FabSwingers.com forum: Begging your indulgence once more...

By *riefcase_Wanker OP Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Having previously posted on here looking for profile advice (which was generously given and gratefully received) I'm still finding little traction with anyone I contact - which leads me to believe the weak link must be my opening message.

I'm polite, I reference specific things from their profile and try to do all of the other things normally recommended in these sorts of threads, but I'm still not having much joy. Clearly I'm doing something wrong - maybe too waffly, maybe I'm just boring, who knows?

I certainly don't, because there's no feedback, just a deafening silence.

So - my begging request is this:

If any women or couples would be willing to have me PM them, and then offer honest feedback on the opening message, it would be gratefully appreciated. I know it's rather a lot to ask when you probably have to trawl through dozens (or maybe more!) of other messages, but it'd really help a brother out.

Much love in advance x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nsert user name hereMan
over a year ago

Manchester

The issue you have is what people look for in an opening mail is very subjective. There isn't a one message that works for all. I think this is where most go wrong.

I use an opening message that I hope peaks there interest and gives them an easy informative reply that helps me start a conversation

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riefcase_Wanker OP Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"The issue you have is what people look for in an opening mail is very subjective. There isn't a one message that works for all. I think this is where most go wrong.

I use an opening message that I hope peaks there interest and gives them an easy informative reply that helps me start a conversation

I think you raise a valid point, and I *do* try and tailor my message to each person individually and never copy and paste, but this is why I was trying to elicit some feedback from as many people as possible, so I could get a decent sample size and see if any themes emerged.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you get many women or couples who were wanting you to PM them OP?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

We always answer messages so feel free

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Me thinks this is a ploy to get women messaging him.

An opening message comes from seeing a profile, looking at the profile information and constructing an appropriate message from that. It ain’t rocket science.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riefcase_Wanker OP Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"Did you get many women or couples who were wanting you to PM them OP?"

Just one so far

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riefcase_Wanker OP Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"Me thinks this is a ploy to get women messaging him.

An opening message comes from seeing a profile, looking at the profile information and constructing an appropriate message from that. It ain’t rocket science.

Apparently I struggle with that though...

I mean I don't know if it's just because I don't message that many people (I've probably sent about 30 odd in the entire time I've been here) and I need to play the numbers more, or if there's just something wrong in the way I come across, but for whatever reason my little missives never seem to land

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riefcase_Wanker OP Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"We always answer messages so feel free"

Will do, but I'm going to struggle even more than usual with this one, because your preferences would pretty much eliminate me, so I probably wouldn't message in the first place...

Perhaps I overthink things?

I will get back to you, it'll just take me a lil while

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

You can if you like....

Have to say though I look at a profile before opening a message and if that doesn't grab me my reply would be a polite 'thanks but no thanks' kind of thing.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rsTrellisWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

You can message me if you like.

The problem may be volume of messages. As of yesterday I have 73 messages awaiting a response. If I answer them at one minute each it’ll take over an hour and, since most are people I chat to, they’ll message back and then I’ll be behind again.

But send a message and I’ll send honest feedback.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never do a copy and paste message..always tailor you message to each individual profile and people..always always read a profile fully, no matter how long before contacting them..as soon as it becomes obvious you have not read a profile, by putting something in your message that is not relevant to them, then most will just instantly delete

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I've started ignoring all messages from people who clearly have ignored my profile now which is about 98%.

However I will happily be a guinea pig if you want, to see if your 'message' would draw my attention in any way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problem is that you need to catch women when they're in the mood. If they're not the best you can hope is that they'll log you in their horn material memory banks and come back to you when they are. But if they get distracted in between or on the way to you by a similarly enticing bloke who's timing is luckier then they'll go with him instead.

That's just how it is. Ain't worth crying over it. You either get lucky or you don't. That's why lots of us guys quit playing the messaging lotto and just sit and wait for them to say hi or wink when they're in the mood for us

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I messaged a sizzling hot local woman a while ago and got blanked. Noticing she has since got verified, I thought I'd check out who the competition were who won where I failed. To say the results of my investigation were underwhelming would be an understatement. I don't want to come across as bitchy but it was basically a bald old beer belly dude and a profile which had "will fill in later" and no pics. Whilst it's not impossible that these guys wrote something more charming than me and looked like Brad Pitt or something... I reckon they just messaged her when she was more in the mood (with something witty and memorable no doubt "hi how are you?" really doesn't work guys) and got lucky

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I messaged a sizzling hot local woman a while ago and got blanked. Noticing she has since got verified, I thought I'd check out who the competition were who won where I failed. To say the results of my investigation were underwhelming would be an understatement. I don't want to come across as bitchy but it was basically a bald old beer belly dude and a profile which had "will fill in later" and no pics. Whilst it's not impossible that these guys wrote something more charming than me and looked like Brad Pitt or something... I reckon they just messaged her when she was more in the mood (with something witty and memorable no doubt "hi how are you?" really doesn't work guys) and got lucky "

This is were you guys make the mistkes..it's not always about looks and cock size, it's personality too and how you come across and and the feeling you get from chatting to somebody..they probably clicked and found a connection..and a bald beer belly dude might just be her type..my Mrs love's chunky or fat guys .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

There's no magic bullet or strategy for success. I don't know why people think there is.

Much like looking for a job, you're either what they're looking for, or you're not.

You can write a perfect covering note / opening message, but that's just the formality and doesn't guarantee the interview or the meet.

Sometimes you just have to accept you're not the right man for the job.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your profile may just have put her off?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olygodCouple
over a year ago

sandy

Happy to review your message style.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's no magic bullet or strategy for success. I don't know why people think there is.

Much like looking for a job, you're either what they're looking for, or you're not.

You can write a perfect covering note / opening message, but that's just the formality and doesn't guarantee the interview or the meet.

Sometimes you just have to accept you're not the right man for the job."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Happy to review your message style."

Who me?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your profile may just have put her off? "

I've often wondered if I wouldn't be better off with a blank profile that doesn't exclude any options. But then I realise that really the only extra attention I'd get is from the nsa fancy a fuck now types and those couples who want an extra dick to be part of their queue of self gratification... and I quickly realise that I'm genuinely quite happy excluding a large swathe of fabbers because I'm genuinely not interested in bothering with that kind of stuff. So yes... fair point... she may have felt excluded by my profile

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your profile may just have put her off?

Didn't say she felt excluded by your profile, said she may have been put off, two different things

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your profile may just have put her off?

Didn't say she felt excluded by your profile, said she may have been put off, two different things

You've clearly got an opinion on how I could improve my profile. So I'm happy to humour you if you fancy pm'ing it to me. I can't see anything on it which would be off-putting to someone on my wavelength, and those are the only fabbers I'm interested in meeting. But maybe I'm missing something. It's quite possible. I have been known to be completely oblivious to the fact that I'm coming across badly... quite regularly in fact

I look forward to hearing your feedback

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your profile may just have put her off?

Didn't say she felt excluded by your profile, said she may have been put off, two different things

I look forward to hearing your feedback

We have no opinion on your profile, but the lady who didn’t respond to your messages probsbly did and it may well have been that she didn’t feel excluded

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he Secret Tea PartyCouple
over a year ago

London

You are welcome to try me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have no opinion on your profile, but the lady who didn’t respond to your messages probsbly did and it may well have been that she didn’t feel excluded

Haha

this is going round and round. I think it's fair to say I may not have been her cup of tea for whatever reason. Also, at the time I only had one veri. Apart from the veri thing, I don't think that's about my profile being off putting... it's about me being off putting haha

I'm totally fine with that. I know I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea.

But it is still a case in point for the single men on this thread that my profile (which had a degree of effort put into it) and a nice thoughtful well written first message was beaten, by amongst things, a blank profile by a guy. It shows effort doesn't really make much difference. If she likes you and you've caught her in the right mood even a blank profile can succeed against the very best executed profile. That was all I was trying to say. But I think someone I thumbed earlier said it better (and true to usual form much shorter

)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have no opinion on your profile, but the lady who didn’t respond to your messages probsbly did and it may well have been that she didn’t feel excluded

Haha

I'm totally fine with that. I know I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea.

) "

You're either a) Over thinking it b) Have an inflated opinion of yourself or c) Been on the pop.

We'll leave it at that I think.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urhamjayMan
over a year ago

Durham

[Removed by poster at 08/07/18 21:49:20]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're either a) Over thinking it b) Have an inflated opinion of yourself or c) Been on the pop.

We'll leave it at that I think. "

Can I go for all the above?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urhamjayMan
over a year ago

Durham

Sometimes you just have to accept you're not the right man for the job."

That's the problem and there's a lot of men.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

"We always answer messages so feel free

Will do, but I'm going to struggle even more than usual with this one, because your preferences would pretty much eliminate me, so I probably wouldn't message in the first place...

Perhaps I overthink things?

I will get back to you, it'll just take me a lil while

We will give honest feedback and you've made a good start by actually reading our profile, which is more than 95% (made up but fairly accurate stat) of guys do that message us.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're either a) Over thinking it b) Have an inflated opinion of yourself or c) Been on the pop.

We'll leave it at that I think.

Can I go for all the above?

Joking aside. The point I was trying but failing to make is that it really doesn't matter how amazing or blank your profile is. At the end of the day it all comes down to whether the woman fancies the look and sound of you and whether you've caught her in the right mood.

Men should make a concerted effort to write profiles that don't put people off them. But beyond that it's really down to just patiently putting your best self forward and hoping you luck out at some point.

There's no doubt that, to my mind, being available and horny at the last minute to meet a similarly impulsive horny woman is also a great approach. There's one who I've almost met up with a couple of times through this approach. But our stars haven't aligned yet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I still haven't had a message

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Me thinks this is a ploy to get women messaging him.

An opening message comes from seeing a profile, looking at the profile information and constructing an appropriate message from that. It ain’t rocket science.

This assumes that the message even gets read in the first place. I don’t even bother messaging women that aren’t online at the time, as I am aware the message just gets lost, 100s of messages deep in their inbox (that’s not a euphemism!)

The pitfall of that is that if you take too long to craft a beautiful, personal message, they can go offline before you have sent it - still condemning it to bottom of the pile and unread.

All’s fair in love and swinging, eh? C’est la vie.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riefcase_Wanker OP Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Well this blew up!

Apologies to all, yesterday was coming off the back of a rather heavy night on Saturday, and involved a pretty painful drive back from Brighton.

I shall try and get my thinking cap on!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riefcase_Wanker OP Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"I still haven't had a message

Yours will prove particularly tricky as I've seen that you're local and admired your photos a number of times, but had to discount myself as I work in the day and am a shortarse

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riefcase_Wanker OP Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Thanks for all the offers by the way, I will be penning something shortly.

I've got a thick skin, so please feel free to be brutally honest; obviously I am what I am, and can't do much about looks or stature, but any feedback on profile or message will be gratefully received

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *vy_GreenWoman
over a year ago

Soham

Going by your opening post...it's very wordy and a bit obsequious. Do you send initial PM's like that?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riefcase_Wanker OP Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"Going by your opening post...it's very wordy and a bit obsequious. Do you send initial PM's like that?"

Ummm...probably?

I'm not intentionally poncey, it just kind of happens

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *vy_GreenWoman
over a year ago

Soham

It'd probably put me off tbh. Maybe try a more casual style?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riefcase_Wanker OP Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

I am gradually working my way through, in chronological order as you replied to the thread.

It's taking some time. Perhaps I think too much or chat a load of waffly bollocks, but to paraphrase...

"I'm sorry, but I'm experiencing an unusually high volume of messaging people at the moment. Your feedback is important to me, and I will try and send you a message as soon as the operative is free. Thank you for perving with Will_fit_Inbetweeners and have a nice day"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

It’s your small willy-wanger

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We always answer messages so feel free"

These guys are pretty cool

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riefcase_Wanker OP Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"It’s your small willy-wanger "

That's wacist!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riefcase_Wanker OP Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"We always answer messages so feel free

These guys are pretty cool"

That they are! They've been very kind and patient, bless them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riefcase_Wanker OP Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Incidentally, I'm as far down as _olygod, who is next on the list but I will probably message tomorrow, as a heavy night takes its toll for days now, and I'm still suffering from Saturday.

Thanks to all who have been so kind as to respond so far, and thanks to any that have the patience to respond in the future

Xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread