FabSwingers.com forum: Married with a dilemma

By *oskar1 OP Man
over a year ago

beckenham

Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.

The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.

I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'

Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.

I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.

It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't

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By *iscean MaleMan
over a year ago

Darlaston

Well you have taken a step forward by being on this site.

Tbh not many will say just go for it, knowing your personal circumstances

Good luck in what ever you decide fella

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some things are better off left as fantasies. Some of the things you've listed as clouding your vision can be pretty crap and dull in the wrong hands. In your mind they're always amazing. Keep them there

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

You say you don't want to hurt her but of course you will hurt her if/when she finds out.

Your profile says you are a genuine guy ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You say you don't want to hurt her but of course you will hurt her if/when she finds out.

Your profile says you are a genuine guy ?"

He's genuinely a guy

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

If you are found out it will hurt your wife. Can you deal with the fall out pain that she, your family and ultimately you will all have. You need to talk to your wife.. Be honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell your wife of your conflict and have an adult conversation about it. We hope it works out positively for you.

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By *olygodCouple
over a year ago

sandy

If you love her don’t lie to her and cheat on her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you love her don’t lie to her and cheat on her."

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.

The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.

I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'

Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.

I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.

It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed."

The way I see it you have three option.

Go ahead secretly and take every precaution to ensure your wife doesn't find out.

Do nothing about it.

Talk openly and lovingly to your wife about how you feel. Tell her you'd love to be more sexually adventurous and would like her to be involved.

I'd recommend the third option.

Good luck with your decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't tell you whether to go ahead or not. I can offer this word of warning, from experience:

If you cheat and it comes out, you won't just be hurting your wife but also your children. You could end up losing their respect and forever damaging your relationship with them.

Is it worth it? Only you can answer that, but I would urge you to give it some serious thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you love her don’t lie to her and cheat on her."

This

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

The way I see it you have three option.

Go ahead secretly and take every precaution to ensure your wife doesn't find out.

Do nothing about it.

Talk openly and lovingly to your wife about how you feel. Tell her you'd love to be more sexually adventurous and would like her to be involved.

I'd recommend the third option.

Good luck with your decision."

Always so sensible.

I'd say that you may find a woman on here in a similar situation to yourself who you may be able to explore with if that's really what you want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP,your profile shoes you had a verification from a meet 3 years ago. I don't know if that was a play meet then, but if it was only you can tell if you felt guilty and if that guilt haunted / haunts you ? If not you may have a way of justifying to yourself what you may do with people on here in the future, but if it did haunt you guilt is a compound emotion and adding to guilt can become a living hell if you can't come clean and have to live a double life.

I'm certainly not judging you as I can see your dilemma and I was in a sexless marriage myself for years so I know how sexual frustration can effect your life terribly. I'd take my time, ask yourself for a few answers and wouldn't rush into doing anything until your positive you can deal with the stresses it could bring.

Good luck.

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By *oskar1 OP Man
over a year ago

beckenham

Wow I wasn't expecting the fantastic advice

I was expecting a lot of negative comments

Thank you all I will take it all in so much to consider.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you love her don’t lie to her and cheat on her."

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By *ightLeeCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

Maybe she would be ok allowing you to explore those things outside of the marriage. Have you asked?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do it. Go wild!

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.

The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.

I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'

Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.

I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.

It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed."

Talk to your wife.

You may be surprised, perhaps she would be happy for you to have a sex life elsewhere.

We do not know your situation we do not know the medicial/physical reasons you mention.

If she knows you well she may realise you are not happy/content and is at a loss to know what to do.

You may find that when you have talked to your wife you would see it would really hurt her to go ahead and you might decide to drop the idea.

Whatever the result to make swinging work whether together or apart a couple have to discuss the question with each other first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you really want to risk everything for a quick shag from here?

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By *aughtybutniceBBWWoman
over a year ago

The County of Northamptonshire

You run the risk of telling her and she doesn’t want to know and doesn’t want you to see other people. Then what do you do? Would you still do it anyway? Lie to her? If you’re that hooked up on these things you will do it anyway. And if you’re not used to going about things covertly, she will probably find out! Probably cause a lot of upset and she will forgive you and you will promise not to do it again and you will, again and again!

Oops sorry, carried away there talking about my past life.

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire

"Do you really want to risk everything for a quick shag from here?"

Does any single guy ever get a quick shag on here!

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

It's possible everyone has sexual fantasies and like someone else said,perhaps it's best to leave them as just that...fantasies.

You could do many things,some of which have been discussed,how about asking your wife what her ultimate sexual fantasy is?? then you can open up with yours..

Do you see this as a mid life problem such as; Is this it?

My guess is that many middle aged women and men wonder if there's more to life than a routine and existence that seems flat..

I don't think there is a right way forward but consequences in whichever way you proceed..

Harm minimization??

All the very best to you.

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By *eKoopleCouple
over a year ago

Germany / Manchester

"Do you really want to risk everything for a quick shag from here?"

Complete agree.

A fantasy can last one night, if you were to be caught, that pain could last a lifetime.

If you’re struggling with this, speak with your wife or seek professional help.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

I don’t care what you decide to do but please, don’t declare your love for your wife and your children and then cheat.

Nobody who loves me would EVER do anything so awful to me and I would never do that to them because that’s not love.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a cpl.

We don't meet anyone m f ir cpl that we think may be cheating on anyone else.

We have had the eife of a former play mate banging on the front door at 3am accusing us of ruining her marriage. Waking our Kids and neighbours.

Never again.

Tell her how you feel.

Go from there.

If you decide to do it anyway behind her back show a little respect make it clear on your profile your cheating. So those you meet can make an informed decision

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.

The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.

I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'

Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.

I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.

It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed."

Everytime you feel the urge, have a wank.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's upto you fella, it's your life, but just be prepared for any fall out that could possible come your way if found out by your loved ones

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you really want to risk everything for a quick shag from here?

Does any single guy ever get a quick shag on here!"

Yeah they do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi mate once you start it can be like a drug urges take hold of you and you need more and as with any drug there's always risks involved

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you love her don’t lie to her and cheat on her."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t care what you decide to do but please, don’t declare your love for your wife and your children and then cheat.

Nobody who loves me would EVER do anything so awful to me and I would never do that to them because that’s not love. "

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.

The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.

I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'

Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.

I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.

It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed."

If i was in your position, which i never would be because i plan ahead, but if i was - I would have a threesome with two prostitutes. Perhaps more than once.

The reality is that as a single man, you've got less than a 1% chance of properly experiencing swinging. Your fall back is therefore casual sex and you'll probably find that if you value your time more than the minimum wage, it's more efficient just to pay for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.

The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.

I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'

Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.

I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.

It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed.

If i was in your position, which i never would be because i plan ahead, but if i was - I would have a threesome with two prostitutes. Perhaps more than once.

How would you have planned ahead in the situation the OP finds himself in?

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.

The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.

I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'

Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.

I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.

It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed.

If i was in your position, which i never would be because i plan ahead, but if i was - I would have a threesome with two prostitutes. Perhaps more than once.

How would you have planned ahead in the situation the OP finds himself in?"

The OP "always had this interest" but married someone who can't even understand "why you would want to". Not a situation i would ever find myself, since I've been upfront about wanting to swing before committing to any relationship since my early twenties.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

Please don't do it. Even if you think she doesn't know...it will affect her....the secret visits to Fab, secret texting, the faked appointments/late nights at the office/gym/evening classes or whatever excuse you use if you get to meet someone. It will all affect your home life and marriage even if she doesn't figure out what you're doing.

Just don't.

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By *rossMan
over a year ago

Everywhere

Have a wank to clear your mind... then go chat to her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.

The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.

I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'

Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.

I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.

It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed.

The way I see it you have three option.

Go ahead secretly and take every precaution to ensure your wife doesn't find out.

Do nothing about it.

Talk openly and lovingly to your wife about how you feel. Tell her you'd love to be more sexually adventurous and would like her to be involved.

I'd recommend the third option.

Good luck with your decision."

I never had the courage to discuss with my wife the things I thought we could try to enhance our sex life. I wish I had. Now we're separated and I don't know if this could have helped,. But it's possible.

Don't make my mistake. Talk to her. Ask her if she's ever thought about doing anything a bit different. I think Ann summers do a board game called monogamy, which may be worth a look.

If you're anything like me, going behind her back will make you feel terrible for doing it.

I'm happy for you to contact me privately of you want to talk about it.

Good luck,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't"

OP - Look at what you just said 'i love my wife' - really? you wanna go fuck other women behind her back.

Man up, tell her how you feel - she will either pack your bags for you, join in with you, or give you her blessing.

At least thats honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you really want to risk everything for a quick shag from here?

Does any single guy ever get a quick shag on here!

Yeah they do

They certainly do...

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By *isty286Couple
over a year ago

Dorset

You have been on here for more than 3 years, but only just found the confidence to try this ...really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.

The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.

I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'

Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.

I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.

It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed.

The way I see it you have three option.

Go ahead secretly and take every precaution to ensure your wife doesn't find out.

Do nothing about it.

Talk openly and lovingly to your wife about how you feel. Tell her you'd love to be more sexually adventurous and would like her to be involved.

I'd recommend the third option.

Good luck with your decision."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’re already cheating in a way by being here without her knowledge. No one else can tell you what to do, they don’t have your conscience etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's the issue, happy marriage love my wife,&family.

The but is I have had this urge to explore my sexual side. Not bi as I am straight but to be able to explore 3 sums,clubs restraint etc.

I can't do this with my wife for a number of reasons medicial,physical and the 'why would you want to do that'

Always had this interest but only gained the confidence to explore as I got older.

I know it's cheating,I dont want to change my relationship and I don't want to hurt her.

It is a separate side of me need some advice how to proceed.

Everytime you feel the urge, have a wank. "

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Your a member of a club surely you can do all of those things you want to try there?

Your only bringing attention to your situation by making it a forum post. If in doubt don't do it.

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By *ovelickingpussy72Man
over a year ago

Near Skipton

Talk things through with your wife before you end up doing some thing that could have very serious repercussions on your life.

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By *ubmegentlyMan
over a year ago

newcastle upon tyne

"Do you really want to risk everything for a quick shag from here?

Does any single guy ever get a quick shag on here!"

In our dreams haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm in a similar situation, without the medical or physical reasons.

My wife knew about my feelings before we got married bought a house and had kids etc and there was even a promise from her to explore it together.

Since then we have a completely sexless marriage but a strong relationship.

Her knowing my desires doesn't make a difference and the lack of sex is really affecting me. You will feel awful cheating, but definitely have an honest chat. She will make her own mind up in the end but there's some things you can try that might improve your chances. PM me and I'd love to chat with you more.

Such a difficult thing to discuss with the one you love.

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