity outside the relationship. Therefore fluid bonding always requires trust. There's an additional element with Poly as you also have to consider the knock on effect on other partners and partner's partners. Its certainly not something to be taken lightly. As has been mentioned above, as a result Poly people tend to be more responsible than average with their sexual health. I get tested every 4 months even with using condoms with other partners as nothing is garunteed.

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

@absinthe boy

Thanks for your input on the thread it's made for interesting reading and definitely adds to our thoughts on the subject.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The poly people i know with kids tell them in age appropriate ways. Younger kids might be told that mummy or daddy has their friend staying over or is out with them.

As kids get older, they're told about poly and have any questions answered. Usually for the kids it means more caring adults around the house. "

This!

I have recently come out of a ‘thouple’ of 6 years. My husband and I were together for nearly 10 years before I committed to an extra relationship. I think some would refer to my husband and I as a ‘nesting’ couple. Our kids didn’t know any different either and my lover presented very easily as a close family friend.

If we hadn’t become romantically unlinked (still friends) then we would have told them once we were confident that they had learnt enough about how to function in our conventional society before we gave them anything more complicated to deal with. That’s just how we did it.

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By *heartsasoneCouple
over a year ago

either pl4 boat or pl19 home

Poly within a couple and you start looking for the right mind set either female or couple.

We had a couple who joined us and it lasted 5 years we put a stop to it when they wanted to bring another couple into the mix and that was only because they went ahead without asking trust is key. So life was very different for a while.

We like couples or a rare lady it’s a great lifestyle but the boundaries have to be clear and all agree.

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Three single ladies have all cancelled meets with us in the last month. So hard to find the right one willing to actually meet

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By *riggler90Couple
over a year ago

Essex and Dublin

Try not to go into it with any expectations. Have fun and see what develops.

Its a scary place for us single ladies. Clubs are good places to meet. Less threatening for us singles and a good social atmosphere anyway xx

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Try not to go into it with any expectations. Have fun and see what develops.

Its a scary place for us single ladies. Clubs are good places to meet. Less threatening for us singles and a good social atmosphere anyway xx"

Absolutely we are regular club goers. Fully understand exactly what you are saying...

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By *uriousk22Couple
over a year ago

newcastle under lyme

i’ve often thought about this but i can’t find a man let alone a couple lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Three single ladies have all cancelled meets with us in the last month. So hard to find the right one willing to actually meet

Great corset in your 27 Jan 2016 photo

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Three single ladies have all cancelled meets with us in the last month. So hard to find the right one willing to actually meet

Great corset in your 27 Jan 2016 photo

Xxxx

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By *sLillyMrWolfeCouple
over a year ago

near you...

One word: compersiveness

Two words: Google Calendar

Three words: Kinky Salon London (and it's associated events like Winter House and Summer House)

Be open. Be honest. Have fun!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would it be classed as polyamory if it was just 1 in a relationship with 2 people or would it have to be all 3+ ?

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By *riggler90Couple
over a year ago

Essex and Dublin

"Would it be classed as polyamory if it was just 1 in a relationship with 2 people or would it have to be all 3+ ?"

What do you mean?

I'm 1 lady in a relationship with 2 people who are married to each other. We all know about each other and only play together. Mainly we're awesome friends.

If you're just having 2 seperate relationships at once it depends if they know about each other I guess. If not then you're just cheating, if they know and are happy then its polyamoury.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I mean, say a woman is in relationship with 2 guys, both guys know about it but the guys not in a relationship with each other then would it still be classed as Poly, and no, no cheating.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I mean, say a woman is in relationship with 2 guys, both guys know about it but the guys not in a relationship with each other then would it still be classed as Poly, and no, no cheating."

Absolutely. That's basically my situation right now. 3 years with one, 6 months seeing another. My partner of three years is also seeing someone else and has recently had a break up with another. If anything triads are less common within Poly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread has almost confused me and I'm not sure why ... maybe because it's being implied that multiple sexual partners is poly whereas I've always thought it meant having actual relationship/s! Huge differences between FB, FWB & Poly I thought

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

"This thread has almost confused me and I'm not sure why ... maybe because it's being implied that multiple sexual partners is poly whereas I've always thought it meant having actual relationship/s! Huge differences between FB, FWB & Poly I thought

You are correct, polyamory is defined as multiple meaningful, romantic relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved.

However there are men around misusing the word.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are correct, polyamory is defined as multiple meaningful, romantic relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved.

However there are men around misusing the word. "

Not just men

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

"I mean, say a woman is in relationship with 2 guys, both guys know about it but the guys not in a relationship with each other then would it still be classed as Poly, and no, no cheating."

Yes, there are myriad ways of doing poly. What you describe is far more common than triads (throuples) where three people are all in a relationship together.

Eg, I am in relationships with two women. Both know, are friends but nothing more. It's referred to as a "V" with me the hinge and the two ladies are the ends of the V.

Each lady also has others relationships with men i am not involved with other than being friends or at least acquainted with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you both, that clears that up nice

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

There's an umbrella term - ethical non-monogamy. Basically the emphasis is on openess, honesty and communication. There's also something called relationship anarchy where people believe that things are more complex than defined boxes of relationship, friend, friend with benefits, etc. To be honest this is something I relate to.

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By *riggler90Couple
over a year ago

Essex and Dublin

I can really relate to the relationship anarchy because I think I have a relationship of sorts eith everyone I interact with. 'Relationship' is a very broad term for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All relationship means is "the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected." People assume it means emotions but it never has! Just use the word as it's meant to be and saves on lots of labelling that just gets confusing for oldies like me!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The word "poly" has been. Misappropriated by idiot men who think that label will get them laid.

Polyamory is about multiple, meaningful, serious relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved. "

This.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All relationship means is "the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected." People assume it means emotions but it never has! Just use the word as it's meant to be and saves on lots of labelling that just gets confusing for oldies like me!!

Exactly. I use the term ‘relationship’ regardless of whether I’m talking about my sister, my friends, sexual partners or romantic partners.

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By *loweasytouchMan
over a year ago

pucklechurch

"You don't have to live together to be in a poly relationship, and you all don't have to be on equal footings.

loads of profiles on fab state that they are looking for people they can be friends with and fuck on a regular basis - they're basically poly without knowing it."

Yes, that makes sense.

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By *o1 social butterflyWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

I love the idea x

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By *um get us 2Couple
over a year ago

kiddy

sweetbuterfly we love nothing more to find a lady willing to share that life style

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics

I would love to be part of a poly relationship and develop trust and have wonderful experiences with a group of people who all are open to it.

It's very hard for me to eat me one person I fully connect with one person though, nevermind the complexities of a few people feeling the same.

I'm definitely open to it they should a situation like that present itself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It does involve emotions...hence the full word is poly'amorous.' Amorous being the key..it's not the same as FWB

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics

Meet not eat on my post above!

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Meet not eat on my post above! "

Eat works too

lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Meet not eat on my post above! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a relationship anarchist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are there many poly throuples on here? It's something we have been talking about a lot recently and we are curious if we could make it work.

Something we are open to exploring with a bi single lady who was also open to the idea.

Any throuples making it work? Or does it usually end in disaster?

For those that are successful how did you make it successful? What works for you?

Any single ladies intrigued by the idea?"

My wife has an FWB (I love hearing about it after!). It's really brought a different angle to our relationship.

So much so that now I'm starting to look for something similar.

Is it something you've tried before or is it totally new??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally agree it may be difficult but I’d say you all start as mates so to speak and see how the spending time together takes everyone say a movie night. It’s something I’ve always fancied and would love to give it a shot. But would say the best way to go about is spending time together and having a good laugh

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By *hoenixcouplexx OP Couple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Are there many poly throuples on here? It's something we have been talking about a lot recently and we are curious if we could make it work.

Something we are open to exploring with a bi single lady who was also open to the idea.

Any throuples making it work? Or does it usually end in disaster?

For those that are successful how did you make it successful? What works for you?

Any single ladies intrigued by the idea?

My wife has an FWB (I love hearing about it after!). It's really brought a different angle to our relationship.

So much so that now I'm starting to look for something similar.

Is it something you've tried before or is it totally new??"

We have had some experience but we never let things go beyond a okay partner. At the time we were less experienced and have learnt through that experience and others. Now... with the right person we are open to taking it that step further and letting a relationship form rather than just a purely swinging experience.

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By *otwifeforyou1978Couple
over a year ago

Telford

We would like this but haven’t found the right guy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/03/19 11:01:00]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We lean more towards the poly side of non monogamy. We are the other way to you in that we seek another bi male to join the V with us. We’re what you’d class as a poly cuckold couple. The second Male taking the lead sexual role in things.

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By *um get us 2Couple
over a year ago

kiddy

We love the thought of it all but can’t seem to find a real genuine lady or couple that want to be in a polyamory relationship

It seems there so many talk and say it but never seem to get a genuine reply off a genuine lady or couple

So if any females or couples really interested we love to hear from you xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well said

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

My advise to anyone who is interested in polyamory is to read "more than two" (the book and/or site) and to seek out your local poly meet if there is one. Bristol, London, Birmingham, Manchester and Edinburgh certainly have thriving poly social scenes.

I'm part of the polycule which runs most London events.

It can and does work. Last night I was out celebrating my nesting wife's birthday with her, my non-nesting wife, her other husband, my wife's other man and his wife (who is my ex). Lots of laughs, no discomfort, everyone knows about everyone else.

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By *attooedBBWWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

I’ve been poly since I was 19, and have been in a variety of different families and dynamics.

Unicorns are truly rare but they are out there. I was a unicorn to 2 different couples and it was so nice being with them both. But I’ve also felt the degradation of relationships because of lack of honesty and communication which leads to the breakdown. It’s sad but it happens.

It takes a lot of effort emotionally as well as a lot of time and physical energy to make poly work. What doesn’t help is that a lot of people just suck at being open and honest with each other which often leads to bad juju.

I still class myself as poly but myself and my primary aren’t living poly, but more of an open relationship.

We are in a space with each other that we’re not looking actively for other partners romantically but we are still very much open sexually. This may change in the future or it may not, but that’s the beauty of being non-monogamous, is that you’re not leaving yourselves closed to new relationships.

My primary gives me everything I need or want emotionally and physically, and he feels the same, which is really amazing for us. I often wished others had the same honesty and openness, and it would be amazing to see more poly relationships in society.

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By *o1 social butterflyWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

Yes i am very intrigued x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I'm intrigued by it too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi, I have been seeing a couple for over a year now and all of us are very happy. We meet, we chat, have sex and enjoy our time and then go our own separate ways. Not sure it would work for me if it was a proper relationship.

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