FabSwingers.com forum: Should I be worried? Advice needed please

By *orkscouple2003 OP Couple
over a year ago

Dewsbury

Hi guys

So around Christmas me & the Mrs both decided we want to try swinging, Fantastic news!!!!! Went to quest last month with another couple & had a brilliant time up until it came to the really fun time, I couldn’t get hard! No matter what I tried my little mate wasn’t playing ball

& the Mrs was more than keen for some after hours consenting adult fun. We got home, dick got hard & we had a really good fuck session. Last weekend we went back to quest for the 2nd time, met some really nice people had a lot of fun, having the Mrs & another woman sucking me off at the same time is the reason I’m still smiling nearly a week later ha. after a while another couple joined us, the Mrs was having fun & I was playing with another lady, she asked me to fuck her, I obliged, strapped up & my dick went soft!!!! Lol. Same again no matter what I did I couldn’t get hard for nearly the next 2 hours until we got home.

Is this normal? People have suggested the blue pill but I don’t want to start relying on them especially when getting a hard on any other time isn’t an issue. Anyone got any advice for the next time we go?

Should also mention seeing the Mrs playing was a huge turn on too

Cheers

D x

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

It's not unusual.

The thing is not to focus on the sex bit... You've spent a long time only having sex with each other so this is a while new ball game.

Maybe do soft swing with the potential of more? That way penetrative sex isn't the main aim.

Nita

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

It’s normal. Normal normal normal, enjoy what you can do, forget what you can’t.

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By *orkscouple2003 OP Couple
over a year ago

Dewsbury

"It's not unusual.

The thing is not to focus on the sex bit... You've spent a long time only having sex with each other so this is a while new ball game.

Maybe do soft swing with the potential of more? That way penetrative sex isn't the main aim.

Nita"

It did all happen a bit quick tbh, I’d literally seen This new woman for 2 mins before i was asked.

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By *orkscouple2003 OP Couple
over a year ago

Dewsbury

"It’s normal. Normal normal normal, enjoy what you can do, forget what you can’t."

Thank you. I was more embarrassed for her than I was for me. We have both really enjoyed ourselves on the 2 visits we’ve had until what I mentioned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's normal, when we first went to quest I got hard, but nowhere near as hard as I normally would. I think it's stage fright, the more you go to clubs and have sex in that environment the better it will get.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take it steady. Would you consider getting to know people through social events or social meets and then moving on to play? It might be a gentler way to get your head round sex with other people. There's a healthy social scene in the north. Check the relevant forum section.

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By *orkscouple2003 OP Couple
over a year ago

Dewsbury

"It's normal, when we first went to quest I got hard, but nowhere near as hard as I normally would. I think it's stage fright, the more you go to clubs and have sex in that environment the better it will get.

I hope so & thank you

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By *orkscouple2003 OP Couple
over a year ago

Dewsbury

"Take it steady. Would you consider getting to know people through social events or social meets and then moving on to play? It might be a gentler way to get your head round sex with other people. There's a healthy social scene in the north. Check the relevant forum section."

We have looked at going to a social & wanted to go to one in Wakefield tonight but can’t get a babysitter

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By *ightkitty4uWoman
over a year ago

Epsom

I've had chaps go soft in a 1-2-1 basis, it's normal and we aren't robots.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have looked at going to a social & wanted to go to one in Wakefield tonight but can’t get a babysitter "

The York ones are well attended and well established and the Barnsley one is lovely and a nice venue. I haven't been to the Bradford one but that has a good rep.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

tom jones

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By *hoenixandflamesCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

Flames here,

I can relate.

I am still not confident at all, and that's the cause of issues like that.

Luckily people are after Phoenix more than I!

lol

Flames

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By *wistedBoudoirCouple
over a year ago

Taunton

Perfectly normal. When I first started swinging inwas well up for it. Then went to clubs. Seeing my wife in a pile of horny women didn't do a thing for my cock. In my head I'd be staring at its uselessness going "for fuck sake, don't you see what I see?"

Then I asked about and discovered that most guys where using the little blue pills. In fact, they where using them a lot.

You don't get dependant on them. They just help along.

In my case they helped me get over the stage fright which is where you are. Your cock suddenly needs to get hard on demand. Something we aren't all used to.

Get yourself some. Bite off a quarter of a tab and put it under your tongue. Leave it there for a minute or two. As it dessolves it's absorbed by the blood vessels under your tongue.

This will keep you for 2 hours, but keep at bay the odd side effects that sometimes come with too much.

Should work until your head is clear and fright wears off.

Oooh plus it makes you take longer to cum too. Which is always a bonus.

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By *he Silver FuxMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

Good news! your cock’s working fine and what’s happening is perfectly understandable and has affected many men to varying degrees. You just need some work on the performance anxiety / stage fright - its just mental conditioning just like public speaking training - except when the coaches suggest imagining your audience is naked.... yeah, that’s not going to work

Maybe imagine they’ve got clothes on....

Seriously, have a drink or two, relax, don’t allow yourself to be intimidated by stuff that nobody cares about anyway, enjoy the moment, be enthusiastic, fake the confidence until it comes with more experience, embrace the horniness and above all....

.... remember it’s recreational sex - it’s for fun and pleasure, it’s not an exam or job interview and it only hurts when it’s supposed to

Happy Fucking

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

Totally normal! It happens to me (Rob) a fair bit in club environments.

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

You need to relax we have all had this happen.

It is a self fulfilling problem if you worry that you can't get hard then that will play on your mind and you won't get hard, there is nothing that you can do about it. Enjoy giving the female pleasure and you may well find that once your mind is distracted you will get hard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some really useful and kind words for the OP. Well done all!

I've never been to a club.... so will probably have the same problem when I do. My plan is to build up to it slowly with different encounters, then go eventually with the mindset of just talking, maybe watching....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good news! your cock’s working fine and what’s happening is perfectly understandable and has affected many men to varying degrees. You just need some work on the performance anxiety / stage fright - its just mental conditioning just like public speaking training - except when the coaches suggest imagining your audience is naked.... yeah, that’s not going to work

Maybe imagine they’ve got clothes on....

.... remember it’s recreational sex - it’s for fun and pleasure, it’s not an exam or job interview and it only hurts when it’s supposed to

Happy Fucking

Cracking post. Should be pinned on every club doorway.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

A blue tablet won’t help you get hard. It will help maintain an erection once you have it. Try a cock ring that will help keep you hard too.

Maybe play with the couple at yours or at a club and take the pressure off. You could always pleasure a woman in other ways and ease the pressure.

It happens more than you’d think and also because you’re maybe not used to a condom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes some good advice going on here OP. It’s very much a mind thing really I find when with groups of people.

I just take it I’m going to meet some nice people and have a drink maybe and chat and laugh, flirty innuendo and the odd touching, brushing against others (don’t think about the sex, just the person in front of you) Once that’s started the rest usually follows because your more relaxed and it’s a more natural progression than somebody you’ve known for a minute saying ‘shag me now’

Not that I object to that. I do love those ‘Rip each other’s clothes off and fuck’ moments-if you get that instant chemistry feeling. Of course, when you do, you’ll both need time to recover as it’s usually very fast and furious

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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago

Ashford kent

Good subject. .glad im not alone..lol

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By *bfab1969Couple
over a year ago

Peterborough

Yes, very normal. I found that the more experienced I have got, the less it happens but it was most upsetting the first time- hard just before a meet, then soft during it.

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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago

Ashford kent

"Yes, very normal. I found that the more experienced I have got, the less it happens but it was most upsetting the first time- hard just before a meet, then soft during it. "
..

Yeah and the embarrassment doesn't help.....

On wards and upwards. ..lmao

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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago

Ashford kent

Need a nice gentle couple too help with it...hint hint anyone. ..

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By *retend_Shy_GuyMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Like you I also freaked out.

I sought advice and what worked for me was to try the blue pill. I used it knowing that my problem was stage fright, not physical but mental issues. I used it twice when I knew I would be in that environment just to make sure and that was it, now in my regular swinging club I will quite often have sex in the main bar area in front of everyone and anyone.

Don't worry about taking blue pills, just understand WHY you could use them and plan NOT to stay on them.

Good luck OP!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some guys can find condoms can have an adverse effect on their ability to stay hard...it's happened to guys we've played with especially those in couples who don't use them between themselves...theyre just not used to the feeling of them, sometimes they don't use ones that fit well and all the pesky fiddling about to put them on results in them feeling a little deflated, so to speak...if you're getting aroused by whats going on around you but find it difficult when it comes to the penetration once you're bagged up, try getting some that fit you well, are sensitive and do some practicing with them with your partner at home...it's probably a long time since you've used them...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's probably nerves, perseverance is the key. XXX

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By *orkscouple2003 OP Couple
over a year ago

Dewsbury

Thank you all for replying. We’re going again in a few weeks & maybe taking a viagra along just in case seems like a good idea. We’ve been together 10 years + so yeah maybe the fact it’s been so long That I’ve even seen another woman in the flesh let alone been allowed to have sex with her was too much & stage fright set in?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you. Go get em tiger

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Maybe play together first. Someone you’re comfortable with to relax. Easy the performance nerves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's perfectly normal it's something out of your comfort zone and takes a little getting use to

Don't stress about it that'll only make things worse

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By *orkscouple2003 OP Couple
over a year ago

Dewsbury

"Good for you. Go get em tiger

Grrrrr

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By *orkscouple2003 OP Couple
over a year ago

Dewsbury

"Maybe play together first. Someone you’re comfortable with to relax. Easy the performance nerves. "

Sounds like a good idea thanks

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By *orkscouple2003 OP Couple
over a year ago

Dewsbury

"It's perfectly normal it's something out of your comfort zone and takes a little getting use to

Don't stress about it that'll only make things worse

No stress on my part tbh I think it’s quite funny, she’s ok with my sleeping with other women & I can’t perform ha

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

Male erection problems are usually psychological. You may well feel tense or anxious when having sex with someone with whom you don't know, especially in a place like a swinging club. That will effect your ability to get an erection.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Hi guys

Should also mention seeing the Mrs playing was a huge turn on too

Cheers

D x "

Not everyone can perform on demand no matter what. The fact you enjoyed the environment, loved seeing your wife enjoy herself doesn't mean subconsciously you were anxious having your bits on show to strangers etc.

Try and relax and enjoy: you're human, your reactions are normal.

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By *affa88Man
over a year ago

Salford

I was about to create a thread and call it " What a flop"..... to see if it was only me!

I went to my local club recently, I have never been to a club, never had a 3 some and certainly not been with a couple.

Anyway I will spare you the details except for when the time came (to my surprise) I just couldnt get hard, I got a semi on but being a grower not a shower I felt so embarrased, luckily the couple had fun and I was still involved regaurdless of my inability to penetrate.

As a single man the nerves just to go in to the club were off the scale, I sank a fair few brandy doubles before I went just to calm myself!

I had never met the couple before but they were so understanding and I really dont think I could have been with better people when tragedy struck.

Yes it has dented my pride (sex is a mans trade, if you cant perform it understandably effects us psychologically).

Interestingly this isnt the first time I have had issues, it seems any hint of nerves and I am a flop, which for me is annoying because I really wouldn't think twice of having sex at the bar in the club, just my little man doesnt agree the soft bugger

Drink is a massive issue for erections, brewers droop is very real, and I suspect that was my issue, it tried its best to stand to attention but faded as quick (a clear sign of brewers droop, trust me I have researched the crap out of this lol).

So for me the next time I go I am taking a friend who I know and have had sex with before, I wont be drinking, and I may take a pill before hand just to increase the odds of redeeming myself.

I think from this thread we can all take away the positivity that it is very common, and practice will make perfect. How many men actually have the courage to even go to a club, I have spoke to loads who just cant get over that fear, let alone performing with or infront of people we dont know!

Happy fabbing folks, if you want to chat about it privatley drop us a message, Jay xx

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By *abcouple11Couple
over a year ago

Truro

It's normal for it to take a while before "he" gets used to playing in public. V v v Likely you ll get beyond it and ultimately be selected to "perform at Wembley" - ie. you can interact with a huge crowd showing the sex you like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally normal... Most guys I know who swing regularly take a blue pill for clubs and parties. Keeps the fun going all night!! Plus takes a way more of the mental pressure guys can put on themselves. You won't become reliant on it xx

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By *awtymarkyMan
over a year ago

chester

"Male erection problems are usually psychological. You may well feel tense or anxious when having sex with someone with whom you don't know, especially in a place like a swinging club. That will effect your ability to get an erection. "

Totally agree with this post and it is the 99% the major cause you are losing an erection unless you have a medical condition.

The main psychological reason could be that sub conscious your worries are about not wanting your wife to be jealous / un happy with you being with another woman. Only right as your in love with her.

A few tricks you can do is 1) look deeply into what really excites you and focus on that, 2) Try a blind fold on yourself as this could engage your imagination 3) look into devices to maintain erections ie cock rings and 4) a couple of day before going to a club restrict yourself from any sexual activities to build up your sexual rage.

Hope it helps

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

It could also be playing in a strange place and other people being about. Even if you’re in a private room you can hear other people and it can be distracting.

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By *affa88Man
over a year ago

Salford

"It could also be playing in a strange place and other people being about. Even if you’re in a private room you can hear other people and it can be distracting. "

This is very true, it didnt help me listening to how somone mows their lawn or when their cars due its mot

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

From the information you give its not a problem of physical functionality so I would suggest the blue pill would not help. Its sounds more an issues of the brain and the messages its sending your penis. This maybe something you can overcome or it may purely be that this sort of play is not for you (even if it is subconscious thing). But I would say its you head you need to look at, not your body.

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By *ngels of Sin 69Couple
over a year ago

High Wycombe

This is definitely one of the best threads i (H) have read for a while. From personal experience this is very normal and no one should be embarrassed as someone previously said, we arent robots

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Perhaps you could explore cuckolding.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask the lady you are playing with for a little foreplay and get her to put the condom on for you. That's more likely to keep you hard than when you fumble around trying to do it yourself if you're feeling under pressure.

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By *inkyCouple1927Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Happens to us all don’t worry about it, as worrying about it will just make it worse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It takes two to tango

It's be never happened to me and never will as I'm horny and excited about meeting

However I did have one meet where the lady all though very attractive just laid on the bed like a sack of spuds so the saying goes ..I just lost interest .

I think if the lady is dressed sexy flirts teases touches foreplays etc etc etc you'll be fine ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just meet a new couple lady very hot and sexy... When I have one on one meets never an issue... Think the fact its another guys girl although a fantasy can be daunting... I'm persisting and they seem to understand x

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple
over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

As you're playing as a couple, why not get your other half to give you a helping hand, you are used to her touch and maybe whats needed to help things along.

Maybe also little encouragement to is thrown into the mix, just to validate that she's good with whats going on. There might be that bit of doubt going on too, worrying if she's ok.

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