Sorry, this question really has no proper place to post, but honestly, I have no one to ask directly, and am looking for a bit of advice.
Please feel free to respond here or directly to me, I appreciate feedback.
The scenario: my oldest came out to me as bi at the age of 11. I wasn't surprised, and was as supportive as I possibly could be. Notable Exception--a few years later, in a grief driven moment of rare closeness with my dad, I told him his oldest granddaughter is bi. His response was (to her), "Good for you, you know who you are. I love you."
She was furious with me (which I understand, now).
In the ten years since, my youngest has also come out gay, and my oldest has found a partner who is very androgynous (most who meet him think he's a woman). My oldest, "Elaine" has changed her name to "George" and they plan to celebrate their wedding wearing suits and ties, not dresses.
Not a big deal. I really could care less what gender my kids or their partners are (much less what they wear to get married), as long as they are loving and supportive, which they are.
Though George has asked that I use the pronoun "they" to refer to them (while partner is He), I am confused as to how to refer to my own child when I speak to others. In the past ten years, we've gone through quite a few troubled times, and I'm seeing oldest and fiance next month for the 2nd time in two years.
I am not sure if George is trans (though I really do think so), and not sure how to ask.
Does it matter? No. But as the mother, I'd really like to know if I have two daughters or a daughter and a son.
So my question: for those of you who identify as other than cis-straight, how would you have liked your mother to ask about your identity? Or would you rather wait until the time comes to tell her, when you're ready? |
Let your kids guide you on how they want to be addressed and spoken about. Non-binary is still a hard concept for some people to get their heads around so be prepared for some 'oh it's just a phase she's going through' comments. 
