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Dom and sub role

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Can someone give me an accurate description of these roles. As I'm finding some guys think it's ok to slap and punish a woman. I do like to submit to a guy, but being slapped about or punished seems a bit wrong

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's complex and ultimately down to the people in question. Spanking and similar can be part of it, as can punishment, but you should negotiate your limits beforehand. If you don't want those things to happen and haven't agreed to them, then that's not D/s, that's assault.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can someone give me an accurate description of these roles. As I'm finding some guys think it's ok to slap and punish a woman. I do like to submit to a guy, but being slapped about or punished seems a bit wrong "

There is no simple answer other than one is one and the other the other. D/s is not about slapping anyone its about respect. The physical manifestations that result from this are wide and varied. You simply make it your own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of guys on here haven’t a clue on D/S and think it’s all about slapping a woman about and using her. There aren’t true Doms, they are what we call plastic Doms.

There is so much more to D/S than “slapping” & ordering a Sub. You should always discuss your limits before getting into a D/S meet/relationship etc.

Have a google on the basics of D/S there’s a really good blog on Tumblr for beginners I can’t remember the link but I’m sure it will come up. Hope that helps. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Can someone give me an accurate description of these roles. As I'm finding some guys think it's ok to slap and punish a woman. I do like to submit to a guy, but being slapped about or punished seems a bit wrong

There is no simple answer other than one is one and the other the other. D/s is not about slapping anyone its about respect. The physical manifestations that result from this are wide and varied. You simply make it your own. "

This is what I kinda said to him. He wanted to punish and slap me about. I dont mind a bit of spanking etc. I had a meet a while ago he said he was dom. He ended up calling me a slut and slapping me across the face. His 'excuse" was cos I like it rough and kinky he didn't see why I wouldn't be ok with what he did.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

That's just some idiot who gives BDSM a bad name. Steer clear. I'm sorry you experienced that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are often confused by the whole Fet scene. Anyone can learn how to do something physical but D/s lives in the mind and that's some strong brew that can't be taught to anyone, its either in you or it isn't....

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Some people are into any or all of the things you describe. But what distinguishes kink from abuse is consent and negotiation of limits.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

D/S partnerships are something that take a long time to establish and are about mutual respect and complex limits.. these limits need to be learned by both sides so neither one oversteps the Mark.

In my opinion it’s nevwe a good idea to assimilate this on a first meet..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A sub and Dom role is set up for the enjoyment of both but the sub is in control. Speak to any Dom and they will speak to the sub to find out what they are after and what limits there are. At the end of the day you are willing to submit power to the dom but have you safe word if need and have spokenabout what you are after.

Having been in the scene for many years I have seen so maybe wannabes lead people into the wrong environment or scene. CheCk to make sure they know what they are talking about. References, members of munches or groups.

Hope that helps

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A sub and Dom role is set up for the enjoyment of both but the sub is in control. Speak to any Dom and they will speak to the sub to find out what they are after and what limits there are. At the end of the day you are willing to submit power to the dom but have you safe word if need and have spokenabout what you are after.

Having been in the scene for many years I have seen so maybe wannabes lead people into the wrong environment or scene. CheCk to make sure they know what they are talking about. References, members of munches or groups.

Hope that helps "

He was definitely on a power trip. His rules, he was gonna slap and punish me. He didn't listen to my view point. Ive blocked him and sent him on his way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A sub and Dom role is set up for the enjoyment of both but the sub is in control. Speak to any Dom and they will speak to the sub to find out what they are after and what limits there are. At the end of the day you are willing to submit power to the dom but have you safe word if need and have spokenabout what you are after.

Having been in the scene for many years I have seen so maybe wannabes lead people into the wrong environment or scene. CheCk to make sure they know what they are talking about. References, members of munches or groups.

Hope that helps "

Couldn't Agree More. submission is a gift. Masochism is some what different but is still done through choice and is therefore also a gift. Obviously the latter is a more intense situation and shouldn't be confused with general submission. Told you its complex lol

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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Sometimes wires get crossed. The first time a guy slapped me in the bedroom on a meet (or ever, in fact) I wasn’t expecting it and we hadn’t specifically talked about it. I really enjoyed it. You can’t cover everything off or script a session so it doesn’t bother me. You just talk about the kind of things you like and your hard limits and take it from there.

I use the traffic light system so I expect my partner to respect that and adapt accordingly.

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By *uilder506Man
over a year ago

bognor

Never found a lady who’s willing to tease and Dom me .... yet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have found it to be very unique to the individual. Communication and trust are both key. ‘Slapping and punishment’ are but a subsection of umberella term bdsm in our opinion. Sometimes he slaps me (because I like it) sometimes hard, sometimes not so much, we practice orgasm control, and always he worships me like a goddess. There’s no fixed definition, however there is an amazing amount of fun to be had if you find the right partner. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes wires get crossed. The first time a guy slapped me in the bedroom on a meet (or ever, in fact) I wasn’t expecting it and we hadn’t specifically talked about it. I really enjoyed it. You can’t cover everything off or script a session so it doesn’t bother me. You just talk about the kind of things you like and your hard limits and take it from there.

I use the traffic light system so I expect my partner to respect that and adapt accordingly.

"

You are quite right running off a script takes the fizz out if it. Talk, converse and set your boundaries and then let the Dominant do there job. Imagination is everything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The role is as much mental as physical and some people think it's fine to abuse the other person there is a very thin line between dominant and bully

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A sub and Dom role is set up for the enjoyment of both but the sub is in control. Speak to any Dom and they will speak to the sub to find out what they are after and what limits there are. At the end of the day you are willing to submit power to the dom but have you safe word if need and have spokenabout what you are after.

Having been in the scene for many years I have seen so maybe wannabes lead people into the wrong environment or scene. CheCk to make sure they know what they are talking about. References, members of munches or groups.

Hope that helps "

This.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The role is as much mental as physical and some people think it's fine to abuse the other person there is a very thin line between dominant and bully"

This is exactly what I think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The role is as much mental as physical and some people think it's fine to abuse the other person there is a very thin line between dominant and bully"

Wannabe dominants should be banished to the worst part of hell. They are dangerous and that's an understatement.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I sub rarely and only with the right people. It's definitely a psychological thing, a trust thing. My dom and I have discussed my limits at length, and there's no script, as others have put it, but I can be completely incapacitated and trust that he'll not go further than my boundaries.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I sub rarely and only with the right people. It's definitely a psychological thing, a trust thing. My dom and I have discussed my limits at length, and there's no script, as others have put it, but I can be completely incapacitated and trust that he'll not go further than my boundaries. "

Some boundaries should be pushed thats when Hard and soft limits come in to play.

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By *exyspecs and supermanCouple
over a year ago

A house, a very big house in the country


"Can someone give me an accurate description of these roles. As I'm finding some guys think it's ok to slap and punish a woman. I do like to submit to a guy, but being slapped about or punished seems a bit wrong "

Then they would be Sadists.

They get off on giving pain/watching others recieving pain.

The best bet is for you to research research research.

For goodness sake don't read 50 shades of shit.

But look into D/s rolls.

Each dynamic is different. Just be careful out there. There are plenty of Dimdoms online.

Ss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can someone give me an accurate description of these roles. As I'm finding some guys think it's ok to slap and punish a woman. I do like to submit to a guy, but being slapped about or punished seems a bit wrong

Then they would be Sadists.

They get off on giving pain/watching others recieving pain.

The best bet is for you to research research research.

For goodness sake don't read 50 shades of shit.

But look into D/s rolls.

Each dynamic is different. Just be careful out there. There are plenty of Dimdoms online.

Ss

"

There is nothing wrong with sadism but it has to be controlled. Its when you lose sight of the person you are with and it solely becomes about you that it becomes a problem that is of course unless thats what the other person wants. There is no black & white, it actually is shades of grey.

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By *exyspecs and supermanCouple
over a year ago

A house, a very big house in the country


"Can someone give me an accurate description of these roles. As I'm finding some guys think it's ok to slap and punish a woman. I do like to submit to a guy, but being slapped about or punished seems a bit wrong

Then they would be Sadists.

They get off on giving pain/watching others recieving pain.

The best bet is for you to research research research.

For goodness sake don't read 50 shades of shit.

But look into D/s rolls.

Each dynamic is different. Just be careful out there. There are plenty of Dimdoms online.

Ss

There is nothing wrong with sadism but it has to be controlled. Its when you lose sight of the person you are with and it solely becomes about you that it becomes a problem that is of course unless thats what the other person wants. There is no black & white, it actually is shades of grey. "

I didn't say there was any thing wrong with sadism.

I'm just trying to echo the Op in that an awful lot of Dimdoms think that D/s is hard fucking, slapping faces etc and that's not exceptable unless of course it's been discussed prior and it's within limits etc.

Unfortunately a lot of subs who don't understand D/s fall into this trap and from experience it's a horrible situation to be in.

Ss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can someone give me an accurate description of these roles. As I'm finding some guys think it's ok to slap and punish a woman. I do like to submit to a guy, but being slapped about or punished seems a bit wrong

Then they would be Sadists.

They get off on giving pain/watching others recieving pain.

The best bet is for you to research research research.

For goodness sake don't read 50 shades of shit.

But look into D/s rolls.

Each dynamic is different. Just be careful out there. There are plenty of Dimdoms online.

Ss

There is nothing wrong with sadism but it has to be controlled. Its when you lose sight of the person you are with and it solely becomes about you that it becomes a problem that is of course unless thats what the other person wants. There is no black & white, it actually is shades of grey.

I didn't say there was any thing wrong with sadism.

I'm just trying to echo the Op in that an awful lot of Dimdoms think that D/s is hard fucking, slapping faces etc and that's not exceptable unless of course it's been discussed prior and it's within limits etc.

Unfortunately a lot of subs who don't understand D/s fall into this trap and from experience it's a horrible situation to be in.

Ss

"

I wasn't disagreeing with you at all, in fact quite the opposite. And you are quite right there are submissives who fall in to some pretty horrible situations x

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By *exyspecs and supermanCouple
over a year ago

A house, a very big house in the country


"Can someone give me an accurate description of these roles. As I'm finding some guys think it's ok to slap and punish a woman. I do like to submit to a guy, but being slapped about or punished seems a bit wrong

Then they would be Sadists.

They get off on giving pain/watching others recieving pain.

The best bet is for you to research research research.

For goodness sake don't read 50 shades of shit.

But look into D/s rolls.

Each dynamic is different. Just be careful out there. There are plenty of Dimdoms online.

Ss

There is nothing wrong with sadism but it has to be controlled. Its when you lose sight of the person you are with and it solely becomes about you that it becomes a problem that is of course unless thats what the other person wants. There is no black & white, it actually is shades of grey.

I didn't say there was any thing wrong with sadism.

I'm just trying to echo the Op in that an awful lot of Dimdoms think that D/s is hard fucking, slapping faces etc and that's not exceptable unless of course it's been discussed prior and it's within limits etc.

Unfortunately a lot of subs who don't understand D/s fall into this trap and from experience it's a horrible situation to be in.

Ss

I wasn't disagreeing with you at all, in fact quite the opposite. And you are quite right there are submissives who fall in to some pretty horrible situations x"

It's just a scary thing to watch someone fall into that trap.

Off topic I love the polka dots!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People are often confused by the whole Fet scene. Anyone can learn how to do something physical but D/s lives in the mind and that's some strong brew that can't be taught to anyone, its either in you or it isn't...."

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can someone give me an accurate description of these roles. As I'm finding some guys think it's ok to slap and punish a woman. I do like to submit to a guy, but being slapped about or punished seems a bit wrong

Then they would be Sadists.

They get off on giving pain/watching others recieving pain.

The best bet is for you to research research research.

For goodness sake don't read 50 shades of shit.

But look into D/s rolls.

Each dynamic is different. Just be careful out there. There are plenty of Dimdoms online.

Ss

There is nothing wrong with sadism but it has to be controlled. Its when you lose sight of the person you are with and it solely becomes about you that it becomes a problem that is of course unless thats what the other person wants. There is no black & white, it actually is shades of grey.

I didn't say there was any thing wrong with sadism.

I'm just trying to echo the Op in that an awful lot of Dimdoms think that D/s is hard fucking, slapping faces etc and that's not exceptable unless of course it's been discussed prior and it's within limits etc.

Unfortunately a lot of subs who don't understand D/s fall into this trap and from experience it's a horrible situation to be in.

Ss

I wasn't disagreeing with you at all, in fact quite the opposite. And you are quite right there are submissives who fall in to some pretty horrible situations x

It's just a scary thing to watch someone fall into that trap.

Off topic I love the polka dots!

"

Quite agree and have witnessed it to many times over the years.

And thank you dla just had a little smile x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My advice is if anyone starts bragging about what they can do and how they are jonny big big bollox, grab your shoes and start running!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People are often confused by the whole Fet scene. Anyone can learn how to do something physical but D/s lives in the mind and that's some strong brew that can't be taught to anyone, its either in you or it isn't...."

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

I always call it a dance, you have to be in tune with your partners needs and while the Dom appears to lead, it’s not always the case.

Just make sure you are both doing the same dance, and that needs a lot of exploring.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I always call it a dance, you have to be in tune with your partners needs and while the Dom appears to lead, it’s not always the case.

Just make sure you are both doing the same dance, and that needs a lot of exploring."

That's a very good way to look at. If I may I will add this... discover the beat, dance in step but allow the dj to mix it up a bit

But you are quite right that perception is not always reality.

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