FabSwingers.com forum: Fab Translator

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

For women reading guys profile...

Average = Fat

Stocky = Really Fat

Athletic = Just out of Rehab

Can't Accomodate = Married

Silouette Profile = Married

No pics due to high profile job

= Married

No verifications = mutant

For men reading women's profile ...

BBW = Loves Gregs

Curvy = Fat

Fabulous = Fat

Slim = lives in the contryside not near a Gregs

Athletic = Just out of Rehab

Feel free to abuse me or add your own as you see fit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For women reading guys profile...

Average = Fat

Stocky = Really Fat

Athletic = Just out of Rehab

Can't Accomodate = Married

Silouette Profile = Married

No pics due to high profile job

= Married

No verifications = mutant

For men reading women's profile ...

BBW = Loves Gregs more of a dorringtons fan myself lol

Curvy = Fat

Fabulous = Fat

Slim = lives in the contryside not near a Gregs

Athletic = Just out of Rehab

Feel free to abuse me or add your own as you see fit

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

"For women reading guys profile...

Average = Fat

Stocky = Really Fat

Athletic = Just out of Rehab

Can't Accomodate = Married

Silouette Profile = Married

No pics due to high profile job

= Married

No verifications = mutant

For men reading women's profile ...

BBW = Loves Gregs

Curvy = Fat

Fabulous = Fat

Slim = lives in the contryside not near a Gregs

Athletic = Just out of Rehab

Feel free to abuse me or add your own as you see fit

I do live in the country.... spooky

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

"For women reading guys profile...

Average = Fat

Stocky = Really Fat

Athletic = Just out of Rehab

Can't Accomodate = Married

Silouette Profile = Married

No pics due to high profile job

= Married

No verifications = mutant

For men reading women's profile ...

BBW = Loves Gregs more of a dorringtons fan myself lol

Curvy = Fat

Fabulous = Fat

Slim = lives in the contryside not near a Gregs

Athletic = Just out of Rehab

Feel free to abuse me or add your own as you see fit

Women reading men's profile...

Well endowed..... smaller than average..

Very well endowed average...

Very very well endowed liar...

Men reading women's

40ish ..................... 49

Please send abuse to the OP....

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple
over a year ago

North Cornwall

"For women reading guys profile...

Average = Fat

Stocky = Really Fat

Athletic = Just out of Rehab

Can't Accomodate = Married

Silouette Profile = Married

No pics due to high profile job

= Married

No verifications = mutant

For men reading women's profile ...

BBW = Loves Gregs

Curvy = Fat

Fabulous = Fat

Slim = lives in the contryside not near a Gregs

Athletic = Just out of Rehab

Feel free to abuse me or add your own as you see fit

If you're married, fat and love greggs why didn't you just say that?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok guys have taken your advice,please see my revised profile!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Genuine" and "not a timewaster" repeated several times on single paragraph profile = not had a meet, will probably bail at the last minute.

Ex-Rugby player build = huge hairy beer belly.

Loves giving oral = male.

Enjoys sex = male.

Will try anything twice = thinks anything apart from missionary with the lights off is "racy".

Looks or race not important = would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loving this thread lol xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Genuine" and "not a timewaster" repeated several times on single paragraph profile = not had a meet, will probably bail at the last minute.

Ex-Rugby player build = huge hairy beer belly.

Loves giving oral = male.

Enjoys sex = male.

Will try anything twice = thinks anything apart from missionary with the lights off is "racy".

Looks or race not important = would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole

Oh I don't know tho... at three days old doughnuts are getting kinda scratchy

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Okay I have enbraced more of your suggestions into my profile,do you think I am being too honest now?

I am looking for someone who likes a chat and a laugh, who appreciates the subtler pleasures in life.

NB I am also married,fat,love Gregs and very very well endowed!

Looks or race not important as I would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

this coming from a man with no pic on profile,and average build etc. im sensing fat and ugly lol

what you need to do is realise this is just a website, people will use it to act out their secret fetishes, etc. if you dont like it use your filtering option

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

""Genuine" and "not a timewaster" repeated several times on single paragraph profile = not had a meet, will probably bail at the last minute.

Ex-Rugby player build = huge hairy beer belly.

Loves giving oral = male.

Enjoys sex = male.

Will try anything twice = thinks anything apart from missionary with the lights off is "racy".

Looks or race not important = would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole

Oh I don't know tho... at three days old doughnuts are getting kinda scratchy

Wolf

I can't find doughnuts under interests, I was going to delete it from my preferences, I'm not that racy...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"this coming from a man with no pic on profile,and average build etc. im sensing fat and ugly lol

what you need to do is realise this is just a website, people will use it to act out their secret fetishes, etc. if you dont like it use your filtering option"

supose thats reflective of ur own lol...depends what the OP wants to show on his profile does it not???- ur webcam verify doesnt give me great comfort lol...but heyy...who knows eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"this coming from a man with no pic on profile,and average build etc. im sensing fat and ugly lol

what you need to do is realise this is just a website, people will use it to act out their secret fetishes, etc. if you dont like it use your filtering option"

Personally I thought the op was written tongue firmly in cheek!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok guys have taken your advice,please see my revised profile!!

Looks or race not important as I would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

"this coming from a man with no pic on profile,and average build etc. im sensing fat and ugly lol

what you need to do is realise this is just a website, people will use it to act out their secret fetishes, etc. if you dont like it use your filtering option

Personally I thought the op was written tongue firmly in cheek!

So did I. I am amazed anybody took it as a serious thread.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

your translation software is flawed - i live in the country and am fat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"this coming from a man with no pic on profile,and average build etc. im sensing fat and ugly lol

what you need to do is realise this is just a website, people will use it to act out their secret fetishes, etc. if you dont like it use your filtering option"

Doughnut "lover" spotted.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Reliable = Unreliable

Hates rude people = deletes messages without reading

Will not meet without phone or cam first = never meets

Looking for single bi female = Definitely NOT looking for single bi female. Hubby put that bit on.

Happy to meet socially first = will bring condoms to the meet.

Not fussy = why won't anyone meet meeeeee???

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just been contacted by Gregs they are happy to sponsor me and are delivering 100 fresh and 100 3 day old doughnuts.

I won't manage all the 3 day old one's so any desperadoes that need a hole............

Don't be shy now!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best and funniest thread on here for weeks...

Cant believe people are getting snippy..

Well done the OP!

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

'In 40's = 49

'Adventurous' = screws anything that moves!

'Athletic' (women) flat chested.

'Athletic' (men) Owns two pairs of trainers and gos out in jogging bottoms

'Average looking' = Ugly

'Free spirit' = fucked up ex/junkie

'Out going' = Loud and annoying at parties.

'Emotionally secure' = on medication

'Open minded' = Desperate for anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant!!

Safe sex only = only with people off here but it's ok to bareback with the local pub pickup

Reliable = will turn up.....about half an hour late

Loves to give oral = is either a crap shag or hung like a chinese mouse

Non pushy = sits there quivering like a box of frogs until you make the first move

I'm going to have some more wine and think up some more! Ms

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By *mma peelWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Ha!

Sociable=fanny like a clown's pocket

Serious side=depressive

Looking to make friends=clingy

Good listener=painfully shy

Enjoys the social side=no mates

Dipping my toe in=if I don't fancy u I have an opt out clause

Pics of blokes in tight undies with rolled up sock=knob

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

"Ha!

Sociable=fanny like a clown's pocket

Serious side=depressive

Looking to make friends=clingy

Good listener=painfully shy

Enjoys the social side=no mates

Dipping my toe in=if I don't fancy u I have an opt out clause

Pics of blokes in tight undies with rolled up sock=knob"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'Loves to give oral = is either a crap shag or hung like a chinese mouse'

i just love that line! well done!

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

Choosy=looking for a husband

Not here for one night stands=looking for a husband

Discrete=has a husband

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

loves to give oral = really only wants to get oral

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Likes to dress to please = lady has some wobbly bits that require restraining with a basque.

I'm guilty of that one!! Ms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wanted to seduce my wife. = She's no idea you're coming.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Greedy girls night = We need someone to bring some booze or our clubs making no money.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Non pushy = sits there quivering like a box of frogs until you make the first move

haha loved that one.

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By *mma peelWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Experienced in the swinging scene=arranged a meet, once (came in me pants)

Considered attractive=by mum, hairy Aunty Agnes and the woman in Greggs

Fun to be with=laughs nervously at ANYTHING

Can't accommodate=lives with wife/mum

Wants to push boundaries=supressessed

Synical-moi??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

want elusive bi-female=

hubby scares em off cos hes a pervy scary fuckin fudhole and shouts shows yer tits and cunt while he chats to the female on cams when the wifes in bed and makes up some story that the elusive bi-fem was a snooty cow and wanted to play with him alone but he wasnt having it at all.cos he loves his wife

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"want elusive bi-female=

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Looks and smells good = there was a cheap shirt on offer next to the Lynx isle at Asda. Never play on first meet=if I dont fancy you in person im feckin off. Prefer to have a few drinks and some good conversation= ive just split up with me ex n need a night out on the piss. Seeking fuck buddy for quality not quantity meets= I can meet who I want but you aint allowed too. Joined 8months ago with no verifies or photo= I am a man send me your cock pics pls lads. I only ever meet at clubs one club in particular= I have shares there and takings are down. Love socials = I have no real friends. Cpl for outdoor fun and role play= hi its husband here she has no feckin idea im arranging these meets really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

athletic bull= basically im just a prick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A profile that just goes on and on and on with do and donts= im sorry ladies but I just loose interest before the end x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bubbly = Fat knacker that sits eating chocolates while watching Jeremy Kyle.

Sociable = Anything for a piss up as long as its not at their place.

Open minded = Will poke their cock in anything from a polo mint to a yawning donkey sized chuff!

Mature = Getting on and will anyone suck their cock (when all is dark, a mouth is a mouth)

Experienced = Got a fanny like a yawning donkey or a cock like a wotsit, through over use.

Happily married = My Mrs has turned into a fatty and swinging is the only way I can shag better bird without raising suspicion.

Safe sex = Make sure the doors locked.

Discretion assured = As soon as I've chucked me filthy love custard on your face and your eyes are closed I'm gonna take a few sneaky pics of you and show em off down the pub.

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By *inktherapyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

old photo on single guy profile = I have put on 2 stone, hair has gone totally grey or fallen out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Likes to dress to please = lady has some wobbly bits that require restraining with a basque.

I'm guilty of that one!! Ms

Pmsl, seriously funny as fuck that one! Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always smells good = wears so much aftershave it peels my nail varnish off

Chatty = only way to shut her up is to stick a cock in her gob

Loves to wear high heels = shorter than 5'5"

Guilty again!! Ms

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

"Bubbly = Fat knacker that sits eating chocolates while watching Jeremy Kyle.

Sociable = Anything for a piss up as long as its not at their place.

Open minded = Will poke their cock in anything from a polo mint to a yawning donkey sized chuff!

Mature = Getting on and will anyone suck their cock (when all is dark, a mouth is a mouth)

Experienced = Got a fanny like a yawning donkey or a cock like a wotsit, through over use.

Happily married = My Mrs has turned into a fatty and swinging is the only way I can shag better bird without raising suspicion.

Safe sex = Make sure the doors locked.

Discretion assured = As soon as I've chucked me filthy love custard on your face and your eyes are closed I'm gonna take a few sneaky pics of you and show em off down the pub.

Love those! Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Brilliant!!

Safe sex only = only with people off here but it's ok to bareback with the local pub pickup

Reliable = will turn up.....about half an hour late

Loves to give oral = is either a crap shag or hung like a chinese mouse

Non pushy = sits there quivering like a box of frogs until you make the first move

I'm going to have some more wine and think up some more! Ms

Chinese mouse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Member has hidden their profile = Some bastard has sussed out who we are!!

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

"Member has hidden their profile = Some bastard has sussed out who we are!!

LOL

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Considered attractive = face like a robbers dog

I've got a cock like a torpedo = dreamer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ex body builder = fat bloke

Ex rugby prop = fat bloke

Age and looks unimportant = desperate bloke

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The funiest thread so far, lol, keep it up

xxx

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By *ollie_JCouple
over a year ago

London

Open minded male = bi male but daren't say it on the profile

Proffessionel couple = fork lift driver and admin assistant

Pictures of wife asleep, taken from the back when she's not looking = need a shag if I get reply i think I can persuade her

Scan of polaroid = our children have grown up since this photo was taken

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I forgot about this one

Seeks professional guys =

I am at best a freeloader at worst a hooker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wife is very shy = has been cocked more times than John Wayne's rifle

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By *ild Bill Thickcock.Man
over a year ago

Wet Beaver Creek

model's legs = Lilly Savage

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By *bbandflowCouple
over a year ago

South Devon

Happily married couple = we are honestly, really really happy, aren't we love?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Straight = will shag a TV as long as she's convincing

Fantasises about mature ladies = has been wanking over the bra pages of his mam's Freemans catalogue since he was 12

Professional = accountant who would love to stick his knob in the office cleaner as long as no one else finds out about it

Proffesional = accounts clerk who aspires to be an accountant (see above)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sporty = strictly speaking Sumo wrestling is a sport!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not changing my life= fucking psycho

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

"Straight = will shag a TV as long as she's convincing

Fantasises about mature ladies = has been wanking over the bra pages of his mam's Freemans catalogue since he was 12

Professional = accountant who would love to stick his knob in the office cleaner as long as no one else finds out about it

Proffesional = accounts clerk who aspires to be an accountant (see above)

Professional business woman = Sells Avon

Professional businessman = Makes a living from buying and selling 150 quids worth of shit at car boot sales once a fortnight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Enjoys the finer things in life = Everything you see in the back ground of my pics is bought on plastic and my cards are ultra maxed out, come and look at it all before the bailiffs take it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cant meet at short notice - need an excuse to tell the wife why im going out, oh and can we meet in the back of my car as I havent booked anything just in case she said no and made me stay in!

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

Looking for a discreet meet = will probably have a hammer under his drivers seat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

softswing= he /she gets really jealous

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By *indofitsownMan
over a year ago

Devon

'seeking men aged 19-35 for meets' = the first two 40 somethings on the verified genuine profile immediately below must have been real crocapigs to warrant knocking six or seven years off the top end.

If this keeps up it'll be men aged 19-19 for comic book swaps in a month or so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pic of guy in army/fireman uniform = all womane fancy a squaddie/fireman so I dont need a profile/personality.

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

"your translation software is flawed - i live in the country and am fat

Aha! You moved recently!

*runs*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100% straight male = Have a look on most TV's profiles where they've left feedback from the meets they've had with the "straight" male.

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

New to this site (but profile says they have been here over a year) = Lazy gits

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for the advice guys.

New profile is working wonders from all the tips!

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

'New age type' = hairy armpits flat chested and stinks like a pond

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thanks for the advice guys.

New profile is working wonders from all the tips!

Now that's what I call entertainment!!

Anyone who has got this far has to read this profile, if you are the slightest bit incontinent break out the Tenaladies and brace yourself!!!

Seriously guys I was pissing myself at your profile right up until I remembered I work at the Chinese Mouse Cock measuring Facility!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for the advice guys.

New profile is working wonders from all the tips!

Class profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for the advice guys.

New profile is working wonders from all the tips!

Question guys, pretty much the last line of your profile says:-

"We do turn up if a meeting is arranged, probably half an hour later than arranged due to martial issues."

I have to ask, "martial" issues? There was a war? Somebody got invaded? Unexpected squaddies?

Or did you mean marital issues?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for the advice guys.

New profile is working wonders from all the tips!

Brilliant!!!! I await my commission....lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for the advice guys.

New profile is working wonders from all the tips!

and I thought you were taking the mickey - CLASS profile ha ha!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Martial / Marital - you all knew what we meant...Sorted now anyway

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By *ompip3Couple
over a year ago

Paisley

Rugby Player Build! = Have you seen a rugby squad line up before a game? they are All shapes and sizes! Pick one!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pic of guy in army/fireman uniform = all womane fancy a squaddie/fireman so I dont need a profile/personality."

pmsl...funny how the uniform is never Traffic warden!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like to be clean and tidy "down below" = I wash my bits weekly but am to repressed to use any "rude" words.

Meet at yours = well you can see the squalor I live in in the background of my photos.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for the advice guys.

New profile is working wonders from all the tips!

Cracking Profile! Was just about to send a friend request when I realised you were more than a 10 minute drive away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pic of guy in army/fireman uniform = all womane fancy a squaddie/fireman so I dont need a profile/personality."

Decides to edit pics ! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks guys,

Glad you had a giggle.

Sorry, We've gone back to being (sort of) normal again - Got too many nutters that took it seriously!

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By *nnie2009Couple
over a year ago

Blackpool

whatever happened to sensible threads?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"whatever happened to sensible threads?

sensible= awww fuck...boring !

hehe

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By *oantrimcpl2010Couple
over a year ago

Lisburn

is anyone sensible on here

oh great thread

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

Definately the funniest thread I have seen, well done all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks guys,

Glad you had a giggle.

Sorry, We've gone back to being (sort of) normal again - Got too many nutters that took it seriously!

I wish i had copied it now....made me really laugh out loud.

I could have put in my private notes for a rainy day lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/11/11 09:14:43]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For those that missed it....

Please ignore the fact that the pictures were taken 12 years ago. We were quite a catch back in the day!

Adam now sports a fat hairy beer belly and his hair has gone totally grey. He is a professional fork lift driver with a smaller than average cock. He own two pairs of trainers and goes out in jogging bottoms and sweaty t-shirts for meetings as he's an athletic kinda guy, but a crap shag and hung like a chinese mouse. He has been wanking over the bra pages of his mum's Freemans catalogue since he was 12. He will shag a Tranny as long as she's convincing and as soon as he has chucked his "filthy love custard" on your face and your eyes are closed, he'll take a few sneaky pics of you and show em off down the pub.

Natasha is a flat chested, clingy, depressive with a fanny like a wizards sleeve who deletes your well crafted personal messages without reading them. She has some wobbly bits that require restraining with a basque because she's a bit of a fat knacker that sits eating chocolate while watching Jeremy Kyle most days. Say's she is Bisexual but really only wants to get oral sex and is looking for a good husband and the only way to shut her up is to stick a cock in her gob.

We can both be either a bit loud and annoying at parties or sit there quivering like a box of frogs until you make the first move due to being a pair of fucked up ex junkies, we are normally ok on medication (when we remember to take it).

We are considered attractive by our mums and the woman in Gregg's and will attend anything for a piss up as long as its not at our place. We think anything apart from missionary with the lights off is a bit "racy" for us and arranged a meeting once that was far from successful as Fred came in his pants.

We do turn up if a meeting is arranged, probably half an hour later than arranged due to marital issues.

If you like what you see then get in touch!

Hmmm, wonder what direction to take the next version....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Likes to dress to please = lady has some wobbly bits that require restraining with a basque.

I'm guilty of that one!! Ms

pmsl!!!!! me too!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Genuine" and "not a timewaster" repeated several times on single paragraph profile = not had a meet, will probably bail at the last minute.

Ex-Rugby player build = huge hairy beer belly.

Loves giving oral = male.

Enjoys sex = male.

Will try anything twice = thinks anything apart from missionary with the lights off is "racy".

Looks or race not important = would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole

PMSL Love the doughnut one...... Wonders if thats how they get the glaze on them!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For those that missed it....

Please ignore the fact that the pictures were taken 12 years ago. We were quite a catch back in the day!

We do turn up if a meeting is arranged, probably half an hour later than arranged due to marital issues.

If you like what you see then get in touch!

Hmmm, wonder what direction to take the next version....

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Genuine" and "not a timewaster" repeated several times on single paragraph profile = not had a meet, will probably bail at the last minute.

Ex-Rugby player build = huge hairy beer belly.

Loves giving oral = male.

Enjoys sex = male.

Will try anything twice = thinks anything apart from missionary with the lights off is "racy".

Looks or race not important = would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole

PMSL Love the doughnut one...... Wonders if thats how they get the glaze on them!!!

Make not to self to give the Krispy Kreme counter a wide berth in Tesco

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

straight = bi-curious

bi curious = bi sexual

bi sexual = gay

gay = tantrums and tiara's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not fussy = insensitive barsteward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"straight = bi-curious

bi curious = bi sexual

bi sexual = gay

gay = tantrums and tiara's"

truth is often so funny

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"Okay I have enbraced more of your suggestions into my profile,do you think I am being too honest now?

I am looking for someone who likes a chat and a laugh, who appreciates the subtler pleasures in life.

NB I am also married,fat,love Gregs and very very well endowed!

Looks or race not important as I would fuck a 3 day old doughnut if it had the right size hole.

Oh dear - better hide my cock ring doughnut photo...

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

"For those that missed it....

Please ignore the fact that the pictures were taken 12 years ago. We were quite a catch back in the day!

We do turn up if a meeting is arranged, probably half an hour later than arranged due to marital issues.

If you like what you see then get in touch!

Hmmm, wonder what direction to take the next version....

I notice you changed the spelling mistake

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Discrete cannot spell and have no idea what discreet means

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Discrete cannot spell and have no idea what discreet means"

The words discrete and discreet are pronounced in the same way and share the same origin but they do not mean the same thing. Discrete means‘ separate’, as in a finite number of discrete categories; , while discreet means‘ careful and circumspect’, as in you can rely on him to be discreet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wife is very shy = has been cocked more times than John Wayne's rifle

love it

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

Considerate smokers = Stinks of extra strong mints

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By *amschwingerzCouple
over a year ago

West

Party animals = Will turn up with four cans of Spar lager and will drink your eight cans of Stella

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Experienced = Lady has a fanny that looks and sounds like a snorting horse when she flops her legs open. Male has a cock that looks like a choritzo sausage, neither are fussy!!

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By *enaughty2Couple
over a year ago

colchester

A fantastic thread

so funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Average = 0-4"

WE = 4-6"

VWE = 6-7"

Hi = will you fuck me

Wow how pretty are you = will you fuck me

Stunning pics = will you fuck me

Great profile = will you fuck me

I'm new here = will you fuck me

Have you had a good weekend = will you fuck me

Where are you = will you fuck me

What are you in to = will you fuck me

Will you fuck me = will you suck my knob!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Average = 0-4"

WE = 4-6"

VWE = 6-7"

Hi = will you fuck me

Wow how pretty are you = will you fuck me

Stunning pics = will you fuck me

Great profile = will you fuck me

I'm new here = will you fuck me

Have you had a good weekend = will you fuck me

Where are you = will you fuck me

What are you in to = will you fuck me

Will you fuck me = will you suck my knob!"

Guilty on all counts

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"Pic of guy in army/fireman uniform = all womane fancy a squaddie/fireman so I dont need a profile/personality."

same as..

'look at my big powerfull bike, car, truck, millenium falcon....

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Average = 0-4"

WE = 4-6"

VWE = 6-7"

Hi = will you fuck me

Wow how pretty are you = will you fuck me

Stunning pics = will you fuck me

Great profile = will you fuck me

I'm new here = will you fuck me

Have you had a good weekend = will you fuck me

Where are you = will you fuck me

What are you in to = will you fuck me

Will you fuck me = will you suck my knob!"

This is far too close to the truth! Very good!

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By *mma peelWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Average = 0-4"

WE = 4-6"

VWE = 6-7"

Hi = will you fuck me

Wow how pretty are you = will you fuck me

Stunning pics = will you fuck me

Great profile = will you fuck me

I'm new here = will you fuck me

Have you had a good weekend = will you fuck

Where are you = will you fuck me

What are you in to = will you fuck me

Will you fuck me = will you suck my knob!"

Lol xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tag Team = Giant Haystacks & Big Daddy are gonna be knocking on your door

(him)

...ermmmm mrs has just nipped out to the ermmm garage, ermm i mean shops, ermmm make that trading standards.

(her)

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By *eanut-butterCouple
over a year ago

Retford

A ha this is so funny we laid in bed pissing our selfs ( not in that way all you piss loving freaks ) wonder how long before you get banned from the forums buy the forum police

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Friend Request=Get the pics out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mobile Number on profile for every Tom, Dick & Harriet = Desperado

'him'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Read the peofile and they will be the opposite of what is stated

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By *coobyScrappyCouple
over a year ago

norwich

have read all the above and been chuckling for ages. thanks guys - hilarious xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For those that missed it....

Please ignore the fact that the pictures were taken 12 years ago. We were quite a catch back in the day!

We do turn up if a meeting is arranged, probably half an hour later than arranged due to marital issues.

If you like what you see then get in touch!

Hmmm, wonder what direction to take the next version....

Have you had much luck with that profile then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow! Way to bump an ancient thread..... Quiet Saturday afternoon is it? No footy on?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yep!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'Loves to give oral = is either a crap shag or hung like a chinese mouse'

i just love that line! well done!"

Me too and its often true!

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