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The parent trap

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford

So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?

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By *aptain VMan
over a year ago

Birstall, Leicester


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?"

Can you not do day time meets or hotel meets?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Say you go to a hotel to fuck each other senseless... they'll never mention it again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell them that theyre all grown up now and need to fuck off.....sorry i mean 'fly the nest' lol

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

They're adults... tell them to mind their own business.

I can see no reason why you should need to explain yourselves.

We just say "out" and whether or not we'll be staying out overnight.

Nita

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have this exact same issue. We just say we are out in Town with friends. They don't actually ask more than that so we are lucky lol xxx

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?

Can you not do day time meets or hotel meets?"

Nope. lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Say you go to a hotel to fuck each other senseless... they'll never mention it again. "

that’ll probably work

Or just say, now they’re older, you’re playing catch up on your nights out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?"

Just say you've spent the night at a hotel.

If if we're my parents that would be enough for me to not ask any more questions lol

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

O o O oo

Tell them you went out, now you are back in. I am not sure why you would have to explain where you go

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By *ngels of Sin 69Couple
over a year ago

High Wycombe

We are in exactly the same situation. We have adult kids at home and they are NEVER out overnight at the same time!

We generally are able to meet a regular at their flat or we get a hotel. We arent big club fans but we could and have come home at ungodly hours before and if we are asked where we have been i just say thats our business.

Definitely not easy having older kids at home

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"They're adults... tell them to mind their own business.

I can see no reason why you should need to explain yourselves.

We just say "out" and whether or not we'll be staying out overnight.

Nita"

Would not tell them that as I wouldn’t expect that reply from them either.

If we’re out overnight it’s not a problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't explain yourself. I tell my son I'm going out, see you later.

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple
over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

Meeting up with old friends whose kids have left home...

Double bubble on that one, you get out and drop a big hint.

Doesn't work with ours though

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"We are in exactly the same situation. We have adult kids at home and they are NEVER out overnight at the same time!

We generally are able to meet a regular at their flat or we get a hotel. We arent big club fans but we could and have come home at ungodly hours before and if we are asked where we have been i just say thats our business.

Definitely not easy having older kids at home "

Think our main problem is that we’ve not really gone out much before and don’t really have any shared vanilla friends to hide behind! Lol

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"Don't explain yourself. I tell my son I'm going out, see you later. "

Why didn’t I think of that?

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford

I’m sure we’re not the only parents on here who don’t just piss off out for night without mentioning it to their teens.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?"

We had all these issues for a long time until we told them what we were doing

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?

We had all these issues for a long time until we told them what we were doing"

Wow!

Definitely not an option for us! Lol

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe


"They're adults... tell them to mind their own business.

I can see no reason why you should need to explain yourselves.

We just say "out" and whether or not we'll be staying out overnight.

Nita

Would not tell them that as I wouldn’t expect that reply from them either.

If we’re out overnight it’s not a problem "

I didn't mean that was the exact way to phrase it...

Nita

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m sure we’re not the only parents on here who don’t just piss off out for night without mentioning it to their teens. "

No you're not. I used to give my mum the 3rd degree if she went out and didn't say anything.

Go for the hotel line, or say you've been to a restaurant or something.

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"I’m sure we’re not the only parents on here who don’t just piss off out for night without mentioning it to their teens.

No you're not. I used to give my mum the 3rd degree if she went out and didn't say anything.

Go for the hotel line, or say you've been to a restaurant or something.

Thanks for your response.

That’s what we generally do. But restaurants don’t stay open late enough. We just hope they’ve all gone out or to bed when we get in!

"

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe


"I’m sure we’re not the only parents on here who don’t just piss off out for night without mentioning it to their teens. "

I think it's different if they are teens to adults.

Teens maybe still need reassurance about where you are, in the same way you would for them.

I got the impression from the original post that they were older.

The child we have at home is 23 and has a life of his own. Yes it's only polite to let him know if we are staying our overnight, but that's about it.

Though we've always had a good social life, which makes it easier.

Nita

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"I’m sure we’re not the only parents on here who don’t just piss off out for night without mentioning it to their teens.

I think it's different if they are teens to adults.

Teens maybe still need reassurance about where you are, in the same way you would for them.

I got the impression from the original post that they were older.

The child we have at home is 23 and has a life of his own. Yes it's only polite to let him know if we are staying our overnight, but that's about it.

Though we've always had a good social life, which makes it easier.

Nita"

Ours range from 18-25. None of them are actually interested what we do!

Just usually talked about in passing but is becoming increasingly difficult to explain as we would like to be going out more frequently.

Who said it was easier when the kids get older? .....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m sure we’re not the only parents on here who don’t just piss off out for night without mentioning it to their teens.

I think it's different if they are teens to adults.

Teens maybe still need reassurance about where you are, in the same way you would for them.

I got the impression from the original post that they were older.

The child we have at home is 23 and has a life of his own. Yes it's only polite to let him know if we are staying our overnight, but that's about it.

Though we've always had a good social life, which makes it easier.

Nita

Ours range from 18-25. None of them are actually interested what we do!

Just usually talked about in passing but is becoming increasingly difficult to explain as we would like to be going out more frequently.

Who said it was easier when the kids get older? ....."

Unrelated but if I look a quarter as good as the fem in this couple in my 50s I'd be over the moon

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe


"I’m sure we’re not the only parents on here who don’t just piss off out for night without mentioning it to their teens.

I think it's different if they are teens to adults.

Teens maybe still need reassurance about where you are, in the same way you would for them.

I got the impression from the original post that they were older.

The child we have at home is 23 and has a life of his own. Yes it's only polite to let him know if we are staying our overnight, but that's about it.

Though we've always had a good social life, which makes it easier.

Nita

Ours range from 18-25. None of them are actually interested what we do!

Just usually talked about in passing but is becoming increasingly difficult to explain as we would like to be going out more frequently.

Who said it was easier when the kids get older? ....."

You simply tell them that now that they are grown up you are going to go out and have fun... on your own as a couple.

If you say it in the right way... that will be more than enough information

Nita

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon


"I’m sure we’re not the only parents on here who don’t just piss off out for night without mentioning it to their teens.

I think it's different if they are teens to adults.

Teens maybe still need reassurance about where you are, in the same way you would for them.

I got the impression from the original post that they were older.

The child we have at home is 23 and has a life of his own. Yes it's only polite to let him know if we are staying our overnight, but that's about it.

Though we've always had a good social life, which makes it easier.

Nita

Ours range from 18-25. None of them are actually interested what we do!

Just usually talked about in passing but is becoming increasingly difficult to explain as we would like to be going out more frequently.

Who said it was easier when the kids get older? .....

Unrelated but if I look a quarter as good as the fem in this couple in my 50s I'd be over the moon "

I think we're all thinking that!

To the OP, what about inventing a new evening hobby like dancing?

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales


"

Unrelated but if I look a quarter as good as the fem in this couple in my 50s I'd be over the moon "

AMEN!

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon


"I’m sure we’re not the only parents on here who don’t just piss off out for night without mentioning it to their teens. "

We both have mobile phones, so our kids (both over 18) can get hold of us if there is a problem.

We tell them if we expect to be back late, or out overnight, and that's all they need to know.

If the question us, we just say we are out with friends, and because we have never questioned them about when they go out, they don't question us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They're adults... tell them to mind their own business.

I can see no reason why you should need to explain yourselves.

We just say "out" and whether or not we'll be staying out overnight.

Nita

Would not tell them that as I wouldn’t expect that reply from them either.

If we’re out overnight it’s not a problem "

That's a fair point.

Do you ask details of where they go when they go out at night? If not then just point that out to them. You're all adults.

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By *udistcpl1Couple
over a year ago

Wirral

They have probably already hacked your computer and already know what you are doing and where you are going.

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford

Whilst I see where you’re coming from with the ‘mind your own business’ approach, it’s tricky when returning so late.

They’ve never quizzed us on it, and like I said they don’t particularly care, but if we’re out til the early hours I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to comment on it.

They know we don’t have friends whom we socialise with. Hence the difficulty!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say the two words that no teen wants to hear or imagine...parent sex!

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By *heGoodLife1Couple
over a year ago

Guildford

Do true. We also have the same issue. It definitely is getting harder to come up with good/believable reasons. Late dinner with work colleagues in London, a friends 50th, nightclubbing in London. But there are only so many times you can use these lines.

But at least you know you aren’t alone

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"They have probably already hacked your computer and already know what you are doing and where you are going."

well that would make things easier! Lol

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"Do true. We also have the same issue. It definitely is getting harder to come up with good/believable reasons. Late dinner with work colleagues in London, a friends 50th, nightclubbing in London. But there are only so many times you can use these lines.

But at least you know you aren’t alone "

This is exactly what we sound like!

Nice to know someone feels the same!

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Not sure why you feel the need to explain where you are going. Just say you are out with friends and you’ll be back late. You’ll find that they probably don’t care anyway if they don’t usually care about you going out. They are not babies they are adults and even adults are allowed to go out without explaining where.

Just enjoy yourselves

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple
over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight


"Do true. We also have the same issue. It definitely is getting harder to come up with good/believable reasons. Late dinner with work colleagues in London, a friends 50th, nightclubbing in London. But there are only so many times you can use these lines.

But at least you know you aren’t alone

This is exactly what we sound like!

Nice to know someone feels the same!"

school reunion, followed by catching up with old school mates. Have done this in our vanilla lives, so perfectly feasible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?"

Why are you allowing your grown up adult offspring, dictate your life?

Would they like it if you did the same to them? I suspect Not! What you both do is your business. They're adults and you aren't legally responsible for them any more. They ought to mind their own.

Personally once mine reach 21 and in full time work, they're moving out! Each to their own and all that jazz but just my opinion on what I'd do if I were in your shoes.

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By *aptain VMan
over a year ago

Birstall, Leicester


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?

Why are you allowing your grown up adult offspring, dictate your life?

Would they like it if you did the same to them? I suspect Not! What you both do is your business. They're adults and you aren't legally responsible for them any more. They ought to mind their own.

Personally once mine reach 21 and in full time work, they're moving out! Each to their own and all that jazz but just my opinion on what I'd do if I were in your shoes."

How old are your kids? How would you feel about them knowing what you do?

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By *inky kissersCouple
over a year ago

South East

Just develop a new interest, say you are going to a gathering like meetup, and from there you have met some nice people with whom you are going to socialise more with. There can be a few people there who you enjoy going out with which would explain going out more; a different social invitation from different people each week and then go back to the beginning.

"We haven't seen (insert name here) since the beginning of the month, we simply must catch up with them."

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By *uicy72Woman
over a year ago

North Colchester


"Say you go to a hotel to fuck each other senseless... they'll never mention it again. "

This definitely lol

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"Just develop a new interest, say you are going to a gathering like meetup, and from there you have met some nice people with whom you are going to socialise more with. There can be a few people there who you enjoy going out with which would explain going out more; a different social invitation from different people each week and then go back to the beginning.

"We haven't seen (insert name here) since the beginning of the month, we simply must catch up with them." "

Thank you for your helpful comments.

This is kind of the way we’re working it atm.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?

Why are you allowing your grown up adult offspring, dictate your life?

Would they like it if you did the same to them? I suspect Not! What you both do is your business. They're adults and you aren't legally responsible for them any more. They ought to mind their own.

Personally once mine reach 21 and in full time work, they're moving out! Each to their own and all that jazz but just my opinion on what I'd do if I were in your shoes.

How old are your kids? How would you feel about them knowing what you do?"

Sorry but my kids are none of your business. Any adult has no business interfering in my private personal life... kids or not.

I also did not say anywhere OP should tell her kids where they're going. I said her adult kids have no business in knowing what their parents do. They don't need to know and nor do they need to be told. If OP wants to accomodate, then better for them to tell their adult offspring to stand on their own two feet, bank of mum and dad has closed so move out. Lol.

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?

Why are you allowing your grown up adult offspring, dictate your life?

Would they like it if you did the same to them? I suspect Not! What you both do is your business. They're adults and you aren't legally responsible for them any more. They ought to mind their own.

Personally once mine reach 21 and in full time work, they're moving out! Each to their own and all that jazz but just my opinion on what I'd do if I were in your shoes."

Wouldn’t say they dictate our lives in anyway. We still do what we want to do.

Guess we’re just an ‘odd’ sort of family that show an interest in what eachother are doing and enjoy chatting to one another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?

Why are you allowing your grown up adult offspring, dictate your life?

Would they like it if you did the same to them? I suspect Not! What you both do is your business. They're adults and you aren't legally responsible for them any more. They ought to mind their own.

Personally once mine reach 21 and in full time work, they're moving out! Each to their own and all that jazz but just my opinion on what I'd do if I were in your shoes.

Wouldn’t say they dictate our lives in anyway. We still do what we want to do.

Guess we’re just an ‘odd’ sort of family that show an interest in what eachother are doing and enjoy chatting to one another. "

An openminded family? Why not tell them what you do? They may only be grossed out because it's their parents involved lol.

Think of all those sex parties you could have once they leave home! Make your neighbours jealous lol

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?

Why are you allowing your grown up adult offspring, dictate your life?

Would they like it if you did the same to them? I suspect Not! What you both do is your business. They're adults and you aren't legally responsible for them any more. They ought to mind their own.

Personally once mine reach 21 and in full time work, they're moving out! Each to their own and all that jazz but just my opinion on what I'd do if I were in your shoes.

Wouldn’t say they dictate our lives in anyway. We still do what we want to do.

Guess we’re just an ‘odd’ sort of family that show an interest in what eachother are doing and enjoy chatting to one another.

An openminded family? Why not tell them what you do? They may only be grossed out because it's their parents involved lol.

Think of all those sex parties you could have once they leave home! Make your neighbours jealous lol"

Lol. They think I’m the Virgin Mary!!

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By *egs11ABCWoman
over a year ago

Aberdeen

My kids know bt fab, they found it a lesson in life that swinging wasn't about throwing ur keys in a bowl at a party!!!

Their attitude is I brought them up for 20 years on my own amd never saw a man in our house and im entitled to a sex life.

Suppose I'm lucky cos mine have moved out x

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By *achoCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

We have *young kids* and have the problem of farming them out to friends or relatives.... and then telling them a suitable alibi !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My kids know. They have my passwords to everything.

I had an open Fab , tab on my phone in a restaurant that was a fun conversation at dinner. My friend didn’t know where to look lol

I don’t bring any one home though. Personally if I could, I’m not sure I would. I like the two separate.

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"My kids know. They have my passwords to everything.

I had an open Fab , tab on my phone in a restaurant that was a fun conversation at dinner. My friend didn’t know where to look lol

I don’t bring any one home though. Personally if I could, I’m not sure I would. I like the two separate. "

Ha.

Don’t think ours would believe us even if we did tell them!!

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By *aptain VMan
over a year ago

Birstall, Leicester


"My kids know. They have my passwords to everything.

I had an open Fab , tab on my phone in a restaurant that was a fun conversation at dinner. My friend didn’t know where to look lol

I don’t bring any one home though. Personally if I could, I’m not sure I would. I like the two separate.

Ha.

Don’t think ours would believe us even if we did tell them!!"

You shouldn't under estimate your kids they may be open minded and happy for you and your life style.

You never know they may give you the house to your self if you wanted to host a party

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By *udistnorthantsMan
over a year ago

Desborough

My youngest still lives at "Hotel Dad" so I have to do any accommodating during daytimes on my Shift days off and when she is at work. Luckily she hasn't come home sick during any of my Coffee Morning parties

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

Maybe book an hotel for overnight or you will be at a friend party coming back late, wedding, clubbing, weekend get away, concert far away from home lie actually go and see one or two, travelling back 3 to 4 am.

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By *blasiansCouple
over a year ago

Wakefield


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?"

Our issue exactly and watching thread for any hints and tips.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My kids know. They have my passwords to everything.

I had an open Fab , tab on my phone in a restaurant that was a fun conversation at dinner. My friend didn’t know where to look lol

I don’t bring any one home though. Personally if I could, I’m not sure I would. I like the two separate.

Ha.

Don’t think ours would believe us even if we did tell them!!"

She said mum , I thought you had to be married to be a swinger.

I don’t think I would of told them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?"

this is exactly our position

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By *entralscotscpl7Couple
over a year ago

Falkirk

Just say you are going out and don't know what time you will be back in.

They don't need to know where or what you are doing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had the same problem. Ours are 20 - 25. They thought Mrs was cheatingas becoming in their eyes secretive with phone. So we told them. Which they were really good about.

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

I’ve just got the youngest left with me and he’s 22 I think he secretly knows what’s going on cos of the hints he throws .... but I just say I’m out back later or I’m staying out .... yep does get to e a pain when they are older

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire


"I’ve just got the youngest left with me and he’s 22 I think he secretly knows what’s going on cos of the hints he throws .... but I just say I’m out back later or I’m staying out .... yep does get to e a pain when they are older "

But then my partner passed away 18months ago so I have the added issue of that .... even though we had talked about this issue before he died and he told me to carry on ... my son doesn’t know that though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about your tell them that once a month you are going to a hotel for the night to have some romantic quality time now that the kids have grown up.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Actually start going to a social club or pub just like normal people and they will be used to you going out x

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By *oredShitlessxxxCouple
over a year ago

luton


"How about your tell them that once a month you are going to a hotel for the night to have some romantic quality time now that the kids have grown up.

Mrs"

This is what we do....

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By *avidandjaneukCouple
over a year ago

Canterbury

Our kids know we were Ravers in our youth, we tell them we're going to underground raves for old people.

Perfect excuse to be out late and the kids think we're cool, win-win.

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By *ebwizMan
over a year ago

Clevedon


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?"

we are exactly like you,15&16 yr old girls at home,eldest is like a mother,we did not go out much before fab and have to come up with reasons like birtday party invite,retirement do etc.not easy and both on phones more at home.tough on our profile as we only meet if we're at a club.tricky,out this sat,for them its a retirement do

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Before Fab we used to go and see a band regularly in various pubs so when we stepped into this life our go to excuse was that we were seeing the band - so something similar might work OP although may have to explain why you're wearing a cocktail dress or similar but perhaps something like a Supper Club would work?

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By *iffaWoman
over a year ago

wherever

Make up a hobby that includes meet ups, like a wine club.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?

Why are you allowing your grown up adult offspring, dictate your life?

Would they like it if you did the same to them? I suspect Not! What you both do is your business. They're adults and you aren't legally responsible for them any more. They ought to mind their own.

Personally once mine reach 21 and in full time work, they're moving out! Each to their own and all that jazz but just my opinion on what I'd do if I were in your shoes."

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By *londie8399Couple
over a year ago

blackpool

Don't have to kids are happy to have house to themselves so don't get question when we go away

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford

Thank you to those of you who posted a thoughtful reply to our predicament lol!

I was not asking for general parenting advice.

Going for evenings out and even staying away poses no problem for us either.

The issue for us is how not to arouse suspicion when returning home in the early hours when obviously no bars or restaurants would still be open!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you to those of you who posted a thoughtful reply to our predicament lol!

I was not asking for general parenting advice.

Going for evenings out and even staying away poses no problem for us either.

The issue for us is how not to arouse suspicion when returning home in the early hours when obviously no bars or restaurants would still be open!"

We tend to pass comment of just being at friends houses. They don't know all of our friends. I try to just keep it simple. They don't ask for more.

Foxy x

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"Thank you to those of you who posted a thoughtful reply to our predicament lol!

I was not asking for general parenting advice.

Going for evenings out and even staying away poses no problem for us either.

The issue for us is how not to arouse suspicion when returning home in the early hours when obviously no bars or restaurants would still be open!

We tend to pass comment of just being at friends houses. They don't know all of our friends. I try to just keep it simple. They don't ask for more.

Foxy x"

This is what we generally say.

Problem is we are actually going out more and more frequently! Lol

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I once came home at 2.30am expecting my 19 year old son to be asleep but he was still up. He looked me up and down and said "You're not wearing anything under that coat are you?".

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple
over a year ago

Chester


"Thank you to those of you who posted a thoughtful reply to our predicament lol!

I was not asking for general parenting advice.

Going for evenings out and even staying away poses no problem for us either.

The issue for us is how not to arouse suspicion when returning home in the early hours when obviously no bars or restaurants would still be open!

We tend to pass comment of just being at friends houses. They don't know all of our friends. I try to just keep it simple. They don't ask for more.

Foxy x

This is what we generally say.

Problem is we are actually going out more and more frequently! Lol"

Thats our issue, even though neither live at home now, the fact were away alot ok most weekends daughter has called us swingers - we've just brushed it off

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"I once came home at 2.30am expecting my 19 year old son to be asleep but he was still up. He looked me up and down and said "You're not wearing anything under that coat are you?". "

Haha. Love it!!

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"Thank you to those of you who posted a thoughtful reply to our predicament lol!

I was not asking for general parenting advice.

Going for evenings out and even staying away poses no problem for us either.

The issue for us is how not to arouse suspicion when returning home in the early hours when obviously no bars or restaurants would still be open!

We tend to pass comment of just being at friends houses. They don't know all of our friends. I try to just keep it simple. They don't ask for more.

Foxy x

This is what we generally say.

Problem is we are actually going out more and more frequently! Lol

Thats our issue, even though neither live at home now, the fact were away alot ok most weekends daughter has called us swingers - we've just brushed it off "

I’m sure the pure fact she said it means that’s the last thing she really expects! lol

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple
over a year ago

Chester


"Thank you to those of you who posted a thoughtful reply to our predicament lol!

I was not asking for general parenting advice.

Going for evenings out and even staying away poses no problem for us either.

The issue for us is how not to arouse suspicion when returning home in the early hours when obviously no bars or restaurants would still be open!

We tend to pass comment of just being at friends houses. They don't know all of our friends. I try to just keep it simple. They don't ask for more.

Foxy x

This is what we generally say.

Problem is we are actually going out more and more frequently! Lol

Thats our issue, even though neither live at home now, the fact were away alot ok most weekends daughter has called us swingers - we've just brushed it off

I’m sure the pure fact she said it means that’s the last thing she really expects! lol "

Said it a few times before Xmas as she came home & we said going out to friends party, next morning text - hope you enjoyed your swingers party - replied did thank you lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If our kids enquire we usually say we're seeing old work friends. We don't swing that often, so they're not going to wonder why we're so popular.

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"Thank you to those of you who posted a thoughtful reply to our predicament lol!

I was not asking for general parenting advice.

Going for evenings out and even staying away poses no problem for us either.

The issue for us is how not to arouse suspicion when returning home in the early hours when obviously no bars or restaurants would still be open!

We tend to pass comment of just being at friends houses. They don't know all of our friends. I try to just keep it simple. They don't ask for more.

Foxy x

This is what we generally say.

Problem is we are actually going out more and more frequently! Lol

Thats our issue, even though neither live at home now, the fact were away alot ok most weekends daughter has called us swingers - we've just brushed it off

I’m sure the pure fact she said it means that’s the last thing she really expects! lol

Said it a few times before Xmas as she came home & we said going out to friends party, next morning text - hope you enjoyed your swingers party - replied did thank you lol"

Oh. Shit!

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple
over a year ago

Chester


"Thank you to those of you who posted a thoughtful reply to our predicament lol!

I was not asking for general parenting advice.

Going for evenings out and even staying away poses no problem for us either.

The issue for us is how not to arouse suspicion when returning home in the early hours when obviously no bars or restaurants would still be open!

We tend to pass comment of just being at friends houses. They don't know all of our friends. I try to just keep it simple. They don't ask for more.

Foxy x

This is what we generally say.

Problem is we are actually going out more and more frequently! Lol

Thats our issue, even though neither live at home now, the fact were away alot ok most weekends daughter has called us swingers - we've just brushed it off

I’m sure the pure fact she said it means that’s the last thing she really expects! lol

Said it a few times before Xmas as she came home & we said going out to friends party, next morning text - hope you enjoyed your swingers party - replied did thank you lol

Oh. Shit! "

I know

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

There is of course the option of hiding in plain sight OP and jokingly saying "Oh we're off to a Swingers Club" and laughing - has the double impact of cutting them dead and answering them honestly at the same time, whilst making a joke out of it - as they'll be "Can't believe our Mum and Dad would do that sort of thing"

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"There is of course the option of hiding in plain sight OP and jokingly saying "Oh we're off to a Swingers Club" and laughing - has the double impact of cutting them dead and answering them honestly at the same time, whilst making a joke out of it - as they'll be "Can't believe our Mum and Dad would do that sort of thing" "

Ha

We did once meet a guy who used to announce to his colleagues, when asked what he was up to at the weekend, that he was going to an orgy.. Of course no-one believed him!!

Not sure it’s such a good approach for us though? Lol

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By *uietlyBohemianCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

As borrowed from some friends we've met, "Quiz night!" can be very good. Sometimes you have to travel a way and will be back late, sometimes you'll be meeting with other friends to form a team, and you might be out overnight as you would be having a couple of drinks. Totally reasonable.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"There is of course the option of hiding in plain sight OP and jokingly saying "Oh we're off to a Swingers Club" and laughing - has the double impact of cutting them dead and answering them honestly at the same time, whilst making a joke out of it - as they'll be "Can't believe our Mum and Dad would do that sort of thing"

Ha

We did once meet a guy who used to announce to his colleagues, when asked what he was up to at the weekend, that he was going to an orgy.. Of course no-one believed him!!

Not sure it’s such a good approach for us though? Lol"

Ha ha too funny - what prompted the suggestion was someone I know who used to do the same....I wonder

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By *hingy2Woman
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"Meeting up with old friends whose kids have left home...

Double bubble on that one, you get out and drop a big hint.

Doesn't work with ours though "

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By *hingy2Woman
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"As borrowed from some friends we've met, "Quiz night!" can be very good. Sometimes you have to travel a way and will be back late, sometimes you'll be meeting with other friends to form a team, and you might be out overnight as you would be having a couple of drinks. Totally reasonable."

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By *xciterCouple
over a year ago

Oxford

You are definitely not alone on this one!

We should collate a list of reasons (or should I say excuses) to relay to our enquiring little Sherlocks the morning after

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By *he Silver FuxMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter


"Just develop a new interest, say you are going to a gathering like meetup, and from there you have met some nice people with whom you are going to socialise more with. There can be a few people there who you enjoy going out with which would explain going out more; a different social invitation from different people each week and then go back to the beginning.

"We haven't seen (insert name here) since the beginning of the month, we simply must catch up with them."

Thank you for your helpful comments.

This is kind of the way we’re working it atm. "

Just tell them that you’ve met a terrific bunch of social folks who are into Latin dance (and they’re teaching you) they hold regular game nights and have a bar in their house. You’ve realised you’ve been missing out on your adult social lives so you’re going to be out having fun, staying over or late back...

Yes, the Latin dance DOES require glamorous high heels, stockings...

All you need are a couple or two to cover for you, provide excuses etc.

Enjoy!!

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By *he Silver FuxMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter


"There is of course the option of hiding in plain sight OP and jokingly saying "Oh we're off to a Swingers Club" and laughing - has the double impact of cutting them dead and answering them honestly at the same time, whilst making a joke out of it - as they'll be "Can't believe our Mum and Dad would do that sort of thing" "

The double bluff is a risky strategy Gemini Man

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I really don’t know why you feel the need to explain what you do. I certainly wouldn’t!

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley


"I really don’t know why you feel the need to explain what you do. I certainly wouldn’t!

"

Exactly this. I just tell my kids I’m going out. It’s what I get from them. No need for details. You’re entitled to a private life.

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"Just develop a new interest, say you are going to a gathering like meetup, and from there you have met some nice people with whom you are going to socialise more with. There can be a few people there who you enjoy going out with which would explain going out more; a different social invitation from different people each week and then go back to the beginning.

"We haven't seen (insert name here) since the beginning of the month, we simply must catch up with them."

Thank you for your helpful comments.

This is kind of the way we’re working it atm.

Just tell them that you’ve met a terrific bunch of social folks who are into Latin dance (and they’re teaching you) they hold regular game nights and have a bar in their house. You’ve realised you’ve been missing out on your adult social lives so you’re going to be out having fun, staying over or late back...

Yes, the Latin dance DOES require glamorous high heels, stockings...

All you need are a couple or two to cover for you, provide excuses etc.

Enjoy!!"

OMG! I actually would love this to be true!!!

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"You are definitely not alone on this one!

We should collate a list of reasons (or should I say excuses) to relay to our enquiring little Sherlocks the morning after "

Might be a short list!!

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By *ampasGrassCouple
over a year ago

London

We have exactly the same problem.

When we go out to a club we normally leave the house at 9pm and may not get back until after 3am. There really is no reason we can give that would stand up to any scrutiny with our kids.

We like to chat to them about their friends and what they have been up to etc. Equally they like to know the same about us - we just have to hope that they don't ask us too many questions!

We normally say we are going to a party with old work friends who live miles away - but that story is beginning to wear a bit thin.

The other related problem is that as our kids are both pretty sporty we often have to be up early on Saturdays and Sundays and so a very late night doesn't work too well on many weekends.

We are beginning to think that socials and hotel meets might work a bit better timings-wise?

It is definitely a tricky one, especially as it happens to couples just at the point when they thought they would have more freedom to please themselves!

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"We have exactly the same problem.

When we go out to a club we normally leave the house at 9pm and may not get back until after 3am. There really is no reason we can give that would stand up to any scrutiny with our kids.

We like to chat to them about their friends and what they have been up to etc. Equally they like to know the same about us - we just have to hope that they don't ask us too many questions!

We normally say we are going to a party with old work friends who live miles away - but that story is beginning to wear a bit thin.

The other related problem is that as our kids are both pretty sporty we often have to be up early on Saturdays and Sundays and so a very late night doesn't work too well on many weekends.

We are beginning to think that socials and hotel meets might work a bit better timings-wise?

It is definitely a tricky one, especially as it happens to couples just at the point when they thought they would have more freedom to please themselves!"

.

Exactly this.

We’re beginning to think that by the time we’re truly free agents we’ll be past it! Lol

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

Tell them not to be so fucking nosey.

Seems you are making a big deal out of having a life.

Do you question them if/when they go out?

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"Tell them not to be so fucking nosey.

Seems you are making a big deal out of having a life.

Do you question them if/when they go out? "

Yes I am a parent.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"Tell them not to be so fucking nosey.

Seems you are making a big deal out of having a life.

Do you question them if/when they go out?

Yes I am a parent. "

You want to know all the details?

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By *oredShitlessxxxCouple
over a year ago

luton

Calm down.. ladies

Its always difficult with kids and making time for ourselves. Think alot of us parents would agree to that!

We have just taken the stand point that our kids will have to understand that we need a life of our own aswell.

They understand and highly likely know what we are upto anyway. Whilst we would never openly admit it to them, of course!

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By *ternal OptimistMan
over a year ago

London

Difficult one this, how about a sudden interest in something you know they hate (classical music for example), you could have a pressing need to go to Manchester for example to listen to your favourite orchestra (plenty of time to cover the finish at ten and home at 3 angle) and also covers the need to dress up

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"Difficult one this, how about a sudden interest in something you know they hate (classical music for example), you could have a pressing need to go to Manchester for example to listen to your favourite orchestra (plenty of time to cover the finish at ten and home at 3 angle) and also covers the need to dress up"

Now why didn’t I think of that?!

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By *ternal OptimistMan
over a year ago

London

Have I won , what's my prize?

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"Have I won , what's my prize? "

Tickets to an orchestral performance in Manchester..?

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By *ternal OptimistMan
over a year ago

London

Brilliant answer

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By *isstIrlCouple
over a year ago

Galway


"Tell them not to be so fucking nosey.

Seems you are making a big deal out of having a life.

Do you question them if/when they go out?

Yes I am a parent.

You want to know all the details?

"

I don’t think having an interest in your children’s lives or them having an interest in your life is being nosey.

To have grown children that have become friends and that are interested in your life shouts of damn good parenting.

I don’t think the OP “has” to explain or answer to their children, more like not wantinf to cause suspicion or change the pattern of their relationship.

Good luck OP.

Hope you find something that works for you XX

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"Tell them not to be so fucking nosey.

Seems you are making a big deal out of having a life.

Do you question them if/when they go out?

Yes I am a parent.

You want to know all the details?

I don’t think having an interest in your children’s lives or them having an interest in your life is being nosey.

To have grown children that have become friends and that are interested in your life shouts of damn good parenting.

I don’t think the OP “has” to explain or answer to their children, more like not wantinf to cause suspicion or change the pattern of their relationship.

Good luck OP.

Hope you find something that works for you XX

"

Thank you for your thoughtful post and actually understanding where I’m coming from with this.

Some people seem to just be offering ‘good’ parenting advice which isn’t really what I was asking for in my original post.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Tell them not to be so fucking nosey.

Seems you are making a big deal out of having a life.

Do you question them if/when they go out?

Yes I am a parent.

You want to know all the details?

I don’t think having an interest in your children’s lives or them having an interest in your life is being nosey.

To have grown children that have become friends and that are interested in your life shouts of damn good parenting.

I don’t think the OP “has” to explain or answer to their children, more like not wantinf to cause suspicion or change the pattern of their relationship.

Good luck OP.

Hope you find something that works for you XX

Thank you for your thoughtful post and actually understanding where I’m coming from with this.

Some people seem to just be offering ‘good’ parenting advice which isn’t really what I was asking for in my original post. "

I dont understand why you’re asking a bunch of strangers what excuse you should give your kids so you can go out and enjoy your secret life! I remember my parents when they had reached a certain age going out a lot and we never asked them about it as it was considered their private business.

I’m sure you’ll find a good reason and not upset the Apple cart!

Good luck OP....

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By *entenTeaCouple
over a year ago

Buckley North Wales

We have been honest and told our two older teen agers. Our eldest even baby sat for a couple we went out with. Life is life. Sex is sex don't skirt around things.

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"Tell them not to be so fucking nosey.

Seems you are making a big deal out of having a life.

Do you question them if/when they go out?

Yes I am a parent.

You want to know all the details?

I don’t think having an interest in your children’s lives or them having an interest in your life is being nosey.

To have grown children that have become friends and that are interested in your life shouts of damn good parenting.

I don’t think the OP “has” to explain or answer to their children, more like not wantinf to cause suspicion or change the pattern of their relationship.

Good luck OP.

Hope you find something that works for you XX

Thank you for your thoughtful post and actually understanding where I’m coming from with this.

Some people seem to just be offering ‘good’ parenting advice which isn’t really what I was asking for in my original post.

I dont understand why you’re asking a bunch of strangers what excuse you should give your kids so you can go out and enjoy your secret life! I remember my parents when they had reached a certain age going out a lot and we never asked them about it as it was considered their private business.

I’m sure you’ll find a good reason and not upset the Apple cart!

Good luck OP....

"

Thanks. Although they never actually ask us! Lol

We’re not looking for an excuse as such. Just have family courtesies that extend to letting each other know approximately when we’re all in or out.

I hope too that we’ll eventually be as successful at working it out as you have been!

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"We have been honest and told our two older teen agers. Our eldest even baby sat for a couple we went out with. Life is life. Sex is sex don't skirt around things. "

That’s your prerogative of course. But people have different views to be respected.

I appreciate that many are happy for everyone, friends and family, to know their lifestyle choices and totally accept that.

But a large proportion of swingers like to keep it separate from their regular lives.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Tell them not to be so fucking nosey.

Seems you are making a big deal out of having a life.

Do you question them if/when they go out?

Yes I am a parent.

You want to know all the details?

I don’t think having an interest in your children’s lives or them having an interest in your life is being nosey.

To have grown children that have become friends and that are interested in your life shouts of damn good parenting.

I don’t think the OP “has” to explain or answer to their children, more like not wantinf to cause suspicion or change the pattern of their relationship.

Good luck OP.

Hope you find something that works for you XX

Thank you for your thoughtful post and actually understanding where I’m coming from with this.

Some people seem to just be offering ‘good’ parenting advice which isn’t really what I was asking for in my original post.

I dont understand why you’re asking a bunch of strangers what excuse you should give your kids so you can go out and enjoy your secret life! I remember my parents when they had reached a certain age going out a lot and we never asked them about it as it was considered their private business.

I’m sure you’ll find a good reason and not upset the Apple cart!

Good luck OP....

Thanks. Although they never actually ask us! Lol

We’re not looking for an excuse as such. Just have family courtesies that extend to letting each other know approximately when we’re all in or out.

I hope too that we’ll eventually be as successful at working it out as you have been!"

I understand. In that case maybe ‘invent’ a new hobby like learning Samba, Salsa etc and with Strictly so popular it’s current topic, then from that hobby you have met loads of new friends from it, salsa parties, trips further afield etc. You could really confuse them with some technical reference to dance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We have been honest and told our two older teen agers. Our eldest even baby sat for a couple we went out with. Life is life. Sex is sex don't skirt around things. "

I find that a bit weird. Glad it works for you though

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By *obin_and_marionMan
over a year ago

Beaconsfield

Don't invent something too far from the truth or they'll catch you out lying.

Just tell them that now they're adults you enjoy your own social life with your own circle of friends...

So you go out, sometimes late, sometimes staying over... To bars, events, friends houses, nights on the town... Sometimes date nights for the two of you, sometimes with friends.

If necessary you can say... You respect them as adults and don't pry / interrogate them about what they're up to.

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple
over a year ago

Chester


"Don't invent something too far from the truth or they'll catch you out lying.

Just tell them that now they're adults you enjoy your own social life with your own circle of friends...

So you go out, sometimes late, sometimes staying over... To bars, events, friends houses, nights on the town... Sometimes date nights for the two of you, sometimes with friends.

If necessary you can say... You respect them as adults and don't pry / interrogate them about what they're up to. "

Thats how we've approached it, even though we've always gone out at weekends think that we've new friends and go away more has roused suspicion with daughter, son more reserved would not question

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Don't invent something too far from the truth or they'll catch you out lying.

Just tell them that now they're adults you enjoy your own social life with your own circle of friends...

So you go out, sometimes late, sometimes staying over... To bars, events, friends houses, nights on the town... Sometimes date nights for the two of you, sometimes with friends.

If necessary you can say... You respect them as adults and don't pry / interrogate them about what they're up to. "

I think this is a fair summary and to be honest don't understand some of the negative comments on the thread - the OP was asking people in a similar situation to them (of which I am sure there are many on this site) what they had done to avoid awkward questions from their kids - and kids being kids (regardless of their age) are very good at asking awkward questions!!

Hope you work something out OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once came home at 2.30am expecting my 19 year old son to be asleep but he was still up. He looked me up and down and said "You're not wearing anything under that coat are you?".

Haha. Love it!!"

That's not even funny. That's a total brass neck x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

O o O oo


"

Guess we’re just an ‘odd’ sort of family that show an interest in what eachother are doing and enjoy chatting to one another. "

Most people would have that, it doesn't mean you have to tell them about your sex life if you didn't want to

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

O o O oo


"

Thanks. Although they never actually ask us! Lol

!"

It sounds like it is more the fact that because you know where you are going that you are jumpy in case they ask. As long as you had an answer for them I don't think it would matter what it was to them

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

O o O oo


"

I dont understand why you’re asking a bunch of strangers what excuse you should give your kids so you can go out and enjoy your secret life!

..

"

I suppose it is a good place to start as swingers will no doubt have an answer if they have been in that situation too

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

O o O oo


"Don't invent something too far from the truth or they'll catch you out lying.

Just tell them that now they're adults you enjoy your own social life with your own circle of friends...

So you go out, sometimes late, sometimes staying over... To bars, events, friends houses, nights on the town... Sometimes date nights for the two of you, sometimes with friends.

If necessary you can say... You respect them as adults and don't pry / interrogate them about what they're up to.

I think this is a fair summary and to be honest don't understand some of the negative comments on the thread - the OP was asking people in a similar situation to them

"

To which people answered, why is that negative?

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"

Thanks. Although they never actually ask us! Lol

!

It sounds like it is more the fact that because you know where you are going that you are jumpy in case they ask. As long as you had an answer for them I don't think it would matter what it was to them "

I totally agree with this, it’s probably you OP who is jumpy because you know where you are going. Just chill. I’m sure it will all work out well but continue enjoying the lifestyle

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple
over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

Its pretty easy sometimes to just say were seeing some friends called x and y who you are really seeing and that way you don't get caught out, can always then drop in, how good it will be if they can get a few of your old school mate to go along next time. This prepares them for other nights out

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

Most kids do not want to know about their parents sex lives. They They ask further questions after you say you are going out, arch your eyebrows and say. "do you really want to know?".

That will shut them up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?

Just say you've spent the night at a hotel.

If if we're my parents that would be enough for me to not ask any more questions lol "

This. Just say that you appreciate that the last thing they want to hear is their parents' noisy sex life and intimacy together shoved in their faces and figured as they're older and don't need you in the house with them overnight any more in case they fall down the stairs or burn the place down, it's time for the pair of you to enjoy what you enjoy doing to each other more.

They'll believe you and will have probably shut their ears to the "horrors" assaulting them before you even finish.

And you'll never ever have to explain yourself again.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?

Just say you've spent the night at a hotel.

If if we're my parents that would be enough for me to not ask any more questions lol

This. Just say that you appreciate that the last thing they want to hear is their parents' noisy sex life and intimacy together shoved in their faces and figured as they're older and don't need you in the house with them overnight any more in case they fall down the stairs or burn the place down, it's time for the pair of you to enjoy what you enjoy doing to each other more.

They'll believe you and will have probably shut their ears to the "horrors" assaulting them before you even finish.

And you'll never ever have to explain yourself again. "

My daughter is gay and when she came out to me aged 22, I said "we're quite the non hetero normative family"

"you're hetero normative" she said

"really" I said "do you want to know about my love life?"

"NO!!!!!!! "

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod

over a year ago

My Own Little World

Why do you need to explain anything?

As you said they are grown up, just tell them to mind their own business..... unless you badger them to find out what they get up to, where they go and who with.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"So our biggest barrier to our swinging is our kids.

All grown up but still at home. Getting a free house is a rarity and usually last minute but we can successfully accommodate occasionally.

However, what we are finding more difficult is visiting clubs. Returning home in the early hours is becoming a tricky one to explain particularly as we never really went out that much before ‘Fab’. There are only so many ‘parties’ we can attend!!

How does everyone else cope with their double life?"

As the home owner and parent..."I'm not here now, see you later."

I've never felt the need to explain anything to my adult children who lived in my house free.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"They're adults... tell them to mind their own business.

I can see no reason why you should need to explain yourselves.

We just say "out" and whether or not we'll be staying out overnight.

Nita"

Really is that simple isn't it!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I’m sure we’re not the only parents on here who don’t just piss off out for night without mentioning it to their teens. "

Now they're teens and not grown up.

Personally, didn't go out and leave my teens overnight, had a meeting in Glasgow I did in a day so I could be home with my teens. Adult children...See you later might be late etc is l the info they needed.

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By *andomfodCouple
over a year ago

walsall

Ours is only 2 but it's hard enough trying to get out at all! Lol xx

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Why do you need to explain anything?

As you said they are grown up, just tell them to mind their own business..... unless you badger them to find out what they get up to, where they go and who with."

Yeah...but it's in the parent manual to mither.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't know what it's like for others, but in our house the norm is for everyone to chat about where they've been, what they've been doing, etc. Nothing intrusive, no-one demanding information, it's just part of the usual banter.

If it's the same for the Op, then I understand completely that saying 'mind your own business' would seem really odd and more than a bit rude. Much better to have a boring little cover story that doesn't generate further questions.

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By *exyFusionCouple
over a year ago

Near to you

Sit down with them, a big bowl of popcorn and "Failure to Launch" on the telly

Seriously though, no idea. We're very happy that ours HAVE launched, and when they come back for a visit for a week or two, we're constantly aware of not leaving our phones not lying around with sexy whatsapp or text messages popping up.

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By *egin551Couple
over a year ago

south west !

Hi Guys

we are in the same boat, we have just told them we had a life before Children and we now living a life after.

Nothing to worry about, we had the questions at first but now it’s all stopped, in fact we being asked to go out at the weekends

So don’t worry

Have a great day guys

Be naughty !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hi Guys, feel your pain. as a mid 40's couple newly in to swing with a grown up son at home. i totally understand. its amazing how many of our "wrk friends" that he doesnt know are having party or just inviting to there for a long evening, we are also luckily enough to be able to visit our local club chameleons during the wk in the afternoons as hubby wrks midnight-midday n son at uni all day. BOUNS hope you manage to sort things out xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have been through this lol. We used to tell them to mind their own business. But sometimes we would tell them it’s an 80’s night at a club in London or something or poker night with friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well my kids are super smart and ask me all sorts and why I’m taking a bag out what’s in bag etc my daughter doesn’t understand the concept of privacy so she’s seen the underwear and toys ! I’ve been saying I’ve got a date but unless there’s something to tell then im keeping it to myself she’s 12 !!

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"Tell them not to be so fucking nosey.

Seems you are making a big deal out of having a life.

Do you question them if/when they go out?

Yes I am a parent.

You want to know all the details?

I don’t think having an interest in your children’s lives or them having an interest in your life is being nosey.

To have grown children that have become friends and that are interested in your life shouts of damn good parenting.

I don’t think the OP “has” to explain or answer to their children, more like not wantinf to cause suspicion or change the pattern of their relationship.

Good luck OP.

Hope you find something that works for you XX

Thank you for your thoughtful post and actually understanding where I’m coming from with this.

Some people seem to just be offering ‘good’ parenting advice which isn’t really what I was asking for in my original post.

I dont understand why you’re asking a bunch of strangers what excuse you should give your kids so you can go out and enjoy your secret life! I remember my parents when they had reached a certain age going out a lot and we never asked them about it as it was considered their private business.

I’m sure you’ll find a good reason and not upset the Apple cart!

Good luck OP....

Thanks. Although they never actually ask us! Lol

We’re not looking for an excuse as such. Just have family courtesies that extend to letting each other know approximately when we’re all in or out.

I hope too that we’ll eventually be as successful at working it out as you have been!"

I'm confused. You said it's tricky to explain and now you say that they never ask?

Also, I was not questioning your relationship with your children not parenting I was simply curious to know why details you would really want from your children and their nights.

You can simply say, I'm going out I'll be back at such a time or I'll be staying out. As an adult surely that is all they need to know? You have phones right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whilst I see where you’re coming from with the ‘mind your own business’ approach, it’s tricky when returning so late.

They’ve never quizzed us on it, and like I said they don’t particularly care, but if we’re out til the early hours I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to comment on it.

They know we don’t have friends whom we socialise with. Hence the difficulty!"

Make new friends up - in the next town or something and yous take it turn to drive there hence why you get home late

So when it’s your time to have your imaganary friends over - tell the kids to feck off and stay with friends. That way at least you get the house to yourselves for a few hours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't know what it's like for others, but in our house the norm is for everyone to chat about where they've been, what they've been doing, etc. Nothing intrusive, no-one demanding information, it's just part of the usual banter.

If it's the same for the Op, then I understand completely that saying 'mind your own business' would seem really odd and more than a bit rude. Much better to have a boring little cover story that doesn't generate further questions."

Ano I find it weird that if you go a night out whether its the parent or children that the question "how was your night" doesn't come up and you tell your family about it. Still think going out to a social club/pub and socialising and getting friends is the way to go. They get used to you going out and then you can say you are with friends you met at there. My mum and dad go to friends houses and come in at 2 in the morning x

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By * and BCouple
over a year ago

Durham

If you are going out in town with friends, tell them you are out with friends. If you go away for the weekend, tell them you are away for the weekend. When did you ever tell yr kids you are going to bed for sex so why would you think it's strange now just due to having others in your bed too. It's not a secret or double life, just how people over think things.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"If you are going out in town with friends, tell them you are out with friends. If you go away for the weekend, tell them you are away for the weekend. When did you ever tell yr kids you are going to bed for sex so why would you think it's strange now just due to having others in your bed too. It's not a secret or double life, just how people over think things."

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By * and BCouple
over a year ago

Durham


"Don't know what it's like for others, but in our house the norm is for everyone to chat about where they've been, what they've been doing, etc. Nothing intrusive, no-one demanding information, it's just part of the usual banter.

If it's the same for the Op, then I understand completely that saying 'mind your own business' would seem really odd and more than a bit rude. Much better to have a boring little cover story that doesn't generate further questions."

so why can't you say where you have been and how lovely the night was. Like I said in the last post you don't have to tell people everything that happens. You wouldn't go on to say after we had a lovely meal mum n dad went to our lovely hotel room and shagged each others brains out, surely the conversation would stop at the point you said then we went off to bed. We tell all our family where we are going how nice a night or weekend we had with friends. If we went to a night club and had a dance, just don't say swingers club. After all they are night clubs.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"If you are going out in town with friends, tell them you are out with friends. If you go away for the weekend, tell them you are away for the weekend. When did you ever tell yr kids you are going to bed for sex so why would you think it's strange now just due to having others in your bed too. It's not a secret or double life, just how people over think things."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't know what it's like for others, but in our house the norm is for everyone to chat about where they've been, what they've been doing, etc. Nothing intrusive, no-one demanding information, it's just part of the usual banter.

If it's the same for the Op, then I understand completely that saying 'mind your own business' would seem really odd and more than a bit rude. Much better to have a boring little cover story that doesn't generate further questions.so why can't you say where you have been and how lovely the night was. Like I said in the last post you don't have to tell people everything that happens. You wouldn't go on to say after we had a lovely meal mum n dad went to our lovely hotel room and shagged each others brains out, surely the conversation would stop at the point you said then we went off to bed. We tell all our family where we are going how nice a night or weekend we had with friends. If we went to a night club and had a dance, just don't say swingers club. After all they are night clubs. "

Sorry, missing your point completely. You seem to be saying that you don't tell them the truth. That's what we do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For us it typically goes something like this:

A few days before Saturday (it’s usually a Saturday):

Us: Hey daughter, we’re out this Saturday evening and not sure when we’ll be back, so please take the dog for a walk before bedtime.

Daughter: OK. Where you going?

Us: Just popping down to (place) to have dinner with some old work friends.

Daughter: OK

Sunday morning (actually, more likely afternoon – she’s a teenager after all):

Daughter: How was your evening?

Us: It was nice, but we didn’t get back until late so we’re a bit tired.

Daughter: OK. I’m starving, what can I have to eat?

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By *ocks99Man
over a year ago

Reading


"There is of course the option of hiding in plain sight OP and jokingly saying "Oh we're off to a Swingers Club" and laughing - has the double impact of cutting them dead and answering them honestly at the same time, whilst making a joke out of it - as they'll be "Can't believe our Mum and Dad would do that sort of thing" "

This. Of course if they're curious you can give them more details, and be the coolest parent around. Possibly

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By *hatterley64 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hertford


"Don't invent something too far from the truth or they'll catch you out lying.

Just tell them that now they're adults you enjoy your own social life with your own circle of friends...

So you go out, sometimes late, sometimes staying over... To bars, events, friends houses, nights on the town... Sometimes date nights for the two of you, sometimes with friends.

If necessary you can say... You respect them as adults and don't pry / interrogate them about what they're up to.

I think this is a fair summary and to be honest don't understand some of the negative comments on the thread - the OP was asking people in a similar situation to them (of which I am sure there are many on this site) what they had done to avoid awkward questions from their kids - and kids being kids (regardless of their age) are very good at asking awkward questions!!

Hope you work something out OP "

Yep that’s it!

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Imagine some of your older kids went down the road of swinging and decided to turn on nearest phone location and it showed with in 10 meters of you..how do you explain that?

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By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

Great question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

start by saying your going salsa dance classes so you can come back hyped up and sweaty, next time say same class but back to friends from the class for drinks, slowly build up a relationship with said friends allowing you to stay at theirs, all lies i know but kids dont always need to know the full truth

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Imagine some of your older kids went down the road of swinging and decided to turn on nearest phone location and it showed with in 10 meters of you..how do you explain that? "

Does every member have phone location switched on?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could always say that now they’re grown up and independent me & Dad are going to be spending more time together, trying different experiences we couldn’t do when you were younger.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

The first thing I did when I signed up here was to see if my parents were on here.

I wouldn’t give three shits if they were. More fun to them, I say!!

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"The first thing I did when I signed up here was to see if my parents were on here.

I wouldn’t give three shits if they were. More fun to them, I say!! "

How would you have recognised them?

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"The first thing I did when I signed up here was to see if my parents were on here.

I wouldn’t give three shits if they were. More fun to them, I say!!

How would you have recognised them? "

If they took pics at home (decor). Face pics? A few things I suppose

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"The first thing I did when I signed up here was to see if my parents were on here.

I wouldn’t give three shits if they were. More fun to them, I say!!

How would you have recognised them?

If they took pics at home (decor). Face pics? A few things I suppose"

Oh right I see. They may be here lol and had photos took in a hotel etc.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"The first thing I did when I signed up here was to see if my parents were on here.

I wouldn’t give three shits if they were. More fun to them, I say!!

How would you have recognised them?

If they took pics at home (decor). Face pics? A few things I suppose

Oh right I see. They may be here lol and had photos took in a hotel etc. "

They might. I hope they are. They’d love the social! Lol

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley


"The first thing I did when I signed up here was to see if my parents were on here.

I wouldn’t give three shits if they were. More fun to them, I say!!

How would you have recognised them?

If they took pics at home (decor). Face pics? A few things I suppose

Oh right I see. They may be here lol and had photos took in a hotel etc.

They might. I hope they are. They’d love the social! Lol"

The guy that told me about Fab knew his parents were on Fab too!

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod

over a year ago

My Own Little World


"Why do you need to explain anything?

As you said they are grown up, just tell them to mind their own business..... unless you badger them to find out what they get up to, where they go and who with.

Yeah...but it's in the parent manual to mither. "

My son asked once, just once, where we were going. I told him we were going to a club where I could get d*unk and dance naked on the tables...... his friends found it hilarious, him not so much.

He never asked again

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

We were in a similar situation, we hadn't gone out much before we started swinging and suddenly we started to have a social life. At first their were lots of questions, where were we going, who were we meeting and how do you know them. Then there was the dreaded "what time did you get home?" Question ususally said with a disapproving look and arms folded, it was easy to forget which of us was the parent.

The simple answer is always make sure you get you cover story straight and don't deviate from it or make it too elaborate, keep as close to the truth as possible less chance of slipping up.

Overtime things got easier and now on a Saturday if we say we are stopping in we get dirty looks and subtle hints that we should go out.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Why do you need to explain anything?

As you said they are grown up, just tell them to mind their own business..... unless you badger them to find out what they get up to, where they go and who with.

Yeah...but it's in the parent manual to mither.

My son asked once, just once, where we were going. I told him we were going to a club where I could get d*unk and dance naked on the tables...... his friends found it hilarious, him not so much.

He never asked again "

Brilliant

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Option A: Tell the kids the truth.

Option B: You entitaled to what ever social life you want. You don't need to answer to your kids why your going out more and what your doing out.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"Option A: Tell the kids the truth.

Option B: You entitaled to what ever social life you want. You don't need to answer to your kids why your going out more and what your doing out."

There are some things you just don’t tell kids! They think that anyone over 30 has no sex life!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"For us it typically goes something like this:

A few days before Saturday (it’s usually a Saturday):

Us: Hey daughter, we’re out this Saturday evening and not sure when we’ll be back, so please take the dog for a walk before bedtime.

Daughter: OK. Where you going?

Us: Just popping down to (place) to have dinner with some old work friends.

Daughter: OK

Sunday morning (actually, more likely afternoon – she’s a teenager after all):

Daughter: How was your evening?

Us: It was nice, but we didn’t get back until late so we’re a bit tired.

Daughter: OK. I’m starving, what can I have to eat?

"

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Option A: Tell the kids the truth.

Option B: You entitaled to what ever social life you want. You don't need to answer to your kids why your going out more and what your doing out.

There are some things you just don’t tell kids! They think that anyone over 30 has no sex life! "

My children were a bit funny I moved Ben in as we were a rather conservative family.

There was something "odd" leaving the house the same time as my daughter and her husband: them going to all night prayers whilst Ben and I headed for the swingers club!

They would have moved out sooner if they'd known!

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By *ave38ukMan
over a year ago

haverhill

kids are worse than parents for trying to run your life and keep tabs on what you are up to ... only have to be out five mins before a txt to say where are you, we just dont answer lol

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"kids are worse than parents for trying to run your life and keep tabs on what you are up to ... only have to be out five mins before a txt to say where are you, we just dont answer lol"

Probably the parents fault for pampering them so long! some of these adult kids can’t do anything for themselves.

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By *ave38ukMan
over a year ago

haverhill


"kids are worse than parents for trying to run your life and keep tabs on what you are up to ... only have to be out five mins before a txt to say where are you, we just dont answer lol

Probably the parents fault for pampering them so long! some of these adult kids can’t do anything for themselves. "

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By *ave38ukMan
over a year ago

haverhill


"kids are worse than parents for trying to run your life and keep tabs on what you are up to ... only have to be out five mins before a txt to say where are you, we just dont answer lol

Probably the parents fault for pampering them so long! some of these adult kids can’t do anything for themselves. "

no definitly not pampered they just know how bad we can be...

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By *ave38ukMan
over a year ago

haverhill


"kids are worse than parents for trying to run your life and keep tabs on what you are up to ... only have to be out five mins before a txt to say where are you, we just dont answer lol

Probably the parents fault for pampering them so long! some of these adult kids can’t do anything for themselves.

no definitly not pampered they just know how bad we can be... "

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By *ave38ukMan
over a year ago

haverhill


"kids are worse than parents for trying to run your life and keep tabs on what you are up to ... only have to be out five mins before a txt to say where are you, we just dont answer lol

Probably the parents fault for pampering them so long! some of these adult kids can’t do anything for themselves.

no definitly not pampered they just know how bad we can be... "

have been told off in the past for drinking too much playing the music too loud at 2 am when they have school in the morning and keeping them awake ... we are bad lol

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds


"kids are worse than parents for trying to run your life and keep tabs on what you are up to ... only have to be out five mins before a txt to say where are you, we just dont answer lol

Probably the parents fault for pampering them so long! some of these adult kids can’t do anything for themselves.

no definitly not pampered they just know how bad we can be... have been told off in the past for drinking too much playing the music too loud at 2 am when they have school in the morning and keeping them awake ... we are bad lol"

Noooooo really? You are shocking! Bet you have been rollocked for dad dancing too?

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By *ave38ukMan
over a year ago

haverhill


"kids are worse than parents for trying to run your life and keep tabs on what you are up to ... only have to be out five mins before a txt to say where are you, we just dont answer lol

Probably the parents fault for pampering them so long! some of these adult kids can’t do anything for themselves.

no definitly not pampered they just know how bad we can be... have been told off in the past for drinking too much playing the music too loud at 2 am when they have school in the morning and keeping them awake ... we are bad lol

Noooooo really? You are shocking! Bet you have been rollocked for dad dancing too? "

lol did get asked once when they got up for school ,you are up early ... our answer no we are up late we are bad lol

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By *ilent_runningMan
over a year ago

Bournemouth, Notts & Spain

Whilst they've left home now, we always say "it's our turn for behaving badly!" often followed by "...and we need more practice"

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