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"Ps. Also as we live in Mombasa, Kenya (There's not a lot of swinging well none really happening out here)." Oh. | |||
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"You don't convince or persuade anyone. It has to be something they want to do. Talk to her, swinging requires open discussion about sex. Find out what her fantasies are, chat about swinging in general and see what she wants. It's a two way thing and no matter how badly you might want it, if she says no then that's your answer. Don't confuse the fact that she's turned on by talking about something with her wanting to do it. You truly do need to discuss it with her in an every day conversation, not while you're having sex and while you're both sober." Yes. This is exactly what I was trying to say just a bit better explained xx | |||
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"Thanks ???? ps you have some gorgeous pictures on your profile x" If you use the reply and quote button we will know who you're replying to.  | |||
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"You don't convince or persuade anyone. It has to be something they want to do. Talk to her, swinging requires open discussion about sex. Find out what her fantasies are, chat about swinging in general and see what she wants. It's a two way thing and no matter how badly you might want it, if she says no then that's your answer. Don't confuse the fact that she's turned on by talking about something with her wanting to do it. You truly do need to discuss it with her in an every day conversation, not while you're having sex and while you're both sober." Succinct answer.heed this ladies advice  | |||
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"Thanks ???? ps you have some gorgeous pictures on your profile x If you use the reply and quote button we will know who you're replying to. "Ps my bad! Thanks for all your advice though, I think you're right in that it's better to bring up the topic as a whole! I just need to find the right moment | |||
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"Thanks ???? ps you have some gorgeous pictures on your profile x If you use the reply and quote button we will know who you're replying to.
Ps my bad! Thanks for all your advice though, I think you're right in that it's better to bring up the topic as a whole! I just need to find the right moment "My advice would be sit down with a drink (non alcoholic) one evening and just have a discussion around sex in general. Emphasise that you're happy with your current sex life but are eager to explore and expand together. Women (I can't comment on men not being one  ) will often feel that you're suggesting that they aren't enough for you or in some way not good enough if you suggest involving other people. Reassure her that isn't the case as long as it's true. Really listen to what she's saying and don't assume that you know what she's thinking, hopefully she will listen to you in the same way.
She might conclude that swinging or threesome or whatever isn't for her but you will both learn things about each other that might enhance your sex life anyway. | |||
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"You don't convince or persuade anyone. It has to be something they want to do. " I don't find this true at all. People are bought up in monoganous societies as the default. They aren't walking around with secret swinging desires, just waiting to be asked if they'd like another cock. Swinging effectively requires the rejection of many assumptions most of us were given as children. That does require convincing because the person needs reassurance about a whole range of things that they will worry about because of the change. | |||
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"You don't convince or persuade anyone. It has to be something they want to do. I don't find this true at all. People are bought up in monoganous societies as the default. They aren't walking around with secret swinging desires, just waiting to be asked if they'd like another cock. Swinging effectively requires the rejection of many assumptions most of us were given as children. That does require convincing because the person needs reassurance about a whole range of things that they will worry about because of the change. " Yes, I agree with that to an extent. After I'd typed it I thought I should have been much clearer. If after discussion the answer is no, you can't (or shouldn't try to) convince or persuade would have been better phrasing.I think I made that point in a later post. As an aside I'm reading a novel at the moment by Ray Kluun who describes himself as a monophobic. | |||
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"You don't convince or persuade anyone. It has to be something they want to do. I don't find this true at all. People are bought up in monoganous societies as the default. They aren't walking around with secret swinging desires, just waiting to be asked if they'd like another cock. Swinging effectively requires the rejection of many assumptions most of us were given as children. That does require convincing because the person needs reassurance about a whole range of things that they will worry about because of the change. Yes, I agree with that to an extent. After I'd typed it I thought I should have been much clearer. If after discussion the answer is no, you can't (or shouldn't try to) convince or persuade would have been better phrasing.I think I made that point in a later post. As an aside I'm reading a novel at the moment by Ray Kluun who describes himself as a monophobic." It all depends on the reason. If the person says "no that would compromise my personal morals" then you should definitely leave it. If the person says "no you wouldn't love me if i fucked another man" then they are really saying that they want more reassurance. | |||
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"You don't convince or persuade anyone. It has to be something they want to do. I don't find this true at all. People are bought up in monoganous societies as the default. They aren't walking around with secret swinging desires, just waiting to be asked if they'd like another cock. Swinging effectively requires the rejection of many assumptions most of us were given as children. That does require convincing because the person needs reassurance about a whole range of things that they will worry about because of the change. Yes, I agree with that to an extent. After I'd typed it I thought I should have been much clearer. If after discussion the answer is no, you can't (or shouldn't try to) convince or persuade would have been better phrasing.I think I made that point in a later post. As an aside I'm reading a novel at the moment by Ray Kluun who describes himself as a monophobic. It all depends on the reason. If the person says "no that would compromise my personal morals" then you should definitely leave it. If the person says "no you wouldn't love me if i fucked another man" then they are really saying that they want more reassurance. " Are they? If they really believe that love = sexual fidelity no amount of reassurance will convince or persuade them otherwise in my opinion. I think in general we need to respect that some people don't want to fuck anyone but their own partner and want their partner to be the same for all sorts of reasons. I've seen too many unwilling partners to think that persuasion is a great idea. How you solve the mismatched belief system that only becomes evident years into a relationship I don't know. | |||
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"Monophobic! Love it! Sums it up!" It's a desperately sad story based on his life. His wife dealt with his monophobia in the time honoured way of ignoring it. | |||
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"You don't convince or persuade anyone. It has to be something they want to do. I don't find this true at all. People are bought up in monoganous societies as the default. They aren't walking around with secret swinging desires, just waiting to be asked if they'd like another cock. Swinging effectively requires the rejection of many assumptions most of us were given as children. That does require convincing because the person needs reassurance about a whole range of things that they will worry about because of the change. Yes, I agree with that to an extent. After I'd typed it I thought I should have been much clearer. If after discussion the answer is no, you can't (or shouldn't try to) convince or persuade would have been better phrasing.I think I made that point in a later post. As an aside I'm reading a novel at the moment by Ray Kluun who describes himself as a monophobic. It all depends on the reason. If the person says "no that would compromise my personal morals" then you should definitely leave it. If the person says "no you wouldn't love me if i fucked another man" then they are really saying that they want more reassurance. Are they? If they really believe that love = sexual fidelity no amount of reassurance will convince or persuade them otherwise in my opinion. " I don't know what you mean by "really believe"? In 99.9% of people, the assumed connection between love and sex was handed down to them, long before they could think it through for themselves. Most people will go through life and never question that assumption, just ending up continually surprised and angry at a world that doesn't work like they expect. " I think in general we need to respect that some people don't want to fuck anyone but their own partner and want their partner to be the same for all sorts of reasons. I've seen too many unwilling partners to think that persuasion is a great idea. How you solve the mismatched belief system that only becomes evident years into a relationship I don't know. " At the biological level, we know that the majority would like to. We also know that the majority will, albeit in the form of cheating and not swinging. | |||
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"Its way too soon to be bringing up " threesomes/ swingers etc enjoy each other get to know one another in time ul find out more what turns her on! Discuss a sex toy to be brought into bed see how she is with it then say " what if this was a real cock etc take it from there! Obv only talking from experience dont bring up anything for a good few mths then u can slowly!!! Good luck! Ps love honey has the purple rabbit g spot dildo its fabulous she will love u playing with her! I love mine! Byeeee" I bought it up before we even had our first date. Now we are married. 5 years going strong. | |||
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"You don't convince or persuade anyone. It has to be something they want to do. I don't find this true at all. People are bought up in monoganous societies as the default. They aren't walking around with secret swinging desires, just waiting to be asked if they'd like another cock. Swinging effectively requires the rejection of many assumptions most of us were given as children. That does require convincing because the person needs reassurance about a whole range of things that they will worry about because of the change. Yes, I agree with that to an extent. After I'd typed it I thought I should have been much clearer. If after discussion the answer is no, you can't (or shouldn't try to) convince or persuade would have been better phrasing.I think I made that point in a later post. As an aside I'm reading a novel at the moment by Ray Kluun who describes himself as a monophobic. It all depends on the reason. If the person says "no that would compromise my personal morals" then you should definitely leave it. If the person says "no you wouldn't love me if i fucked another man" then they are really saying that they want more reassurance. Are they? If they really believe that love = sexual fidelity no amount of reassurance will convince or persuade them otherwise in my opinion. I don't know what you mean by "really believe"? In 99.9% of people, the assumed connection between love and sex was handed down to them, long before they could think it through for themselves. Most people will go through life and never question that assumption, just ending up continually surprised and angry at a world that doesn't work like they expect. I think in general we need to respect that some people don't want to fuck anyone but their own partner and want their partner to be the same for all sorts of reasons. I've seen too many unwilling partners to think that persuasion is a great idea. How you solve the mismatched belief system that only becomes evident years into a relationship I don't know. At the biological level, we know that the majority would like to. We also know that the majority will, albeit in the form of cheating and not swinging. " When I say "really believe" I mean just that. They may not have followed a non monogamy line of questioning that belief but nevertheless they really believe that their opinion is the right one for them. I doubt all the people trying to convince, persuade or otherwise get their partners into swinging have given the subject the amount of consideration some have. | |||
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"Its way too soon to be bringing up " threesomes/ swingers etc enjoy each other get to know one another in time ul find out more what turns her on! Discuss a sex toy to be brought into bed see how she is with it then say " what if this was a real cock etc take it from there! Obv only talking from experience dont bring up anything for a good few mths then u can slowly!!! Good luck! Ps love honey has the purple rabbit g spot dildo its fabulous she will love u playing with her! I love mine! Byeeee" I think if you know that you don't want monogamy you should mention it on a first date along with all the other non-negotiable requirements you have. Mine also include must have a cat, a warm house and a BDSM element. If I was ever in a first date position again I'd be encouraging this kind of discussion. | |||
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"You don't convince or persuade anyone. It has to be something they want to do. I don't find this true at all. People are bought up in monoganous societies as the default. They aren't walking around with secret swinging desires, just waiting to be asked if they'd like another cock. Swinging effectively requires the rejection of many assumptions most of us were given as children. That does require convincing because the person needs reassurance about a whole range of things that they will worry about because of the change. Yes, I agree with that to an extent. After I'd typed it I thought I should have been much clearer. If after discussion the answer is no, you can't (or shouldn't try to) convince or persuade would have been better phrasing.I think I made that point in a later post. As an aside I'm reading a novel at the moment by Ray Kluun who describes himself as a monophobic. It all depends on the reason. If the person says "no that would compromise my personal morals" then you should definitely leave it. If the person says "no you wouldn't love me if i fucked another man" then they are really saying that they want more reassurance. Are they? If they really believe that love = sexual fidelity no amount of reassurance will convince or persuade them otherwise in my opinion. I don't know what you mean by "really believe"? In 99.9% of people, the assumed connection between love and sex was handed down to them, long before they could think it through for themselves. Most people will go through life and never question that assumption, just ending up continually surprised and angry at a world that doesn't work like they expect. I think in general we need to respect that some people don't want to fuck anyone but their own partner and want their partner to be the same for all sorts of reasons. I've seen too many unwilling partners to think that persuasion is a great idea. How you solve the mismatched belief system that only becomes evident years into a relationship I don't know. At the biological level, we know that the majority would like to. We also know that the majority will, albeit in the form of cheating and not swinging. When I say "really believe" I mean just that. They may not have followed a non monogamy line of questioning that belief but nevertheless they really believe that their opinion is the right one for them. I doubt all the people trying to convince, persuade or otherwise get their partners into swinging have given the subject the amount of consideration some have. " Yes, i agree. I think starting a monogamous relationship and hoping to switch to a non-monogamous one later is a terrible strategy that works for a small percentage of people. | |||
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"Its way too soon to be bringing up " threesomes/ swingers etc enjoy each other get to know one another in time ul find out more what turns her on! Discuss a sex toy to be brought into bed see how she is with it then say " what if this was a real cock etc take it from there! Obv only talking from experience dont bring up anything for a good few mths then u can slowly!!! Good luck! Ps love honey has the purple rabbit g spot dildo its fabulous she will love u playing with her! I love mine! Byeeee I think if you know that you don't want monogamy you should mention it on a first date along with all the other non-negotiable requirements you have. Mine also include must have a cat, a warm house and a BDSM element. If I was ever in a first date position again I'd be encouraging this kind of discussion." Exactly, it's like any other deal breaker. If you have three kids from a previous relationship then it's best to bring that up before the third date! | |||
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"Yes I agree with this too! So we had a small chat in the morning, however was barely a chat.. Told her how me whispering about another cock in her mouth whilst I was fucking her made her so horny etc to which she just smiled cheekily and said you like threesomes don’t you, I didn’t really respond.. I then brought up fantasies and she said we should talk about that when we have more time.. " Propose. Now. Do it. | |||
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"Google 'mojo upgrade'. It's a website where you both answer questions about your fantasies then it only shows you the answers where you both said 'yes'. " I definitely will check this out!!! | |||
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"Try asking her if she would like a cup of tea  "Lol she loves tea | |||
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"Yes I agree with this too! So we had a small chat in the morning, however was barely a chat.. Told her how me whispering about another cock in her mouth whilst I was fucking her made her so horny etc to which she just smiled cheekily and said you like threesomes don’t you, I didn’t really respond.. I then brought up fantasies and she said we should talk about that when we have more time.. " Why didn't you respond, it was an opportunity to simply reply "yes, do you?" Seize the moment | |||
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"Yes I agree with this too! So we had a small chat in the morning, however was barely a chat.. Told her how me whispering about another cock in her mouth whilst I was fucking her made her so horny etc to which she just smiled cheekily and said you like threesomes don’t you, I didn’t really respond.. I then brought up fantasies and she said we should talk about that when we have more time.. " I think the way she's responded to both questions I think you should slow down a bit. It sounds if your pushing it a bit. Stick with the heat of the moment chat but wait a wee while before bringing it up again. You click sexually...Don't spoil it x | |||
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"Yes I agree with this too! So we had a small chat in the morning, however was barely a chat.. Told her how me whispering about another cock in her mouth whilst I was fucking her made her so horny etc to which she just smiled cheekily and said you like threesomes don’t you, I didn’t really respond.. I then brought up fantasies and she said we should talk about that when we have more time.. I think the way she's responded to both questions I think you should slow down a bit. It sounds if your pushing it a bit. Stick with the heat of the moment chat but wait a wee while before bringing it up again. You click sexually...Don't spoil it x" Thanks for this, I feel like I'm pushing a bit too much too and yes the sex is amazing! I also feel that's the best way to do it in terms of the heat of the moment chat. What would you think about maybe getting her a dildo or something after a few weeks or so and surprising her with that too? You've got me in a nutshell in terms of I don't want to spoil this at all and also hence why I didn't seize the moment as per the above comment. | |||
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"Yes I agree with this too! So we had a small chat in the morning, however was barely a chat.. Told her how me whispering about another cock in her mouth whilst I was fucking her made her so horny etc to which she just smiled cheekily and said you like threesomes don’t you, I didn’t really respond.. I then brought up fantasies and she said we should talk about that when we have more time.. I think the way she's responded to both questions I think you should slow down a bit. It sounds if your pushing it a bit. Stick with the heat of the moment chat but wait a wee while before bringing it up again. You click sexually...Don't spoil it x Thanks for this, I feel like I'm pushing a bit too much too and yes the sex is amazing! I also feel that's the best way to do it in terms of the heat of the moment chat. What would you think about maybe getting her a dildo or something after a few weeks or so and surprising her with that too? You've got me in a nutshell in terms of I don't want to spoil this at all and also hence why I didn't seize the moment as per the above comment." If she doesn't want to be involved in swinging in any way would you want a long term relationship with her? Re the surprising her with a dildo. Mr N often surprises me with toys, erotic outfits etc. he knows me very, very well and has an idea of what I will like. If you don't know someone really well surprises can go wrong. The great thing about a good sex life is the good communication you establish, work on that, chat to her about dildoes and choose one together. What I'm trying to encourage you to do is involve her fully in this rather than try and find out things from strangers, you'll get much more informative answers from her. | |||
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"Yes I agree with this too! So we had a small chat in the morning, however was barely a chat.. Told her how me whispering about another cock in her mouth whilst I was fucking her made her so horny etc to which she just smiled cheekily and said you like threesomes don’t you, I didn’t really respond.. I then brought up fantasies and she said we should talk about that when we have more time.. I think the way she's responded to both questions I think you should slow down a bit. It sounds if your pushing it a bit. Stick with the heat of the moment chat but wait a wee while before bringing it up again. You click sexually...Don't spoil it x Thanks for this, I feel like I'm pushing a bit too much too and yes the sex is amazing! I also feel that's the best way to do it in terms of the heat of the moment chat. What would you think about maybe getting her a dildo or something after a few weeks or so and surprising her with that too? You've got me in a nutshell in terms of I don't want to spoil this at all and also hence why I didn't seize the moment as per the above comment. If she doesn't want to be involved in swinging in any way would you want a long term relationship with her? Re the surprising her with a dildo. Mr N often surprises me with toys, erotic outfits etc. he knows me very, very well and has an idea of what I will like. If you don't know someone really well surprises can go wrong. The great thing about a good sex life is the good communication you establish, work on that, chat to her about dildoes and choose one together. What I'm trying to encourage you to do is involve her fully in this rather than try and find out things from strangers, you'll get much more informative answers from her." Thanks for all the advice L, Yes I may still want a long term relationship with her. I think swinging is something that could also tempt her at a later stage but it would be nice to see if she would be open to that and not shut it out completely. Which is something I need to ask her straight up. Re the dildo. I know her fairly well I'd say and think she'd enjoy some dildo play as well. Just from how horny that session got her where i whispered stuff in her ear whilst fucking her and fed her my fingers as a cock.. Also how hard she sucked on them.. It's probably one of the most horniest sessions we've had (she also said it's one of the best and horniest sessions we've had). I think picking a dildo together could be interesting 
So I'll involve her fully in the dildo purchasing idea and see how it goes! | |||
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"Yes I agree with this too! So we had a small chat in the morning, however was barely a chat.. Told her how me whispering about another cock in her mouth whilst I was fucking her made her so horny etc to which she just smiled cheekily and said you like threesomes don’t you, I didn’t really respond.. I then brought up fantasies and she said we should talk about that when we have more time.. I think the way she's responded to both questions I think you should slow down a bit. It sounds if your pushing it a bit. Stick with the heat of the moment chat but wait a wee while before bringing it up again. You click sexually...Don't spoil it x Thanks for this, I feel like I'm pushing a bit too much too and yes the sex is amazing! I also feel that's the best way to do it in terms of the heat of the moment chat. What would you think about maybe getting her a dildo or something after a few weeks or so and surprising her with that too? You've got me in a nutshell in terms of I don't want to spoil this at all and also hence why I didn't seize the moment as per the above comment. If she doesn't want to be involved in swinging in any way would you want a long term relationship with her? Re the surprising her with a dildo. Mr N often surprises me with toys, erotic outfits etc. he knows me very, very well and has an idea of what I will like. If you don't know someone really well surprises can go wrong. The great thing about a good sex life is the good communication you establish, work on that, chat to her about dildoes and choose one together. What I'm trying to encourage you to do is involve her fully in this rather than try and find out things from strangers, you'll get much more informative answers from her. Thanks for all the advice L, Yes I may still want a long term relationship with her. I think swinging is something that could also tempt her at a later stage but it would be nice to see if she would be open to that and not shut it out completely. Which is something I need to ask her straight up. Re the dildo. I know her fairly well I'd say and think she'd enjoy some dildo play as well. Just from how horny that session got her where i whispered stuff in her ear whilst fucking her and fed her my fingers as a cock.. Also how hard she sucked on them.. It's probably one of the most horniest sessions we've had (she also said it's one of the best and horniest sessions we've had). I think picking a dildo together could be interesting
So I'll involve her fully in the dildo purchasing idea and see how it goes!"You're welcome. The thing about advice is to pick the bits you like and ignore the rest. I wish you a long, happy and healthy sex life | |||
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