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New to this. Etiquette and rules?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hi guys, we have made a few posts on the forum previously and you have all been great so we thought we would get some more help regarding etiquette and unwritten rules because we are really really new to this and nervous to boot.

We recently went to Amsterdam and visited SamePlace two nights in a row. The most nervous part was actually going through the door, but once we were in we were fine. We started sitting at the bar and talking and then we took our drinks and kinda went off on our own and acted like a couple of teenagers in a dark corner, just kissing and touching eachother. We were getting a lot of interest from couples and single men who seemed to be going out of there way to come by us, while it did make us feel good we are not interested in men participating whatsoever. We was kind of getting the feeling we were being rude because we kept ourselves to ourselves and being a bit anti social, in a way we were because we were new to it all and because of nerves. Was it wrong of us to have gone into a dark corner on our own to kiss and fondle like teenagers or should we have engaged and stayed with the rest of the people in the bar?

We are also starting to get the feeling that what we are looking for is wrong. Because we are only interested in females to join us it seems frowned upon. My wife has no interest in other men as she is happy with me, but she wants to explore with women because obviously I am not one lol and she understands that she has to somewhat share me with the woman otherwise it wouldn't be fair. But it seems its OK for a couple to go looking specifically for a single male to join them but if a couple goes looking specifically for a single woman its frowned upon. Maybe we are getting mixed up or looking to much into things. But it would be nice to know for future.

We are currently looking at a visit to Chams or Xtasia as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What you do in a club is up to you, and you shared some voyeuristic pleasure to others in the process. But staying and socialising is the only way you will find another person to play.

Nothing is wrong with you looking to meet bi women, though it's not so simple a task, as finding a single man to join you, it does happen. You may also find other couples who are happy to let the women go off to play while the men share a few beers, and end the evening with their own extremely horny partner.

Another avenue to explore is soft swap with other couples, there is plenty of scope there too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What you do in a club is up to you, and you shared some voyeuristic pleasure to others in the process. But staying and socialising is the only way you will find another person to play.

Nothing is wrong with you looking to meet bi women, though it's not so simple a task, as finding a single man to join you, it does happen. You may also find other couples who are happy to let the women go off to play while the men share a few beers, and end the evening with their own extremely horny partner.

Another avenue to explore is soft swap with other couples, there is plenty of scope there too.

"

Thank you very much for the reply. I think if we weren't so nervous we would of socialized more. Even if it was for friendly chat and nothing more. Hopefully next time we grow some balls and engage more. we are both a tad worried that general chat and friendlyness can be misunderstood by the Male who would take it upon himself to touch her. I'm sure we are thinking way too much into things and scaring ourselves to be honest.

I'm glad that what we are looking for isn't frowned upon and just hard to come by as finding it would make it all that more worth it.

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area


"What you do in a club is up to you, and you shared some voyeuristic pleasure to others in the process. But staying and socialising is the only way you will find another person to play.

Nothing is wrong with you looking to meet bi women, though it's not so simple a task, as finding a single man to join you, it does happen. You may also find other couples who are happy to let the women go off to play while the men share a few beers, and end the evening with their own extremely horny partner.

Another avenue to explore is soft swap with other couples, there is plenty of scope there too.

Thank you very much for the reply. I think if we weren't so nervous we would of socialized more. Even if it was for friendly chat and nothing more. Hopefully next time we grow some balls and engage more. we are both a tad worried that general chat and friendlyness can be misunderstood by the Male who would take it upon himself to touch her. I'm sure we are thinking way too much into things and scaring ourselves to be honest.

I'm glad that what we are looking for isn't frowned upon and just hard to come by as finding it would make it all that more worth it."

I sincerely hope that no male would just touch your lady !

You do need to chat to couples and after a little while, discuss what you are looking for. Bi ladies might be happier playing with just you and not want to involve the gent of the couple.

Another option is to approach single ladies in club's to find your female playmate.

Maybe go to a club on a bi night.

I suggest going to a club on a regular basis and you can then see how couples already play and get to know regulars. You will soon suss out the no ladies who may be interested.

Hope these give you some ideas on how to proceed .

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You need to say exactly what it is you want unapologetically. There's nothing wrong with how you want to go about things and the only unwritten rule is respect other people. On that note if someone touches you without permission tell them firmly to stop.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You need to say exactly what it is you want unapologetically. There's nothing wrong with how you want to go about things and the only unwritten rule is respect other people. On that note if someone touches you without permission tell them firmly to stop.

"

I wouldn't have any issue with telling the man to stop. We just didn't want to lead anyone on without realizing. One thing we for sure didn't realize is how you just say what you want and that's it. We thought it may be to blunt and mood killing and assumed we had to just go with the flow.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"You need to say exactly what it is you want unapologetically. There's nothing wrong with how you want to go about things and the only unwritten rule is respect other people. On that note if someone touches you without permission tell them firmly to stop.

I wouldn't have any issue with telling the man to stop. We just didn't want to lead anyone on without realizing. One thing we for sure didn't realize is how you just say what you want and that's it. We thought it may be to blunt and mood killing and assumed we had to just go with the flow."

You can say it without being blunt. But how is anyone ever going to get the kind of thing they enjoy unless they say?

We usually meet socially and discuss our preferences over a drink. That can be very enjoyable in itself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What you do in a club is up to you, and you shared some voyeuristic pleasure to others in the process. But staying and socialising is the only way you will find another person to play.

Nothing is wrong with you looking to meet bi women, though it's not so simple a task, as finding a single man to join you, it does happen. You may also find other couples who are happy to let the women go off to play while the men share a few beers, and end the evening with their own extremely horny partner.

Another avenue to explore is soft swap with other couples, there is plenty of scope there too.

Thank you very much for the reply. I think if we weren't so nervous we would of socialized more. Even if it was for friendly chat and nothing more. Hopefully next time we grow some balls and engage more. we are both a tad worried that general chat and friendlyness can be misunderstood by the Male who would take it upon himself to touch her. I'm sure we are thinking way too much into things and scaring ourselves to be honest.

I'm glad that what we are looking for isn't frowned upon and just hard to come by as finding it would make it all that more worth it.

I sincerely hope that no male would just touch your lady !

You do need to chat to couples and after a little while, discuss what you are looking for. Bi ladies might be happier playing with just you and not want to involve the gent of the couple.

Another option is to approach single ladies in club's to find your female playmate.

Maybe go to a club on a bi night.

I suggest going to a club on a regular basis and you can then see how couples already play and get to know regulars. You will soon suss out the no ladies who may be interested.

Hope these give you some ideas on how to proceed . "

One of the nights was a Bi Night at Same place. The women seemed to be showing interest in us both but I was getting a lot of smiles and winks from the men. I have no issue with gay or bi men whatsoever so I wasn't uncomfortable or anything more embarrassed and shy lol.

One thing that sucked though, we got a bit confident towards the end of the night and we had been eyeing and giggling like teenagers at a caged bed that had a curtain around it so people couldn't see in. Literally just as my wife was about to lead me in there a couple went in and shit the curtain!! We were devastated lol! We finally plucked the courage to do something and it got snatched away hahaha

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Shut* the curtain. Lol

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"What you do in a club is up to you, and you shared some voyeuristic pleasure to others in the process. But staying and socialising is the only way you will find another person to play.

Nothing is wrong with you looking to meet bi women, though it's not so simple a task, as finding a single man to join you, it does happen. You may also find other couples who are happy to let the women go off to play while the men share a few beers, and end the evening with their own extremely horny partner.

Another avenue to explore is soft swap with other couples, there is plenty of scope there too.

Thank you very much for the reply. I think if we weren't so nervous we would of socialized more. Even if it was for friendly chat and nothing more. Hopefully next time we grow some balls and engage more. we are both a tad worried that general chat and friendlyness can be misunderstood by the Male who would take it upon himself to touch her. I'm sure we are thinking way too much into things and scaring ourselves to be honest.

I'm glad that what we are looking for isn't frowned upon and just hard to come by as finding it would make it all that more worth it.

I sincerely hope that no male would just touch your lady !

You do need to chat to couples and after a little while, discuss what you are looking for. Bi ladies might be happier playing with just you and not want to involve the gent of the couple.

Another option is to approach single ladies in club's to find your female playmate.

Maybe go to a club on a bi night.

I suggest going to a club on a regular basis and you can then see how couples already play and get to know regulars. You will soon suss out the no ladies who may be interested.

Hope these give you some ideas on how to proceed .

One of the nights was a Bi Night at Same place. The women seemed to be showing interest in us both but I was getting a lot of smiles and winks from the men. I have no issue with gay or bi men whatsoever so I wasn't uncomfortable or anything more embarrassed and shy lol.

One thing that sucked though, we got a bit confident towards the end of the night and we had been eyeing and giggling like teenagers at a caged bed that had a curtain around it so people couldn't see in. Literally just as my wife was about to lead me in there a couple went in and shit the curtain!! We were devastated lol! We finally plucked the courage to do something and it got snatched away hahaha"

Need to put 20p on it like a pool table lol

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By *iffaWoman
over a year ago

wherever

“Shit the curtain”

Lol sorry but that made me laugh

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"“Shit the curtain”

Lol sorry but that made me laugh "

Bloody made me laugh as well and I wrote it.

Most certainly wouldn't lf gone in there if someone had wiped their ass on the curtain!

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

Nothing wrong with looking for a single woman but demographics are against you. Around 75% of profiles on here are single men and only 5% single women.

Also many single women are wary of meeting couples as they feel sometimes couples are rather selfish in their approach.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Nothing wrong with looking for a single woman but demographics are against you. Around 75% of profiles on here are single men and only 5% single women.

Also many single women are wary of meeting couples as they feel sometimes couples are rather selfish in their approach. "

This. 100%.

There are some ladies who meet though. It’s not impossible x

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"Nothing wrong with looking for a single woman but demographics are against you. Around 75% of profiles on here are single men and only 5% single women.

Also many single women are wary of meeting couples as they feel sometimes couples are rather selfish in their approach.

This. 100%.

There are some ladies who meet though. It’s not impossible x"

Indeed. I also think that lots of women might be wary about meeting people who have never done it before because of jealousies that might be unearthed.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Indeed. I also think that lots of women might be wary about meeting people who have never done it before because of jealousies that might be unearthed. "

I don’t meet couples now as I met two and both were very ‘us us us’ talking to each other about what they wanted to do to me and what he could and couldn’t do.

I’m an equal not a toy

These technicalities should have been discussed prior to the meet. Xx

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"Indeed. I also think that lots of women might be wary about meeting people who have never done it before because of jealousies that might be unearthed.

I don’t meet couples now as I met two and both were very ‘us us us’ talking to each other about what they wanted to do to me and what he could and couldn’t do.

I’m an equal not a toy

These technicalities should have been discussed prior to the meet. Xx"

Couples with masses of rules do my head in. It seems to me that if you are happy to have sex outside your relationship it really doesn't matter what particular activities you engage in.

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area


"Indeed.

Couples with masses of rules do my head in. It seems to me that if you are happy to have sex outside your relationship it really doesn't matter what particular activities you engage in. "

What !!!

This should have a thread of its own

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Well I did forget to mention we did partake in some activities with a woman back at our hotel.

There were most definitely not many rules and I can honestly say it was deffo not "us us us" and my wife had a fantastic time.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"Indeed.

Couples with masses of rules do my head in. It seems to me that if you are happy to have sex outside your relationship it really doesn't matter what particular activities you engage in.

What !!!

This should have a thread of its own "

The point is that if you have got over the barrier of "having sex with someone other than your partner is wrong", it seems to me of little moment what sexual activity you actually engage in with another person.

Just like it didn't make bill Clintons conduct any better that he only had oral sex with Monica Lewinsky.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

We really want to upload more clear pictures of ourselves but we worry about people we know seeing them as this isn't something we want known, especially to my wife's side of the family. We have a few in our friends only so we can see if we know the person before we allow them to see us. We don't mean that to come across as we are special or as a rule. Its a shame because I'm certain we would have no issues attracting people.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Indeed.

Couples with masses of rules do my head in. It seems to me that if you are happy to have sex outside your relationship it really doesn't matter what particular activities you engage in.

What !!!

This should have a thread of its own

The point is that if you have got over the barrier of "having sex with someone other than your partner is wrong", it seems to me of little moment what sexual activity you actually engage in with another person.

Just like it didn't make bill Clintons conduct any better that he only had oral sex with Monica Lewinsky. "

I can see and understand what you are saying however my wife has no interest in other men. So there is some barriers for us.

The reason I'm OK with sharing her with a woman is because I am not one. There are things a woman can do or ways they can touch or feel that a man cannot. So I'm fine with that.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Indeed.

Couples with masses of rules do my head in. It seems to me that if you are happy to have sex outside your relationship it really doesn't matter what particular activities you engage in.

What !!!

This should have a thread of its own

The point is that if you have got over the barrier of "having sex with someone other than your partner is wrong", it seems to me of little moment what sexual activity you actually engage in with another person.

Just like it didn't make bill Clintons conduct any better that he only had oral sex with Monica Lewinsky.

I can see and understand what you are saying however my wife has no interest in other men. So there is some barriers for us.

The reason I'm OK with sharing her with a woman is because I am not one. There are things a woman can do or ways they can touch or feel that a man cannot. So I'm fine with that."

She could also try meeting a lady alone. That’s usually a good way to meet true bi fems in the first instance

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Indeed.

Couples with masses of rules do my head in. It seems to me that if you are happy to have sex outside your relationship it really doesn't matter what particular activities you engage in.

What !!!

This should have a thread of its own

The point is that if you have got over the barrier of "having sex with someone other than your partner is wrong", it seems to me of little moment what sexual activity you actually engage in with another person.

Just like it didn't make bill Clintons conduct any better that he only had oral sex with Monica Lewinsky.

I can see and understand what you are saying however my wife has no interest in other men. So there is some barriers for us.

The reason I'm OK with sharing her with a woman is because I am not one. There are things a woman can do or ways they can touch or feel that a man cannot. So I'm fine with that.

She could also try meeting a lady alone. That’s usually a good way to meet true bi fems in the first instance "

We have spoken about this as well. She isn't sure about the alone part as she wants me involved. Even if there 0 interaction between me and the other woman and I'm only touching my wife, she would like me to be part of her experience but she is also FULLY aware that we cannot treat them like toys and if the other woman is there for me as well as my wife then I am not to leave her out.

I think once we are fully comfortable and maybe done this a few times then she will be more comfortable being alone with another woman.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Yes just keep going. You don’t know what you’ll like til you’ve tried it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for all the answers I assume you get this a lot and can get annoying.

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