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Wrong doing !!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Just a question for all the real doms and subs.

What is it now a days most so called dom men do wrong things ?

And also with the subs too ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not building up trust. They assume rough equals being a dom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think one of the issues is that some don't understand what being a true Dom is.

We all know them the ones that dont respect peoples wishes, dont respect others dynamics and in general demand things that they dont have the right to do. See i think it comes down simply to the difference between Dominant and Domineering behaviour.

Lets start with the definition of domineering: Assert one’s will over another in an arrogant way or inclined to exercise arbitrary and overbearing control over others.

This means that a domineering person will often use some kind of threat to assert there will. Therefore, people do what they want to avoid some kind of a bad outcome. They have a arrogant manner to them. They dont learn and feel that there way is the right way.

Now if you look at a dominant person, they inspire people to do what they ask. They want to do it to please them. They tend to be well liked and know and respected in the local comminity.

They act with confidence of who they are and their knowledge. Those around them will often go above and beyond for them and they will be respected for it.

Straight away we can see the differences between these two styles if you like.

I think one of the problems is the terms dominant and domineering have been almost bundled together in the vanilla world and as such so many people now see dominant people as domineering those around them. And as such Dominance can be seen as abusive, controlling.

And within the scene people mistake domineering individuals as Dominant whete really you can not get further from the truth.

So how do we spot those who are domineering and as such dangerous.

Simply put if we look back at the definition of Domineering one word stands out Arrogant.

With this in mind could we not say Domineering = A arrogant person.

Dominant. = A Confident Person

So taking this account what so we know about and Arrogant Person

1. Gets defensive when challenged.

We have all seen them they know they are right always and if you disagree they can angry, fight and bully. They will often simple start throwing fists.

2. Childish

If you challenge them they will sulk, throw a tantrum, storm off, throw insults and communicate in a petty manner.

3. Aggressive

An aggressive person often goes into a situation looking for a fight. They will be intimidating and will bully those seen as less or weaker.

4. Threatens

This one is interesting to observe. The arrogant person will get loud and make various threats, when confronted with resistence to his needs.

In contast a Confident Person

1. Has nothing to prove.

They know without question, who they are. They so not have to demand attention. They are slow to anger but they will however, if the situation warrants, make it very clear through his eye contact and body language that he will ifneeded take action.

2. Child-like.

Feels at ease is child-like ways often will come out around those he loves, a playful and teasing nature, there is a mirth one sees in their eyes is genuine and infective.

3. Resolute

They will calmly stand there ground, will defend thise he loves when needed. Feels safe standing up for their moral code and views without putting others down for theirs.

4. Messes with their minds

They have the ability to play with someone’s head. Often, the person on the receiving end won’t quite know for certain what happened and if it was derogatory, funny, witty, etc. But will not do it out of malice or spite

So in conclussion watch out for arrogance unless you want a domineering partner. If on the offer hand you want a true Dominant look for a natural confidence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its neally impossible for a sub too trust and connect to a swinging dom .How can someone trust him if hes doing same too others .Idea is only to be with the dom.Well thats how i see it and done in passed . Only worked with one dom as i trusted him .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think its neally impossible for a sub too trust and connect to a swinging dom .How can someone trust him if hes doing same too others .Idea is only to be with the dom.Well thats how i see it and done in passed . Only worked with one dom as i trusted him ."

Surely trust is built within a relationship not just the act of play.

We lived a poly lifestyle for several years and had 2 submissive partners. They both trusted my 100% as we were 100% open and honest with everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think its neally impossible for a sub too trust and connect to a swinging dom .How can someone trust him if hes doing same too others .Idea is only to be with the dom.Well thats how i see it and done in passed . Only worked with one dom as i trusted him .

Surely trust is built within a relationship not just the act of play.

We lived a poly lifestyle for several years and had 2 submissive partners. They both trusted my 100% as we were 100% open and honest with everyone. "

Not many men have the ability to be honest though and great if you find him as works great,like yourselves

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Not building up trust. They assume rough equals being a dom. "

How do you think to build a trust ?? Rough,harder its the main part of being a dom !! But something more important involes in D/S relationship !!

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By *ornylittlesubWoman
over a year ago

Grangemouth

"Rough, Harder" have NOTHING to do with being a Dom. That's "Fab" Dom your thinking of.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think its neally impossible for a sub too trust and connect to a swinging dom .How can someone trust him if hes doing same too others .Idea is only to be with the dom.Well thats how i see it and done in passed . Only worked with one dom as i trusted him ."

Trust is the main key and first steps for D/S to work things around. And its for both as Dom or Sub cant do anything alone it self.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


""Rough, Harder" have NOTHING to do with being a Dom. That's "Fab" Dom your thinking of. "

I meant to say its more to work in between D/S relationship lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think one of the issues is that some don't understand what being a true Dom is.

We all know them the ones that dont respect peoples wishes, dont respect others dynamics and in general demand things that they dont have the right to do. See i think it comes down simply to the difference between Dominant and Domineering behaviour.

Lets start with the definition of domineering: Assert one’s will over another in an arrogant way or inclined to exercise arbitrary and overbearing control over others.

This means that a domineering person will often use some kind of threat to assert there will. Therefore, people do what they want to avoid some kind of a bad outcome. They have a arrogant manner to them. They dont learn and feel that there way is the right way.

Now if you look at a dominant person, they inspire people to do what they ask. They want to do it to please them. They tend to be well liked and know and respected in the local comminity.

They act with confidence of who they are and their knowledge. Those around them will often go above and beyond for them and they will be respected for it.

Straight away we can see the differences between these two styles if you like.

I think one of the problems is the terms dominant and domineering have been almost bundled together in the vanilla world and as such so many people now see dominant people as domineering those around them. And as such Dominance can be seen as abusive, controlling.

And within the scene people mistake domineering individuals as Dominant whete really you can not get further from the truth.

So how do we spot those who are domineering and as such dangerous.

Simply put if we look back at the definition of Domineering one word stands out Arrogant.

With this in mind could we not say Domineering = A arrogant person.

Dominant. = A Confident Person

So taking this account what so we know about and Arrogant Person

1. Gets defensive when challenged.

We have all seen them they know they are right always and if you disagree they can angry, fight and bully. They will often simple start throwing fists.

2. Childish

If you challenge them they will sulk, throw a tantrum, storm off, throw insults and communicate in a petty manner.

3. Aggressive

An aggressive person often goes into a situation looking for a fight. They will be intimidating and will bully those seen as less or weaker.

4. Threatens

This one is interesting to observe. The arrogant person will get loud and make various threats, when confronted with resistence to his needs.

In contast a Confident Person

1. Has nothing to prove.

They know without question, who they are. They so not have to demand attention. They are slow to anger but they will however, if the situation warrants, make it very clear through his eye contact and body language that he will ifneeded take action.

2. Child-like.

Feels at ease is child-like ways often will come out around those he loves, a playful and teasing nature, there is a mirth one sees in their eyes is genuine and infective.

3. Resolute

They will calmly stand there ground, will defend thise he loves when needed. Feels safe standing up for their moral code and views without putting others down for theirs.

4. Messes with their minds

They have the ability to play with someone’s head. Often, the person on the receiving end won’t quite know for certain what happened and if it was derogatory, funny, witty, etc. But will not do it out of malice or spite

So in conclussion watch out for arrogance unless you want a domineering partner. If on the offer hand you want a true Dominant look for a natural confidence."

Well said

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By *ornylittlesubWoman
over a year ago

Grangemouth

You can't get away with fek all on here. Be true...be you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So as always this is not based on any one thing or aimed at anyone. It simply comes from my mind not switching off at 2am in the morning.

It seems so easy to come online and label yourself a Dom, but is it truely that easy, just because you give yourself that title.

Simply because you can order someone to suck your cock, you own a black shirt and leather trousers and you may even own a cane or two does not make you a Dom.

Yes I will admit image, toys and even being able to give orders can be part of the overall package of being a Dom but on their own they dont make you a Dom.

So I suppose we need to define what makes a good Dominant.

So first of all is being a Dom nature or nurture.

To me its a bit of both, I think some people are naturally Alpha males or Alpha Females but without learning the skills of Domination they would simply be dominant people.

These skills are like any other, in the right enviroment and given the right tutors anyone can learn them. But just like any other lessons it comes down to how receptive the person is to learning them.

Now the natural Alpha Male/Female part of someone helps them be more suited to taking on a Dominant role than someone who is not a Alpha.

So what are the characteristics should we tell newbies to look out for when looking for a Dominant within the lifestyle.

For me a good Dominant should have a strong sense of ethics, be honest and should be respectful of others no matter their position in life.

In addition i feel a good Dominant should also possesses the very qualities of a normal descent person. Those of kindness, consideration, politeness, empathy, sympathy.

There is also a need for Confidence not Arrogance (there is a big difference)

Both confident and arrogant Doms have a strong belief in their own abilities. Those with confidence can easily overcome fears and uncertaint but also take ownership of their mistakes and learn from them. Arrogant people usually view themselves as superior and never admit their mistakes

As there are many skills to the art of domination a good Dominant tends to show a eagerness to learn, to grow and to understand that they are on a journey, just as much as a submissive is when entering the life style.

A common mistake that some Doms make is the idea that you have to be Domineering. They are easy to spot, as their attitude is brash and rude, their tone frequently crass and their treatment of submissives is generally negative and oppressive.

A Dominant controls their submissive not by being overbearing or through the use of threats or by belittling another, but rather by working on a more subtle level, influencing their thoughts, desires, needs and hopes – and through the simple action of showing they care for them.

They take responsibility for their submissive always being empathic towards them and sympathetic to their needs, knowing that for a submissive to give their best, they must be secure and confident in their submission.

Indeed, it is fair to say that the good Dominant is guided by their empathy towards their submissive and is able to step away from the dynamic and be supportive of their submissive when needed.

A good Dominant will instil trust and actively encourages communication. They do this by listen to their submissive and learn about them, their needs, hopes and desires. They also understand the importance of ongoing communication asall relationships grow and altee over time.

Certainly, the good Dominant will work to avoid emotional harm and/or seek to rectify matters where such may occur, however unintended.

And finally a good Dominant is a Dominant driven by love.

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman
over a year ago

B & M Bargains

Admin are being very quick to delete the links to where you copy and pasted your profile from!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

The OP didn't ask for his profile to be discussed. It is against rules to do so. If you think a persons profile needs to be reported do it from the profile itself

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"Admin are being very quick to delete the links to where you copy and pasted your profile from! "

Because it is against forum rules

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

https://www.fabswingers.com/content/forum-rules

In case anyone wants a refresh

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The OP didn't ask for his profile to be discussed. It is against rules to do so. If you think a persons profile needs to be reported do it from the profile itself"

True i agree all i did is ask for a simple question and try to put a real picture of a real dom !

But seems like telling a truth is a issue now a days with ppl on fab too. No wonder we all get miss guided on here lol

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

OK back to the OP now please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The OP didn't ask for his profile to be discussed. It is against rules to do so. If you think a persons profile needs to be reported do it from the profile itself

True i agree all i did is ask for a simple question and try to put a real picture of a real dom !

But seems like telling a truth is a issue now a days with ppl on fab too. No wonder we all get miss guided on here lol

"

The issue being it's your perception on being a dom. Just because someone may disagree or challenge you does not mean it's an issue.

Also truth is a very difficult thing to challenge when it's based on people's opinion.

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