FabSwingers.com forum: Introducing partner

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Alright so I am with the love of my life my soulmate and we are getting married soon. But I love the swingers lifestyle. We do discuss this and I do believe she would be open to explore. I have never done this in a relationship. So am trying to ease her in and not even overwhelm myself. I throwing his out there because I hope some of the veteran and even newbies could help and advise me. She’s not aware of the site as far as I know ( You never know at times) but I do now she is open to different and new things and she loves me as much if not more than I love her. As of now if any couples and single females see this please get in touch no meets needed atm am just trying to understand a way to introduce and make my wife to be as happy as I am and most defiantly comfortable and free. Ps thank you in advance we want to be together forever and any advice you gone would aid to our eternal happiness ( lol I know abit much )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Alright so I am with the love of my life my soulmate and we are getting married soon. But I love the swingers lifestyle. We do discuss this and I do believe she would be open to explore. I have never done this in a relationship. So am trying to ease her in and not even overwhelm myself. I throwing his out there because I hope some of the veteran and even newbies could help and advise me. She’s not aware of the site as far as I know ( You never know at times) but I do now she is open to different and new things and she loves me as much if not more than I love her. As of now if any couples and single females see this please get in touch no meets needed atm am just trying to understand a way to introduce and make my wife to be as happy as I am and most defiantly comfortable and free. Ps thank you in advance we want to be together forever and any advice you gone would aid to our eternal happiness ( lol I know abit much ) "

Advise from someone who got married last year. Forget the swinging for a while settle into your marriage, discuss your sexual desires you may find she loves the idea of more than one lover, that may lead to further action. I'd also delete your profile imagine how you'd feel if she had a POF account and was doing it behind your back?

The last thing you want is trust issues so soon into a marriage.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I met my other half on here, both of us had been around the block a few times yet took time out to get to know us.

Can't help but think, despite your protestations of love, poor cow!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I met my other half on here, both of us had been around the block a few times yet took time out to get to know us.

Can't help but think, despite your protestations of love, poor cow!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does she know about your profile?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The last thing you want is trust issues so soon into a marriage. "

This

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By *andS66Couple
over a year ago

Derby

Show her your profile. Tell her how much you want to see her fucking other people.

Our guess is you'll be the first one she fucks.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If she is your soul mate why can't you discuss this with her openly and with love. That is truly the only way forward in an open, honest and lovingly communicative relationship.

You say a couple of times that you think you know that she would be interested and you don't think she knows about this site. You have to know...not think you know.

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By *offee with MilkCouple
over a year ago

Over the roundabout and then turn right.

Delete your profile and stop playing behind her back.

Discuss it with her and if she is willing, then visit a club together with absolutely no pressure to play. Allow her to make up her own mind. If she decides to leave then go with her and close all your swing doors.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

I note the OP joined the site six months ago. One assumes that was at a time when marriage with the "love of his life" was on the horizon. Apparently she doesn't know about this site, hence it would appear that despite this massive live, he was looking to meet other people for sex behind her back.

Of course, it's none of my business, but if you are doing that sort of thing even before you are married, I would advise, with every fibre of my being, don't fucking get married!

You clearly aren't on the same wave length and don't have sufficient trust with your partner to get married. I would suggest talking to her honestly about your needs and desires and then deciding if both of you still want to get married.

Of you carry on as you are, you will both be bloody miserable pretty soon down the line.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Delete your profile and stop playing behind her back.

I mainly agree with this except the 'close all your swing doors'. You shouldn't have to. If she loves you then she should be willing to at least discuss it with you with an open mind and listen to your wants and needs. All too often advice is given where the person who wants to swing has to just forget the whole idea. I don't think that is fair on that person, but not is it fair to make the unwilling partner feel pressurised into swinging. There is no easy answer.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

"Delete your profile and stop playing behind her back.

Thing is, and without being provocative, if you say to 95% of women "darling, I would like to fuck other women when we are married and as it happens I am currently on a swingers site", you'd be dumped before you knew what hit you.

To those women, asking them to consider with an open mind that you won't be sexually faithful to them is like them asking you to consider with an open mind never having sex after you are married.

It's completely non negotiable.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Delete your profile and stop playing behind her back.

If he loves her he should be discussing this with her, not people who know neither him nor her.

I agree that in a relationship that is going to last each person needs to consider the other's needs including sexual fantasies that they might never have previously considered. However if one of your fantasies is something that requires absolute trust and honesty it's not a great idea to start the journey without your partner.

To the op I would repeat my advice. Talk to your partner and listen to her responses.

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By *offee with MilkCouple
over a year ago

Over the roundabout and then turn right.

By "close your swing doors" I mean that if she is not interested in the lifestyle and doesn't want him to be involved in it either, then the only way for a lasting marriage is to become completely monogamous

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

I believe if u truly know each other then the subject will always slip out. If no interest in 3 some porn or girl girl out ur fantasy to bed coz sharing isn't for everyone

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By *pocalypse10Couple
over a year ago

coventry

We started by watching porn together and discussing our fantasies of having multiple sexual partners. It took a few years before moving onto fulfilling those fantasies but 10 years together and a few years swinging we have never looked back. Patience and honesty. But if your relationship is solid she'll at least be open to the fantasy side of it and see where it goes.

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By *icplshropsCouple
over a year ago

Rock

Communication is the key and you should really discuss this with her before getting married. Otherwise, if you’re left unfulfilled if she disagrees, then the possibility of ending in tears is a reality.

Discuss fantasties together and watch some related porn is a start. Don’t force her to swing if she disagrees, but you’ll need to seriously think if a lifetime without swinging is for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"By "close your swing doors" I mean that if she is not interested in the lifestyle and doesn't want him to be involved in it either, then the only way for a lasting marriage is to become completely monogamous

So the man has to live his life going without just to please her? It's all too often that those who want to swing have to make the sacrifice. Why can't the woman at least make an effort, compromise even by going to a club and just seeing what it's like, as a social I mean, not to play.

Surely a happy marriage is based on give and take and compromising for each other's happiness?

Why should the man just accept a no and be expected to live the rest of his life on his wife's terms, surely that's controlling?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Surely a happy marriage is based on give and take and compromising for each other's happiness?

Why should the man just accept a no and be expected to live the rest of his life on his wife's terms, surely that's controlling?"

I don't think that in a society where most of us go into relationships expecting monogamy that refusing to try something you don't want to do and might even have moral objections to is controlling. Who is the more controlling, the person who wants something or the person who doesn't?

I think that if you feel that someone is your soul mate but are not having conversations that ensure you're compatible on an emotional and physical level you're going to run on to trouble when you discover that a spiritual connection on an earthly level isn't enough. It's like saying to someone you claim to love I would love you more if only you would change. That's controlling in my opinion and not love at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly, which one is more controlling? I have no idea, but to me it's all about compromise in a serious relationship. If one person wants something but the other doesn't, and no compromise is reached, then that means one person is going to be living their life not totally happy, just to please the other person. It's not an easy situation to be in. One person is going to be unhappy.

I agree this should be discussed before the OP gets married, but there are hundreds of couples out there who were happy with monagomy but then decided they want to try swinging. So then what, if one wants to and the other doesn't? Who does the compromise?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Exactly, which one is more controlling? I have no idea, but to me it's all about compromise in a serious relationship. If one person wants something but the other doesn't, and no compromise is reached, then that means one person is going to be living their life not totally happy, just to please the other person. It's not an easy situation to be in. One person is going to be unhappy.

It's an age old problem isn't it. Compromise often means both aren't entirely happy but that leads on to the more complicated question of just how much happiness is anyone entitled to?

Any long term relationship means compromise in nearly every area. I suppose it depends on individual couples.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's an age old problem isn't it. Compromise often means both aren't entirely happy but that leads on to the more complicated question of just how much happiness is anyone entitled to?

Any long term relationship means compromise in nearly every area. I suppose it depends on individual couples."

Surely everyone in life is entitled to as much happiness as they can get. Haha.... its no wonder so many marriage don't last

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I believe the reason so many marriages break down is due to lack of clear two way communication not compromise. I think if people communicated effectively before marriage they wouldn't end up with the wrong partners. We trust to luck and romance far too much.

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By *andS66Couple
over a year ago

Derby

Surely a happy marriage is based on give and take and compromising for each other's happiness?

Why should the man just accept a no and be expected to live the rest of his life on his wife's terms, surely that's controlling?"

So there's nothing you wouldn't do then, if your other half wanted something?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely a happy marriage is based on give and take and compromising for each other's happiness?

Why should the man just accept a no and be expected to live the rest of his life on his wife's terms, surely that's controlling?

So there's nothing you wouldn't do then, if your other half wanted something?"

I would like to think that we could reach a compromise. I wouldn't just say an instant no without listening and looking at solutions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely a happy marriage is based on give and take and compromising for each other's happiness?

Why should the man just accept a no and be expected to live the rest of his life on his wife's terms, surely that's controlling?

So there's nothing you wouldn't do then, if your other half wanted something?

I would like to think that we could reach a compromise. I wouldn't just say an instant no without listening and looking at solutions."

Unless of course it was something illegal.

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By *offee with MilkCouple
over a year ago

Over the roundabout and then turn right.

Assuming she wants monogamy and he doesn't, what sort of compromise could be reached?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Assuming she wants monogamy and he doesn't, what sort of compromise could be reached?

That is the big question, to which there is no easy answer. Someone is going to be unhappy.

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By *eepgliderMan
over a year ago

Chacewater

If the two of you should be together and this is only about how to ease along onto the right path...

First thing is to let her see that "swingers" do not have two heads or some other absurd image. Find that there's all sorts, in general they are friendly, open and frank, there's a lot of happiness around, etc.

Maybe back-out at that point and reflect a bit having got there - don't try to organise a 17-guy gangbang on the first visit

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By *randmrsminxyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

So if the shoe was on the other foot ,and she sat you down and showed you her profile with some verifications on ther .You would be perfectly fine with this . Or would you feel betrayed ? Guessing the latter

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By *eepgliderMan
over a year ago

Chacewater

"So if the shoe was on the other foot ,and she sat you down and showed you her profile with some verifications on ther .You would be perfectly fine with this . Or would you feel betrayed ? Guessing the latter "

Good question...!

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By *andS66Couple
over a year ago

Derby

Surely a happy marriage is based on give and take and compromising for each other's happiness?

Why should the man just accept a no and be expected to live the rest of his life on his wife's terms, surely that's controlling?

So there's nothing you wouldn't do then, if your other half wanted something?

I would like to think that we could reach a compromise. I wouldn't just say an instant no without listening and looking at solutions."

Bareback then?

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By *ollyGWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

If she doesn't know you are on here then I feel really sorry for her, no matter how she will feel when/if you tell her, not a good start to a marriage!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do we have the ability to listen yet find it so hard to communicate.

You say the lady in question is the love of your life goddamit.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

Hi op

Delete this profile and talk to your wife to be about this.

Maybe ask her how she would feel about a club or show her this site.

If she is totally against it then you have a big decision to make,either move on with her and forget this lifestyle or carry on behind her back....

It's a massive thing to drop on her once you wed, so best getting it out in the open.

You say you think she would be interested, what makes you say that?.

I hope you make the right decision ,she deserves the truth and you wont be truly happy living a double life.

Miss

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By *offee with MilkCouple
over a year ago

Over the roundabout and then turn right.

"Hi op

Delete this profile and talk to your wife to be about this.

Maybe ask her how she would feel about a club or show her this site.

If she is totally against it then you have a big decision to make,either move on with her and forget this lifestyle or carry on behind her back....

It's a massive thing to drop on her once you wed, so best getting it out in the open.

You say you think she would be interested, what makes you say that?.

I hope you make the right decision ,she deserves the truth and you wont be truly happy living a double life.

Miss"

This is what I was trying to say, but your wording is much better.

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By *voncouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Why not just throw her in at the deep end and take her dogging. If you think this is not wise then you have all you need to do the right thing - either cancel you profile on Fab and any other site or app aiming to help people get together and form a strong living relationship where, in time, you might mutually decide to dip your toes together into the swing scene OR, if you are not prepared to develop a elation ship, be fair to each other and have a really honest talk before embarking on marriage

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Things should be equal and honest. When you can improve your communication between the two of you, so that you both know the other's desires and the person behind the facade, it would be a better foundation for the relationship, surely?

Anything forced isn't good. If you are to swing, she needs to want it and do it on her own time.

Do you have commitment issues, trying to reformulate what you are entering into from the marriage?

Realize you may throw her, by showing yourself as a different person, with very different expectations to her, so now is the time for you to get real about what you are doing to her and take steps to support her and your relationship together.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all for your advice and criticism she is aware of my profile and I have not done any meets since it’s been set up I am going to go with the approach of taking a step back and see where we go as we have had convasations about the swinging lifestyle and both our past but once again thank you all you have all been very helpful

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I would be open and hear her out

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